sunshine2 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) I feel like such a newbie, but I am trying to do things right this time around as I have had some bad luck with dating recently. So I had 2 dates with a man and really enjoyed his company. 2nd date ended with a nice kiss and him telling me to let him know when I can go out with him again. I said just let me know... but in hind site should of said, when would you like to go out again? I hate that... now I can't go back and fix that. Anyway, the 2nd date was on Saturday I heard from him that night and the next morning and a bit during the day on Sunday. I texted him on Monday just to say hello. He was happy to hear from me big smily face saying Hello and its good to hear from you! Nothing today yet so far from him and I feel like I shouldn't text him again first. So, should I just wait and see if he contacts me? How often should you hear from someone you just started to date or think you are dating. The last guys I dated texted me every day at least once if not more. What is the protocol since this is so new, I don't want to come off clingy or chase him, so any help would be appreciated. Edited March 3, 2015 by sunshine2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's a balance. In the beginning I always tried to be conscious of whose "turn" it was so as not to appear over eager or clingy. Link to post Share on other sites
Foretold Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Hey sunshine2, Short answer - it really depends. Since you just had 2 dates with the guy, it's very very early on in the relationship. Date logistics is one of those elements of a relationship that can easily be smoothed over instead of becoming a problem, but requires both parties to put in effort to see each other. One thing you can do about fixing the date planning issue for the next date, is by taking initiative yourself to ask him when he is free again to see you. Remember - compatible scheduling definitely is a big bonus in terms of date planning. As for waiting for him, if you have the urge to see him again, just contact him about when he's free to meet up again. Don't wait for him - it's still early on in your relationship with one another, you can give yourself the green light to take the initiative...at least for the 3rd date planning. One thing I must point out is that it's okay for you to contact him if you're interested in him. Since you're both adults, if he thinks you're being clingy, he should be able to talk it out with you. I also want to point out that you just had 2 dates with him and it's alright to pace things out. For instance, seeing each other once a week or once every two weeks, if you're both living busy lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine2 Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's a balance. In the beginning I always tried to be conscious of whose "turn" it was so as not to appear over eager or clingy. Then I should wait for him to text me next? I guess my dilemma is that he told me to let him know when I am able to go out again. I should of spoken up... uggh I hate when I don't think of something till its over. But he did email me some photos of him so I think I will make a comment on one and see what he says back. Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 As a precursor, I will say that after a few dates, if the girl hasn't asked me out at least once, it's a problem and I'll usually do the fade. Granted, you've only been on 2, but I don't see any issue proposing something - just tell him your going some place some evening (i.e. drinks at a specific bar after work on day X and time Y, or whatever) and that he should join you. He'll get the picture. You'll only come across as needy and desperate if you start proposing stuff all of the time and he's not responding. In the end, dating/relationships needs to be a 2 way street, where both people are putting in the effort. If you're concerned about seeing him again, just put it out there - is it really that bad if he knows that you're somewhat interested? If he can't join you, hopefully he'll propose something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine2 Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 As a precursor, I will say that after a few dates, if the girl hasn't asked me out at least once, it's a problem and I'll usually do the fade. Granted, you've only been on 2, but I don't see any issue proposing something - just tell him your going some place some evening (i.e. drinks at a specific bar after work on day X and time Y, or whatever) and that he should join you. He'll get the picture. You'll only come across as needy and desperate if you start proposing stuff all of the time and he's not responding. In the end, dating/relationships needs to be a 2 way street, where both people are putting in the effort. If you're concerned about seeing him again, just put it out there - is it really that bad if he knows that you're somewhat interested? If he can't join you, hopefully he'll propose something. Interesting! I guess I'm just old fashioned then? LOL I will wait a couple of days and see if he contacts me. If not, I will reach out and ask him when he is available to meet again. I wish this was easier. I liked it when the men did the pursuing Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Well with all of the feminists, rules which were clear are now murky. I think most "independent" women would agree with the following: The first two dates the guy should ask you out.3rd date and beyond it's free game for the woman to ask the man out. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 The best thing you can do is go on with your life like you normally would. Work, friends, hobbies, etc.. That way you're not blowing up his phone or sitting around staring at yours. If you haven't heard from the guy in a week, send a quick text about something that reminded you of him. Then let him take the initiative to make plans with you. If he never brings up getting together, he isn't really interested because actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine2 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Yes I will definitely go on with my life. I have a date with another man on Saturday. He actually called me after my last post and we chatted for about 15 minutes. He did not ask me out though, but I think I understand what is happening. He knows I have the kids this week, so he might just think that I am not available to date when I have them. So I will need to let him know when I see him again that since my kids are 18 and 15 I can go out for a few hours when they are home. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I think him putting the ball in your court, while you two were already on a date, was poor form. Why talk about the future when you are supposed to be living in the now, enjoying the date you are on? I say let him do the work and face rejection. He can call you for a date. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 He asked you to tell him when you were available for another date. Have you done that yet? If you have, that's missing in your posts. If you still haven't, put yourself in his shoes. What is he to think when he asked after your last date and you seem to avoid giving him a specific date/time for your next date despite multiple exchanges? Avoid sending missed signals, especially early on. It will make dating a lot easier and more enjoyable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine2 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 He asked you to tell him when you were available for another date. Have you done that yet? If you have, that's missing in your posts. If you still haven't, put yourself in his shoes. What is he to think when he asked after your last date and you seem to avoid giving him a specific date/time for your next date despite multiple exchanges? Avoid sending missed signals, especially early on. It will make dating a lot easier and more enjoyable. No I have not yet and now I feel bad about not doing that. Geez, I can't catch a break. Some say ask him some say don't. I should of on the phone call today, but I didn't feel an opening to do so. When we talk again, I will definitely say something and if he says NO, well theres my answer. But I don't think he would call me if he wasn't interested. Right? Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I'm not trying to give you a hard time, but it's not rocket surgery. If a guy says let me know when you're available for another date, the next step is to check your calendar and tell him when you're available...unless of course you don't want to date him again. In that case, you can either be direct and tell him you aren't interested in seeing him again or conflict-avoidant and just never give him an actual date/time. Either way, you avoid being stuck on a date you don't seem to want. He's reached out several times since the date. You still haven't given him a specific date/time. What else is he to do? Normal guys back off when someone seems disinterested in dating them. Why would he keep texting and calling a woman who doesn't seem to want another date? Again, in his shoes, what would you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine2 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Okay! I just told him when I am available. We shall see what he says. LOL This is so scary for me...but Im doing it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jwhite Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 ^^ This, here Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine2 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 So he called me back and we talked for another 20 minutes and I was able to tell him that I can date when I have the kids, so he knows now. And he knows my schedule for this week, and next and we agreed to set something up in the next couple of days. He is so sweet, really. So far so good. Thank you all for your advice you were right angel.eyes, he was waiting for me to say something. This could of been a big missed opportunity and lessoned learned. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I know you like this guy and are happy you got a date, and I don't mean to rain on your parade, but him telling you to let him know when you are free is really lazy. Can you imagine how lazy this gut would be after 5 years of marriage?! I'm just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine2 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 I know you like this guy and are happy you got a date, and I don't mean to rain on your parade, but him telling you to let him know when you are free is really lazy. Can you imagine how lazy this gut would be after 5 years of marriage?! I'm just sayin'. He said that to me because he didn't know if I could go out this week because I have my kids. He was not being lazy he was just not sure. He does know now. Link to post Share on other sites
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