Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Perplexed here. Scratching head Stan Laurel style... Date on Sunday - He turned up (always a good start!). We had a nice time wondering the streets, got on OK, I went to get on train to go home, he shook my hand and was gone before I was through the ticket barrier. At no point did he make any attempt to touch me in any way or flirt etc. I think he is a good guy, just doesn't fancy me at all... Fair enough its not mandatory that every man must fancy me. So its simples you would think yes? Etiquette states I say thank you for a nice day, which I did. Bit later he responds with glad you enjoyed it I fell asleep after with a joke... Fine, thats OK we were walking for 5 hours and not many are used to that. So I figured as both of us are pleasant people it would be exchange a few text messages then frazzle out. What I was not expecting was a request for a second date. Now my brain is fried as I had already written it off. No point me being interested in someone who isn't interested in me. I am completely and utterly perplexed, as there was absolutely nothing that happened that would make me think it would lead to a second date. AT ALL. But last message was very blunt and very much "I am interested in you I want to go out with you again we must arrange another date soon". I think I will just ring him and talk to him "like wot we did in the old days". Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I've had dates like that, where the guy seemed not really that interested, only to hear back the next day or whenever that they'd like another date. Guess it goes to show that not every man is interested in flirting or getting physical right away—it's not every guy's style. So when are you seeing him again? Link to post Share on other sites
SweetLikeCinnamon Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I'm guessing he's shy, it's generally harder to tell when a shy guy is interested. I personally would also find it odd if a guy touched me on a first date, unless the date was going *amazingly* and it felt right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 I thought he would have touched my arm or something if he were interested...? But not one thing happened on that date that would make me think he would ever want to remove my knickers ever... I think I will ring him and talk to him. I am not going to know unless I talk to him and he seems a pretty straight forward down to earth and honest chap... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach_girl Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I thought he would have touched my arm or something if he were interested...? But not one thing happened on that date that would make me think he would ever want to remove my knickers ever... My first date with my boyfriend was also quite uneventful. He didn't flirt and didn't touch me at all, and the date lasted about two hours. All in all a pleasant evening, but I had no idea whether he liked me or not. Within an hour, he texted me to say that he's impressed. And we've been going strong ever since We've been dating almost four months. Link to post Share on other sites
redglass Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 A classic case of shyness. Sounds like he might not be too experienced and didn't want the awkward experience of a goodbye and possible hug/cheek kiss... I went to a quiz night with my current partner before we started dating. At the end of the night, he basically sprinted down the street. I was as confused as you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach_girl Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I thought he would have touched my arm or something if he were interested...? But not one thing happened on that date that would make me think he would ever want to remove my knickers ever... My first date with my boyfriend was also quite uneventful. He didn't flirt and didn't touch me at all, and the date lasted about two hours. All in all a pleasant evening, but I had no idea whether he liked me or not. Within an hour, he texted me to say that he's impressed. And we've been going strong ever since We've been dating almost four months. Link to post Share on other sites
beach_girl Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I thought he would have touched my arm or something if he were interested...? But not one thing happened on that date that would make me think he would ever want to remove my knickers ever... My first date with my boyfriend was also quite uneventful. He didn't flirt and didn't touch me at all, and the date lasted about two hours. All in all a pleasant evening, but I had no idea whether he liked me or not. Within an hour, he texted me to say that he's impressed. And we've been going strong ever since We've been dating almost four months. Sometimes guys are just shy. If you like him, go for it Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's fairly common for shy guys. If I genuinely like a woman, I'll avoid making any physical moves on the first date unless she gives some blatant "TOUCH ME" signals. If I'm not really into a woman, but I still find her attractive, I'm more likely to make a move because there's nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 My boyfriend is shy and took him 7 dates to kiss me. No touchies first second date etc. In fact, I kissed him. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 What matters is whether you fancy him. If you do..then agree. If you don't them let him know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 What matters is whether you fancy him. If you do..then agree. If you don't them let him know. Thats the thing thats thrown me. I have no clue. He isn't bad looking, I suspect he is one of the good guys not just "nice". I wasn't expecting anything and when nothing happened or was indicated I just sort of shrugged it off. I had written it off in my mind as "he isn't attracted to you so just leave it and don't worry about it". So my brain is still in "nice time out ho hum" mode. I spoke to him last night. It got a bit stilted as I was still a bit blindsided and I don't think he knew what to say but he is coming down to me on Sunday. I will find something for us to do and see how it goes. Its all just bizarre as he was very certain about wanting to see me again that was clear but I just didn't get the impression that he did... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 What I was not expecting was a request for a second date. Now my brain is fried as I had already written it off. No point me being interested in someone who isn't interested in me. I am completely and utterly perplexed, as there was absolutely nothing that happened that would make me think it would lead to a second date. AT ALL. But last message was very blunt and very much "I am interested in you I want to go out with you again we must arrange another date soon". I think I will just ring him and talk to him "like wot we did in the old days". Hahaha sounds very blunt and direct .... where is the guy from ? Doesn't happen to be German does he ? I had similar experiences recently with a couple of German girls who I went on dates with. The body language and social etiquette on dates took a lot of getting used to. Its not the same with all German girls but there were a lot where it was just completely different to what I have encountered before with US/English/Irish/Australian etc girls. There wasn't the same friendly banter, laughter and non sexual touching that gives you clear queues if the girl is interested or not. I went on dates where I thought I completely struck out as for me there was nothing coming back that indicated she was interested. I left the date thinking well that didn't go well only to fine she was very keen to meet again and messaging to organize the next date. I had one girl who was literally chasing after me but when ever I went on a date it was just like ..... Nothing. Like I said I haven't found all German girls to be like that but there was enough where it really really stood out to me as a clear point of difference. Maybe something similar with this guy. Reserved personality and not good at externally expressing emotions or perhaps just really shy ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Maybe something similar with this guy. Reserved personality and not good at externally expressing emotions or perhaps just really shy ? Nope he is British! I guess I will find out what it is. He may very well be reserved. He is an analyst so I guess he is paid to over think things...? Very very intelligent compared to me... He did smile a few times. Not often though. Mostly when I did something daft like photo bombing tourists and a Scout group as we walked by... Even then it was like a smile to himself rather than smiling at me if that makes sense? I really am scratching my head on this one. Mouth says one thing body language says another. Body language actually says buggar all... nothing negative or positive, completely neutral. Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 They teach us that in "guy" school... How to completely mind boggle the ladies. Actually he sounds like a super reserved guy that doesn't put himself out there emotionally until seeing some positive reinforcement. Those kind of guys can be quite perplexing. Got a touch of that in me so kinda recognize it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Well when I touched his arm a couple of times he didn't react at all. Not positive or negative, just nothing. So I just stopped, thinking it might be unwelcome or uncomfortable for him or that he simply just didn't fancy me. Its not as if the 11th commandment is "Thou hast penis therefore must fancy Toodles" is it! I just shrugged it off... still finding it very bizarre. How on earth do I offer positive reinforcement when there is literally nothing to reinforce either positive or negative? Note to shy guys - give a girl a break will you and give us some sort of sign! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 A bloody handshake.. Wow, haha I've had a date where I thought "this guy doesn't like me at all" i was so disappointed. Then at the end of the date he says "see you soon" and asks for a second date a couple of days later. So i know the feeling.. I dont know, IS he shy? Or just a slow mover? Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 If you have the second date I say do something to loosen things up and see if his disposition changes. Ie: Have a few wines Don't have to get raving drunk but you might find he comes out of his shell a little bit if he is more relaxed. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hi Toodles: You need to talk (yes talk, not email or text) to this clown and find out what is going on in his head. Be honest. Tell him that on the first "date" there was no indication that there would be a second. Yours respectfully Alpha Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Often with guys like this, when you get them started..... Its like the shy person you think doesn't talk, but when you get them started-----can't shut em up... Better watch out, might find out thou penis fancies Toodles bunches. Bizarre, but keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
MJAlex Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I believe a relationship must be comprised of physical and emotional feelings for it to last. It's a good sign that you had a good time together, and the physicality doesn't need to happen right away! Perhaps you can reach for his hand on the next date and see how you reacts? Maybe even go for a hug. Everybody moves at different paces and that's alright. The question is, does that pace suit you? Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hi Toodles: You need to talk (yes talk, not email or text) to this clown and find out what is going on in his head. Be honest. Tell him that on the first "date" there was no indication that there would be a second. Yours respectfully Alpha That my dear man is exactly what I did last night... He couldn't understand why I didn't think he wasn't interested. He was absolutely adamant that he wanted a second date. When I touched his arm a couple of times he didn't flinch away, he didn't move towards me just... well... nothing! Made no attempt to show any form of affection, flirt... nothing at all. He hardly smiled during 5 bloomin' hours. But he did talk and we had a good time. In fact when I met him I walked towards him smiling and he was scowling so sternly that I took a bit of a curve away in case I was wrong and it wasn't him... he sent me a text to say come back... by which point I was trying to find this guy else where and feeling highly embarrassed about walking up to random strangers... I am trying to get us booked in to go tree running... Perhaps if he is doing that he will be happy to banter a bit. Either that or too scared to say much more than aaarrrghhhhh! He isn't driving when we meet up next so I guess I could just go really old fashioned, cheat and get him off his face on a pub crawl... Still scratching head. Not sure I am cut out for this dating lark. I end up chatting up gay men, or getting chatted up by married men... try on line and no one wants to talk to me (I was beginning to think I smelt bad before I realised they can't smell me over the internet), then when someone does want to talk to me its all a bit strange. Link to post Share on other sites
redglass Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 He definitely sounds like the classic shy, introverted type. (Do you mind that type?) I bet he didn't even realise he was scowling - he was probably nervous and terrified the second date would go wrong. A drink or two on the next meeting is the way forward. Third time lucky! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 But he did talk and we had a good time. that right there answers your question...forget about everything else Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Well when I touched his arm a couple of times he didn't react at all. Not positive or negative, just nothing. So I just stopped, thinking it might be unwelcome or uncomfortable for him or that he simply just didn't fancy me. Its not as if the 11th commandment is "Thou hast penis therefore must fancy Toodles" is it! I just shrugged it off... still finding it very bizarre. How on earth do I offer positive reinforcement when there is literally nothing to reinforce either positive or negative? Note to shy guys - give a girl a break will you and give us some sort of sign! LOL. I had the exact same conversation with my GF the other night. We were reliving our first few dates. I asked her when she knew she liked me. She said it was on the very first date that she realized she was crazy about me. But was uber disappointed that I didn't make any physical contact except for a hug the entire night (5 hour date) and figured that I wasn't attracted to her. But because I immediately (next day) asked for a second date 1 week later she was perplexed and didn't go into this "talk myself out of him to keep from getting hurt mode". We kissed (finally) on the second date and well... the rest is history! So back to your original question: Some guys like me are very hands off on the first couple of dates. Or should I say, I'm hands off if I think the woman is relationship material. If I think she's just a hookup, then that's another story. For me it is a sign of respect but it is also that I don't want her to become just a hookup. I guess I have three modes: 1) friends 2) hookup and 3) dating. #1 and #3 probably seem the same on the first date except that I don't ask friend candidates for a second date. Link to post Share on other sites
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