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So burnt out...


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 1st February 2015, 11:36 PM   #1
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So burnt out...

So last year I turned 36.

I'd really like to get my act together and try and find a stable relationship to start a family soon.

Problem is, emotionally, I feel like swiss cheese. I feel exhausted at the idea of meeting new people, of investing, only to see it all implode again.

I've given a lot in my past relationships, to the point now where I feel anxiety at the thought of even trying again. I'm really tired of failing at relationships.

Does anyone have any ideas how to get that "zest" back for dating?
The energy to actually pursue again?

Because right now, I just can't seem to muster any enthusiasm.
Is it simply a time thing?
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Old 2nd February 2015, 1:54 AM   #2
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Ummmm! ^^^^^^^^, not laughing at you but lol!

I think relationships are hard and with this individualistic society we love in it's hard to not put yourself first when you are behaving as an individual but this seems to counter the idea of partnerships and relationships.
There are no guarantees
No matter how good a relationship goes for however long it can still go sour.
I feel like the trick is to be the best person you can be.
If the relationship fails, oh well I did my best, this wasn't the be all end all relationship I thought it could be.
Also looking at life as journey that can have several meaningful relationship instead of fixating on that one perfect love idea that seems to exist a lot better in fictional tales.
Make as many friends as possible, enjoy those relationships and if something else blooms in the process then you get bonus points, you were already a winner though when you made your first friends.
Sometimes we don't get the exact package we ordered but it is possible to create situations from an amalgamation of possibility and apply them specifically into a form that suits the needs you have.
Maybe try some individual counseling too. Burn out happens in life and a professionals insight might grant you the key you need to get a new life started.
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Old 2nd February 2015, 3:09 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neowulf View Post
So last year I turned 36.

I'd really like to get my act together and try and find a stable relationship to start a family soon.

Problem is, emotionally, I feel like swiss cheese. I feel exhausted at the idea of meeting new people, of investing, only to see it all implode again.

I've given a lot in my past relationships, to the point now where I feel anxiety at the thought of even trying again. I'm really tired of failing at relationships.

Does anyone have any ideas how to get that "zest" back for dating?
The energy to actually pursue again?

Because right now, I just can't seem to muster any enthusiasm.
Is it simply a time thing?
Take a break, have patience, live life for yourself, be yourself, when you meet the right woman all the zest and enthusiasm will return.

You've as much chance of meeting that woman doing a normal, everyday routine chore as forcing yourself into the shallowness of the dating scene. Usually when you least expect it.
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Old 2nd February 2015, 4:08 AM   #4
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Another vote to take a break from dating. Focus instead on a passion or interest of yours that has been languishing away on the back burner. Then come back to dating in six months or a year when you're refreshed and excited about meeting new people. You'll do much better with dating once your enthusiasm for the process returns.

Quote:
Originally Posted by neowulf View Post
So last year I turned 36.

I'd really like to get my act together and try and find a stable relationship to start a family soon.

Problem is, emotionally, I feel like swiss cheese. I feel exhausted at the idea of meeting new people, of investing, only to see it all implode again.

I've given a lot in my past relationships, to the point now where I feel anxiety at the thought of even trying again. I'm really tired of failing at relationships.

Does anyone have any ideas how to get that "zest" back for dating?
The energy to actually pursue again?

Because right now, I just can't seem to muster any enthusiasm.
Is it simply a time thing?
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Old 2nd February 2015, 6:12 AM   #5
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Thanks guys. Solid advice.

Just gets annoying when you're trying to move on with your life.
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Old 2nd February 2015, 6:20 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by neowulf View Post
Thanks guys. Solid advice.

Just gets annoying when you're trying to move on with your life.
So move on. You only stagnate if you sit still moping about it!

I was unceremoniously ditched last year and its the best thing that ever happened to me.

I am more confident, fitter, healthier, financially better off... Yeah I sometimes think I want to date, even paid a small fortune to go on a dating site but instead of concentrating on that I have done things I enjoy instead.

Yes I would love a family of my own but you know what the world is not going to end if I don't. I will not end up some sad lonely old lady as my life is full to the brim!

Go out, get a life, spend time with the people you love and do the things you enjoy. Challenge yourself and concentrate on the things that you can do to get the life you want with out a partner in tow. Give yourself a break and some time. You will know when you are ready.
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Old 2nd February 2015, 7:55 AM   #7
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You need a break as others have pointed out. When you feel ready again, when the holes in the Swiss cheese at least shrink, then you look again.


For now, do things that make you happy.
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Old 2nd February 2015, 10:26 AM   #8
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When you make relationships the focus of your life, it takes the real focus off of what you need to be doing... which is focusing on you.

Focus on the things that make you happy first and then let all the other aspects of life creep in slowly. Sometimes when you are focusing on yourself is when you actually meet someone you'd want to be in a relationship with.
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