Confusedonwhattodo Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 We have been dating for nearly 7 months. The situation Isn't the simplest. She cheated in her husband with me and has now left him. She has taken her time with the divorce which I have been patient with and due to the fact they have a kid it's not the easiest thing for her. Also after being in a empty relationship for 13 years this is a lot of change for her. Which brings me to why I am here on this site. She had told me about her past ... And I accepted the past because the past is the past and it shapes us who we are today. You learn from your experiences and move on. She had recently told me she had a history with drugs. Not a heavy user she said but she would do them. Coke crack ecstasy. And that when she was around 20 she let a 40 year old drug dealer have sex with her so she could do crack. I was disgusted with this story as I am not a drug user and have seen a lot of lives ruined. So this brings me back to our relationship. With her being a mother of a 4 year old now she has said she doesn't want that in her life. And either do I. But 5 months ago a client was at her house. A fun guy was over at her house and they were doing coke. My trust in her hasn't been the same and I feel like she is always waiting for the next chance she can go party. She doesn't go out often but I just feel like she's holding back on something. I'm usually a really fun outgoing guy but this is something that has really made me think if I should go forward with this relationship. I worry that this will be an ongoing battle Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 She's an addict. A good friend of mine hasn't touched a single, solitary drop of alcohol in 10 years. He still calls himself an alcoholic. Once you've been addicted to a seriously toxic substance, for any prolonged period of time, to the extent that it took over your life, and it 'hurt' to stop - you're an addict. I'm sorry, I really feel you need to talk with her, and give her an absolutely nobullschytt ultimatum: She joins an NA group and absolutely swears off the stuff for good, for ever, from now on. Or you leave, and never come back. You don't say how old her child is, but I would guess pre-teen, even if only just.... ...and just entering the most critical period of his/her young life: Puberty/adolescence. The last thing s/he needs is a mother who does drugs. You can't fix her: Love is NOT enough, because believe me, in the fight between love and the substance, the substance will win every time - until such a time as it's made to lose. And it has to be made 'to lose', by her, not you. Maybe the ultimatum will work. You have to hope it does, because the alternative is for you to walk. And keep walking. This isn't merely a question of Trust. This is big crap, and deadly serious. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 You're her tool. You didn't win a prize. You lost your dignity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Prostituting yourself for drugs with a dealer is not 'not a heavy user' I'm afraid. Crack is a very serious drug, it's almost impossible to find someone who dabbles in a bit now and then while keeping the rest of their life together. I'm not judging her for using drugs, each to their own, but if you think you have bagged yourself a reliable, trustworthy partner here, it seems you are wrong. She cheats, even on someone she's sworn marriage vows with. She's also using again, despite knowing you hate her using drugs. Her reason for not using is that she has a young kid, and yet with a four year old she's using. What's it gonna be like when her child is older? What's going to stop her using as much as she wants then? The proven track record of cheating is bad enough, but mix in Class A drug use and I'm not sure why you've taken this woman on. It will eat away at you, as you are incompatible in some very serious ways. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 ....with a four year old she's using. What's it gonna be like when her child is older? ... Oh right, yes. Sorry, I missed the child's age. Regardless, I think we're all pretty much on the same page, here.... Link to post Share on other sites
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