Darkmelody Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Hi there. So I'm having a hard time deciding if I'm expecting too much here, or if this guy is just an idiot... I'm 27, he's 32, we've been dating for 5 months, and we hardly ever have intercourse.. I'm talking like maybe once every 2 weeks, if I'm lucky. I don't understand why. I'm a very attractive woman, and I try to get him in the mood, but he just ignores my advances and pretends he doesn't notice. It's destroying my confidence. Aren't we supposed to be doing it like rabbits in the beginning of a relationship? Apart from that, when we are alone, he always sits far away from me if we watching TV, if I try hold him in the morning before getting out of bed he will just lie there and ignore me or get up without touching me and start his day. When I tried speaking to him about this, which has only been once, he tells me he cant be all over me every second of the day. And this is far from what I'm asking of him. I feel rejected and lonely, even when he's right there. He doesn't support any of my hobbies, I'm in a band and when I play him a new song we've made he just doesn't seem interested at all. He'll ask about my day at work, but if I answer him he doesn't even listen. I showed him an article I wrote that ended up in a very prestigious magazine, and he ignored it completely. He didn't say one word. I love the guy, and I really want to work this out, but I have no idea how to approach this without sounding clingy or demanding. To me these are basic things that every relationship should have. Or am I wrong? Is it worth trying to fix this, or should I just let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Unfortunately, he is showing you who he is and you have to believe him. I'm sorry to say that you will have to leave this relationship. You don't want to find yourself years down the road in a lonely/miserable relationship or even marriage. When you find the one, in hindsight, you'll be happy you left this one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 He is not as into you as you are with him. He probably views you as too needy for his style. I don't think you too are compatible and you can't expect to change him as this is the way he is. I would pull back on all affection shown to him and see if he starts making advances. If he doesn't just end it and move on or accept this is the way your relationship is going to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Dating is a process to find someone compatible with you and it means those who are not compatible with you have to be discarded. This man needs to be discarded. How can you enjoy being with such a man! No intimacy = no relationship. Only a few months in and your self-esteem is in shamble = OUT! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Find out if he's using porn a lot. Too much porn use is often to the reason for this. If that's not it, this is his pace. Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 You can't fix it if it's just not there. Just because he's nice doesn't mean he's for you. Forget porn, forget you being needy as rationalizations for his behavior. The bottom line is it's not working for you. You are CORRECT in that it's not ok. You are CORRECT that in the beginning stages you should be boinking like bunnies. I just went through this with a guy I was seeing. He never looked at me getting undressed or dressed, he popped out of bed each time in the morning, never touched me affectionately unless I initiated. I agree with Gaeta. I have no doubt there's lots of other men out there who will give you these basic things you want, including sex and intimacy, and interest and support in your personal passions. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I love the guy, and I really want to work this out, but I have no idea how to approach this without sounding clingy or demanding. There is nothing demanding or clingy about desiring/requesting affection and physical interaction with your partner. When you start walking on eggshells over requesting your basic needs in a relationship, you're going to start shriveling up into a mouse because you're afraid to rock the boat for fear of upsetting him. Your requests are reasonable and normal. You shouldn't have to question your need. Is it worth trying to fix this, or should I just let it go? You need to let this go. He is emotionally unavailable and fears intimacy. I dated someone like this and he used to say the same thing, "I can't have my hands all over you all day." Thing is, he never touched me. Save yourself and walk away now. If 5 months returns you such coldness, it isn't going to get any better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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