Jilly10340 Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 Okay, if anyone out there has read my thread they know that my ex broke up with me last week. It'll actually be one week tommorow. Although I'm not looking to date anyone, I have a problem. Everytime I think about dating someone, and there's a few that are interested, I feel guilty. Like maybe it's too soon to date or have another relationship. I would like another relationship but it just feels that it's not normal to start dating again so soon, like what will people think? Does anyone think that there should be a certain amount of time where you date no one after a break up, or should you just do whatever you're comfortable with. How long have other people waited? Please help, this is really starting to bother me. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 it is whenever you feel you want to. I had one relationship begin ten daysafter the last one ended and that lasted for two years. Another time i had no relationship for 8 months after the last one and that only lasted three months. So there are no rules and no guarentees. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 Everytime I think about dating someone, and there's a few that are interested, I feel guilty. Like maybe it's too soon to date or have another relationship. Just wait until it feels like there's nothing wrong with doing it then. Link to post Share on other sites
ltomlinson81 Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 I dated my ex for four years. I thought I would be that girl who wasn't going to date ever again! And then, to my surprise, I found myself going out with someone a week after I left my ex. Mind you, I was not ready for a relationship, and probably wasn't the greatest date, but we had fun and it kept me distracted. At first, I was very concerned about how it would look to others who knew about our situation, but then I realized that it is my life, and I can do whatever I want and deserve to, especially after being wronged by my ex. He was very mad when he found out, but then he realized that I was going to move on at some point, and that he would, too and that it was completely normal. I am still not over him, and I am not by any means replacing him by dating other people, but I have to move on for me, and the fact that we both understand that is the key. I think you should date and do whatever you want as you feel like it. Don't try to plan your life too much after a breakup, its too limiting. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett_girl Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 funny..i just broke up with my bf and thought the same as you jilly..mind you..i have no interest in anyone right now..but you never know..i guess if you feel guilty..it's not a good sign..i would wait until you feel ok with the idea of being with someone else..until then think only of yourself! the period after a break up is the greatest most self-aborbed time! Link to post Share on other sites
on the edge Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 just wondering... why is it okay to date so soon after a breakup, but advice is somewhat different for someone coming out of a divorce? i guess, with the talk of rebounding and such? just curious-thanks for any opinions/advice! Link to post Share on other sites
red4kat Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Well, I think in general it's a good idea to give yourself some time and be on your own for a while. I know it's hard but it's nesessary in order not to repeat the same mistakes you did with your ex. You need time to heal and feel normal again, otherwise you will just project your old boyfriend's behaviors onto new one. But then again don't wait too long, you might like it too much and develop the "single" habbits that might also damage the future relationship. Waiting period is to heal not to build new insecurities. So to answer your question, I'd say 3-6 months is a good waiting time. Also depends on how long you've been with your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ_Dork Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 It depends. For those who just got out of a LTR of a year or more, waiting at least half a year before looking again is wise. For those who just got out of STR waiting 2-3 weeks to reflect will help. If you don't allow yourself time to think things over you may repeat the same mistakes as before. That's why I usually ask girls who I am interested in when was the last time they were in a relationship. If they said just a month ago, I back off and be low key. If she said anything more than 6 months then I become more aggressive. Link to post Share on other sites
loudeeley Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 there's no hard and fast rules about how long it should take. having said that though, one week does seem awfully short to go from one relationship to another. the only way you will know is by when you stop feeling guilty when you start thinking about being in another relationship. for me, i didn't start another relationship until 18 months after my last relationship - and even that i'm taking very slowly. i had dates in the meantime but they never led anywhere - usually by my choice. but that was mainly because i had a lot of upheavals in my life and a lot of learning about myself to do and didn't feel ready to open up to someone new, not because i felt guilty. although when i started kissing other people it felt pretty weird. just listen to your heart and you will know what the right thing to do is. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett_girl Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 you know what is even weirder? now that 'm single..i'm noticing all these cute boys that I never noticed before..it's like i've gone boy crazy like a 12 year old!!!!! crazy ****..i guess it's pretty normal after being with the same guy for 2 years... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Share Posted November 9, 2004 yeah, I know what you mean. It's like, he's cute, he's cute, he's not so cute, but he's cute. lol Link to post Share on other sites
DJ_Dork Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 I would not recommend just start dating for the heck of it. Start dating after 3 months of breakup is GOOD time. You should be spending the first 3 months after breakup on realizing what mistakes you made and improve yourself. Then you can start looking. Link to post Share on other sites
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