Eighty_nine Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Just curious. Guys, when is it safe for women to start initiating contact regularly, planning dates, etc? After you're exclusive- or after you're officially in a relationship? Or, do you think even during the first 6 months of a relationship, it's a good idea to remain just a little aloof, unavailable now and then, etc. to maintain a little "mystery?" Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 After the first date. Seriously, if you like the guy and enjoy spending time with him and talking to him, don't play games. There is a gap between being aloof and needy. Just be normal. Honestly, if a girl never initiated contact with me or suggested any sort of activity for a date, I'd start to think that she didn't like me and move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I think for the first one month or so he should initiate. You can plan, but he should do the asking out. Later on make sure there is balance in the relationship. Meaning, about 50-50, with him initiating a bit more, but making sure you don't turn around and start chasing at any time during the relationship. No matter how long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I don't believe in the concept of chasing, which implies one person running away and the other running after them. I like for a man to take the lead but I reciprocate. I don't pretend to be aloof or busy or things like that. I don't drop my life for him, but I don't sit around consciously ignoring calls or doing deliberate things to seem "mysterious." The first few dates I like for a man to initiate contact or plan it but after I'm sure I like him if I want to see him or invite him out I don't hesitate. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
Assada Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 hahaha yeah, anyone that think that "Chasing" is a thing is doesnt know what they're talking about Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Straight away. To be honest, the most important thing to me if I like a girl is her interest level and enthusiasm. I've done enough 'chasing' to last a lifetime. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I don't believe in the concept of chasing, which implies one person running away and the other running after them. I like for a man to take the lead but I reciprocate. I don't pretend to be aloof or busy or things like that. I don't drop my life for him, but I don't sit around consciously ignoring calls or doing deliberate things to seem "mysterious." The first few dates I like for a man to initiate contact or plan it but after I'm sure I like him if I want to see him or invite him out I don't hesitate. This is the type of woman that I very much appreciate dating. I am very happy to show her a good time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Just curious. Guys, when is it safe for women to start initiating contact regularly, planning dates, etc? After you're exclusive- or after you're officially in a relationship? Or, do you think even during the first 6 months of a relationship, it's a good idea to remain just a little aloof, unavailable now and then, etc. to maintain a little "mystery?" It is about balance. You should reciprocate when a man calls or texts, for the first month in a balanced way. He calls, you answer, he texts, you respond consistently and as soon as it's convenient. Don't play the mystery game by not responding in a timely fashion. And, you are available when you are available. Don't say you're not available if you are. There will be times when you're not available and that's legitimate. Mystery is about you and what you are all about. Let him see that slowly. It shouldn't be a mystery that you are interested in him. Think about how you feel when a man doesn't respond in a timely manner or suddenly stops be available or inconsistent. After the second month and he has been consistent, you can call or text first and when he responds you answer. Then the ball is in his court again. At this point, I initiate once to every three of his. Later make it one to every two of his. He does need to see a reciprocal thing going on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Never initiating a text or a call is game playing. If she wants to text a guy and tell him something she should. None of this waiting till he texts so she can reply. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 From the beginning. A woman can plan, ask for & pay for even the 1st date. Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 From the beginning. A woman can plan, ask for & pay for even the 1st date. I'm not so sure about this. I think it's pretty much expected that men make the move. Women give signals and the men are supposed to pick up on it. There is even a whole thread out there by Phoe about how women can take the initiative and everyone said that women shouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 A message for a message strategy always works. If two mature people like each other you will not have messed it up by showing obvious interest. Link to post Share on other sites
MercuryMorrison1 Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I would even go as far as to say you can start initiating things right away, ''Before the First date''. Some guys will be intimidated by this because it is somewhat uncommon for women to just do a cold approach on a guy she's interested in. But other guys will appreciate the directness. One of my biggest frustration's in my years of dating have been that sometimes women play aloof to long...Then when I start to pursue someone else, they get pissed at me and act like they don't understand why I quit chasing them, and then I get pissed because I don't understand why they have an attitude with me because as far as I knew they weren't interested! So I do appreciate it when women are direct with me. Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I think if you like each other, there's no reason to 'play games' to appear 'mysterious' or 'not too available'. If you are genuinely unavailable, then that's different of course. I think it's perfectly fine to say, "I'm free on Thursday or Saturday" so he has a choice, and it's not like you're just sitting around waiting for him to ask to see you. As far as initiating, I personally feel comfortable with a man initiating a bit more until an exclusive relationship. But it is important to reciprocate, if you are so inclined. But in general, I would say that I would only start initiating more regularly/frequently once we were in an exclusive relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Rydo Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I agree with not playing games. I generally never initiate because I'm a busy guy but I dont delay replies when I get a txt. Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 No chasing, no games. A message for a message is good advice for the first few weeks. I've dated guys where we talked constantly and where we didn't talk very much, and it's so frustrating to be with someone who you suspect is holding back in some way. You shouldn't have to bait the other person into wanting more! You shouldn't even spend very long wondering if the other person is as interested as you are. I don't like to appear too eager, but when my boyfriend started sending me kissy emoji and George Michael lyrics on a daily basis I was totally at ease. Contrary to what some dating sites suggest, no one thinks "well, I did really like her but she just texted me first, guess I'd better delete her number". Even an old-fashioned guy would be super jazzed to be contacted by a woman he likes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Contrary to what some dating sites suggest, no one thinks "well, I did really like her but she just texted me first, guess I'd better delete her number". Even an old-fashioned guy would be super jazzed to be contacted by a woman he likes. Exactly. Women get scared that the absolute worst thing they can do is come across as needy and clingy. Yes, that's a turn off for many, but initiating once or a couple of times is not needy or clingy. If you text someone 10 times in a row with no response, that's a different story. If a guy gets turned off by you dropping him a line, then that's not the guy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts