I have been really struggling regarding my boyfriend

[misery25]

have been really struggling regarding my boyfriend. We have had some awful fights, but I love him so much.

 

We live 3 hours away from each other. He used to commute several times a week to see me. I had a great job (albeit his is better). My hours sucked. So he often came to me.

 

I have a 9 year old son. My BF is very well off and recently said he would support me quitting my job and moving in with him. Well my divorce is still quite fresh. My ex freaked out and started a legal process to prevent me from moving my son. Well, he got a lot of family money and has won so far.... My son would stay living with his dad and I would have to pay child support. The same would be true if I stayed in the same city because my work hours are long and extreme and my ex "works from home" and can be around our son more in the afternoons.

 

So even on this face value... Moving to be with my BF is tough. Only seeing my son every other weekend... And summers.

 

Then consider the fact that my BF is extremely jealous. Early on, he found a text message from my ex (after snooping) that revealed ex still wanted to get back together w me and mentioned a time "recently" when we were alone together and that he enjoyed talking to me.

 

I told my BF that he was overreacting and he eventually calmed down. Well, about 3 days later he busted into my text messages again and found texts from another guy who was flirting w me. I did not say anything inappropriate but my BF nearly broke up w me over that.

 

Since then, he reads my texts like a hawk. If I'm texting someone .. He wants to know who it is. And he is often going through my phone. I told him I have nothing to hide. But he will constantly look at me and say "why are you acting so nervous" or "why do I feel like you are so distant?"

 

It got so bad the other night ... His accusations that my trip to see my lawyer was actually a trip to meet another man! He said that he was texting my attorney and that if I was REALLY meeting with him... I could tell him what the text said. My attorney thought we were insane. I was so mad I said I wasn't coming back to his house. He started texting that he thought he was going to die. That he was having chest pain ... He was so upset. Then he said he was "so sorry for everything he'd done... That his life was over without me."

 

I called 911 after he wouldn't respond to my calls or texts. Turns out he was just fine. He said he was just drunk and passed out. And that he and the paramedics were having a blast ... Since he was so stupid drunk.

 

Well since this incident... We've made up. All is better. But he is very suspicious of me. Of everything. My son and I are staying w him for Xmas break ... And BF wants me to live with him permanently and he wants to get engaged.

 

I do not know what to do. The thought of being w out him kills me... But I am concerned about how cntrolng he can be. What do you think?

[d0nnivain]

He's an insecure master manipulator. It will get worse not better.

 

 

I think your life would be better not worse without him but only you can make that decision.

[Tonic]

He's an insecure master manipulator. It will get worse not better.

 

 

I think your life would be better not worse without him but only you can make that decision.

 

I second this, that's not a healthy relationship at all and i myself agree that this situation will only get worse, or even has the potential to develop into more than just being agravated by a silly message that you did not initiate or continue to take part in. But at the end of the day, it comes down to what you believe is best.

[newlyborn]

don't move away from your son, who is still so young, to be with a man you will one day need to get away from.

[MidwestUSA]

Look what you're allowing to happen to your son. Have you sought therapy yet to find put why you're willing to settle for this?

Edited December 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

Your boyfriend is a manipulative jerk. Do not do this to your son. Get yourself and him as far away from this man as possible, or I imagine your ex will go after full custody of your boy.

[BluEyeL]

Your boyfriend is an abuser and you got to leave him before he starts hitting you and destroying your life.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

The trust is obviously gone, and you can go ahead and cry wolf if you like,

But something seems fishy and doesn't seem right.

 

These posters claim he's the manipulative jerk,

but from my perspective, I've certainly seen worse.

I do agree that the claims of ending his own life,

is simply a cry for attention and not very nice.

 

However, you glazed over the fact that you insinuated this too,

hold yourself accountable for the cause and effect that ensued.

You were caught flirting through text messages, not once but twice you see,

Why in the world should this guy trust you at all is a mystery.

 

He sounds like he's emotional damaged from this discovery,

But staying in this relationship won't help either of you in recovery,

He's flying off the deep end with ways to keep you around,

But it sounds like co-dependence and not a decision that's emotionally sound.

 

My advice to both of you would be to take a step back,

seriously take a look at your issues and make a plan of attack.

COMPROMISE would be the solution I feel, if there's even a solution for this,

But if you feel you can't live without him, maybe do this for your kid?

Edited December 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator