The boring and unsociable boyfriend

[LookAtThisPOst]

There's this woman in our Meetup who had been dating this guy for a while. Every time he comes with her, he really makes no attempt at chatting with others. I guess its because its HER friends and not his, but come to find out he's not social hardly at all.

Won't even leave the house for any local events either.

 

Her words, "He's boring, but I love him."

 

I was thinking, "Um...ooookay, whatever makes you happy."

 

That being said, can a relationship like this work or eventually fizzle out due to boredom? Kind of like marriages these days.

 

Are these the signs of "growing apart", but they won't admit to it?

[evanescentworld]

I hate to tell you this, but why are you even asking?

It's their business - it's no skin off your nose, is it?

 

I mean, if she was coming to you complaining and asking for advice, then I'd get it.

But she's summed it up.

He's boring but she loves him.

 

There's really no more to say....

Let them be and to get on with it.

[Diezel]

If it works for her, does it matter what the outcome is? This is no different than if two sociable people get together, there are other factors that can come into play that would break them up.

[GemmaUK]

People don't need to be a particular way to be happy and love each other.

 

 

It doesn't sound like you were thinking 'whatever makes you happy'. It sounds like you were thinking something is wrong in their relationship.

 

 

It's best to forget about it rather than make assumptions based on little knowledge.

[GravityMan]

Piece of advice, OP...if something is none of your business (such as this), then let it go...you'll probably be happier that way. Otherwise, one day that may come back to bite you.

[KatZee]

I hate to tell you this, but why are you even asking?

It's their business - it's no skin off your nose, is it?

 

:lmao:

 

THIS.

 

I got to the end of this question and I was like... wait what? Why is this even your concern or business?

 

It's their relationship. Let them work out the technicalities of it. If they love each other they love each other. Introvert/extrovert relationships work all the time.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Piece of advice, OP...if something is none of your business (such as this), then let it go...you'll probably be happier that way. Otherwise, one day that may come back to bite you.

 

Um...she was the one that brought it up. She's the one that was complaining about him being boring *shrug*. I did nothing to make it my business. If you're going to complain about your sig. other in front of others, you might want to keep it to yourself. Just saying.

[KatZee]

Um...she was the one that brought it up. She's the one that was complaining about him being boring *shrug*. I did nothing to make it my business. If you're going to complain about your sig. other in front of others, you might want to keep it to yourself. Just saying.

 

You made it your business by making a thread. Who cares if she came to you complaining. If she was all that concerned she would make her own post on LS and ask for advice as to whether or not she should stay in this relationship.

 

My friends bitch and moan all the time about their guys. I don't come and make threads about it. What is the point? I'm not dating those guys, it's not my life that's impacted.

[xxoo]

can a relationship like this work

 

Yes.

 

I'm the introvert in our relationship. He goes to social events alone sometimes, but we also spend a lot of one-on-one time together. I'm not boring when we're alone

[toscaroscura]

Mmm, I love quiet, introverted types!

 

As long as he's not mean or sulky, I'd have no problem with that whatsoever!

 

Perhaps the root of her complaining is sensing that her friends (ie. you) are judging him (and by extension, her). It might make her feel responsible for integrating him into the group or making you guys feel comfortable with him. My advice is to just try and be accepting of him and let him roll how he wants. Then, she will probably relax more.

[Gloria25]

Mmm, I love quiet, introverted types!

 

As long as he's not mean or sulky, I'd have no problem with that whatsoever!

 

Perhaps the root of her complaining is sensing that her friends (ie. you) are judging him (and by extension, her). It might make her feel responsible for integrating him into the group or making you guys feel comfortable with him. My advice is to just try and be accepting of him and let him roll how he wants. Then, she will probably relax more.

 

I don't think this guy is "quiet or introverted", I think he is rude.

 

I am not a sociable person, I'm very quiet and stoic...but, I come out of my shell at the appropriate occasions. Actually, I often force myself to chat with others, will put away my celphone too.

 

Now, if I pull out my celphone, I am intentionally being rude. I've had occasions where a gf dragged me to a place I told them I didn't want to go and they sorta lied and told me it was gonna be X way. Well, I pulled out the cel and was rude to get back at them for lying to me and dragging me out of my home.

 

I've dealt with people like the OP's describing, and IMO, they are self-centered. My sibling's ex. She was like that. When we came to visit, she'd never even come down and give at least a "welcome guys, how was your trip?". She literally stayed upstairs and called out to my sibling as if he was her butler. On another occasion, she said she had to work, but we cooked up a storm and fixed a nice plate that he took to her. Well, again, she never even bothered to come over and say "hi" to us while we were in town, and didn't even bother to say "thanks" for the plate of food and/or wish us a safe trip back home. They divorced. She was rude, controlling, held off sex (yet cheated on him when he announced divorce), and I could go on and on about her.

 

Actually, ID had a show about a chick who got with an abusive guy. And, when her family/friends first met him, he was the same. He was not sociable and would just frown and "grunt" around them.

[Dreamworld]

I obviously can't see the tone or nuance of how she remarked on him being boring, but it might actually her modest way of expressing affection or endearment towards her husband in front of people. Since she also knows he is quiet around others. But then you were there to see how she said it OP so I could be wrong. He probably may not be "boring" when they are alone together.

 

With that said, I also tend to find that these type of people have the best kind of relationship behind closed doors. They have their own special connection. Ok I am biased. My parents were and are this way so yeah, hehe.

[toscaroscura]

I didn't get "rude" here. All the OP said was he didn't make an effort talk much and doesn't go out much. Nothing about cell phone use or barking orders at his GF and such.

 

Some people are extremely shy and and have anxieties about this stuff. It's not their fault, and they aren't trying to be mean.

 

Besides, we aren't getting the whole story. In order for me to say he's being rude, I would have to know:

 

-If someone addresses him, does he respond in a friendly manner?

-Does he sulk or have a bad attitude the entire time, or is he merely quiet and observing?

-Does he treat his GF well, or does he seem to passive-aggressively punish her for dragging him out?

 

Also we have no clue about the group's social dynamics. Are they very welcoming? Or are they insular, speaking in in-jokes he doesn't get, or putting out a vibe to him of "you don't belong here"?

 

In your experiences, yes your ex SIL was very rude (among other things!), but until I get more information on his demeanor and behaviors I can't lump him in with the likes of her.

[Dreamworld]

I don't think this guy is "quiet or introverted", I think he is rude.

 

I am not a sociable person, I'm very quiet and stoic...but, I come out of my shell at the appropriate occasions. Actually, I often force myself to chat with others, will put away my celphone too.

 

Now, if I pull out my celphone, I am intentionally being rude. I've had occasions where a gf dragged me to a place I told them I didn't want to go and they sorta lied and told me it was gonna be X way. Well, I pulled out the cel and was rude to get back at them for lying to me and dragging me out of my home.

 

I've dealt with people like the OP's describing, and IMO, they are self-centered. My sibling's ex. She was like that. When we came to visit, she'd never even come down and give at least a "welcome guys, how was your trip?". She literally stayed upstairs and called out to my sibling as if he was her butler. On another occasion, she said she had to work, but we cooked up a storm and fixed a nice plate that he took to her. Well, again, she never even bothered to come over and say "hi" to us while we were in town, and didn't even bother to say "thanks" for the plate of food and/or wish us a safe trip back home. They divorced. She was rude, controlling, held off sex (yet cheated on him when he announced divorce), and I could go on and on about her.

 

Actually, ID had a show about a chick who got with an abusive guy. And, when her family/friends first met him, he was the same. He was not sociable and would just frown and "grunt" around them.

 

I understand what you mean by your example, but I didn't read into the OP's description of the quiet husband in the same way you did at all. And sometimes people are really really painfully shy and can't muster a thank you or hello without breaking into a sweat. And yes many are misunderstood because of that.

 

But yes in your case, your sibling's ex sounds like a nightmare.

[Dreamworld]

I didn't get "rude" here. All the OP said was he didn't make an effort talk much and doesn't go out much. Nothing about cell phone use or barking orders at his GF and such.

 

Some people are extremely shy and and have anxieties about this stuff. It's not their fault, and they aren't trying to be mean.

 

Besides, we aren't getting the whole story. In order for me to say he's being rude, I would have to know:

 

-If someone addresses him, does he respond in a friendly manner?

-Does he sulk or have a bad attitude the entire time, or is he merely quiet and observing?

-Does he treat his GF well, or does he seem to passive-aggressively punish her for dragging him out?

 

Also we have no clue about the group's social dynamics. Are they very welcoming? Or are they insular, speaking in in-jokes he doesn't get, or putting out a vibe to him of "you don't belong here"?

 

In your experiences, yes your ex SIL was very rude (among other things!), but until I get more information on his demeanor and behaviors I can't lump him in with the likes of her.

 

I totally agree with this.

[xxoo]

Remember, we never know what happens behind closed doors....

 

The couples who appear to be "perfect" often aren't. Sometimes they are trying very hard to project a perfect image to others, but the reality is very different.

 

When someone is willing to admit a fault of their SO out in the open, and add "but I love him", that's probably a strong relationship. They aren't trying to project perfect. They are real and accept each other.

 

Calling your SO boring and unsociable could simply be a lighthearted way of excusing his absence without offending the guests (better than "He doesn't like you guys" ).

[toscaroscura]

Calling your SO boring and unsociable could simply be a lighthearted way of excusing his absence without offending the guests (better than "He doesn't like you guys" ).

 

That's another thing, maybe OP and his friends act like a bunch of jerks in the BF's opinion! Point is, we aren't there, so we don't know.