dating again - signs?

[lauren13]

So, long story short, my last relationship ended when he left me for his abusive ex roughly a month ago, I was pretty heartbroken because I never imagined someone would go back to a person like that, but I've been doing pretty good lately (going NC & ignoring him), also with help from these forum so I figured I'd give it a shot with the following situation.

 

There's this guy I met 2.5 years ago, through a very close friend of mine (he is her brother).. we met at a college party and there was some alcohol involved, but we ended up talking all night and I developed a crush on him and thought he was an amazing guy for talking his mind and just generally having very interesting opinion on different topics (not something I'd usually come across at these parties). We occasionally ran into each other a couple more times and always had a good vibe. After he finished Uni he moved to a different city for work, but recently got relocated back. We met up once to catch up because through his sister he found out about my new job and seemed interested in what I do (I was then still in a relationship though).

 

Now; I have a pretty big (black-tie / public) work event to attend in January and I needed a +1 so I casually texted him asking if he'd want to come and he seemed very excited to join me.

 

I've always found him attractive and had very high opinion of him. This is someone I could develop feelings for. However, I'm also very close friends with his sister (and family for that matter) and I don't want to ruin anything or having her think it's a rebound. The issue is also I'm not sure whether he's more interested in me or my job. So; I guess my question is how do I find clues? I'm usually the type of person who says "life is short" and just goes for it and whatever happens happens, but for some reason I feel like this could be more complicated.

 

I'm pretty confident I want to test the waters since he's a high quality guy but how do I show him I'd be interested in being more than just friends in a subtle way (i.e. without flat out saying it)?

[Redhead14]

So, long story short, my last relationship ended when he left me for his abusive ex roughly a month ago, I was pretty heartbroken because I never imagined someone would go back to a person like that, but I've been doing pretty good lately (going NC & ignoring him), also with help from these forum so I figured I'd give it a shot with the following situation.

 

There's this guy I met 2.5 years ago, through a very close friend of mine (he is her brother).. we met at a college party and there was some alcohol involved, but we ended up talking all night and I developed a crush on him and thought he was an amazing guy for talking his mind and just generally having very interesting opinion on different topics (not something I'd usually come across at these parties). We occasionally ran into each other a couple more times and always had a good vibe. After he finished Uni he moved to a different city for work, but recently got relocated back. We met up once to catch up because through his sister he found out about my new job and seemed interested in what I do (I was then still in a relationship though).

 

Now; I have a pretty big (black-tie / public) work event to attend in January and I needed a +1 so I casually texted him asking if he'd want to come and he seemed very excited to join me.

 

I've always found him attractive and had very high opinion of him. This is someone I could develop feelings for. However, I'm also very close friends with his sister (and family for that matter) and I don't want to ruin anything or having her think it's a rebound. The issue is also I'm not sure whether he's more interested in me or my job. So; I guess my question is how do I find clues? I'm usually the type of person who says "life is short" and just goes for it and whatever happens happens, but for some reason I feel like this could be more complicated.

 

I'm pretty confident I want to test the waters since he's a high quality guy but how do I show him I'd be interested in being more than just friends in a subtle way (i.e. without flat out saying it)?

 

Relative to your clues question:

 

I casually texted him asking if he'd want to come and he seemed very excited to join me.

 

There's one sign he likes you at least a little. I'd maybe start a conversation in a casual way with him to find out "where" he is in his life and whether or not he is dating and interested in a relationship in general. If his response is that he is dating and looking for someone in his life, just leave it at that for a bit. Then, I'd at some point a little bit later a few days, I'd ask him if he wanted to get together for drinks some night. If you enjoyed the "date", I'd tell him that you like him and enjoyed the time but not say anything about a relationship between you. Then sit back and see if he picks up the ball. Let him lead from there if he is going to do that.

[Mrin]

Here you go:

 

1. Get a kickass dress

2. Manipedi + massage

3. Meet for a cocktail before the event

4. Stay on his arm at the event. Stay with him as he wont know anyone.

5. Laugh at his jokes

6. Touch his arm

7. Suggest post event cocktail

8. Tell him you're chilly so you can snuggle up with him

9. Eye contact

10. Smile

 

 

Edit: and don't you dare dream of not telling us how it turned out!

[lauren13]

Here you go:

 

1. Get a kickass dress

2. Manipedi + massage

3. Meet for a cocktail before the event

4. Stay on his arm at the event. Stay with him as he wont know anyone.

5. Laugh at his jokes

6. Touch his arm

7. Suggest post event cocktail

8. Tell him you're chilly so you can snuggle up with him

9. Eye contact

10. Smile

 

 

Edit: and don't you dare dream of not telling us how it turned out!

 

Haha; starting with #1 now! This is probably most excited I was in the last 1.5 months. Will definitely keep you posted how it turned out. For some reason I'm incredibly awkward when trying to "subtly figure things out" (i.e. whether the guy likes me), so hopefully it won't blow up in my face.

 

Thanks both for the replies!!

[Ieris]

Glad to see you moving on Lauren, I remember reading your first post and you've come a long way. Hope it goes well with the new guy

 

You said you're not sure if he is interested in you or your job. Does he text/call you often? I don't know when your event is in January but if it is still some time away, you could always meet up with him for a coffee.

 

Good thing is you're friends with his sister, if he is interested he'd probably be asking lots about you from her.

 

Like Mrin said.. keep us updated! Hope all goes well x

[lauren13]

UPDATE: ..the event was quite good! He did pay a lot of attention to me and was friendly with my coworkers (but not overly friendly where I'd figure he just came for my job). We went for a couple of drinks afterwards and that was it. There were moments that felt flirty and there were moments that felt just friendly so I'm still in a bit of a confusion.

 

We're going to a game in about two weeks and in the meanwhile he asked me to help him plan his sisters surprise party. So I guess I'll have some more time to figure out what his intentions/thoughts are.

 

Either way; I like hanging out with this guy, I'm glad it moves on a slower pace, and I'm happy I feel the excitement of seeing/hearing from a guy again ..(given the last BU was quite painful for me)

 

 

..as always - any tips, comments, opinions, and suggestions are always welcome.

[lauren13]

Glad to see you moving on Lauren, I remember reading your first post and you've come a long way. Hope it goes well with the new guy

 

You said you're not sure if he is interested in you or your job. Does he text/call you often? I don't know when your event is in January but if it is still some time away, you could always meet up with him for a coffee.

 

Good thing is you're friends with his sister, if he is interested he'd probably be asking lots about you from her.

 

Like Mrin said.. keep us updated! Hope all goes well x

 

That does happen often! Sometimes he'd ask, and sometimes she'd brought my name up (she thinks we'd be good together).