Hopeful30 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Everyone has a few qualities that they find are extremely important for their romantic partner to have. I was wondering if there is a specific quality that you find extremely difficult to find in a romantic partner. For me, it's fearlessness. I have never met a man who is not afraid of speaking up or making big changes. I'm not saying I'm fearless myself, it would be silly to assume any human being doesn't have fears. But come on man, I will send back my food at a restaurant if they got the order wrong. Or if I'm unhappy with my landlord, I packed my sh*t and I moved. But I've never met a man who is the same. I find that the hardest quality to find in a man (in my experiences anyways) is one who isn't afraid of actually getting sh*t done, or speaking out against a poor opinion even if he's the only one. This quality is extremely important for my partner to have. It's both personal preference and also something I feel is important in general for all human beings to have. Unfortunately it's extremely hard (for me) to find that in a man. Was wondering what other qualities you guys feel are most difficult to find in a partner? 2
Haydn Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 A good 'Darts' arm for those mixed games at the 'Hat and Fan' on Tuesday evening's But really I look for trust. 2
Woggle Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 A woman who is loyal and committed but also knows how to have fun and let the wild side come out. I am lucky to have found somebody like that. 2
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Ya she didn't mean fearless as in reckless, she meant a man that isn't afraid to communicate and to take responsibility to make changes, instead of dragging his heels or sweeping things under the rug. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Was wondering what other qualities you guys feel are most difficult to find in a partner? Humility and empathy. 1
carhill Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 The hardest qualities to find in a partner... Historically, consistent and sincere demonstration of care absent transactional outcome dependence. IOW, someone who's loving and caring without a personal profit motive. 1
xxoo Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Fearlessness and trust go hand in hand. Vulnerability. 3
Woggle Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I am not afraid of of making a fuss but I spent years in retail and customer service before I got something that pays well and it is embedded in me to not want to be that kind of customer because I know how it feels on their end. It's empathy more than fear in my book. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 A man that is trustworthy, committed and loyal.
xxoo Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Sending the food back is not the best example to me. I'm not trying to build a relationship based on trust with the server or the restaurant. But as a spouse, if my partner is unhappy with me, I need him to be fearless enough to tell me. Otherwise resentment and distance will grow. I can not fully trust someone who is too fearful to be honest. 4
Woggle Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I would rather a woman just come out and say what is bothering her rather than expecting to magically read her mind and getting resentful when I can't. 4
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I am not afraid of of making a fuss but I spent years in retail and customer service before I got something that pays well and it is embedded in me to not want to be that kind of customer because I know how it feels on their end. It's empathy more than fear in my book. Agreed. I don't send the food back because I know how hard they work and understand that in the bigger scheme of things, it's no biggie that the food is not exactly to my taste. In fact, if I was on a date and the guy did that I would note that he thinks he is the center of the universe and lacks empathy. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Was wondering what other qualities you guys feel are most difficult to find in a partner? My thinking is along a little different track. I always felt that I could get a handle on compatibility factors -- honestly, loyalty, empathy, considerateness, etc. -- pretty quickly but I never found that physical connection that I really wanted. I've always assumed that it wasn't in the cards for guys like me who aren't good attracting women in general -- or I'm probably not enough of a daredevil! I'm certainly glad that I've avoided the negative relationship drama that seems to run rampant on LS and IRL -- affairs, threesomes, even general inconsiderateness and irresponsibility -- but there are times when I think there should be something more.
HazyCosmicJive Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Everyone has a few qualities that they find are extremely important for their romantic partner to have. I was wondering if there is a specific quality that you find extremely difficult to find in a romantic partner. For me, it's fearlessness. I have never met a man who is not afraid of speaking up or making big changes. I'm not saying I'm fearless myself, it would be silly to assume any human being doesn't have fears. But come on man, I will send back my food at a restaurant if they got the order wrong. Or if I'm unhappy with my landlord, I packed my sh*t and I moved. But I've never met a man who is the same. I find that the hardest quality to find in a man (in my experiences anyways) is one who isn't afraid of actually getting sh*t done, or speaking out against a poor opinion even if he's the only one. This quality is extremely important for my partner to have. It's both personal preference and also something I feel is important in general for all human beings to have. Unfortunately it's extremely hard (for me) to find that in a man. Was wondering what other qualities you guys feel are most difficult to find in a partner? Unfortunately, this is a quality that is often punished in real life, particularly in the business world. I am not afraid of speaking my mind at work, but it has definitely held me back. Sad to say, management doesn't want independent thinkers, they want obedience. 3
Woggle Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 If I am unhappy with something I always tell them I am not blaming them and it isn't their fault. Chances are they know how bad their management is.
MsSmurf Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Handling stress well. And I'm not talking about the oh I have a deadline due at work and my parents are coming to visit and I haven't cleaned the house. I'm talking major stress from life throwing serious curveballs...... a dying relative, being laid off, severe medical problems, etc. I was taught to buckledown and deal with things knowing that it'll get messy, ugly, and downright uncomfortable. Bailing and falling apart are not options. You weather the storm and look forward to when things will be better. I want a guy who's going to wade through all the crap with me because he gets that we're a team and that's just what we have to do even though it sucks, not bail or fall apart. 4
HazyCosmicJive Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 (edited) I think women like a man who is not a pushover. I was once on a date with a girl who had some jealousy issues. Anyway, we were out for dinner and the food has just arrived. A spat ensued, she was pouting, called me an a-hole and said she wanted to go home. Even though she had driven there, I told her we could leave after I finished eating. Long story short, I got laid that night. LOL Edited December 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote of deleted posting redacted
GemmaUK Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 For me it'd be taking responsibility for things.
StalwartMind Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Someone who isn't bigoted or ignorant and actually has excellent perseverance. These qualities are very rare to find in other humans. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I would love to be in a relationship with someone who has the same level of dedication towards charity work and helping others as I do. I've been heavily involved in volunteer with for six years and have wound up making a (still fledgling) career out of the kind of work I've been doing for free all these years, while continuing to volunteer outside of work. I would really love to find a guy who volunteers already, does so off his own back, comes up with awesome ideas for us to take part in to help others. For example I generally volunteer for five or six hours on Christmas Day, this is my first year at a new location though and we don't open until late in the evening, by which time I'll already be in another city with family. Instead, I looked into short term stuff we could do on Christmas morning (soup kitchens, cleaning out animals at shelters if they're short in staff) because I feel bad not putting in the hours on what can be the hardest day of the year for the people we support, and my boyfriend was well up for coming along but I guess it'd be nice if he was as determined to make inroads into these things as me, instead of it being my idea. Still, it's not exactly something major. I have met lots of men doing voluntary work too, but nobody I've had a spark with and wanted to date properly, so I suppose it's not exactly a hard trait to find in a person, just hasn't existed in anyone I've had relationships with! I feel happy enough that he's so supportive of the charity stuff I do, even when it takes me away from him. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I would love to be in a relationship with someone who has the same level of dedication towards charity work and helping others as I do. I've been heavily involved in volunteer with for six years and have wound up making a (still fledgling) career out of the kind of work I've been doing for free all these years, while continuing to volunteer outside of work. I would really love to find a guy who volunteers already, does so off his own back, comes up with awesome ideas for us to take part in to help others. For example I generally volunteer for five or six hours on Christmas Day, this is my first year at a new location though and we don't open until late in the evening, by which time I'll already be in another city with family. Instead, I looked into short term stuff we could do on Christmas morning (soup kitchens, cleaning out animals at shelters if they're short in staff) because I feel bad not putting in the hours on what can be the hardest day of the year for the people we support, and my boyfriend was well up for coming along but I guess it'd be nice if he was as determined to make inroads into these things as me, instead of it being my idea. Still, it's not exactly something major. I have met lots of men doing voluntary work too, but nobody I've had a spark with and wanted to date properly, so I suppose it's not exactly a hard trait to find in a person, just hasn't existed in anyone I've had relationships with! I feel happy enough that he's so supportive of the charity stuff I do, even when it takes me away from him. It's not important to you though. You say that volunteering and helping others is so important to you, but that when you meet such men, you are not properly attracted to them. I think most (if not all) people generally react this way. You could meet somebody who fits your interests to a tee, but if they are not attractive, then it's game off. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 For me, it's fearlessness. I have never met a man who is not afraid of speaking up or making big changes. For a number of decades, our culture has done everything possible to squeeze the fearlessness out of men. I think of it as the "corporate cog" model -- if you do _____, you will have a life path of stability and security. For those of us in the 30-50 age range, either this was a prominent life model or we were raised by parents who were enmeshed in this model. Analytical and cooperative qualities are highly prized in the corporate cog model, but taken to an extreme, those qualities can squash out what's perceived as "rugged", "masculine", "fearless". Hence the rise of "nice guy" issues. With younger men (Millenials and Gen Z), I think they see through the illusion of security and stability -- and are very aware of the need to interject their opinions -- but it hasn't (yet) translated into a lot of proactive behavior because we now have so many ways to communicate, gain knowledge, and entertain ourselves passively. So for a lot of boys and men, it will take work to buck this trend -- I still need to figure out how to become this daredevil that everyone's talking about . . . Fortunately, time is on our side, as we naturally care less and less what other people think of us. 1
GemmaUK Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Unfortunately, this is a quality that is often punished in real life, particularly in the business world. I am not afraid of speaking my mind at work, but it has definitely held me back. Sad to say, management doesn't want independent thinkers, they want obedience. Perhaps it's choices that it's about in the business world. I don't always do as I am told at work and often do a total 180 and do something I have been told explicitly not to do. It's never yet served me badly nor in any detrimental way at all.
ltjg45 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Honesty. Seriously, it is rare for me to find a person that is willing to be honest about themselves no matter what and is willing to accept the results of their actions. This is with everyone these days, not just potential partners. I always tell people I have a memory lapse. I can forget things as fast as 10 minutes after you tell me. I have forgotten things that I don't want to forget multiple times, even things that I tell myself. But there is people out there who tell me one thing multiple times and never follow up on it. It has gotten so bad that I have became jaded to some degree and is always preparing for the worse if/when that person has told me a lie. 1
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