Hurt by girlfriends lack of trust in me!

[Fletcher.]

I'm 24 my girlfriends 22, we've been dating since April.

I'm mad about her! Up to now its been smooth sailing, we just click!

 

 

Then the other night basically she got super mad at me on the phone spouting all this rubbish about me cheating!!!

(I didn't!! I wouldn't!! She should KNOW that!! - in short I was tagged in photos with my COUSIN who came to stay with us! I don't know if im more insulted she thinks i'd cheat or that she thinks im STUPID enough to put it on facebook From what I can gather she was cool, and then her friend put all this rubbish in her head and she just totally pushed aside everything she should know about me by now, and believed them)

 

Anyway.. she then wouldn't answer my calls or anything so I drove there to sort it out (1.30hr drive at 10:15pm), get there her mum tells me she doesn't wanna talk right now, but I'm good with her brother so he let me in. Once I'm there obviously I can straighten it out and clear my name pretty quickly.

 

 

I was pretty mad at the fact she doesn't trust me, not even enough to hear me the hell out - just to listen to her friend! But she was pretty upset about the whole deal so It wasn't the time to be mad. She cuddled right up to me in bed which she hardly ever sleeps like that and I could tell she was crying (and this is a super feisty girl, not the sort to cry) so i just felt bad and was really just hugging her, telling her I love her...

 

 

Thing is I am still annoyed about the whole deal....do I let it slide? or confront the issue?

 

 

(her last relationship ended because he became violent, and her parents relationship fell apart when she was 16 so its not i don't understand why she finds it hard to trust but i just think she should know me better!)

[oldshirt]

I don't know if there is any actual wrong doings going on here but Be prepared to make a lot of stops on the drama bus with this one.

 

A simple, "who is that girl you're with in your Facebook pictures?" Would have sufficed. She reacts disproportionately to events in real life. Some of that is age, hormones and immaturity. Some of it may be a character trait.

 

If she shows patterns of disproportionate responses and escalations to normal life events, you may become much more than simply annoyed.

[Shepp]

Have you told her that trust is what your concerned about not the event itself?

[Fletcher.]

A simple, "who is that girl you're with in your Facebook pictures?" Would have sufficed.

EXACTLY!!

I understand there was a number of contributing factors that MIGHT lead her friend to draw that conclusion! But SHE should know me better!!

Shouldn't she just trust me?

And failing that at least value us enough to hear me out rather than shooting her mouth off and then ignoring me!

 

If she shows patterns of disproportionate responses and escalations to normal life events, you may become much more than simply annoyed.

This is why I'm so 'wtf just happened' though I've NEVER known her react like this to ANYTHING! She's a straight shooter and I love her for it but normally pretty logical too!

 

 

Have you told her that trust is what your concerned about not the event itself?

Kinda but I couldn't really say anything at that point cause she was upset and just telling me sorry, asked me if we were going to be okay and I god her we were..

[Fletcher.]

Bumping

[CatalystNX]

Friends can cause problems like this, I've noticed. My previous GF and I were together for 7 months and 3 months in her friend swore up and down that she saw me kissing some girl who worked at Aeropostale in the mall.

 

Obviously it never happened. I wouldn't cheat on anyone I'm with; I'm just not the type. Up to that point we had never had any major issues, but she believed her friend and was pissed at me for like 3 days before she confronted the girl at Aeropostale, who of course denied it and showed her pics on her phone of her boyfriend, who apparently looked somewhat like me.

 

She eventually believed me and that her friend had mistaken the girl's boyfriend for me from a distance. To this day I think it was a calculated move on her friend's part to break us up because she never seemed to like me much. In a way I suppose she succeeded because that was the first fight we had and they became much more numerous in the months after until our break-up.

 

So yeah, I'd nip this in the bud ASAP. It shouldn't be too hard to do given that it was your cousin in the photo. I will say, though, it doesn't inspire a whole lot of confidence that she would jump to conclusions that quick.

[d0nnivain]

You talk to her. You don't confront (because that is an angry word) but you also don't let it slide.

 

 

Early on in my marriage DH had to go away on a business trip. The 1st time I came down to visit him things got off on the wrong foot because I had gotten stuck in traffic & was 2 hours late. I'd also had a bad day & was in a mood before the traffic made it worse.

 

 

Anyway I missed meeting his new work friends for happy hour.

 

 

He & I had dinner then he insisted we go meet up with his friends. I didn't want to because I was tired & not in the mood.

 

 

Turned out his new friends were primarily a group of young women half my age. They dragged us to some dive bar for 20 somethings. It was horrible & made worse because I was all dressed up in a suit & heels. I looked like their mother or chaperone.

 

 

My husband is very gallant. He spent a lot of time taking care of these girls: opening doors, fetching drinks, etc. I was not happy. The girls instinctively understood how upset I was & tried to back off & to non-verbally reassure me but DH was clueless & I got more & more angry & jealous. We ended up having a big blow out partly because he failed to make me feel like the most important woman in the world. Lots of nasty / mean stuff was said & I accused him of cheating. He had been cheated on by a GF 10 years earlier & it was huge bot button issue for him because he is a man of honor so my accusation cut him to the quick. It took a couple of weeks & a lot of tears for us to repair that.

 

 

Your GF reacted to what she saw fueled by her suspicious friends. It was handled badly but if you both talk it should be fixable.

[Fletcher.]

To this day I think it was a calculated move on her friend's part to break us up because she never seemed to like me much.

See i know this girl was in her ear when we first started dating saying there was too much time distance between us considering my girlfriend doesn't drive! But my GF called BS on that! Dunno why she thinks our relationship is her business!

 

 

I will say, though, it doesn't inspire a whole lot of confidence that she would jump to conclusions that quick.

mmmm

[Fletcher.]

You talk to her. You don't confront (because that is an angry word) but you also don't let it slide.

I don't know what to say though, I went in annoyed but i ended up really soft cause she was upset. Neither of us have dwelled on it since, i feel like dredging it up is a bit........below the belt?

 

 

He had been cheated on by a GF 10 years earlier & it was huge bot button issue for him because he is a man of honor so my accusation cut him to the quick.

This is the same case for me! I was cheated on by my ex, i'd never do that to someone, my dad would literally disown me for one! She knows all this!

 

 

Your GF reacted to what she saw fueled by her suspicious friends. It was handled badly but if you both talk it should be fixable.

I do love her, i don't want to break up over it - it just hurt i guess

[d0nnivain]

Since you are still upset start by telling her that. Don't make it about fault but do explain that you were hurt because she assumed the worst & talk about it.

[Fletcher.]

Since you are still upset start by telling her that. Don't make it about fault but do explain that you were hurt because she assumed the worst & talk about it.

Yeah I guess! We go on holiday end of next week and I don't want to screw that us so i'd rather have it sorted before then!