assiral Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 So I've posted once here about a year and half ago about this guy I was seeing and didn't know if we were exclusive or not. Anyways, it turned out that we were and actually started a relationship, and after a few months I had to move to another country so we broke up. But we still talked during the whole time and both our feelings were (and are) still alive. Now, I'm only a few weeks of going back to his country to spend two months with him, and he insisted I stayed with him, not as a guest but as a person living in the household as well. He likes to think of it as a trial run so we could see how it is to live together and if we can think things future wise after those months, as I'll be going back to the country I currently live, with the prospect of moving back to his after six months. If I do move back, we won't be living together and will just pick up the relationship where we left off (much like this time, where as soon as I arrive there, we're together again as if those 14 months had never existed). The thing is, I'm nervous because 1) I really don't know what to expect of this whole experience, as I've never went through something similar and 2) I don't know if I'll be able to feel comfortable because it'll still be his place, and I feel like I'm "invading" his life, even though he goes overboard to make sure I understand he wants me there and that he insisted I stayed with him. So, any suggestions, advice, anything, so as to help me with this whole "living together for two months" thing that will go on? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Talk about expectations, especially financial ones. Are you expected to pay for your stay? contribute to household bills, especially for anything that increases because you are there, like water usage etc? Even if he doesn't want $$$, be generous. You treat when you go out. Do the dishes. Help with the chores etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Where does he live? Does he live with his parents, or have flatmates, or in his own apartment? If the answer is (1) or (2), I would advise you to seriously reconsider living with him, especially if you aren't comfortable with the concept in the first place. It is going to be very awkward and difficult. In the case of (3), you probably have to weigh the benefits against the risks/disadvantages and decide accordingly. Bottom line is, you have the right to say no. If you are truly uncomfortable with it, a man who loves you will not push for it as long as you communicate clearly about it (why you feel uncomfortable). I'm also confused about your status - are you actually boyfriend and girlfriend now? Is he committed to you? Living together is an actual commitment that long-term couples make, not something you do as a trial run to see if you make a good couple. You have dating for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author assiral Posted November 27, 2014 Author Share Posted November 27, 2014 He lives with a roommate, whom i also know. While we lived in the same country, we'd spend weekends together (usually me at his place), with me helping with house chores, cooking, etc. We've dated while we lived in the same country, but then when I've moved to another country, we broke up, solely because neither of us wanted to do a LDR specially because we didn't know if I was ever going back to his country. But we kept talking throughout this past year and we still love each other, so I'm going there for the Holidays to visit (because I've lived there, I have various friends and places where I could stay, and even the house I used to live in) so I'm not only going to visit him, but also everyone else I know. He insisted I stayed with him because he wanted to see me everyday and wake up next to me and see how it was going to be with us staying under the same roof for longer than a weekend. I have a set date to come back to my country and am planning to go back to his, but not to live with him, but to live where I used to. So we're just going to "live" together for 2 months, and that will be it. Also, he doesn't expect me to help w/ the bills because I'll be a guest nevertheless, but I obviously plan on helping out w/ the chores (as I did when we spent time together there) and just be helpful by any way I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author assiral Posted November 28, 2014 Author Share Posted November 28, 2014 Where does he live? Does he live with his parents, or have flatmates, or in his own apartment? If the answer is (1) or (2), I would advise you to seriously reconsider living with him, especially if you aren't comfortable with the concept in the first place. It is going to be very awkward and difficult. In the case of (3), you probably have to weigh the benefits against the risks/disadvantages and decide accordingly. Bottom line is, you have the right to say no. If you are truly uncomfortable with it, a man who loves you will not push for it as long as you communicate clearly about it (why you feel uncomfortable). I'm also confused about your status - are you actually boyfriend and girlfriend now? Is he committed to you? Living together is an actual commitment that long-term couples make, not something you do as a trial run to see if you make a good couple. You have dating for that. It's not that I'm uncomfortable, it's just I'm scared that I won't know how to act and/or what to do and I really don't want to mess things up over that. I've never been in that situation before and don't know what is expected in these cases. I've talked to him already and he calmed me down but still I'd like to hear some constructive advice. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Have you had sex already? Link to post Share on other sites
Author assiral Posted November 28, 2014 Author Share Posted November 28, 2014 Have you had sex already? Of course, we've dated in 2013, I only moved this year Link to post Share on other sites
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