I told my boyfriend how i felt, again, about his social network and his ex's activity

[Ashley1985]

We're both in our late 20's.

 

 

I told my boyfriend more than once (maybe three times now, excluding yesterday) that I don't like if he "likes" one of his ex girlfriends pictures or responds to one of her comments. I know that i sound like a jealous *, but i'm really not. She has caused problems in the past: writing me a long message and doing spiteful things, like making flirty comments under some of his pics, which hasn't happened in awhile now. But, I told my BF why i felt the way i did and i also reversed the roles and told him that he would feel the same way if he was in my shoes, and he agreed. Side note, his ex girlfriend likes almost all of his pictures, including some that i'm in. Today, he uploaded a picture on his page and she liked the picture right after I did, which she does sometimes, and commented on the picture. The picture he uploaded was a picture of a car. Her comment was "nice". Now I got a little annoyed by it, but i brushed it off. Then i realized that my boyfriend responded to her comment, after knowing how it makes me feel. His comment was just a simple "thanks", but again he knows how that makes me feel. And i'm 110% positive that if my ex boyfriend (who has never caused problems while me and my current boyfriend have been dating) where to comment or constantly like my pictures then it would be world war three.

So, after reading his response to her, i sent him a text telling him how i felt, again, but this time was different. This time i told him that he knows how that makes me feel already, because i've told him more than once and that he should keep his distance from me for awhile because he obviously doesn't respect my feelings. He later asked me, do you want to break up? And i told him that it seems like i can't trust him with this situation, and i agreed to the breakup. He never said sorry or considered my feeling at all. Then later on that night i told him that he never said sorry or seems to care about how i feel, and he said that you made your decisions so we're done.

 

I just wanted him to take time out to understand how i truly feel and he didn't even care to see how i feel or say sorry. Thoughts on this entire situation?

[PegNosePete]

My thoughts are that you acted sensibly and reasonably, but he preferred to remain friends with his ex than to keep you as his GF. He made his choice and I'm afraid when the dice hit the table, it wasn't you.

[Dontfindme]

Dodged a bullet. He didn't even put up a fight to salvage the relationship, after continuously disrespecting you- and your concerns.

 

Not worth the heartache.

[StalwartMind]

It never ceases to amaze me how little people care and how inconsiderate one can be. I'm fully aware that his behavior may be brushed off by some, seen as a small thing by others, but when someone is a repeat offender with little to no care of your partner's feelings, yeah then you indeed dodged a bullet as was said.

 

I'd feel pretty damn awful treating my family, friends and significant other by disregarding their feelings. It does not matter how big or small the issue at hand is, even if I'm sure some will argue otherwise. In the end it all comes down to character and personal trait.

 

This just seems like such a small and simple issue that could so easily be "corrected", that's probably why I often find myself flabbergasted at how little someone else can value you.

 

As I read and before you mentioned it, I was thinking, "I wonder how he'd feel if you did the same" and sure enough like you said, that would possibly spark world war three. It's pretty disappointing how so many people have double standards.

 

You most certainly handled it elegantly which I always commend and while I'm sure he has or at least had qualities you used to appreciate, it's hard to overlook things that hurt one's feelings. Better men are out there whom will show you empathy and understanding.

[Ninjainpajamas]

My thoughts on the situation is that it's ridiculous how much effort you're putting into "communicating" how you feel when he's already heard you, he already understands it, he already knows what you don't "want"...so why are continuing to force yourself down that road with a guy who obviously doesn't want anything to change? do you really feel good about making him do something that he's only doing so because you essentially forced him to?

 

I don't get this whole "So, I feel this way...so basically, do this"...I mean, what is the point if you have to go through that much trouble? doesn't it defeat the entire purpose? If he respected it and didn't think it was right or more or less cared he would've done something about it.

 

And then, he's likely to turn the situation around on you and make you feel like you've done something wrong.

 

What you've done wrong in my opinion is try and change how he is and his behavior...don't you get that his behavior represents part of the kind of guy he is? don't you get that? you want a guy who respects you, but you want a guy who doesn't respect you to respect you.

 

And honestly, I could pretty much care no less about FB...but since you're obviously getting into it over the internet and had a past then you're still acting like teenagers and the "war" between you two isn't over...whether you want to fight it or not, and your so called BF is about the only guy who could put an end to it but he obviously doesn't want to get rid of her in order to keep you.

 

So why isn't this just simple...why is the writing on the wall not simple enough for you to read? or are you just another girl that's going to complain and complain over and over and whine about the guy not changing something you think is wrong and that you find always disrespectful for years to come and then act surprised that nothing ever changes and that he just lies and does this or that to please you.

 

But hey...maybe you won't even have to waste the time, since he doesn't seem to mind losing you all that much...but chances are with a girl like you, who even sits around for this kind of thing, he's probably just doing it to test you and see if you come crawling back on your own...because honestly, he likely knows where your feelings are and doesn't really believe you'd walk away.

 

Once you make it clear you're not coming back, then he's going to start taking action...but that's just to pull you in, not to truly change....he'll do something for the time being and then you'll catch him doing something else later on down the road.

 

So there it is, there's all the information you need, can't say you didn't know any better now.

[Standard-Fare]

Do you feel like this is a done deal, or do you think you guys can have more conversations in the future to try to resolve this?

 

On paper, this whole situation's kind of ridiculous... a breakup over stupid Facebook comments... but obviously deeper tensions are fueling this. And you are justified to feel uncomfortable about them.

 

Do your boyfriend's interactions with his ex go beyond Facebook? Are they texting/emailing a lot? Do they see each other in person? If so, that's even more reason to take a firm stand.

 

But if it really is strictly Facebook, I think you should wait for a few days for you both to cool down, then revisit the topic. If I were you, I'd say something like "We're almost 30. It's ridiculous for us to break up over ANYTHING involving Facebook. It's not like we're teenagers" and maybe see if your BF could get on board a "Facebook break" where you remove that source of conflict for a while. If he continues to give preference to stupid Facebook interactions with his ex over your needs, then I guess you have your answer.

[Delna]

I went through a very similar situation. I put up with the SAME behavior for a very long time and I regret doing so. Even if he says sorry and you forgive him, you'll probably resent him for doing this early on to you in the relationship for a very long time. It happened to me, and I was extremely bitter to him about what he did till the end. It's hard to get over these things even if you bf does 'change.' You don't need men like this in your life. I don't believe in maintaining friendships with exes.