After following the signals.....the Just friends hammer came down

[ctorres626]

I have posted before, this girl is amazing, kind, nice and sweet. Everyone that comes into touch with this person likes to being around her. She has a good heart and has been deeply hurt in the past. I only know her for 7 months and been trying to conquest her. I have been the only man to get close to her in two years... I have been courting her and taking things slow as we talked about... She gets jealous of other women who talk to me, she holds my hand when we go out, we haven't kissed yet and she hasn't kissed a guy in a couple years.... we are both 27.... things were moving along slowly as we talked about.. thought she is afraid to open up to anyone... after we spent the weekend together and slept in the same bed (hard for me to resist) but I behaved and I massaged her quiet a bit....she came back from a week on vacation with a lot of time to think.... she finally stood in a position to "just be friends"

 

"I thought a lot these days and I can not let things continue as they are among us ... I know you like me very much or even love me, but my feelings for you are just friends ... I love you, but as a friend !! I want to ask you, please do not more expectations with me !! Regardless of my problems, fears, fears and hurts because my past, my feelings will not change !!! I do not want to hurt you ... I would never do that to you ... But I do not know how to drive it all, knowing your feelings ... Leave things as they are going to hurt us at some point! Please do not do anything for me if not for friendship !! I ask you a thousand pardons for not meeting your feelings ... You are a wonderful person and deserves someone special and wonderful too !! But this one I am not and I will not be !! I'm here and I'll always and forever, but as a friend !! I ask you a thousand apologies if I let the situation reach a point that will hurt us, but we need to align our expectations to continue having any kind of relationship, that is friendship! Again forgive me!"

 

I am American and she is Brazilian... I live here in Brazil 8 months... We are extremely close and I find it sincere she told me upfront her final position on us..... I guess I need to live for myself, but I find it hard at the moment to look at her, and treat her as a friend..... I think once a women made her stand then you cannot exit this view of being just friends... I can continue to go out with her but in my mind I will continue to like her and have these expectations that she will change her heart.... This is my dream girl.... I just don't know how to continue with her being still in my life just as a friend or still having that "hope" that things can change in the future..... HELP!!!!

[Dallers]

She is not amazing you just think she is because you cannot get her. She is probably very normal, most likely quite boring and probably insecure and bad in bed. But you won't hear it or listen to it because your brain is telling you she is the best thing since brown bread.

 

Snap out of it. You are being used as the backup guy, the nice guy, the shopping buddy and she is laughing while she sleeps with other men who are worthy of her.

 

So many men do the same as you because these days men are not men and women can see this a mile away. Why should she not take advantage? Most guys would take advantage of her so why the hell should she not do the same just because you are too blind and stupid to see it! She will NEVER like you anymore than a nice guy that she can treat as a friend and gain the benefits of you fawning over her and giving her attention. She will continue to enjoy watching you suffer because she does not care about you like that and it is your problem not hers.

 

You have two choices.

 

1. Man up, realise what she is doing to you and what you are doing to yourself. Muster the remaining self respect that you have in you and walk away head held high, rebuild your self esteem and create a new you, a new man. A man women want.

 

2. Remain in the friend zone and obsess and follow her around while she makes you less of a man each time you do everything she wants, miss out on girls that do like you and become more miserable, upset and pathetic. Pretty much waste your life over a nobody.

 

The choice is a simple one and yours to make. Sadly choosing 1 is very difficult once you are deep within your own mind that is telling you if you continue to pursue this girl you will eventually win her over. 99.9% of the time this NEVER happens. It certainly won't in your situation.

 

The man that has the most success loves himself more than anyone else. He does what he wants, when he wants and never does he allow a woman to either control him or disrespect him. He appears as a men among men and because of his confidence, his amazing self created life and his ability to walk away from any situation women love him for who he is.

 

Which man do you think I am?

 

Wake up my friend and walk away. Sooner rather than later.

Edited November 26, 2014 by Dallers

[ctorres626]

Dallers, I know for a fact that she is not sleeping around first off... Secondly I can see that she likes the attention, the nice guy, that man who drops everything for her and feels that emotional need. You are right, I have to choices to make. I would like to make choice number 1. But at this moment it really stings to hear what she said! It hurts that things will not go the way I hoped that it did in my mind and in my heart. This girl is a little immature at times and insecure. She is afraid of a lot of things which I noticed lately... I would hope that things change, but of course she made it clear. At this very moment she messaged me, telling me that I hope you are okay. That we can still continue to go out and have fun but don't expect any changes, and she is afraid I cannot separate those things. I gave a her a cold answer, just that I have things to do and need time to consider what is best for me. Have a great night and enjoy the rest of your vacation. I thank you Dallers for your response. It is clear as day what you wrote. Easier said then done.

[Dallers]

Dallers, I know for a fact that she is not sleeping around first off... Secondly I can see that she likes the attention, the nice guy, that man who drops everything for her and feels that emotional need. You are right, I have to choices to make. I would like to make choice number 1. But at this moment it really stings to hear what she said! It hurts that things will not go the way I hoped that it did in my mind and in my heart. This girl is a little immature at times and insecure. She is afraid of a lot of things which I noticed lately... I would hope that things change, but of course she made it clear. At this very moment she messaged me, telling me that I hope you are okay. That we can still continue to go out and have fun but don't expect any changes, and she is afraid I cannot separate those things. I gave a her a cold answer, just that I have things to do and need time to consider what is best for me. Have a great night and enjoy the rest of your vacation. I thank you Dallers for your response. It is clear as day what you wrote. Easier said then done.

 

(In Bold) Said every nice guy who was sitting in the friend zone.

 

I have said what I needed to say above there is no need to tell me otherwise. Listen to me SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. She says what you want to hear because for 8 months you have poured every bit of your self worth into the palm of her hands. She will use everything she can to rebuild herself and then discard you.

 

There is only one way you will find this out and it is the hard way.

[MercuryMorrison1]

If you are fine just being friends with her, than by all means continue...

 

But you are wasting your time if you are trying to persue a relationship with this girl. She's stated, quiet clearly that she only see's you as a friend. That is not going to change no matter what you do or say.

 

If someone just doesn't feel it for you...They just don't. No matter what you say or what you do it's very very very unlikely that they will ever change their mind about you...Attraction is simple...It's there, or it's not...Very black and white stuff.

 

I personally would just tell her your sorry that this didn't work out...But your feelings are to strong to ''Just be friends'' with her, and then simply move on with your life.

 

There's nothing wrong men and women being friends...But it's almost impossible to pull off if one of them feels a strong attraction that the other does not.

[todreaminblue]

It is extremely hard to be friends with someone you hold a strong attraction for...you know in your heart already that you cant do this.......i also agree with you that this is a nice girl who didnt lead you a nice guy on.....nice girls wont...they will be straight up ...they will hate doing it.....but being nice and sweet means being honest about what you feel......she did it gently and with compassion......so gently with compassion state that you cant just be friends with her....wish her well and move on...it will hurt for while ...it will hurt more if you stay....trust me....good luck...deb

[doeblin]

I only know her for 7 months and been trying to conquest her.

 

No, you didn't really try.

You were the asexual nice guy from the start. Basically her gay best friend.

 

Work on your self-esteem and move on.

You have no chance.

[Guitarisgood]

I have posted before, this girl is amazing, kind, nice and sweet. Everyone that comes into touch with this person likes to being around her. She has a good heart and has been deeply hurt in the past. I only know her for 7 months and been trying to conquest her. I have been the only man to get close to her in two years... I have been courting her and taking things slow as we talked about... She gets jealous of other women who talk to me, she holds my hand when we go out, we haven't kissed yet and she hasn't kissed a guy in a couple years.... we are both 27.... things were moving along slowly as we talked about.. thought she is afraid to open up to anyone... after we spent the weekend together and slept in the same bed (hard for me to resist) but I behaved and I massaged her quiet a bit....she came back from a week on vacation with a lot of time to think.... she finally stood in a position to "just be friends" ...

 

 

Weekend alone together with said girl is code word for you to make a move buddy. She was probably expecting you to go for it if the tension or confusion was built up over those few months. You're already massaging her, it should have been a simple kiss on the neck and go from their. Girls when they like a guy, have a little window of opportunity for you to make the move especially if the chase is hard. Unfortunately you've missed this one. Move on, you'll definately meet a girl better than the past regardless in the future as long as you don't let this one get you down.

[ctorres626]

With this girl I admit I became very needy, put pressure on her for a relationship instead of let things happen naturally... I was weak and messed up, basically killed the attraction... I have a date Saturday and going out with the guys for drinks today... I still want things to work out with this girl and get back on track to where we were before.... I have been distant and letting her text me and come to me... So far it is working and she is wondering a lot about me.... I want to give her space and let her miss me because I know damn well that I am very important to her!