Girlfriend talking to her ex, how would you feel?

[battlehard]

Hi guys, I really value the opinion of the honest and open people on here so I was wondering if I could get some views on this.

 

Me and my girlfriend have been together officially a few months and things are very much going well, we don't really have any issues in general and by all means love each other a lot.

 

There's just one thing that's getting in our way, her ex. He texts her from time to time, she didn't tell me originally but I saw her phone accidentally when she picked it up. I don't want to look through the texts but she feels guilty about ending things with him and says rather than cause a big drama and tell him to never message her she just wants it to slowly fade out. She knows I hate it, she knows how I feel. He hadn't messaged her for 3 weeks then suddenly when we were out drinking the other night he did. He asked her if she was ok because he'd seen a Facebook post by her saying she was angry or something (we are not teenagers! mid twenties). She replied and said she's fine or something along those lines.

 

So here's the question I guess, how would you all feel? I have no reason to suspect she's said anything flirty or anything along those lines but this is still getting to me, would it get to you and how would you deal with it?

[Dontfindme]

I think it's totally inappropriate, and shady, for her to have a slow "fade out" when she's in a new relationship.

[Omei]

This is just me but I wouldnt accept it.

 

They are not even friends that hang out ex's can be friends under time apart, moving on and reconnecting sometime later...

 

They have no reason to be talking, she wants it to slowly fade out by giving responces ? Ooookay does that sound logical to you?

 

If I was seeing someone and it was a fresh relationship and they texted an ex and continued to do so after I told them it makes me uncomfortable I would just exit the relationship because it hasn't been that long to me I know there are plenty of singles out there not hooked in speaking to their ex's and I much rather go for them than dealing with that.

 

I find people who are unable to detach from ex's (unless kids are involved) very unattractive, its usually a sign they arnt stable enough for a new one.

[umirano]

She's not his therapist, nor is he hers. No need to let it "fade" out. I don't see why she has to justify her FB posts to him. I don't see why she can't go NC.

[d0nnivain]

I would not be happy out it.

 

Pre-existing friends are one thing. They come with the package. Recent EXs are a problem.

 

If it's an EX & they share children, that is also to be expected that they have to talk about the kids but I don't think this is what you are talking about.

[havocser]

I think men get way too worked up about the ex boyfriend. My best friend, who views me like a sister was my boyfriend a long long time ago.

 

He probably still has feelings for her if he's checking up but she's with you now, not him. Don't play the jealousy card, its unattractive. They could very well continue to be friends into the future, who cares? If you don't think she's cheating on you there's no need to feel insecure about it.

 

I'll never understand why men feel emasculated by the ex.. He's an ex for crying out loud! There's obviously a reason their relationship didn't work.

[battlehard]

Thanks guys. I'm really not comfortable with it and I think you're right, I need to speak my mind. They've been broken up a while, if she replies to him whenever he messages her there's no fading out whatsoever and there's no sign it'll ever stop. It doesn't matter what the texts are about, it's that she knows I hate it and still does it.

[central]

If she's not flirting with him, I don't see a problem. When I met my wife, she was still sharing a house with her ex-bf. They remain friends to this day (just as I have remained friends with some exes), with no problems whatsoever. Of course, if he's not respecting your relationship, is flirting, or trying to get her back, then it IS an issue and she should just cut him off.