America11 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Im 25 (male), met girl that lives in my Apt building (24). We texted for a few weeks and finally hung out and talked for like an hour one night. We got along really great and had tons in common. She texted me several days in a row and hinted at dinner. I asked her out and she said yes. We had a great date and talked the entire time, nothing weird or different happened as compared to the other time we hung out. Both agreed we should do it again. She did tell me she got a new work schedule and would be working nights/weekends for the next 4-6 weeks (works at hospital). Next 2 weekends I text her to see what she is doing and she confirms she is working but will let me know next time shes off. I decide to give her space and not seem too pushy. We continue to text back and forth every few days but she never brings up hanging out or being off work. We are texting one night and I finally send a message back to see if she would like to eat on a week night since she is having to work on weekends. NO response! Randomly see her a week later in our parking garage. She was awkward/unfriendly but was mad because her car battery had been dead. I asked her if she needed help and she said she had AAA on the way. I decided to text her that night to be nice and see if she got it taken car of. She did respond and in a friendly manner. Decided not to text her anymore. About 10 days later she texts me out of the blue asking if I am going to this party. Thought about not responding, but decided to stay nice to her. I was going to be out of town, so I wold her I wouldnt be at the party. She then sends me another couple of friendly texts like we are cool and she didnt ignore my date request. This was a week ago. I have accepted that she is most likely not interested anymore. I have no idea why though. Any ideas? I know I waited too long to ask her out again, but she was always working and I wasnt sure even when to text her. I made that clear when I did ask her out so she knows why I waited. Is her reaching back out to me hinting that she may have become interested again? I am not going to initiate texts with her anymore, but I will respond to her if she texts me because I am not sketchy. I figured I will continue to be nice and not burn any bridges because I will most likely run into her again. Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Stop with the texting. Just call her up and ask her out. You get your answer there and then, instead of sitting around for days/weeks wondering. You can tell a lot more from her voice and tone than you can in 160 emotionless characters. Plus chicks dig it when you call them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author America11 Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 Bump of shame... Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Nothing to be ashamed about! I think your assessment is right, and your response is a good one. You aren't wasting a lot of time on this, but you aren't really slamming the door shut either. At some point on your first date or shortly thereafter, she became less interested and began avoiding a second date. These things happen. There are many reasons why this might have occurred, but the bottom line is that you have been unable to get a second date despite your best efforts and persistence. Remain civil, but focus your energies, time, and interests elsewhere. Even if she does eventually return for a second date, her ambivalence will turn into a yo-yo experience for you, and it's your feelings that will suffer. So yeah, focus on meeting others who seem more interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author America11 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 Final bump... So our apt complex is throwing a holiday party for residents in 10 days. I think I am going to text her to see if she is going. I dont want to run into her there and it be weird, plus she texted me about the last apt complex party and asked if my roommates and I were going. I am reciprocating the same text she sent me a few weeks ago. Would this seem weird to text her after a few weeks of silence? I mean i got nothing to lose. If she decides to come with us to the party, it will be my chance to speak with her in person. How do I subtly ask why she ignored my text to get dinner again after agreeing after our first date that we def should do it again? I can take a hint, but she never said no. I dont want to straight up call her out for being sketchy, but I just want some closure. I see her car every day and always wonder WTF happened to make her uninterested. Maybe the first date was not great for her for whatever reason, but I know it wasnt horrible because she acted the same as the other times we hung out and she wanted to see me again then. Would she have continued to text in friendly ways me and respond to all my texts if she absolutely hated it? Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 If you happy being just friends, then text her and ask her about going to the party. If you're only interested in dating her, I think you're wasting your time. You're neighbors, so she's remaining civil and friendly, but the dating part isn't happening anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Well I'd like to chime in that I used work the NOC shift as a CNA. It's brutal, especially when your schedule swaps and you have to totally adjust your sleep cycle on the fly. But working NOC shift in a medical environment really is just brutal on the mind and body after a while. I was definitely out of it, tired a lot and a little more cynical/crabby during that period of my life. Your social life takes a massive nose dive, you don't see the light of day as much. And an environment like a hospital or nursing home is high-stress in its special ways... like, dying people all over the place, people in pain, people angry, people scared. Endlessly. So I think there is a high chance that she just didn't have the energy or focus while she was working that shift, and maybe she does now. I think it's good to keep being friendly, never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author America11 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 (edited) Being friends is totally fine with me because thats what I thought was happening after we texted a bunch and hung out and got along so good. When she got flirty and hinted at dinner I thought she may have been thinking different. I guess she just wanted to go eat as friends and get to know one another, which is cool. Maybe I misread things. I just think it would be weird to never see each other or talk anymore because nothing bad ever happened between us. Would just be curious to know why she suddenly became sketchy. I just hope subtly asking her why she didnt respond to my text doesnt completely ruin whatever friendship we may have. And yes, I agree the night shifts and long hours could have been bad timing. Edited December 7, 2014 by America11 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Great! In that case, text her that you're going to the party with your friends, and ask if she's planning to attend too. Personally, I wouldn't ask her why she dropped off the radar after the first date. It just makes things awkward. Also, she's unlikely to be completely honest and risk hurting your feelings. Otherwise, she would have been upfront with you earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
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