brandon26003 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I've posted on here about this situation months ago. I dated this girl about 2 years ago. I am 34 and she is 43. I have no kids but she has 4. 2 years ago things started to get serious and she disappeared for a year without me hearing from her. I beat myself up for a few months asking myself what I did wrong. She ended up contacting me out of the blue and said that she runs when she really starts to like someone. We kept in contact via text and facebook over the next 6-8 months. We started dating again about 4 months ago. I was cautious again because I didn't want to get hurt again. I started hearing from her almost every day and saw her at least once a week. She even told me that she was really staring to like me again and thought that it could turn into a relationship. Things were going well for a few months and then the communication started to become less frequent after I brought up being official. When we talked about it she said that she was scared and didn't say much else. Over the next month, I would be lucky to hear from her once a week. Every time she apologized and said she has been busy and has been going through a lot of family drama. Her oldest daughter got arrested and her oldest son dropped out of school and moved out the day he turned 18. The last thing I heard from her, which was a month ago, is that she understands how I would be frustrated and says that she withdraws from everyone, including friends, when things get hectic for her. I have noticed that she is apparently "stalking" my Instagram and Facebook because she has "liked" photos and then unliked them within a minute. WTH is up with that? I'm just upset. I am a good guy. I am educated, have a good job, a decent car, and treat women with respect. I seem to attract the women who are used to the "bad boy" mentality and things never work out. I'm at a loss for words. I'm beating myself up, because although I didn't do anything wrong, I keep blaming myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Maybe you need to seek some professional counseling. Hopefully a good counselor, with time, can pull it out of you. I am not sure if this forum is somewhere where you can be open about how you grew-up, etc., cuz IMO, that's gonna be the key to figuring out why you chose the type of women you do. Cuz, seriously, this woman sounds like a loser to me - I don't see why you are so attracted to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 You're her doormat and she's keeping you around for when she "needs" something. I agree with Gloria25, she doesn't sound like someone you need to invest time in. The question is,why do keep letting her come back? Why are you attracted to this type of person? Aren't you worth having someone who cares about your needs as well? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSpice71 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 if you really are all of those things, educated, respectable and willing to accept her "package" then i hate to say she is damaged goods. and cant see a good thing. scared might be right. but not fair to string you along. either way.. id start dating others if i were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 (edited) What do you think people are going to say differently that they didn't already say to you previously? It's the same song and dance with this chick. Edited October 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed derogatory comment about typo Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandon26003 Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 (edited) What do you think people are going to say differently that they didn't already say to you previously? It's the same song and dance with this chick. I know that it seems like I am being used as a doormat and just someone to run to. She does have great potential. She is smart, educated, and a strong woman. I believe her when she told me that she does really like me. I'm more upset at myself for letting it happen to me more than once. I'll stay single for the rest of my life If I have to be something that I am not to get a woman. @diezel My apologies for maybe misquoting her age in a previous post. Edited October 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 (edited) Paying child support for 4 kids down the road that aren't yours is something to consider. Throw in to this the possibility of alimony She is damaged goods. Not relationship material.To say the least. My first question to such single mothers, is that what is their parenting arrangement? If a woman doesn't have 50-50 parenting, it's always a good yellow flag that needs more answers. Personally, I avoid anyone with more than one child (male preferred). If they have more than 1 and they are girls who are always there, ask yourself if you are prepared for the multiple drama. She ended up contacting me out of the blue and said that she runs when she really starts to like someone. wow...and you believed that? She was off banging someone else, and when she got dumped, she came running back to you the Mr save a ho aka Mr Wonderful Edited October 22, 2014 by Tayken 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Paying child support for 4 kids down the road that aren't yours is something to consider. Throw in to this the possibility of alimony To say the least. My first question to such single mothers, is that what is their parenting arrangement? If a woman doesn't have 50-50 parenting, it's always a good yellow flag that needs more answers. Personally, I avoid anyone with more than one child (male preferred). If they have more than 1 and they are girls who are always there, ask yourself if you are prepared for the multiple drama. wow...and you believed that? She was off banging someone else, and when she got dumped, she came running back to you the Mr save a ho aka Mr Wonderful Finally, I thought I was the only one thinking that. I can't count how many times this has happened to me. Girls that disappear off my radar, only to come back months later asking for me back...all of them admit that their men dumped them. Yeah, same song and dance. Run, run far, far away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandon26003 Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 She has custody of all of her children. The oldest is 19 and the youngest is around 10. It was like 7-8 months after she contacted me that we started hanging out again. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 She has custody of all of her children. Red flag....all she has to do is get you to commit for a few years, show that you acted a s father figure to the kids (easy as she has sole custody), and the family court will tag you to pay....because the govt isn't going to. Look up how much 4 kids costs on the federal child support tables. Just to give you an idea of how much here in Canada http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/child-enfant/fcsg-lfpae/2011/pdf/ona.pdf Oh, CS doesn't stop for that 19 yr old if they go to college or carry on to post graduate studies. Girls that disappear off my radar, only to come back months later asking for me back. I had one of these early this year. We got to second base initially, but she had unfinished personal business and wasn't ready for relationships. Out of the Blue a few months later she sends me a text asking if I wanted to meet for coffee? I went and she ended up telling me that she was dating this firefighter who flat out told her that he doesn't pay for women on the first date. I figured she got literally f'd over by this guy, and now she wants to crawl back to me...I flat out told her where to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Red flag....all she has to do is get you to commit for a few years, show that you acted a s father figure to the kids (easy as she has sole custody), and the family court will tag you to pay....because the govt isn't going to. Look up how much 4 kids costs on the federal child support tables. Just to give you an idea of how much here in Canada http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/child-enfant/fcsg-lfpae/2011/pdf/ona.pdf Oh, CS doesn't stop for that 19 yr old if they go to college or carry on to post graduate studies. I had one of these early this year. We got to second base initially, but she had unfinished personal business and wasn't ready for relationships. Out of the Blue a few months later she sends me a text asking if I wanted to meet for coffee? I went and she ended up telling me that she was dating this firefighter who flat out told her that he doesn't pay for women on the first date. I figured she got literally f'd over by this guy, and now she wants to crawl back to me...I flat out told her where to go. I had that happen to me too, 3 times as I remember. I hope you told her in a way that she got the message. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I hope you told her in a way that she got the message. Trust me mate, she got the message alright As the saying goes, don't stick you d**k in crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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