I'm ready, he's not....now what?

[WaldosBabyMama]

Back story::

I met him after my 5 year relationship was on the splits, I had a few fwb that got all mushy and it just messed everything up, I wasn't looking for love, just to fill a void. Well, one day I meet "Kyle", told him I just wanted to have fun nothing serious, he said ok so there we ventured off into amazing sex, cuddling, playing video games until dawn, just enjoying life with him as a good friend.

 

His back story: Was in a long term relationship, with a total c--t b---h. She tore him to shreds and he continually took her back after all the **** she kept doing to him.

::

Well, as time went on, I naturally started to get feeling for him, so I told him. He told me to try and work it out with my ex that we have together for way too long So I did. Then my ex "Micheal", was so jealous of Kyle that he wouldn't comprehend that I was trying to make it work and start over. Micheal started doing the things that led to our split in the first place, I called it a lost cause and we called it quits for good.

 

I kept my mouth shut about my growing likes for Kyle. It's been a year and bit since we first started seeing each other. I asked him again if we could date and got no real response, so I told him I didn't want to talk to him any more. WELL that blew up in my face, we ended up having a two day long fight (we both are busy and we were texting lol).

 

A week went by and he came over to talk and he once again tells me why he doesn't want to rush things. I completely understand and respect that decision, but is it fair to me? We hardly see each other any more and I'll ask him to spend the night at my house but that's just never an option. I feel like I'm in the same type of relationship as I was with Micheal, not singe yet single and alone. I just want to feel loved and wanted and I only get that from him on his time.

 

Now please understand 1) I know for a fact he is not seeing someone else

2) In my heart I don't feel like he's trying to use me

3) I know he cares for me, hes done a lot for me over this year in various ways

 

 

So what i am really asking is if anyone has been in this situation and it worked out for the best?

 

I'm just tired of feeling alone in a relationshipless relationship.

[WaldosBabyMama]

Seriously 100+ views but no advice? I thought this was the go to site to get views and opinions. Wrong I guess.

[Arieswoman]

Sorry WBM, but you are on a hiding to nothing with this one.

 

If he's not asking you out then he doesn't want to date you.

 

You set the bar low by saying that you wanted a FWB relationship. Now you want to upgrade it to girlfriend/boyfriend and he doesn't - and why should he change things? He's getting everything he wants from you, sex, cuddles, fun times and because you aren't officially "dating" he doesn't have any responsibility for your emotions because you aren't "exclusive".

 

You sum it up here ;

 

I just want to feel loved and wanted and I only get that from him on his time.

 

(my italics)

 

Take a deep breath and have the courage to ask yourself if this is the sort of relationship you really want?

 

If it isn't (and I suspect it isn't) then you need to have the courage to walk away from this non-relationship and look for something better.

 

When I was single and dating, I met, and got to know, a lot of nice guys who I was interested in. I tried to get dates with them by asking them if they would help me out with something at my house - like fix a dripping tap, or mend a gate that wouldn't shut etc. - and in return I'd cook them a meal.

I got the jobs done and they enjoyed my food and told everyone what a nice girl I was and what a good cook I was - but they never asked me out.

 

I sat at home night after night after these meals, waiting for them to ring and ask for a date but it never happened.

 

The moral of this story - "you can take a horse to water".......

 

Don't waste your time like I did - move on.

 

Good luck.

[umirano]

Most posters are from North America, it's in the middle of the night there, so chill for a while. Being FWB showed him you weren't interested in a serious RS. That's what you both agreed on. You can't blame him for sticking by what he signed up for.

 

And if you want a relationship as in BF/GF you should stop being FWB of someone, that usually isn't helping in attracting the type of person for a serious RS.

[Emilia]

I kept my mouth shut about my growing likes for Kyle. It's been a year and bit since we first started seeing each other. I asked him again if we could date and got no real response, so I told him I didn't want to talk to him any more. WELL that blew up in my face, we ended up having a two day long fight (we both are busy and we were texting lol).

 

A week went by and he came over to talk and he once again tells me why he doesn't want to rush things. I completely understand and respect that decision, but is it fair to me? We hardly see each other any more and I'll ask him to spend the night at my house but that's just never an option. I feel like I'm in the same type of relationship as I was with Micheal, not singe yet single and alone. I just want to feel loved and wanted and I only get that from him on his time.

 

Now please understand 1) I know for a fact he is not seeing someone else

2) In my heart I don't feel like he's trying to use me

3) I know he cares for me, hes done a lot for me over this year in various ways

 

 

So what i am really asking is if anyone has been in this situation and it worked out for the best?

 

I'm just tired of feeling alone in a relationshipless relationship.

So you don't want guys that want you ('mushy FWBs') and go for the ones that are only interested in sex. Fair summary?

[Gaeta]

Back story::

1) I know for a fact he is not seeing someone else

2) In my heart I don't feel like he's trying to use me

3) I know he cares for me, hes done a lot for me over this year in various ways

 

That does not matter, bottom line is he's not feeling it for you. You cannot control it or change it.

 

You deserve someone to love you back? Then offer it to yourself, go out there and find a man that wants to love you back. This man here does not owe you anything.

[travelbug1996]

Every time you settle for less than you deserve/desire you end up with less that you originally settled for.

 

If you want someone to love you stop dayum fooling yourself and going in saying you want FWB. You don't really want that. No woman who has the capacity to be honest with herself just wants a FWB.

 

There are no benefits for the woman most times in those situations.

[PinkElephants]

It's been a year. He's not "not rushing"; he's had plenty of time to decide you're not girlfriend material and is stalling for time. If he was interested he'd let you know. He hasn't. He's been sleeping with you for a year and not only will he not ask to make things official with you, he won't respond to your attempts at talking about it.

 

You're alone in the relationship because you're the only one that believes there is a relationship. He won't date you. He won't realize he wants to be with you. Unfortunately, you're a bed warmer. He's happy to sleep with you until his next girlfriend comes along but it's not going to be you.

 

He's clearly capable of a long term relationship as per your description of him but, at this point, you have to accept that he won't categorize you that way.

 

Not sleeping around isn't committing to you.

Not using you isn't committing to you.

Doing nice things isn't committing to you.

 

My boyfriend traveled over 12 hours each direction to see me every weekend when we were long distance. Sometimes he spent less time with me than he did traveling to get to me but he did every weekend unless there was a wedding or a family event. If a man loves you, nothing will keep him away. If he doesn't, nothing will make him stay. The best case scenario for you is to cut him loose and try again.

[PinkElephants]

You're alone in the relationship because you're the only one that believes there is a relationship. He won't date you. He won't realize he wants to be with you. Unfortunately, you're a bed warmer. He's happy to sleep with you until his next girlfriend comes along but it's not going to be you.

 

It's been a year. He's not "not rushing"; he's had plenty of time to decide you're not girlfriend material and is stalling for time. If he was interested he'd let you know. He hasn't. He's been sleeping with you for a year and not only will he not ask to make things official with you, he won't respond to your attempts at talking about it. He's clearly capable of a long term relationship as per your description of him but, at this point, you have to accept that he won't categorize you that way.

 

Not sleeping around isn't committing to you.

Not using you isn't committing to you.

Doing nice things isn't committing to you.

 

My boyfriend traveled over 12 hours each direction to see me every weekend when we were long distance. Sometimes he spent less time with me than he did traveling to get to me but he did every weekend unless there was a wedding or a family event. If a man loves you, nothing will keep him away. If he doesn't, nothing will make him stay. The best case scenario for you is to cut him loose and try again.