hawx79 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 (edited) Do you have to be socially touching and kissing her to make her my girlfriend instead of a girlfriend? I am not a touchable person but if this is the only way to make a girl have romantically have feelings for me, then I must learn it I quess, as there is no other way. But I need confirmation if this is correct or not. Edited October 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 (edited) Do you have to be socially touching and kissing her to make her my girlfriend instead of a girlfriend? I am not a touchable person but if this is the only way to make a girl have romantically have feelings for me, then I must learn it I quess, as there is no other way. But I need confirmation if this is correct or not. I don't really understand what you are asking here. If you aren't attracted to a woman in any physical way and you are hanging out with her, she's just a friend PERIOD. If you don't do anything physical whatsoever, she will think she's just a friend. What is the difference between and friend and a girlfriend in your mind? Romantic feelings involve physicality. Platonic feelings don't. Edited October 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 @OP....I have to second the previous post, it's not clear what it is you asking from your post. Understandably some people are reserved in nature, and don't like people touching / hugging them. I am a hugger / cuddler and kisser, but always warn any potential date upfront about the hugs in particular. I am also a touchy feely type e.g. if sitting there and she cracks a joke, I am more likely to touch her arm/hand/shoulder in a 'stop' fashion whilst laughing. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Most romances include physical interactions: hand holding, hugs, kisses & beyond. You don't have to be overly demonstrative & be all over someone with too much PDA but some touching will probably help. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Practice kissing and touching yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Practice kissing and touching yourself. I'm not sure this sounds exactly as you meant it. Then again, it might. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Some people find touch difficult, especially people with autistic tendencies. Yes, for a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, you need to be loving, caring and to touch and, eventually, enjoy a sexual relationship. Some people can do without these things but they are rare. Learning how to do these things is probably a good idea if you want a girlfriend. Learning how to enjoy them is an even better idea as it's likely to be difficult for you throughout life if you do not eventually enjoy touch. Perhaps you need to get used to it gradually. If you do learn to become physical and to get a girlfriend, bear in mind that touch is not just something you do to get a girlfriend. She will probably want to be touched and loved for however long you are together. In other words, it's not just something you need to do in the short term until you've got a girlfriend. You will need to consider her needs all along as she will need to consider yours. Good luck! I'm sure that once you are used to it a whole new world will open up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 I will try to explain again. I am a very reserved person and I don't feel at ease when being touched. However there is someone I love and I have expressed it to her but she wasn't impressed. I was simply unable to touch or kiss her. My question is can a girl ever love me back if I don't touch or kiss her,or do I really need to? Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Some people find touch difficult, especially people with autistic tendencies. Autism was the first thing that came to mind when I read this post. OP, if you do have Autism, I know there are many resources out there that can help you deal with the sensory issues, including touch, that come with Autism. Just doing a quick google search right now, I found this one: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spectrum-solutions/201111/touch-and-the-autism-spectrum Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I am a very reserved person and I don't feel at ease when being touched. However there is someone I love and I have expressed it to her but she wasn't impressed. I was simply unable to touch or kiss her. My question is can a girl ever love me back if I don't touch or kiss her,or do I really need to? Sounds like you knew she had rejected you, in which case it would have been inappropriate to kiss or touch her so you didn't. What if she had said she reciprocated your feelings? Would you have wanted to kiss or hug her out of happiness and relief? Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Sounds like you knew she had rejected you, in which case it would have been inappropriate to kiss or touch her so you didn't. What if she had said she reciprocated your feelings? Would you have wanted to kiss or hug her out of happiness and relief? I interpreted his rejection differently. To me, it sounded like he expressed his feelings verbally, but that wasn't enough; she wants physical affection from him to prove his interest. OP, please clarify? Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I will try to explain again. I am a very reserved person and I don't feel at ease when being touched. However there is someone I love and I have expressed it to her but she wasn't impressed. I was simply unable to touch or kiss her. My question is can a girl ever love me back if I don't touch or kiss her,or do I really need to? Do you have any sexual feelings towards her? Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I'm also getting the sense that the OP may be on the spectrum. Not because the OP is averse to touching (that may possibly be haphephobia) but because of the way his posts are structured. OP, you may want to get professional help to try and help you overcome your aversion to touching. The need for touch and physical human contact is innate. It's normal to be a bit reserved on that front at first while you're still getting to know each other. But a total inability to enjoy touching at all is cause for concern. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
liteasair Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 (edited) Do you have to be socially touching and kissing her to make her my girlfriend instead of a girlfriend? I am not a touchable person but if this is the only way to make a girl have romantically have feelings for me, then I must learn it I quess, as there is no other way. But I need confirmation if this is correct or not. OP, Unless a girl receives physical touch at some point, she will only think of you as a friend. Think of it not as physical touch = instant sex/coming on too strong, think of it as a kind gesture towards showing her you are into her. I'm sure there are many online resources and therapists that can help guide you with the feelings you have towards touch, and why they are associated the way they are in your mind. . Also, without touch and physical intimacy, a girlfriend is just a girl who is a friend. Edited October 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 I interpreted his rejection differently. To me, it sounded like he expressed his feelings verbally, but that wasn't enough; she wants physical affection from him to prove his interest. OP, please clarify? Yeah, she knew I wanted to be romantically involved with her and all but she found it weird I think why I had trouble touching her at the same time. Do you have any sexual feelings towards her? To be honest, not really. Not until at least she has the same feelings for me as I do to her. I have never had a strong sex drive as most men have. But I do sincerely feel love for her and I keep thinking about her everyday, and when she isn't around me I don't feel right. OP, Unless a girl receives physical touch at some point, she will only think of you as a friend. Think of it not as physical touch = instant sex/coming on too strong, think of it as a kind gesture towards showing her you are into her. I'm sure there are many online resources and therapists that can help guide you with the feelings you have towards touch, and why they are associated the way they are in your mind. . Also, without touch and physical intimacy, a girlfriend is just a girl who is a friend. I have been reading online stuff about it. So it is confirmed then, I need to touch her if I ever want her to love me before she puts me into the friend zone. I just feel so awkward doing so! I guess I will keep rehearsing it in my mind until it gets slightly more natural to me. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Man...Some of the questions asked here make think of comedian Bill Engvall's "Here's your sign!" I don't really understand what you are asking here. If you aren't attracted to a woman in any physical way and you are hanging out with her, she's just a friend PERIOD. If you don't do anything physical whatsoever, she will think she's just a friend. What is the difference between and friend and a girlfriend in your mind? Romantic feelings involve physicality. Platonic feelings don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I have never had a strong sex drive as most men have. But I do sincerely feel love for her and I keep thinking about her everyday, and when she isn't around me I don't feel right. I have been reading online stuff about it. So it is confirmed then, I need to touch her if I ever want her to love me before she puts me into the friend zone. I just feel so awkward doing so! I guess I will keep rehearsing it in my mind until it gets slightly more natural to me. Do you feel close to her, like you can talk freely with her? If you do, maybe you can talk to her about this. I'm worried that if you try to start touching her when you feel so uncomfortable about it maybe it will be so awkward for both of you. I really think you should get a counsellor to help you figure out how you can get into a close relationship and have love in your life and get more okay with the physical parts. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 My question is can a girl ever love me back if I don't touch or kiss her,or do I really need to? You really need to... Have you thought about speaking to someone about this? While I can get my head round someone not wanting to be touched by people that they are not intimate with most I know really enjoy to be touched by those that they are romantically involved with... Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 If you don't have the desire to touch her/be intimate with her in that way, then the love you feel for her might be more of a friendship love. And that means the two of you would remain in the platonic realm. You say you're thinking of her all the time. Do these thoughts ever involve fantasies about affection or sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 you're thinking of her all the time. Do these thoughts ever involve fantasies about affection or sex? Not a lot no, I just want to live my life with her, see her everyday and make her happy. But the thought of needing sex with her is not really in my mind. But that is with all females, I just don't get aroused sexually so easy. I don't have time seeing a counselor, besides I do not think there is something wrong with me just because I don't fit in the majority of men. But just to get the message across to her, I've already started seeing clips and reading on how to do this. I just wish there was another way, why must it be all so complex for trying women to like you! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Sounds like you are asexual like about 1% of the population. It's how you are. You will have a hard time dating, sex is an important part of bonding and expressing love when you're in a relationship. You will need to find a lady that is like you, that wants to be in love and does not require the physical aspect to express her love. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 If you are still in your teens (and I have no idea), it's possible you may find out a few years from now that you are more attracted to men. I guess it's also worth asking if you were ever abused or molested because that can cause you not to want to be touched as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 If you are still in your teens (and I have no idea), it's possible you may find out a few years from now that you are more attracted to men. Im well over my teens and I know definitely I'm NOT gay. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Are you overweight? Fat creates estrogen, the female hormone. Link to post Share on other sites
november13 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I hope you guys remember me. Anyway I concur with his opinions, I feel the same way. I met a woman last year. I know I felt feelings towards her. But in my culture, we are not touchy feely. My parents never hugged me and stuff. So I don't know how to show her that I like her. And I ended up in the friendzone. Damn, I was standing there and there was a guy who just swooped in on her. I couldn't do anything. I totally understand what the OP is saying. I feel awkward to touch a woman when I am not sure how she will respond. It feels weird. I would want to not only touch her, LOL, I would do everything. I wish I knew how to press that switch in women. Link to post Share on other sites
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