What is the best way to begin?

[quidproquo89]

I apologise in advance for such a cliche and standard question. I could look this up via google, but quite frankly you lovely loveshackians are better than the worlds best search engine.

 

My question is - Is drinks at a bar, really the ideal first date?

 

I'll give my 2 cents and I'd like a discussion on this one.

 

The plus side of the pub for a first date are as following: -

 

. an undistracted chance to get a first impression of the other person and see if you click - conversation-wise.

 

. its fairly cheap, as you never know if you'll see this person again

 

. its a universal things - 'a drink at the pub', other activity dates might not fit every persons style

 

The negative side is the pressure of sitting across from somebody and having to make conversation and avoid awkward pauses etc.

 

So what are better ideas? I.e I have a girl I'm chatting with who is very outdoors orientated. Perhaps each first date should be tailored based on the person you are seeing... maybe. Although for me personally, I think the first date should always be a hour or two in the pub chatting as a way of an icebreaker. Anything after that should be tailored for that person.

 

I.e with this girl I mentioned pub first and if a second date comes along, then feel free to indulge in what she likes to do (as well as me).

 

Sorry again for the cliche question, but ideas for good first dates? Is it always a good icebreaker to start with the pub?

[Fondue]

I was never a good conversationalist, so I knew I had to strategize around that. And also, I went on quite a bit of first dates-- so I kind of got the routine down.

 

I always took my first dates to an activity.

 

Probably my favorite was the arcade bar. Every. Single. Time. I did I always ended up seeing that woman again for at least a 2nd date, because we always had fun.

 

Here's the thing about it: It removes you from needing to sit and "talk," avoiding those awkward pauses or whatever. Instead you're constantly laughing, teasing each other, and also TOUCHING.

 

It is an absolutely GREAT way to have contact with someone. High-fives? Hell yah. It breaks some barriers. Sometimes, if we were comfortable with each other, a light tickle while she's playing, to "mess" with her. Many more laughs and more connection there.

 

And then of course, between some games, you grab a beer, (PAY FOR IT), chat a bit more, maybe sit for a bit and relax, etc. Or play some more. Whatever.

 

But the main thing is that we ALWAYS had fun. I never had a date that didn't have fun doing that.

 

Try it.

[quidproquo89]

I was never a good conversationalist, so I knew I had to strategize around that. And also, I went on quite a bit of first dates-- so I kind of got the routine down.

 

I always took my first dates to an activity.

 

Probably my favorite was the arcade bar. Every. Single. Time. I did I always ended up seeing that woman again for at least a 2nd date, because we always had fun.

 

Here's the thing about it: It removes you from needing to sit and "talk," avoiding those awkward pauses or whatever. Instead you're constantly laughing, teasing each other, and also TOUCHING.

 

It is an absolutely GREAT way to have contact with someone. High-fives? Hell yah. It breaks some barriers. Sometimes, if we were comfortable with each other, a light tickle while she's playing, to "mess" with her. Many more laughs and more connection there.

 

And then of course, between some games, you grab a beer, (PAY FOR IT), chat a bit more, maybe sit for a bit and relax, etc. Or play some more. Whatever.

 

But the main thing is that we ALWAYS had fun. I never had a date that didn't have fun doing that.

 

Try it.

 

You do make a good case there and it sounds fun. Arcades obviously being like gaming where there are racing, shooting, ice hockey table - all that sort of thing?

 

You managed to keep that going for a couple of hours? Didn't seem slightly juvenile or an odd choice to your date? (no offence intended what so ever). What age are you and your dates?

 

Thats not a bad idea. There is a bowling alley near me which obviously has bowling, pool and a number of arcades and drinking facilities.

 

I think that is the key to your idea - having breaks between to have a drink and that get to know you chat. I'll have a think about that one. Well done though mate - good idea.

 

What do others think about this idea?

[quidproquo89]

any other ideas/thoughts anybody?

[avintagegirl]

Personally I am not a fan of a pub on a first date. Maybe they are different in England than the US, but bars here are too noisy and you don't get to interact much.

 

I'd rather go for a coffee or a tea. It's casual and you can go for a walk after.

 

Im also a fan of activities on a first date. Something like the art museum, the zoo, going to historical site. This way you can talk, but you don't have to talk about anything personal, it can be what is in front of you.

[GeneralJennyJenn]

I agree with the others, do an activity outdoors with your date, you can always end it at a pub after the activity. This way you'll at least have something to talk about. Just make sure the girl wants to do that activity first. Maybe when setting up the date, have a few options for them to choose from?

 

However it seems to me that guys are not that great at making plans that deviate from the dating norms of going out to eat. It does make it stressful when I'm sitting across someone new to think of what to say? I try to create a cheat sheet of questions on my phone so that if I feel the conversation is going nowhere, I will excuse myself and go to the bathroom, check my cheat sheet and come back with several open ended questions to ask my date. I try to also ask questions about things I know they like or enjoy.

[quidproquo89]

I love planning one on one activities as it gets you to step out of your normal routine. Must admit I might have to break out of my very traditional ideas of a date. I don't like dinner dates but pub dates are good.

 

I'll have a think about activity based dates.

 

Never have a problem making conversation, as I'm used to dealing with strangers in my workplaces.

 

However if the other person doesnt make convo too, I feel strained as I'm holding everything up by myself. Not always obvious till after the date and you just want to collapse lol

[Mirages]

Try a Corn Maze, then you can evaluate their personality, intelligence, and problem solving all at once.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Lady perspective: I would be wary of doing an activity date as a first date unless I already knew the person. If things go south fast there's no easy way out, while it's much easier to leave a bar or restaurant. I know that probably sounds bad, but once you've been out with a stranger who is genuinely dangerous you become a lot less willing to take chances.

[quidproquo89]

Lady perspective: I would be wary of doing an activity date as a first date unless I already knew the person. If things go south fast there's no easy way out, while it's much easier to leave a bar or restaurant. I know that probably sounds bad, but once you've been out with a stranger who is genuinely dangerous you become a lot less willing to take chances.

 

oh really? oh dear!

[mammasita]

I never ever advise nor would I personally do anything other than meeting for a drink. You talk, have a drink and determine if a longer date, i.e. An activity is worthwhile. Anything else for a first date is a waste of time and money. You don't know what to expect.

 

My first date with my current BF was a drink at a bowling alley. It went well so we ended up staying all night and moving over to play pool and bowl. Had it been bad it would have ended at the bar......

[todreaminblue]

any other ideas/thoughts anybody?

 

pub on a first date......wouldn't be where i would go...pubs are noisy, its not original and sounds pretty boring....deb

[quidproquo89]

i'm hearing a lot of yays and nahs for pubs. I always choose a quiet one

[Ninjainpajamas]

Bar dates....well....I'll just say I don't think that's the best idea for a casual date meet IMO. It's a little "cliche", dull and typical and not the best environment...it's not necessarily odd or unheard of, of course.

 

I would instead opt for a quick meet at a coffee shop if you're to choose between booze and...well coffee shops tend to serve a lot of different things, which is good so there's options. And here in the US at least, there's quite a bit of women that do not drink and would not meet at a bar for a first meetup anyway...so the bar situation might get shot down quickly and you'll have to have another place in mind.

 

I'd check out a nice local place, doesn't have to be fancy (or if you are to meet her, find somewhere decent close to her) and then have a quick meetup before you go out on any major date, unless you've really connected and feel like taking a chance at a first date.

 

Keep in mind if you like her you don't have to sit there for 3 hours at one place, if you feel that connection and she seems interested and not in a hurry to run away from you then she could be easily persuaded into in taking the date somewhere else if she wants to spend time with you, you don't have to be rigid about the whole meetup, it could simply be a starting point...she could have other plans though or not be interested and that can be her way out.

 

You don't have to follow any "rule" but think about your time investment and cost if you're unsure whether this will even go anywhere but don't do it to the extent that you're always focused on the cost of it and thereby always choosing the cheapest date because they'll pick up on the vibe. Make that choice based on the chemistry you feel with the woman, for me it's not just a routine or motions that I go through, some of it's just instinctive. But it's up to you as most women will let the man decide. There are times there is something I want to do and I'll just suggest that place...women have been very open at least IME, I would even pick something too that would even be kind of a day thing...but I'm a little crazy-confident, I just kind of do it if it feels right at times...maybe it'll blow it up in my face some day but I feel like I can handle it, but it can also be a success.

 

Activities can be a good idea if you already have some established chemistry, they can be fun and light, with lots of laughs and opportunities to flirt and develop that connection without having the entire focus set on the actual date and "getting to know each other". That can be a great way if you're both interested and attracted but don't really know how to go forward, it automatically opens up opportunities as you relax and become more of yourself.

 

I'm a conversationalist though, so for me I establish that connection by getting to know somebody through communication, it comes easy to me, I don't get into a lot of awkward situations or silences...I can just talk to people about anything, I never have a game plan of what I'm going to say or talk about, I just go with the flow and if needed find a common topic of interest or a subject they enjoy talking about. If it gets a little stale or a bit dry you can always bow out of the date, especially if she doesn't seem to be feeling it and just kind of getting through the date...go with your gut a bit on that.

 

If you dread that situation where you're just sitting there sipping on your drinks looking at opposite sides of the room or trying to desperately find something interesting or intriguing to ease your mind, it might be better to go with a small activity or something with some form of entertainment or distraction.

 

As for specific areas to go to, you've got to know what's going on around you and have some ideas before hand. Spend some time getting to know your surroundings/area and come up with ideas, even checking out places yourself before you even invite a date with you so you know what the place is like and what to expect.

 

You've got to be the one to decide and figure out what's best for you...if you know a particular situation is a strength for you, then go for it. Personalize the way you do things, don't follow somebody else's routine....if pubs are the place you feel you have the success and get to know people best, then see how far that takes you...just keep your mind open to other ideas.

[quidproquo89]

I still believe that a drink at a quiet pub is the ideal first date. Its the quintessential icebreaker. I think after that its open season to do activities and have a lot of fun experiences. But the first date is about chatting and getting to know one another.