Interrested and busy or.... [update]

[Chemist]

Hey Y'all,

 

I just started seeing this girl. Met at a party early on, and ended up talking together most of the night, roughly six hours. I got her number before she left. Then, carelessly texted her that I wanted to ask in person, but there were too many people around, if she would have dinner with me.

 

Two days went by and I finally got a response that she would have dinner with me. I ask her a specific day, she was busy, but then said next week. Next week comes and I ask, and we meet for dinner.. around 8 pm. We ate and talked, split a bottle of wine. When it came to paying, I offered and she let me. I didn't ask for a date, but dinner, but was hoping, since we weren't really friends before hand, that it was implied as such. On the walk back, she suggested a coffee and we talked for another 2.5 hours about very personal things. My drug addict parents, and her dead parents. She even cried a little in front of me talking about her mom's recent death.

 

Then she went on vacation for two weeks, when she came back, I was just itching to ask her out again. We made plans, and then 2 days before she said she had forgotten about a wedding and couldn't go with me anymore. Then at the wedding, she found a job in a different city and was gone for two more weeks. So we had one date, then nothing for over a month.

 

Then she finally came back and she came over for dinner.. she used one of her three free days to spend with me before going to Prague. I made her dinner and we drank a couple bottles of wine. She got a little touchy with me, my arms and what not. When leaving she gave me a hug, and then casually put her hand on my chest and told me good night with a smile and left. This night she told me two stories. One that she was once interested in a guy, and him in her, but he asked her out three times and she was busy.. then things kind of ended there. Made me think she was making a statement about me trying to ask her out a few times and she was always busy or leaving. The busy part is legit, master's student, friends, started a charity organization for Ukraine. Then the scary story came a little bit later, about how she was in love with this guy that is a medical doctor from spain, who does doctor's without borders and is in Africa right now for Ebola and how much she is just amazed at this guys selflessness. They sometimes send each other messages. I have my PhD in chemistry, but I am not this selfless. I am unsure of how to take this story.

 

Anyway, she then asked me to get a drink with her one night and we met and she seemed to be more flirtatious in the way when we are walking next to each other, we are constantly bumping into each other. This time I got no chest touch, but also a really nice hug.

 

Our cultures are different. I would have usually tried to kiss her already, but don't want to rush this girl. I can't tell if she is interested in me, knows I am trying to take her on dates, or if she thinks I want to be just friends. I also don't know about this story she told me. What does LS think about this? Is it possible she is interested in me?

 

I am not struggling with trying to keep it cool, I want to chat her up more via social networking but don't want to come off as annoying. She is always so busy and I am afraid of any chemistry we have fading because of long times in between dates. I guess the 2nd and 3rd were a week apart.

 

Thanks!

[Leegh]

Although your post is well written, and you explained everything very clearly, her behavior does seem a bit puzzling and unclear. It seems as if she is interested in you, but perhaps she is playing hard to get, as some women don't want to seem too available. I would definitely keep trying with her (a time or two more), and see what happens.

[Assasda]

I think she's interested in you,

and I think youre playing it just right.

 

I think the story means that youre not the only one vying for her attention.

But her body language says that YOU are the one that has all her attention.

 

It sounds all good.

Try touching her more, getting a little more physical with her

[smackie9]

I don't know why you want to pursue someone who is so busy that you only see each other went it's convenient for her.....maybe once or twice a month. Sure she could be interested BUT I sense she wants to keep her options open.

 

Tho you may like this girl, I don't think she will meet your expectations in regards to commitment and time spent together. People who have very busy lives, are not making room to settle down, and I have a feeling she isn't at that time in her life to make room for someone.

 

If you just want to enjoy whatever time you get from her, I"m sure you can have something casual, till she jets off somewhere else.

[Chemist]

Thanks for the responses.

 

I am also very busy, so it would be nice to have someone who understands that as well. Okay, I will try to be a bit more physical.. what about just telling her as well that I am interested? Maybe I am not being as obvious as I thought. Also, on the second date, she told me she wanted more stability in her life now. She was tired of moving here and there for jobs and was ready for something more stable. She is now 26 and I am 29. Our educations are ending and we can start searching for permanent jobs. I only have 5 months left here and I really am curious about this girl enough to want to give it a real shot. So I feel a sense of urgency to try to see if it's worth trying to keep it going. She is one of the strongest girls I have met, so far that I can tell, with a giant heart.

 

I will give it a few more dates and see how it goes in either case if I decide to say something or just make a move.

Edited October 13, 2014 by Chemist

[Assasda]

Dont tell her anything man.

When you get more physical with her she'll know.

Show dont tell.

 

If she talks about it and all that, go along with it.

[Chemist]

Dont tell her anything man.

When you get more physical with her she'll know.

Show dont tell.

 

If she talks about it and all that, go along with it.

 

Thanks for smacking that sense into me. I know to do that, I am just weak in the knees for this one.

[umirano]

Interesting thread. I'm in a similar situation (busy girl, chemistry, ages are the same), all though I'm only at date #1 yet, after meeting her for the first time.

 

So the consensus is not to talk too much but to do instead. All right.

[Chemist]

Interesting thread. I'm in a similar situation (busy girl, chemistry, ages are the same), all though I'm only at date #1 yet, after meeting her for the first time.

 

So the consensus is not to talk too much but to do instead. All right.

You better not be living in Münster.

[umirano]

You better not be living in Münster.

 

Don't worry, I don't. And WRT chemistry I wasn't talking about science but about social interaction

 

My thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/496559-how-get-ball-rolling

[Tayken]

It seems as if she is interested in you, but perhaps she is playing hard to get, as some women don't want to seem too available

 

@OP...pay attention to this line if nothing else. Point in case, this woman (she is 47) started chatting with me on Friday, and have had to give her the boot this morning before our meet n greet.

 

She has been married twice before (no kids), and from the way she is acting, my gut just tells me to quit. I made it known to her upfront that I don't play head games and don't have time for it.

[smackie9]

How old are you guys??? Never had I dated a guy that was scared to make a move.If you are in your twenties, you are men, just do it. Confidence gets the girl.

[Chemist]

How old are you guys??? Never had I dated a guy that was scared to make a move.If you are in your twenties, you are men, just do it. Confidence gets the girl.

 

lol, I usually do. I am only unsure of cultural differences and what would happen if I rush it. Also, usually, I can sense it before hand that she is ready, maybe I'm rusty.

[Tayken]

How old are you guys??? Never had I dated a guy that was scared to make a move.If you are in your twenties, you are men, just do it. Confidence gets the girl.

 

 

Well said! Wayne Gretzky said you miss 100% of shots you don't take (Hockey reference), and how true is that when applied to other facets on life? Personally, I have never been intimidated by any woman either in my professional life or social.

 

What i do get sometimes is some women admitting that they are glad I contacted them, as they were intimidated by my accomplishments in life so far, and felt like they wouldn't be able to keep up.

 

The worst a woman you hit on can say to you is NO, and if you are the kind of person that gives up after every fault, then you have issues.

[Chemist]

So twice I have asked her to do something, one night she had to work.. The second night she said she has a lot of work to do for school and just doesn't have the time. She says she's really sorry.

 

To me, it seems girls usually will make time for a dating life, though I get the sense from her that she has been single for more than a year. I told her that I'm going to keep asking, and she doesn't seem to give off the vibe that I should quit trying.

 

I don't care if she is playing hard to get. It's not a head game, I think it is protective of their emotions. Make sure a guy is really interested and not after a quick lay. Which I am interested, so I don't mind asking frequently.

 

The question is, can it get to a point that it is annoying? I am maybe asking twice a week, and have about a 25% success rate, lol. ****. I mean I am seeing other girls too, but I am mostly interested in her.

 

I did talk to a Russian friend of mine (closest to a Ukranian that I have) and she was telling me that she doesn't kiss a guy she is really interested for a long time. If she is only after the D, she'll kiss him in 2-3 dates. So, culturally speaking, Ukraine and Russia are similar. So for those of you telling me I am too pussy to make a move, shove off. I am not. I just understand cultural differences. I am never afraid to make a move, but I am also great at sensing when the time comes to do it.. and if I did it now, I'd get a cheek at best.

 

What be it girls? Do you play hard to get? How hard? Do you always make time for a guy you're interested in?

[Chemist]

lawls.

Not interested.

[Chemist]

So, I posted about this girl a while back.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/496890-interrested-busy

 

She was hard to read but I asked her to a movie.. like 5 days before it... she sent me a message two days after saying that she was busy but asked if I was going to a mutual party of a friend of ours. I said yes and her also.

 

So I went to this party, and we talked a bunch, she was doing her normal hot/cold hard to read stuff. Well, before she left, I walked her out and I told her that I thought she was beautiful in a crafty way, she tried to play it off that I was just saying it and it wasn't true, but I told her, no I am serious, you're beautiful, I find you attractive, I am interested in you, and I want to take you on a date. She just looked at me... like sort of confused. She said she didn't know what to say. I told her I thought it was already obvious that I was into her, and she said no it wasn't. I told her that she could just be honest if she wasn't interested... She said it was good, that things like this should get said, but then before anything else, we were interrupted by another girl that she was leaving with.

 

She gave me a hug and said she'd send me a message.

 

Now, I don't know how she feels about me yet, but if I don't hear from her by near this weekend, I will call her and ask her on a date again. If we do, I am curious, I have taken her to dinner already before and made her dinner. I thought they were a date, but apparently she was clueless to that. I don't know how things will be different if she agrees to a date with me.. how does the actual interaction change? I still payed for her dinner... we would still talk about us, get to know each other.. is it just a mindset change for her now because she knows I am interested in being more than friends?

[KFuPanda]

Don't know bro.

 

Not knowing what to say can be code for I am not sure how to let you down right now. I say go for asking her on a date if she doesn't get back to you soon. You already manned up and said it in person to her face. I know a lot of guys who can't do that. And usually, the most attractive girls are the ones who hear it the least.. too scary for most guys. I am sure she respects it.

 

As far as a date goes, if you get one, I don't know. I would certainly go for a bit of touching. Tell her more about the qualities you like about her. I would think about going for a kiss.. I guess you are talking about cultural differences, but at least a kiss on the cheek if nothing else. I'd go for the lips because most girls will give you the cheek in consolation