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How to Get the Ball Rolling?

umirano

By umirano,
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umirano

umirano

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I've met a girl at a sports event, well actually in the bar / party tent after the day's competition was over. I wasn't even introduced to her, a friend struck up a conversation with her friend and she jumped in. When my friend continued to talk to her friend she showed me a short video on her phone (related to the convo that I was merely listening to).

 

A little later she asked me to accompany to her parked car to move it closer. I did and we came back. Apart from when I was busy with a very important phone call to family and she bumped into a friend of hers we were pretty much talking / dancing together all night.

 

If I'm not totally off with everything I'd say we had quite a few sparks. She laughed at my jokes and was very interested in me as a person. We talked for a good few hours and bought each other drinks.

 

At some point I told her I really liked her and that I'd like to take her out some other day. She gave me her phone and I entered my number. She called immediately and we continued to chat. We went to her car one more time to move it even closer. After that she asked me to join her at a party coming Friday.

 

I was set out to leave the place of the two-day sport event after the party from the beginning and I didn't have a sleeping bag or anything with me so I had to leave at some point. She was undecided but leaned towards going home too (that's why she moved the car closer). We said our good-byes, hugged and I left pretty late in the night.

 

The next morning I texted her "I hope you got home safely (or will soon) and that a wonderful day has started for you". A few hours later she texts something along the lines of ":) hey thanks, I left late in the night too. Did you get wet?" (I was riding a motorcycle and during that night a heavy rain storm hit the area). I replied confirming that I got into the rainstorm but everything was ok. No more texts that day, and I didn't want to be pushy so I didn't text again, but I was certainly crushing on her (dreaming of her, and kind of a light feeling in the chest :) if you get my drift). Today I texted something along the lines of "Good Morning <NAME>! I miss you a little.. :) Have a good start into the week!"

 

She hasn't replied all day.

 

Now I have a couple of questions:

 

  • is she taken?
  • should I have went for a kiss?
  • should I have been following up more yesterday (over text)?
  • did I miss a clue to spend the night there, possibly with her in that car?
  • ...?

 

Thanks for stopping by

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umirano

umirano

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Hehe, I like you dOnnivain, you speak to me in my language :)

 

And I'd have followed your advice. But she just texted me that she'll be gone until Friday with no good way to text and wished me a good night and a good time till then. I replied wishing her a good trip and that I'll be thinking of her while keeping it light though.

 

I'm really not sure if I'm coming on too strong or too soft, but I had to put that last line to make sure she knows where I stand and bc I believe I'm not coming on too strong. I just confused me that the texting was rather semiliquid.

 

I'm willing to assume that she didn't text today bc she was busy and/or bc she didn't want to go into a deep conversation right before she had to leave.

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dispatch3d

dispatch3d

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Hehe, I like you dOnnivain, you speak to me in my language :)

 

And I'd have followed your advice. But she just texted me that she'll be gone until Friday with no good way to text and wished me a good night and a good time till then. I replied wishing her a good trip and that I'll be thinking of her while keeping it light though.

 

I'm really not sure if I'm coming on too strong or too soft, but I had to put that last line to make sure she knows where I stand and bc I believe I'm not coming on too strong. I just confused me that the texting was rather semiliquid.

 

I'm willing to assume that she didn't text today bc she was busy and/or bc she didn't want to go into a deep conversation right before she had to leave.

 

oh my god you are driving me insane. I wouldn't have bothered texting her good morning, good night, I miss you, or any other derivative. You've hung out with her for like 5 hours and hit it off. Just ask her to hang out again. Hopefully things are still going well and you will meet her again.

 

I really think you are way over invested or just putting too much into this. She may not even bother meeting you again, so I wouldn't get too hung up on things until something more substantial develops.

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umirano

umirano

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I'll keep your view point in mind, dispatch3d. I'll not be in contact with her the next few days anyway. I'll just call her once she's back. You may think my texts were cheesy, I disagree. The phrases I used don't translate very easily between my mother tongue and English though.

 

In any case I agree with you that I should take it easy until I get a better reading of her interest/feelings.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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Now put your phone away. If she's coming back on a Friday wait until the the following Tuesday for her to settle in & hopefully get in touch with you. No earlier than that Tuesday you can try again. If you don't get a resounding yes or she doesn't at least call you 1st give up.

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sid3

sid3

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Telling someone you've barely spent a few hours with that "you miss them" even a little isn't the best move. Should of said something along the lines of , you were in my dream last night, hahaha!

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umirano

umirano

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Maybe so, maybe no. I thought it accurately reports what I felt like. It said "I miss you a little" which could mean only as much as "hey, what have you been up to?" I'm not as negative as you are. I'll report ofc what's happening next.

 

 

Tuesday? That's pretty far, I thought of calling her next Friday, since she invented me to that party on friday.

 

Actually I don't really feel like going to that party. Not only bc next time I'll see her should be just the two of us in my mind but also bc I'm not really in the mood for that particular type of party given the facts that I have a lot of studying to do and that I have practice that day.

 

Going by what you guys are posting I should just flake on her? I thought of calling her and telling her I can't make it (while being honest and giving her the actual reasons).

 

OTOH I hit it off really well with another gal tonight, who just asked me to meet up soon again. Maybe I'll be the one not to call that chick from the sports event?!

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jay1983

jay1983

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Telling someone you've barely spent a few hours with that "you miss them" even a little isn't the best move. Should of said something along the lines of , you were in my dream last night, hahaha!

 

I agree with this, but I don't think it's a deal breaker.

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umirano

umirano

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Turns out she's not running. She wrote to me and sent a pic of herself without any interaction on my side.

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slizl

slizl

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You are doing just fine. Pro tip: Do not text her at all until maybe Monday night. Just a simple, how was your weekend will do. No gushy **** for a while either. If she doesn't respond to your text on Monday (don't stress if she hasn't texted you back for a day or two), I would cut bait.

 

Just saw that she texted you after I posted which is great! Keep it cool and let her have her fun on her trip or whatever. Make sure to go out this weekend and tell her about all the fun that you had on Monday. Try to schedule a date for next Thursday, I would avoid weekend dates for now to make it seem like you have a life (whether or not you do). Good luckk bro, you are doing great!

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umirano

umirano

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So you suggest too that I just flake on her WRT that party that she invited me to?

 

I'm not saying it was a completely serious, set-in-stone invitation, but she clearly asked me to show up at a certain time so we could get that table in that beer tent. Like I said, I really don't feel like binge drinking with her and her friends tomorrow for various (good) reasons. My usual approach would be to call her and tell her I can't make it.

 

I guess I could just stay silent and not show up and reply accordingly if she asks me where I am. I'd probably fine as she didn't bring up this party anymore since when we met for the first time.

 

Yeah, I can do that... If it mattered really to her that I show up tomorrow she'd have brought it up.

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umirano

umirano

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Ugh, I don't know, it won't cost me my pride if I just let her know, to eliminate all uncertainties, that I won't be there and why. Wouldn't it be the decent thing to do?

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umirano

umirano

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I say show up. Unless of course you have better things to do.

 

Ok, here's the thing, I'd have to show up at around 2pm already, I'll miss my practice which starts much later but I really want to go, and I'm in a family situation where I don't feel like partying this way. And I want to be sober on Saturday for studying / family. So no, showing up is not an option.

 

I'd be down to have a drink with her or whatever. But chugging away with her friends who I don't know at this point isn't really something I'm eager for.

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umirano

umirano

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Update:

 

I ended up leaving a voice mail WRT not coming to the beer fest. No reaction from her side. Normally I'd say I was/am beating a dead horse. But I have the impression she's not a very active texter and possibly thinks I'm not into her or too busy or she wants to take it really slow. So I decided to give her a call (as a last attempt) on Monday to ask her out for drinks.

 

Anyway, today in the morning she sends me a long text thanking me for my last text (I'm not even sure whether she got voice mail) and asking questions in reply to said text (from four days ago).

 

Still nothing (even slightly) romantic. I'm in no rush to reply, but I intend to stick to the plan of asking her out (over phone, not text) and to not beat around the bush.

 

I can see three scenarios

 

  1. She contacted me again out of mere politeness
  2. She sees me as an interesting guy and is potentially interested in a friendship
  3. She has been slow at texting and unresponsive to text flirting to test me and see how persistent I'm going to be

 

What's your opinion?

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umirano

umirano

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Uptdate:

 

We had a date today. Good conversation. I have the impression she always revived the conversation, even when I didn't feel an awkward silence, i.e. when I was just collecting my thoughts. Maybe she was bit nervous. The conversation was deep at times. She's worried about not knowing where life will take her. She looked great. She gave me smiles. She never looked at her phone for the whole night, so she really isn't a phone zombie. Which is good in several ways. She's going on a four-day holiday. One of the last things she said before we parted ways is along the lines of "I'd very much like to do this soon again."

 

Two things bug me a little. She drinks a lot sometimes (partying with friends). I don't think she's "easy" though. And she's somewhat of a deist/supernaturalist, I guess.

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