Cavendish Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Hi - this is a quick question for the men: Do you like romantic little gestures from the girl you're dating? I'm in a new relationship and love doing things for my boyfriend. I probably do something every 1-2 weeks e.g. pick up his favorite breakfast foods, send a good luck card for a big work event, surprise him with underwear he'll like, pick up little gifts that make me think of him, or plan a special date night i know he'll enjoy. It's never anything big or expensive and he seems appreciative, but I don't know if it comes off a bit strong or if it makes him feel under pressure to return the favor (which I don't expect). Basically, is it OK to continue doing these nice things, which bring me pleasure to do, or will it come across as a bit full-on and strong, and potentially harm a new relationship? We've been together about 4 months and I know he cares a lot for me, though his way of showing it is different to mine (listening, complimenting etc). Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 As a woman I am always hesitant to do too many of these little things too early least I scare him off but as the relationship depends & we're more comfortable my true nature comes out & I do them. I still sneak love notes into my husband's pockets, brief case etc Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 After a while it WILL harm the relationship. Because after a while, I'm sorry, but you will begin to miss the little reciprocal gestures. You may not believe it now, but trust me, you will begin to wonder why he doesn't do some of the same things for you, and you'll establish a giver-taker' relationship. And you'll be the giver, which eventually will carry an under-current of resentment. You need to examine exactly WHY you keep giving so freely, and I hate to say it, but self-esteem, a desire to be loved and 'buying affection' may play a part. I do not discount the fact that you DO have a loving and generous nature. But sometimes, you need to ease back, stop - and then examine how it makes you feel to change your MO.... Whatever discomfort arises, question and examine it.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Evanescentworld nailed it. If you set up a pattern where you're giving all the time for almost nothing in return (listening? compliments? even the biggest jerk in the world should be doing that with his girlfriend) then you're eventually going to resent him for it. I'm also wary of your saying he seems appreciative. Seems appreciative?! If he's really grateful he'll TELL you, or show you in return. If you guys aren't compatible in the ways you express affection that may also cause trouble down the road. I have a really generous nature as well and all too many times I've been sucked into relationships where I thought my constant sweet gestures made me extra appealing. But when the guy didn't respond in kind I felt slighted. I learned to dial it back a bit and save the good stuff for guys who are just as giving as I am. Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Over doing it will make it less special. Stretch it out a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Do too much and it won't be special any more. I would be annoyed myself if a guy did what you did. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Don't worry about it, everyone goes a little overboard with the attention when the relationship is new. It doesn't matter if you start to slow down on it or whatever, it's perfectly normal. I have been with my guy for over 24 years and I still buy his favorite candy or pick up some special beer for him, buy him a hoodie, etc. It's random but I still do something once a week, more or less, and it has never ruined our relationship in the least. If I don't buy him something, or do something special, he doesn't freak out or get upset about it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 TBH you are not over doing it. It's not like you are sending him gifts, notes, cards etc everyday. I don't know why everyone is getting in a tizzy over a small gesture a few times a month. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 because it's only been 4 months, and he only 'seems' to appreciate it, and he never does anything in return. And it's common with new relationships, if a young lady feels a bit insecure about feelings and emotions, that they over-do it.... Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 OH! I thought this was about giving hand gestures... Does hand jobs and looky what I got gestures count for gifts??? Well my LDR does allow sharing of gifts like once and a while. We enjoy it as it allow us to be close when we can't be. I don't like saying what I get from her as they are special in their own way. But as with anything, the special part is taking time to know what he or she likes. Some gifts can be for the car, for the desk at work, to wear, or to share between ourselves in play time. Usually play time stuff are exotic lubes and oils. This way you both can look forward to getting another gift. Hope the info starts your imagination. As that is the best gift one can have. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 You shouldn't give on a different level than he does. It causes discomfort of feeling obligation and resentment then of pressuring them. And it comes off as desperate and that's just unattractive. Back off and see if he will do things for you but don't reciprocate right away like it has to be you give so I give. Just wait until something perfect and small comes along and then do something nice, but not even as often as he does. I mean, you can usually get away with cooking dinner and baking things because these things only remind him of his mother and depending on the guy, may not carry the weight of a purchased gift. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 OH! I thought this was about giving hand gestures... I really wish this thread WAS about hand gestures. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Like you, I have a giving nature. But I've figured out that with men, a little goes a long way. I think that just like women, men can be a little turned off by too much sweetness. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I had an ex that did that. I loved it, and while I didn't respond in kind, I did show my appreciation in other ways that counted with her, and no, I don't mean sex. I mean I did things for her too, but not the same things, and went over and above when it was called for. It is possible he will appreciate your gestures in other ways. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 ...... I know he cares a lot for me, though his way of showing it is different to mine (listening, complimenting etc). Well this was the OP's final comment, although I'm not sure that it will eventually prove to be sufficient. She says his way is different to hers. But will it suffice? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) What you describe (a small gesture every 1-2 weeks for a bf of 4 months) doesn't look excessive or over-the-top to me at all. If he's the sort of guy to be put off by such non-excessive kind gestures, he probably isn't compatible with you anyway. Just be sure that you really are okay with his method of reciprocation and the dynamics in your R in general, so you don't start resenting him. If you're genuinely okay, then it looks good to me. Edited October 2, 2014 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Did he say something about it? Or are you just wondering? Link to post Share on other sites
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