quidproquo89 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Have you ever felt that you've let yourself down on a date, by not being the best you can be? I went on a date; as mentioned on here, where I had a lot in common with my date. However because we met online - I already knew so much about her. This removed the fun of getting to know her. She also mentioned that she was very nervous and a bit of a dork. (this was before we met). This really made me relax. However when I got there this supposed dorky nervous woman, was not at all what she said. She was confident and very sharp. I felt that I asked a lot about the things she likes - tv, music and films and such. We spoke of holidays, pets and families etc. Yet I think the fact that I was too natural and relaxed, may have made me unappealing. You know? I am a confident person, especially when I know what I want. However you sometimes have those 'flat' days, where you arent quite your sharpest. And at the end of a very long week. I feel to a certain extent I let myself down. Having said that, I suppose the right woman would think you were great anyway. Wasnt like I didnt hold up my end of the conversation. I just believe that any man can get any woman if he puts his mind to it, and acts in a way that is most appealing. You know, how a woman cant resist a charming, funny guy who boasts confidence! On the other hand what ever you do, some people just wont get you. I am disappointed how I met somebody who is very alike to me and yet wasnt interested. As aforementioned on this forum, the age gap was used as a reason, but if the right person come along no one would care about a 5 year gap. I ashamed that I wasnt the best person I could have been. Not in a moany, feeling sorry for myself sort of way. I just feel I could have been more confident and wittier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 it bothers me that I dont feel I applied the right conversational techniques and charm to create chemistry with a girl I had a lot in common with. Having said that I've been on dates in the past, where the person is really into you, therefore you feel like you hardly have to work at all. I feel that I can only truly do well on a date by reacting to someone else enjoying my company. I guess thats true for everyone, you can only make conversation, if the other person doesnt feel it, what can you do? Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Of course! I've had dates where I still wonder WHY did you say that?! That's what makes first dates so great they put you on the spot and at times can make you so nervous you start having the weirdest conversations. Anyone who holds that against you on a first date is a waste of time anyways. Sounds like you got caught up with a professional online dater. She knows what to put in her profile to get the date but she's been on so many she doesn't even break a sweat. Don't kick yourself, with a lot of these people who have been OLDing for YEARS you'd have to be David Beckham to actually impress them. I mean she ALL OF A SUDDEN notices an age gap? Give me a break. Could she not read before the date? It's just an excuse, move on and do yourself a favor- quit OLDing and meet women IRL! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Of course! I've had dates where I still wonder WHY did you say that?! That's what makes first dates so great they put you on the spot and at times can make you so nervous you start having the weirdest conversations. Anyone who holds that against you on a first date is a waste of time anyways. Sounds like you got caught up with a professional online dater. She knows what to put in her profile to get the date but she's been on so many she doesn't even break a sweat. Don't kick yourself, with a lot of these people who have been OLDing for YEARS you'd have to be David Beckham to actually impress them. I mean she ALL OF A SUDDEN notices an age gap? Give me a break. Could she not read before the date? It's just an excuse, move on and do yourself a favor- quit OLDing and meet women IRL! your totally right about it being good at being on the spot, very natural. The woman I think doesn't know what she wants and is very picky. She had been out of a long-term relationship for a year and hasn't been on many dates since. Almost like she was too cautious about letting someone new in. From our conversations she was quite the opposite of a professional online dater - in fact she was on their for a week and deleted her account. I really feel that she isn't committed to meeting somebody and simply met with me because I was a nice guy with similar interests who asked her out. I just feel burned coz I wanted a partner and she is still sitting on the fence not committing to dating or potential suitors. I was definitely an ideal choice if she was seriously looking. You are right though, she was most likely using the age as an excuse. I'm casually chatting with one girl on a dating site. But your right its clearer and a lot less mind taxing in real life - more natural as well. I wont get involved on dating sites anymore. More trouble than their worth Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Sounds sad, but I also listed all the things she had told me on OLD so that I could draw from it for better convo and also not to ask the same questions again. So I obviously put a lot of effort and thought it. Something that someone with interest would really be impressed by Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I've had a first date where I was so nervous and could hardly think straight. Definitely felt like i let myself down, although it worked out in the end anyway. Its frustrating but yes there are those days where you just dont feel 100% or like your normal self Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 I've had a first date where I was so nervous and could hardly think straight. Definitely felt like i let myself down, although it worked out in the end anyway. Its frustrating but yes there are those days where you just dont feel 100% or like your normal self It worked out? As in second date or you started a relationship? I was on much better form (no offence) than that, but I've been on faultless form in the past. I always like to be the best I can at everything important Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 It worked out? As in second date or you started a relationship? I was on much better form (no offence) than that, but I've been on faultless form in the past. I always like to be the best I can at everything important Yes, we ended up in a relationship! I was so nervous initially and could hardly speak, but throughout the date relaxed a little and we had a truly amazing 2nd date. It was ridiculously perfect. I think he was quite nervous too and kept firing questions and it was very awkward.. And because I was very attracted to him but yeah the first date didn't live up to my expectations at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Yes, we ended up in a relationship! I was so nervous initially and could hardly speak, but throughout the date relaxed a little and we had a truly amazing 2nd date. It was ridiculously perfect. I think he was quite nervous too and kept firing questions and it was very awkward.. And because I was very attracted to him but yeah the first date didn't live up to my expectations at all. That's great, I'm so glad something good came out of it, even though it didn't start well . This bolsters me more in thinking, I did everything I could last weekend. Hair cut, little stubble, nice clothes, smelt good, prep'd the convo. She wasn't going to go for it regardless. Makes me feel good and bad equally Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 That's great, I'm so glad something good came out of it, even though it didn't start well . This bolsters me more in thinking, I did everything I could last weekend. Hair cut, little stubble, nice clothes, smelt good, prep'd the convo. She wasn't going to go for it regardless. Makes me feel good and bad equally You have to take OLDing with a grain of salt. There is A LOT of rejection that goes with it. Even when you are spot on and absolutely perfect more often than not it WILL NOT work out. Don't invest too much in a person or profile ahead of the date. You'll surely be disappointed. You can't take what comes from OLDing personally. People are flaky as heck with OLDing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I think most people are really nervous and awkward on first dates unless they're just good at faking it, you know. And everyone has blown a date, but that's what you did. As long as you were yourself, it's not your issue if you're not what she's looking for. You can't know that. Because first dates are so anxiety filled, if two people feel any chemistry at all, even if the date was awkward or whatever, it's best to go out on a couple more dates when the nervousness isn't as bad. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I agree with you OP, I figure if they're interested they'll come back for more. I doubt it was because you were natural and relaxed because I would see that as a good sign. I presume she knew about the age gap before you met? I guess she just didnt feel it. The worst thing you can do is take it to heart and let it knock your confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I usually dont like the word "Date" Because as my man Chris Rock says, When you go on a "date" you're not yourself, you're a representative of yourself. "Yet I think the fact that I was too natural and relaxed, may have made me unappealing" - I've never heard these words uttered before. I cant think of a more backwards statement. Dude the person that is natural and relaxed is always the person that is more appealing on the date. You should have maintained your relaxed demeanor. (Your post leads me to believe that you changed it) Dont be out to "impress" anyone man. Get out there to connect with them Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 I usually dont like the word "Date" Because as my man Chris Rock says, When you go on a "date" you're not yourself, you're a representative of yourself. "Yet I think the fact that I was too natural and relaxed, may have made me unappealing" - I've never heard these words uttered before. I cant think of a more backwards statement. Dude the person that is natural and relaxed is always the person that is more appealing on the date. You should have maintained your relaxed demeanor. (Your post leads me to believe that you changed it) Dont be out to "impress" anyone man. Get out there to connect with them I just got a bit carried away enjoying the process up to the date. I hadn't realised that she had probably half made her mind up before she arrived. The age gap, possibly not her type from my picture - she turned up because we had similar interests and I was a good conversationalists. As aforementioned, I don't think she even intended to take it further anyway. Yeah that natural comment was a lil off - really meant sometimes you are a bit 'flat' not at your best. As your saying in your point, I've done the same thing on other dates and the other person loved it. I'm getting better each time, I just need a little time of reflection and feeling down, before I feel better again. This rejection was Tuesday following our date on Saturday. So it was still fresh. I'm already slowly feeling better. Thanks guys, this was a good way of getting vented up feelings off my chest. Not gonna bother with online dating, I live in the country, so I'm just gonna have to make more effort to go to the bigger towns more often . Get myself out there 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 I forgot to mention she said she would love to be friends, so I accepted her offer. So at least something came from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Author Share Posted September 24, 2014 The woman mentioned on this thread said she ''would love to be friends''. This was Tuesday last week. I messaged back on Friday agreeing to friendship. I have this week off so I texted her last night saying I'm free this week if she wants to hang out. She mentioned previously she is skint till payday. She texted back this morning pleasantly asking how my week was going. She said that she is busy this week and is waiting for pay day. She didn't say when payday was. I guess I'll message her in a week or two. She mentioned friendship when she didn't have to. I'm hoping she isn't blowing off a friendship as well. I really liked her and want to spend time with her on a friendship level, but not sure if she is bothered... She is always very friendly which sends mixed signals Link to post Share on other sites
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