lemonadekiwi Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I haven't been with my new boyfriend that long... about 4 months. He has a female best friend who he was up front about with me, said that he thinks of her as the closest person to him, she knows him better than anyone else, they have a lot in common. He also told me that his friends think their friendship is weird, they tried to get together and start something official and had sex etc etc a couple of years ago because they were attracted to each other and had so much in common, they thought, lets give it a go. But after a short period, they found it too weird, and it didn't work and they didn't want to be together anymore and continue as just friends. So since then its just been that, he's had other girlfriends since then, and they still meet up, get drunk and hang out, do stuff together and apparently haven't gone their since. Even though he has been very honest about it all, and he said that because she is part of his life and he's known her years he wanted to be honest and try and assure me that it's nothing to worry about - I still feel sick. The more I get to know him and like him, I can't help but get this awful feeling at the pit of my stomach when he goes to see her. They go clubbing all hours, go drinking, cinema, anything. Not all the time - since he's met me they've only met up like 5-6 times. If he didn't tell me I wouldn't have known anything about her, but the idea that they've been there.... always back in my head and I wonder why if they are SO close - why isn't he with her and going out with me? And how do I know it wont happen again and it'll be goodbye to me? Me and him make plans all the time, we've made plans months ahead, we speak everyday. He's a good person, apart from my worries about him and her, everythings great. I've brought it up a few times and I can't anymore. Don't know what to do. everytime he sees her I feel sick and I go cold with him, I don't say anything. I just distance myself. Not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I think this is different from a guy having a close female friend, since they've had sex in the past. I would not be comfortable with the two of them hanging out alone - are you invited to join them on some of the meet-ups? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemonadekiwi Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 no because we live in different towns, so I can't just go. Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 It is not appropriate behavior for him to be hanging out one on one with this girl when they have had sex (especially drinking and clubbing, wtf). Does he ever invite you?? If not then he is being a complete douche. Obviously you can't tell him to stop seeing her, but definitely talk to him and tell him that you are uncomfortable with their friendship considering their past. I would NOT be okay with that. Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I have a very good male friend. I wouldn't say we are BFFs, but close enough. Anyway, about 4 years into our friendship (which was 4 years ago), we decided to give it a shot. It was fun for about 4 months, but there was never that passion that most couples have. (I loved him dearly as a friend, but we were never in love.) We were much better as friends and put an end to the relationship. Surprisingly, we were able to bounce back to our friendship in no time. I will admit that we did hook up a few times after, but only within the first few months of ending it. We have not kissed or had sex in over 3 years now, even while drunk together. I am just not attracted to him in that way anymore and it would be awkward at this point. If a boyfriend wanted me to choose him over this friend, I wouldn't do it. We are just too close. However, I wouldn't spend as much time with this friend out of respect for my boyfriend. I would also introduce the two and include my boyfriend in our plans whener possible. If your bf treats you well and you truly believe he's a good guy, then I don't think you should worry. The only mistake he may have made was telling they hooked up, but he probably felt it was the right thing to do. Would you rather hear it from someone else? If you did, then you might think he has something to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Do you watch the Mindy Project? There was an episode pretty similar to this story and let's just say it didn't turn out to be in the girlfriend's favor . You haven't been together for very long and it's obvious that this is going to be an issue for you. Even if nothing happens with his friend, you will always wonder and if you can't move on from that then I'd say you should end it before it causes issues in the relationship. If you have already talked to him and he would like his friendship to continue with her then I think you know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I have a very good male friend. I wouldn't say we are BFFs, but close enough. Anyway, about 4 years into our friendship (which was 4 years ago), we decided to give it a shot. It was fun for about 4 months, but there was never that passion that most couples have. (I loved him dearly as a friend, but we were never in love.) We were much better as friends and put an end to the relationship. Surprisingly, we were able to bounce back to our friendship in no time. I will admit that we did hook up a few times after, but only within the first few months of ending it. We have not kissed or had sex in over 3 years now, even while drunk together. I am just not attracted to him in that way anymore and it would be awkward at this point. If a boyfriend wanted me to choose him over this friend, I wouldn't do it. We are just too close. However, I wouldn't spend as much time with this friend out of respect for my boyfriend. I would also introduce the two and include my boyfriend in our plans whener possible. If your bf treats you well and you truly believe he's a good guy, then I don't think you should worry. The only mistake he may have made was telling they hooked up, but he probably felt it was the right thing to do. Would you rather hear it from someone else? If you did, then you might think he has something to hide. I could probably be ok with this scenario providing he saw less of her, and I was also introduced and invited. Ultimately, though, this is a personal choice; so, if you're not comfortable, then you might want to break things off. Link to post Share on other sites
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