turnerik Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I met this woman in college. Her first semester was my last. I helped her in the class, and we started hanging out. We have a lot in common, and can just talk for hours. She calls me her best friend. Everytime she says that though it kinda stabs me in the heart. I'm crazy for her though. Last week we went to a baseball game and just random people asked if we were dating. A few drunk guys even told her I want to be more than just her friend. I was I'm shock! How could these completely hammered guys see how I was feeling about her? She asked me about it later, but she was too drunk for me to tell her, plus we had a concert to go to the next night, and I didn't want it to be awkward. This past week she has always been on my mind. I'm gonna come out and tell her how I feel about her, and maybe she will feel the same, and if not, I tried. The details: Me; 21 years old. Longest relationship 3 1/2 years. Very mature for my age, I met her best friend and talk to her a lot, but I'm not into her, like I am this woman. Not looking for sex, I'm looking for a long-term relationship Her; 36 years old. 3 kids (14,13,9) been with 3 men her entire life. Just got out of an abusive marriage, not rich, not poor. She really cares for her kids and is just a great person all around. Same likes and interests as me. I just need advice on what to tell her. If I didn't have these strong feelings for her I wouldn't peruse, but I'm crazy for her. She's not a person to brag about to my friends to just say I got with an older lady. I'm really into her for her, not her age! Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Um... no. You're not into her for sex? You're into her for a long-term relationship? She has a kid 7 years younger than you and you are only 21? And then she has red flags on top of red flags. You don't see them? Why can't you go find someone closer to your age.. or mess around for a few years so you know how to avoid women like this one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) She's 36, three kids, fresh out of a divorce, experienced an abusive marriage -- her life is in a completely different space from yours. She's been through the huge highs and lows and life-changing events and you're just only now stepping out into your life. It's one thing that you have "fallen" for her and you are romanticizing it but you have to rationally look at the big picture. Even if she reciprocated, understand the magnitude of what you're taking on. Plus, I don't even think she is in an emotionally healthy state after having endured an abusive marriage. You mentioned in your last thread that you hang out once every 3 months. I'm not sure if this is anything but a friendship. She's probably looking for some level of companionship outside of her 3 children, school, work, etc. No one can stop you from telling her if you still want to pursue. Edited September 20, 2014 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 You have threads about this woman way back in Oct 2013. You're still running around in circles. Doesn't that tell you something? Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'm still trying to see what is so alluring about this woman...she has issues on top of issues... While you say you're 'mature for your age', the fact that you're head over heals for a woman with so many red flags shows the contrary. If you don't want to bang her, then why do you want her? You wanna rescue her and her kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Mizz Layta Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'm still trying to see what is so alluring about this woman...she has issues on top of issues... While you say you're 'mature for your age', the fact that you're head over heals for a woman with so many red flags shows the contrary. If you don't want to bang her, then why do you want her? You wanna rescue her and her kids? Lol,this seriously.Find someone closer to your age without these baggage Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 OP I am no expert on love but if you like this woman and feel so attracted to her, I see nothing wrong with revealing how you feel. But if she is not interested in you, then my advice would be to leave it alone. One thing that I find odd personally is that she refers to you as her "best friend". That could be a way of her letting you know that she sees you as a friend only and no more. My own interpretation is that she wants to spend time with a man and be close with a man, but she is not ready to be serious with anyone yet, because she is recently out of an abusive marriage. So she may think, "Well, he's 21, so there is not going to be any pressure here for anything serious, plus I'm not wasting his time since he is so young and will likely date more women over the years." I say that because I did that once, when I wasn't ready for a serious relationship. However the guy turned out to be someone I built a strong bond with that I can only describe as love. So you never know. All you can do is try and see what happens. That being said, since when did being divorced with kids equate to red flags, issues and baggage? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author turnerik Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 We have so much in common! We can spend hours talking to each other, and the more we talk the deeper I fall. She's beautiful inside and out. She is super caring and is probably the best mom I've ever seen. She understands me, and I understand her. She appreciates me getting the car door, carrying her things, and pulling out chairs for her. Other women I've dated are offended or don't seem to notice. I can't help it but fall for her. Rules of logic don't apply when it comes to matters of the heart. I know her faults and flaws, and I'm still attracted to her. I see her best friend just about as much as her. I'm not attracted to her best friend, who is as just as good looking. Being divorced or having kids isn't a red flag. She stuck with him so long because of her religious beliefs. I can't stand people my own age. The majority are selfish people obsessed with material possessions. If I could flip a switch and not be attracted to her I "probably" would, but I can't and I'm crazy for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Lol,this seriously.Find someone closer to your age without these baggage There is always baggage(s) though, it will just be of a different type Link to post Share on other sites
CharlieFox Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Sorry Mario, but your princess is in another castle... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 just bang her already. Single moms like casual sex. She's probably not looking for marriage or a serious committment. She jsut wants a good guy she can bang every few weeks. Who cares about the age difference, its good banging. Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Won't tell you that you don't having feelings for her but I can tell you they aren't going to lead to something long tern nor should they. You need to think big picture. I don't care how mature you say or think you are....you have not had the experiences of a 36 year old. Trust me there is a huge difference between 21 -25 for most people in terms of identity so to 36 is huge. You are in no way shape or form ready to handle three older children. And yes her baggage is huge right now...not the kids but the abuse from the marriage. She is therefore an easy target. She will gravitate to anyone that treats her kindly at this point..which is very dangerous for her and makes her very, very vulnerable. You care for her...back the hell off and remain her occasional social distraction and nothing more. She does not need to get wrapped up with someone that is virtually still a kid by comparison (no offense intended) and ultimately you could end up really really hurting her as you will be viewed as just one more man that just wants yo take something from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I suggest you stop saying "I see her best friend as often as her she's just as good looking but im not attracted" You stated the twice now do it again and people will start to think otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
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