Need a push in the right direction. Can’t get a girlfriend.

[FunkyBear]

I would like someone to speculate, what I am doing wrong. I can’t ask anyone I know without looking like I am bragging, so I will post my story here and hope for an answer.

So here is my story. I am a 29 years old male.

 

Things I would newer point out about me, but are important to understand my situation. And since it’s a forum and more or less anonymous I can make a full description.

I grew up in a poor family in a more or less ghetto environment. So everything I have in life is the product of my work and talents.

IQ wise I am mensa. I have an interest in deep understanding of things that surround me. Usually I can figure out more or less anything except women. English is not my native language, it’s one of a few languages I learned to use.

My current occupation is an industrial engineer at a globally known company where I am a part of a development team.

I earn far more money than most of the people I went to school with or know from my past. I have a nice apartment and a sporty car.

I am more or less athletic, regular runs, regular martial arts trainings, rock climbing, cycling, alpinism …

What is left of my free time I invest in painting, going out or developing projects of my own or when it rains even reading.

I don’t waste any free time on television.

I am a vegetarian.

My character is strong, I often take control off my surroundings, I don’t let people push me around, I don’t talk to people including girls or children with a clowny voice because I find it demeaning. I love to do things and live things out as other people suggest.

 

All of above was not planned, but is the consequence of my love to learn and do sports, or is a result of some passion of mine. I am by no means a materialist, the only thing I really care about is doing the things I love, but I won’t say I don’t like the rewards nor that it would be easy for me to lose the things I stated above.

 

I have no reason not to be nice, I love constructive criticism, I am not violent and 90% of the time I am in a good mood and always try to be positive. People always liked me at school and at work, usually they describe me as the positive one.

 

But when I get to know a girl that I would like to get involved with they usually stop answering my messages or start finding it hard to find time to be with me. And usually all I ask is, that they accompany me on a hike, go out to a party or go somewhere for a few days like a spa, since it sucks doing stuff alone. I would more or less desire a companion that doesn’t mind an active life style and is honest. I wouldn’t even mind if there was no romance and it would only be a weekend of good company, but am unable to find that, let alone such a girl that would be into something romantic.

 

I will be happy to describe any details you would find useful and would be seriously thankful to get some advice on what to add or take out of my lifestyle.

 

 

In return I will read some post in try to post some objective answers to other people.

[ktya]

1. You think about it too hard

2. Stop posting on forums and start trying to get girls numbers (dont bother giving yours out it never works they never have the balls to call)

3. Look at each rejection as another opportunity to immunize yourself from the fear of being rejected

4. Know and realize women want sex just as bad as we do they just dont usually spell it out for you

5. On the first date move in for the kill and kiss her for real. Terrifying at first but start soft and go for the peck and if shes receptive go straight on for the tongue

6. Save the I love yous for later. Dont tell her you love her after the first time having sex wait until she says it then reciprocate immediately because it takes balls for them to come out and say that

7. Have regular contact but dont overdo it. Text her good morning and wait until she answers. Dont text good night every night but you can ask how their day was maybe around suppertime. If she texts you back and forth do it.

8. Ask before you phone by text if she wants you to call. Dont bother asking her to call you because she will find an excuse to cover that she doesnt have the balls to initiate

9. After the "I love yous" are being exchanged for a while tell her you'd like to be her one and only. Brush off if she feigns offense that your implying she might be dating other people.

10.When she agrees and she will think about it for at least a few days you now have a girlfriend.

 

Getting a girlfriend is easy. Casually dating and keeping it casual is the hard part.

 

Go get em tiger.

[Assasda]

Youre never going to solve women like a mathematical equation.

Its never going to happen.

 

Since you say that you actually message women. I suggest that you do more listening and less talking to them.

 

Most of what "ktya" said is garbage setting you up for failure.

 

 

Just be more open, listen more, and be yourself.

[todreaminblue]

what is a clowny voice....do you mean baby voice.......how do you speak? what do you speak about ....deb

[ktya]

Youre never going to solve women like a mathematical equation.

Its never going to happen.

 

Since you say that you actually message women. I suggest that you do more listening and less talking to them.

 

Most of what "ktya" said is garbage setting you up for failure.

 

 

Just be more open, listen more, and be yourself.

 

Ok chicky.

 

You go out and land yourself a girlfriend.

 

Then tell me thats not how it goes.

[Assasda]

Ok chicky.

 

You go out and land yourself a girlfriend.

 

Then tell me thats not how it goes.

 

I only agree with 1, 3, 4, and part of 7.

hahaha, so foolish

[Versacehottie]

hmmmm, i generally agree with all BUT 7 & 8. But some girls like the good morning, good night texts. I just feel like it's too routine, too formulamatic for my taste. I would rather have someone just be spontaneous and genuine with his contact. Which if you're an engineer and mensa, I'm guessing showing some side of yourself that is free-er, more spontaneous would be attractive.

 

I'm guessing you probably overthink things. Being too smart (book smart/career smart) is not necessarily a transferrable thing to dating etc. Good luck!

[Versacehottie]

oops, I would also say by the description of the things you like to do and how you are--that the kind of girl you might be best with is probably a little harder to find. She's not super outgoing, may keep to herself and be very into her hobbies too. She probably has a smaller number of but very close friends (1-2). She probably doesn't do what the average person her age does in terms of socializing. She would be mature for her age. She may go from serious relationship to serious relationship so you have to catch her at just the right time. I usually wouldn't say to try online dating but I think it might be good in your case.

[Gloria25]

You said you like to go hiking? Then look up meet-up groups and start doing things with people who share your interests...It'll give you some practice on interacting with females w/o the pressure of dating them - plus, if you two do hit it off, you can start dating - but already have things in common (i.e. the hiking).

[Jules Dash]

I strongly feel that your best approach is to start with volume. You have to start going on a lot of dates and learning by trial and error now. You just won't do well with starting with a formula. You are probably "too rational" already. You need experience and you need to learn from them. I think learning from others experience here can help you along the way.

 

I would start with online dating as well as well as social events or groups. Trust me, someone with your profile is going to be given the time of day online. You won't have much trouble getting at least a second date out of most people who will give you a chance judging by your profile. You have to be prepared to be overwhelmed a bit but you will get the hang of it rather quickly. You should do well.

[GemmaUK]

I'm just picking out a few bits of your post..

 

I don’t waste any free time on television.

 

I am a vegetarian.

 

Do you ever have any issues with dating someone who watches TV or eats meat?

 

My character is strong, I often take control off my surroundings, I don’t let people push me around, I don’t talk to people including girls or children with a clowny voice because I find it demeaning. I love to do things and live things out as other people suggest.

Is that take control 'off' or 'of'? The two are different.

By 'surroundings' what do you mean? Give an example.

Also, what is a clowny voice? Why is talking to girls and children in particular with clowny voices demeaning?

 

the only thing I really care about is doing the things I love,

What about family and friends?

 

But when I get to know a girl that I would like to get involved with they usually stop answering my messages or start finding it hard to find time to be with me. And usually all I ask is, that they accompany me on a hike, go out to a party or go somewhere for a few days like a spa, since it sucks doing stuff alone. I would more or less desire a companion that doesn’t mind an active life style and is honest. I wouldn’t even mind if there was no romance and it would only be a weekend of good company, but am unable to find that, let alone such a girl that would be into something romantic.

 

Inviting someone away for a few days when you're not actually dating or in a relationship is a bit too much so early on.

It does sound a little bit like you just want a woman to 'do' things with rather than someone to date, have fun with and fall in love with.

[FunkyBear]

I like the direction this is taking.

 

First let me answeryour questions:

 

Do you ever have any issues with dating someone who watches TV or eats meat?

 

I don´t, but I must admit that TV can irritate me, because the shows are mostly really stupid and demeaning. Sorry if anyoneis being insulted by this but the dialogs in reality shows and things that seem to be most popular right now have absolutely no aspects that I could describeas meaningful. I like a good movie here or there, good shows, but I don’t allow TV editors to make up my itinerary. In short I wouldn’t mind if she eats meat, but I won’t be eating it with her. I don’t mind if she watches TV, but I won’t be watching it with her (except the exception of carefully picked ones). But I would much rather spend time more active.

 

Is that take control 'off' or 'of'? Thetwo are different.

By 'surroundings' what do you mean? Give an example.

Also, what is a clowny voice? Why is talking to girls and children inparticular with clowny voices demeaning?

 

I meant of (typo). I just wanted to say I am no fun in the artificial ways in which I often see other people present themselves.

 

What about family and friends?

 

I have a few good friends and I do spend time with my family and care about all of them. As long as I have things to give and they need something they can count on me and there are no debts between friends.

 

Inviting someone away for a few days whenyou're not actually dating or in a relationship is a bit too much so early on.

It does sound a little bit like you just want a woman to 'do' things withrather than someone to date, have fun with and fall in love with.

 

I just wanted to say, that I wouldn’t be disappointed if nothing came out of it in a romantic sense. But is seems that my life is rather digital, zero or one and nothing in between. I don’t know why, but if I spend sitting time with girls to long they try to compete with me in in adebate kind-of stile and I don’t think that is a good idea because either it will be a tough debate for them or I will give short smart answers that neutralize both perspectives. I told the last girl I went out with a few times,that I am not going to debate any philosophic issues in a competing stile until I known her for at least a half of year, but somehow she enforced it.

 

 

Now what I learned here is that I need to make an online profile and get the traffic going. The second one won’t be easy, because I always tried to do that. I regularly do sports in groups, but you must know that there are only a few girls that do sports and I won’t go to Zumba even if I die alone.

 

And it’s not like I never had a girlfriend. It’s just that the ones I find attractive don’t seem to like me and the ones that give me the signals are a diametric opposites of my life style. it’s not a statistic thing but an absolute rule and it’s not like I only go for the supermodels. The ones I like are the sporty ones with a positive attitude and life energy.

 

I will try to remember to reply how my online profile went.

Edited September 19, 2014 by FunkyBear