topical818 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 My girlfriend broke up with me two days ago. She said that "You need to get you ---- together". When I asked her what she meant...she said If you love me we wouldn't go 50/50 on everything. She said "you would spend money on me without being cheap, because I mean that much to you". She went on to say how I don't have my ---- together because i'm living with my parents and I can't provide for her. She also said i'm insecure because I get mad at her when "she talks to other guys". For example, i was on the phone with her, she was at her neighbors house and he said "sorry baby" to her. I did not like that (i don't think she was cheating, though). Anyway-I'm 28. I am not rich. And yes, I have been unemployed for a year. I understand that most people think I'm a loser by now. But don't judge me too hard She said she doesn't want to be with me until I change, and she will get back with me after I change (if I change). What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 My girlfriend broke up with me two days ago. She said that "You need to get you ---- together". When I asked her what she meant...she said If you love me we wouldn't go 50/50 on everything. She said "you would spend money on me without being cheap, because I mean that much to you". She went on to say how I don't have my ---- together because i'm living with my parents and I can't provide for her. She also said i'm insecure because I get mad at her when "she talks to other guys". For example, i was on the phone with her, she was at her neighbors house and he said "sorry baby" to her. I did not like that (i don't think she was cheating, though). Anyway-I'm 28. I am not rich. And yes, I have been unemployed for a year. I understand that most people think I'm a loser by now. But don't judge me too hard She said she doesn't want to be with me until I change, and she will get back with me after I change (if I change). What should I do? While I certainly don't condone the disrespectful way she said it, she does have a point. Does the guy have a job, his own house or apartment, money to pay for dinner...Women do pay attention to these things, not because they're gold-diggers, but because they are indicators of a man's independence, which is a desired masculine trait. You don't have to be rich, but you have to be able to demonstrate to potential mates that you take care of yourself. Work on getting your life together, then find someone else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Get a job? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Change your circumstances. Or, in the alternative, find a sugar Momma. Or, if you don't like that, find one poor enough so that you do seem well off. Or, just keep on doing whatever you're doing. Why don't you tell us what you're going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 If her current financial position is better than yours it's unrealistic to expect you to foot the bills. If you are active looking for a job, a loving partner would be tolerant of your current, hopefully temporary position. She seems like someone who wants to be taken care of rather than pull her own weight in the relationship. She can't control what another person calls her. If you were that upset by another guy calling her "baby" you needed to talk to her about it calmly but understand it was him not her. Perhaps she could have told him to stop but to some people it's just a word. They call every woman that & every guy dude or buddy because they just don't use names. Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Her attitude is terrible. "Pay for me" is sounds very entitled. (And this is coming from a guy who pays for his woman 100%, with everything). I'd say the BEST thing to do is get a job, get your own place, and LIVE WELL. But don't get back with her. Show her that you've "made it." She'll feel like a tool once (read: if) she realizes she made a mistake. Make her envious by dating a better girl. The best revenge is being happy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 You need to change for yourself. Being jealous is also a bad trait. I dont understand what you hope we'll tell you to do really Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Don't be discouraged dude. What you do is look for a job, preferably one that suits your strongest attributes and plan to do nothing but excel at that. Even if you don't move out right away, help your parents with the bills. When you are ready and have saved up some money get a place. I probably wouldn't talk to her again. If all she wants is you to buy her things, then you are better off without her. Has she tried to help you in any way? Like suggesting jobs, looking up things with you, etc? It certainly is not her responsibility to do so, but if she truly wanted to see you succeed she would be trudging through the mud with you. Part of being in a relationship is being there when times are good and when they might absolutely suck. I always say, If you didn't struggle and cry with me, you certainly don't deserve to celebrate with me. Remember that when you get your life back on track. Best of luck bro! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Why have you been unemployed so long? Are you actively looking for work now? I think the way she put it was harsh. But she may have a valid concern, depending on why you're out of work and what you're doing/not doing to help yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
maysj18 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I would agree with her if I felt she wasn't being a selfish brat. It's one thing to want a partner who is settled, career driven, or at least working, but it's another thing to expect this because she wants you to have money to spend on her. Even if you were a millionaire, she'd probably always consider you cheap unless you were dishing out mega bucks on designer clothes and fancy dinners. Alright, that may be me exaggerating a bit, but it seems like she doesn't care about your current joblessness as much as she cares about your lack of extra money (which is caused by your joblessness). Does that make sense? Some of the most rewarding careers (like being a teacher) don't come with a fat paycheck, so you risk her being this way even if you had a job. One of my best friends sounds like this girl. I love her dearly, but when it comes to her gold digging, I can't stand it. She told me she won't get married unless her boyfriend gets her a rock the size of her knuckle. If it doesn't have a designer label on it, she won't touch it. That's just part of her personality I guess, but I would find it rather exhausting if I were her boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Apaige Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 My girlfriend broke up with me two days ago. She said that "You need to get you ---- together". When I asked her what she meant...she said If you love me we wouldn't go 50/50 on everything. She said "you would spend money on me without being cheap, because I mean that much to you". She went on to say how I don't have my ---- together because i'm living with my parents and I can't provide for her. She also said i'm insecure because I get mad at her when "she talks to other guys". For example, i was on the phone with her, she was at her neighbors house and he said "sorry baby" to her. I did not like that (i don't think she was cheating, though). Anyway-I'm 28. I am not rich. And yes, I have been unemployed for a year. I understand that most people think I'm a loser by now. But don't judge me too hard She said she doesn't want to be with me until I change, and she will get back with me after I change (if I change). What should I do? I am thinking she could have been a little more tactful with her argument, however she does have valid points. Although I don't agree that the man has to treat every time, it is nice to know that someone wants to spend money and treat some times. But as I've said, perhaps she could have been a little less aggressive with her approach. Are you searching for a job? If not, that's the first step, but don't do it for her, do it for yourself. Good luck, concentrate on you, and bettering yourself! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I would agree with her if I felt she wasn't being a selfish brat. It's one thing to want a partner who is settled, career driven, or at least working, but it's another thing to expect this because she wants you to have money to spend on her. Even if you were a millionaire, she'd probably always consider you cheap unless you were dishing out mega bucks on designer clothes and fancy dinners. Alright, that may be me exaggerating a bit, but it seems like she doesn't care about your current joblessness as much as she cares about your lack of extra money (which is caused by your joblessness). Does that make sense? Some of the most rewarding careers (like being a teacher) don't come with a fat paycheck, so you risk her being this way even if you had a job. One of my best friends sounds like this girl. I love her dearly, but when it comes to her gold digging, I can't stand it. She told me she won't get married unless her boyfriend gets her a rock the size of her knuckle. If it doesn't have a designer label on it, she won't touch it. That's just part of her personality I guess, but I would find it rather exhausting if I were her boyfriend. Random question, I've always wondered how people justify their entitlement like that. Did she ever discuss this with you? Like honestly, what goes on in her head that makes this seem acceptable to her? I think that's a terrible character trait, to be honest. Does she get many boyfriends that actually provide taht for her? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I know it's nice to have the distraction of a love life when you're unemployed and have problems, but now that she has jumped ship, it's time you forgot about anesthetizing yourself with romance and instead just went out and got two minimum-wage jobs or however low you have to go to get employed and buy your way out of your mother's basement, because no girl with a brain is going to get serious about a guy who can't sustain himself, much less a wife or family. I know we all go through hard times. I've had extended unemployment myself and I took that time and learned about three new trades. Grab whatever there is and work. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 You live with your parents if you have no skill it's time to take advantage of that and go back to school. Sorry but it's gonna be pretty hard to find a good woman willing to put up with her man not having a job AND living at home. Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 My girlfriend broke up with me two days ago. She said that "You need to get you ---- together". When I asked her what she meant...she said If you love me we wouldn't go 50/50 on everything. She said "you would spend money on me without being cheap, because I mean that much to you". She went on to say how I don't have my ---- together because i'm living with my parents and I can't provide for her. She also said i'm insecure because I get mad at her when "she talks to other guys". For example, i was on the phone with her, she was at her neighbors house and he said "sorry baby" to her. I did not like that (i don't think she was cheating, though). Anyway-I'm 28. I am not rich. And yes, I have been unemployed for a year. I understand that most people think I'm a loser by now. But don't judge me too hard She said she doesn't want to be with me until I change, and she will get back with me after I change (if I change). What should I do? You are not a loser at all. Just have to try maintaining a positive and proactive attitude. Providing for a partner is not only financial. That being said, we as men should want to try to give our women the best of everything. Should pay because we want to. However, all scenarios are specific. It sounds as if she may be sort of conditional. Will only be with you if the ability is there to buy her nice things. Do you really want to be with someone like this? That then being said. You really need to take charge and try making things better for your own self. Many women like guys who are ambitious. It is not all about the money. Link to post Share on other sites
maysj18 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Random question, I've always wondered how people justify their entitlement like that. Did she ever discuss this with you? Like honestly, what goes on in her head that makes this seem acceptable to her? I think that's a terrible character trait, to be honest. Does she get many boyfriends that actually provide taht for her? Oh, she's a character. She comes from a middle of nowhere, rural as hell town. Her parents are comfortable but live VERY modestly. Honestly, if I wasn't friends with her, I would think they were dirt poor. They struggled for most of her childhood because her parents were still in school, but around high school is when they graduated and got settled in their careers. So, she knows what it's like to be poor, but I don't know where the entitlement attitude comes from? Like, I could understand if she was a bit weird with HER money due to growing up broke, but other than that I don't get it. She is in medical school, so she's very smart and will make a good life for herself. She has said she doesn't want to marry anyone who makes less money than her on top of the other things mentioned earlier. She also has NO manners. I thought she hated me at first because we would be talking after class and she would just turn around and walk away without even saying bye. There was a few times she'd just let the door go behind her when I was walking with her and it would hit me. She wouldn't even look back as if she didn't even know it happened. She's a piece of work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'm getting the feeling that you're not sharing the entire story, or that you've tried to word it in such a way that most of the responses would tell you what a terrible girlfriend she was and how unfair she's being. I'd love to hear her side of this. If she were such a gold-digger, she wouldn't have been with you, an unemployed, 28 year old who lives with his parents. She likely just got tired of your lack of money being a constant issue - it probably wasn't just that she wants you to shell out cash for her and buy her expensive things. She probably wants to be able to do normal couple things like going to amusement parks or whatever without worrying whether you'll be able to afford it or not. This is not an unreasonable expectation of a 28 year old partner. That's a pretty decent reason to end it with someone. Another good reason for her to end it was your possessiveness. If you think she had valid points, then you should work your ass off to resolve these issues and try to get her back. If you think she's being an unreasonable gold-digger, then forget about her and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Oh, she's a character. She comes from a middle of nowhere, rural as hell town. Her parents are comfortable but live VERY modestly. Honestly, if I wasn't friends with her, I would think they were dirt poor. They struggled for most of her childhood because her parents were still in school, but around high school is when they graduated and got settled in their careers. So, she knows what it's like to be poor, but I don't know where the entitlement attitude comes from? Like, I could understand if she was a bit weird with HER money due to growing up broke, but other than that I don't get it. She is in medical school, so she's very smart and will make a good life for herself. She has said she doesn't want to marry anyone who makes less money than her on top of the other things mentioned earlier. She also has NO manners. I thought she hated me at first because we would be talking after class and she would just turn around and walk away without even saying bye. There was a few times she'd just let the door go behind her when I was walking with her and it would hit me. She wouldn't even look back as if she didn't even know it happened. She's a piece of work. Who are you? OP's ex-girlfriend's friend? Did you invite OP here so you both could trash his ex? How close a friend are you to the ex? Link to post Share on other sites
sm2281 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 First things first, you do need a job and your own place to live. . . .that is a given for those of us over a certain age. Second. Your girlfriend has a terrible attitude. You fixing yourself is your choice. But, just because someone doesn't solely want to support you and buy expensive things doesnt mean that you dont love someone. Maybe that is her type of gifting personality. She might need a gift every now and then. I get that too. That being said, I am with a cheap skate too. I hate it. I pay my 50/50 and while I can appreciate the 50/50 no obligations and no worries thing. It would be nice if he gifted more often. That is also my personality type. I am also trying to wait it out (not cheating) and see what happens. . . I am all about the 5050 and that means the man has to pay his 50 too. Gifts are nice ways of showing people you love them. Cheating is bad. In ANY situation. She should break it off before being with anyone else imho. Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 hmm... My bf got dumped when he lost his job. When I met him he was unemployed, I helped him with finding another one. Link to post Share on other sites
maysj18 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Who are you? OP's ex-girlfriend's friend? Did you invite OP here so you both could trash his ex? How close a friend are you to the ex? If you would've read my original comment on page 1, you would see that I compared OP's girlfriend to my friend. I don't know the OP or his girlfriend, I was just saying how similar they sound. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 If you would've read my original comment on page 1, you would see that I compared OP's girlfriend to my friend. I don't know the OP or his girlfriend, I was just saying how similar they sound. Oh, okay. Sorry I misunderstood. So you were talking about someone you know, it has nothing to do with the OP. Gotcha. Link to post Share on other sites
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