kimigee Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Ive been with my bf for 2 and half years and we live in his house and for that time we have lived alone. and one night he came home and told me his childhood friend (who is a girl) is gonna move in with us. says her house got mold and she has to move out. i was not happy. I felt like that was a huge decision to make on his own and i felt like he should have talked to me about it and asked how i would feel about it since i live there too. I didnt say anything i just kept quiet but I was extremely umcomfterble with it and i was not happy. Like im not saying hes a cheater, but things can happen. so like a week later she finnaly moves in and a beautiful girl walks in and I imediately had a bad feeling about the whole situation and was really not ok with it. but shes moved in and ive been nice, trying to be ok with it and make her feel welcome but the feeling in my gut hasnt gone away so i finnaly told my bf. I said, "Im am just not ok with this and i really felt like you should have at least talk to me about it." and he says "fist of all this is my house and she is family and it is my decision." I instatnly felt broken cuz i felt like he didnt care about my feelings and i also felt like the bad guy cuz i wanted this girl out but i just was not ok with it. I know he wont side with me and i just know if i ask him to chose he will chose her. Im thinking about breaking up with him and moving out because i dont feel welcome now and i dont know if i want to be with someone who dismisses my feelings or even asks my opinion in the first place. Do you think I'm over reacting? Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 You really need a new boyfriend. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I take it you don't pay rent? Not that it matters, but if you paid rent/utilities/food, then you could tell him that it's NOT just his place. Either way, I think you should break up with him and move out. He doesn't have respect for your feelings. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 If it makes you feel any better, there's a study that found that kids who grew up with each other in a neighborhood generally feel this sense of brother/sister, and while they may experiment sexually when they are young teenagers, they are unable to form lasting romantic relationships with each other. They don't always try, but if they try and fail, they are done. That "family" comment may be exactly what he feels for this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimigee Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 Your right, I do pay rent and utilites. I just want to make sure im not over reacting. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 You are definitely not overreacting. His response to you show lack of respect and consideration for you. I dont see how he could not even voluntarily address the gender issue. This is a guy that doesn't have much respect for you. That much is clear. You can defend him but how he handled this is very relationship defining. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Demonica Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I would be soo angry too! Even if he owns the house he still has to respect you and what you're comfortable with. And you are clearly not comfortable with that girl staying in the house. Does she have any relatives or other friends that she could stay with? Also, is it temporary? Like a couple weeks? If not, you really need to tell your bf about your feelings :\ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 (edited) No you are not overreacting. Yes he should have talked too you about it. Especially because it is a 2.5 year relationship. While he might "own" the home it is also where you live and what goes on in that home directly effects you. Even if you did not live there having an opposite sex room mate even if only temporary is something you talk about. Especially when in a committed relationship. If he had said "sorry. I should have talked too you." I could understand staying. But when you told him your feelings he gave them absolutely no consideration, respect or regard. That says a lot. There are plenty of men out there that will show you respect and be understanding of your feelings. You really need too move on. I'm sorry this happened to you. Others have said she could just be family. That's all well and fine. I have female friends that are like my sisters. If one called needing a place to stay yeah I'd help them. But I would talk to my girl friend about it first for numerous reasons. Edited September 16, 2014 by Dork Vader 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimigee Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 At firsr he said only two months then he said a year cuz she wants to start over and starr her life. yes shes has her grandparents. I would have dealt with 2 months but a year is too much! only paying 250 month she will deff get cozy and not even be in a hurry to leave. One other thing that upset me was he said i couldnt have a cat cuz he hated them and that his dog would atack it but when she moved in and asked if she could bring her cat he was suddenly ok with a cat! Your right guys im leaving!! Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 He ought to have asked for your input first. Makes a big difference. This issue aside. Where do you see this relationship going (that's if you bother to stick around after this)? Are you engaged? Plans for marriage? Why pay rent at his place, if your name isn't on the lease? Sounds like he's getting a lot of free benefits with very little commitment. You might want to check out the site baggagereclaim (it's very good!), and also google buyers, renters, freeloaders at the marriage builders site. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Even when I had a male room mate - we never dated - we always asked each other respectfully if we intended to have anyone stay over. It didn't matter if it was a day or a few weeks. We talked about it. If either one wasn't on board then the answer was no. That's what respectful people do. Your first reaction was passive aggressive. Practice telling honestly how you feel when you feel it. Staying silent wasn't effective. It's a form of agreement. If it were me I'd move and end it. He's not showing promise of you being his top priority. Since you stated you pay rent have him return the balance of your rent to you for this month. It's a business agreement now - since he's made it this way. He may throw a fit but this issue will surely continue through your relationship if you stay. I lived with my exH for 23 years and he constantly disrespected me that way every chance he got. Then he was mad that I was mad! It gets old. It's difficult to "teach" someone this character trait when they never learned it as a child while growing up. My best guess - he had the same dynamic in his own family while younger and views this level if disrespect as normal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Demonica Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 wow if my bf wouldnt let my two cats live in the house i wouldnt even date him. and its clear that he has some "feelings" for the girl..if shes beautiful and hot like you said i dont see why he wouldnt. She mustve rejected him in the past.. keep us updated kimigee! sorry that your bf sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimigee Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 That comment made me laugh so hard lol thanks for that! Im going to talk to him today on our way home from work. Im breaking up with him. I already made my decision. Thanks for all the advice. Glad i wasnt being crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Not overreacting whatsoever! Ouch!! Seriously, it doesn't even matter if new roomie is a man or a woman that's a secondary matter. He has to show respect for you as his partner, gf and current roomie before another moves in. Even if you all were just friends and he was moving another person in. Ugh, he is not impressive at ALL. I would definitely say "bye". Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Kim I know what you're about to go through is going to be hard. But just remember be confident and strong. You have family and friends, if not you have us. You can come here for any support or advice. You can also take your time. The ball is entirelt in your court, not his. Before you do anything make sure you're ready for it and make sure you can stick to your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I didnt say anything i just kept quiet but I was extremely umcomfterble with it and i was not happy. I hate to say this... but part of it is your fault. You should have said something from the get go and put your foot down. You cannot just be quiet when something bothers you in a relationship. Granted, what he did was a d-bag move and he honestly should have told or discussed this with you beforehand. I think you need to move out ASAP. Nothing good is coming out of this situation not only for yourself but between you and them two. You now have them both underneath your roof... Which MAY have been avoided had you spoken up initially. You need to learn to SPEAK UP when the time is right and not wait until the last minute. Make arrangements to leave and stay with family or friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 If she's "family" what are you? The preferential treatment -- her being allowed to have a cat is also problematic. It was unfair of him to move anybody in for a year, even blood, without discussing it with you first. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I really get the feeling that this is his way of trying to push her out of the house. There is no better way to do it indirectly than by bringing in another woman or turning the place into a train station. How was your relationship right before your new house guest arrived? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 He's showing you how little respect he has for you. It's up to you to decide if you can tolerate that. Link to post Share on other sites
cristalina Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm so sorry this happened. His disrespect for you is unacceptable. He should have included you and should not have disregarded your feelings about the issues. Glad you're moving on! You deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimigee Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 Thanks for the support guys! Im so glad i found this site. I talked to him yesterday and he was mad just said i should do whatever i want. wich is wat he always says when i make a decision he dosent like. I guess hes ok with losing me over his friend. Link to post Share on other sites
cluelessme Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 (edited) Has he ever spoken about this woman to you before? I mean, he said she was like family right? So you should have heard about her at some point in 2+ years of dating. If that's the case, and she truly is a close member of his family. Then maybe he is just lending a helping hand. I would say you are over reacting just due to her being beautiful which is insecure. HOWEVER, if he has never mentioned this woman before then it is totally fishy and unjustifiable, and I would just get out. Best of luck to you Edited September 16, 2014 by cluelessme Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Thanks for the support guys! Im so glad i found this site. I talked to him yesterday and he was mad just said i should do whatever i want. wich is wat he always says when i make a decision he dosent like. I guess hes ok with losing me over his friend. Sounds like he is a complete douche bag. Glad you got rid of him. Walk away with your head held high, there are so many other men who would treat you right. You seem like a nice girl. Good luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
Coil Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 This is kind of sad. He sounds like an idiot who does not care. I think you made the right decision. You should be able to find someone who cares more about you and your relationship. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 So when are you going to pack your **** and go? I can't imagine we've heard the end of this story. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts