Why don't men approach women anymore?

[SunshineOnMe]

Now just as a preface, I believe that women should approach just as much as men. But you guys know just as well as I do that it doesn't happen as much as we all expect. According to "societies" standards though, men are supposedly expect to make the move.

 

Whether it's at a bar, grocery store, etc. Men just shy away from the approach. It's not even looks either. I've seen average looking men to Brad Pitt looks clam up.

 

Any opinions?

 

Just a random thought I've had today.

[Jules Dash]

Internet. It makes "approaches" a lot more easy for many, I believe.

[MoreCoffee]

Maybe more are thinking, "It's not worth it?"

[SJC2008]

Most people meet through work, school or their social circles. Cold approaches are a last resort. Has the percentage of this "last resort" dropped? Maybe.

[SJC2008]

Maybe more are thinking, "It's not worth it?"

 

1)She has to be attracted to you. 2) She has to be single. 3) If she is single she's probably talking to someone.

 

Too much work. I don't have the self esteem to go through x rejections before getting a hit.

[OwMyEyeball]

Men are not socialized to approach strangers in public spaces. At least not in this culture.

 

For those who do muster the nerve for the cold approach, it's still considered to have a low conversion rate compared to OLD, social networks ("fix ups") and social gatherings.

 

There's also a higher risk since the guy has absolutely nothing to go on except what he sees at any given moment. OLD offers at least some vetting. Social gatherings bring birds of a feather together and allow more time for casual observation. There's also a good chance that alcohol is involved to help melt inhibitions on both sides. Social networks offer the greatest "security" since whoever you're being hooked up with comes referred from friends. They check out.

 

For all those scenarios you also know who's single and who isn't.

 

All the merrier for guys who can waltz in with confidence and a genuine smile. It makes their attention all the more flattering when attention from men is on the wane.

[Mister Zen]

People don't work harder than they have to. If a man is getting what he wants without approaching women.. then he won't. People generally don't try to make their lives harder.

 

Also.. the vast majority of the time a man approaches a woman he will be rejected. If you know you have an 80-90% chance of wasting your time, then that takes a lot of the incentive away.

 

Human behavior is reward based. Take the reward away and the behavior will stop.

[gaius]

I still see guys do it sometimes when I'm out in public. They seem to always be the super social type who enjoy talking to just about anybody though. For the rest of us we can usually get what we want through other, easier avenues so why bother.

[HeartDesires]

just being curious - what "other, easier avenues" ?

[gaius]

just being curious - what "other, easier avenues" ?

Online dating, social networking, in person gatherings that are meant for people who want to be approached. There are just tons of better opportunities than trying to work a number out of a woman you just met in 5 minutes when you're grocery shopping. Especially when lots of men have egos like glass nowadays.

[HeartDesires]

Especially when lots of men have egos like glass nowadays.

 

Gotcha .......

[Potz4prez]

 

All the merrier for guys who can waltz in with confidence and a genuine smile. It makes their attention all the more flattering when attention from men is on the wane.

 

Hehehheee... It's so easy when all you have to do to impress a girl is ask them out

[WesternWizard]

There's the risk that a woman is going to sic the law on us for harassment. I mean, come on... what woman isn't going to feel intimidated by a 300-lb monster like me trying to hit on her??? For all I know, she might whip a .38 from her purse and pump me full of lead.

 

Besides, most of us are too hung up on rules and tradition... though I believe it will reach a tipping point when women will get tired of being hit on by the arrogant James Dean types... when women get serious about wanting "good" men, they'll bite the bullet and say the hell with the rules, and go after that guy.

 

After all, remember what Dusty Springfield said!

[irc333]

Stranger danger.

 

Women out in public aren't really open to being approached by strange men they don't know. It's not like it used to be. Women SERIOUSLY have their guards/*itch shields up (for a lack of a better word).

 

I remember attempting such approaches in waiting areas, lines at coffee shops, stores, etc...only to have them be very SHORT with me or anxious to end the conversation and get home.

 

If they are single, chances are after such an awkward encounter, they get home, lock the doors and log into a dating site to have the ability to CONTROL who approaches them via delete key. lol

 

YOu used to be able to do this in the World War II era where a soldier would just pick a woman and marry her...easy peasy.

 

 

Now just as a preface, I believe that women should approach just as much as men. But you guys know just as well as I do that it doesn't happen as much as we all expect. According to "societies" standards though, men are supposedly expect to make the move.

 

Whether it's at a bar, grocery store, etc. Men just shy away from the approach. It's not even looks either. I've seen average looking men to Brad Pitt looks clam up.

 

Any opinions?

 

Just a random thought I've had today.

[Woggle]

For at least two decades men have been lectured on street harassment and told to leave women alone in public. Many men have listened to these messages.

[thefooloftheyear]

For at least two decades men have been lectured on street harassment and told to leave women alone in public. Many men have listened to these messages.

 

yep...

 

Nowadays,. most men are afraid to even say the smallest thing..like maybe mentioning she is wearing a nice outfit or her hair looks nice-without fear of being labeled a stalker...Most men just dont want the potential hassle..

 

Ive never really been comfortable approaching women and never really did..Ill usually rely on them to make the first move...I just dont like getting in anyones personal space-so this is no different..

 

TFY

[irc333]

There's also a higher risk since the guy has absolutely nothing to go on except what he sees at any given moment.

 

Right, basically....a woman KNOWS the reason you approached...why? Because you thought they were "hot" or "cute". Yes, men ONLY approach because they were into you physically and had nothing to go off but THAT.

 

Usually that's a turn off in itself.

[Haydn]

I flirt outrageously with the ladies of my local Costcutter. If you are coming over like a threat then obviously you are doing something wrong. (Very)

[dichotomy]

I will be honest, for some reason I seem to choose the wrong ones to flirt or chase (online or in person) and it never turned out well - so I mostly gave up (but not completely).

 

Instead it has been easier for me (mainly online but in person as well) to let the women make the first flirt or move, from there it seems to work better. My personal opinion is that women are more empowered and aggressive these days, and they know what they want, and will make the choice - so I let them (mostly)

 

and also to the 300lb "monster guy" poster, while not as big as you, I am big enough that I do occasionally get intimidation factor from women when they first see or meet me (and sometimes guys too) so that also puts me in a pleasant but arms length mode with many women at first.

[longjohn]

I don't understand the confusion talking to ladies in a public place whether it be at a conference, coffee shop, store or on the street waiting for a bus. It's fairly easy at least if you pay attention. 9 times out of 10 I'll talk to a lady in public if she makes eye contact/smiles and/or her body language is suggestive to being approached. Just about every single time it goes without issue and we can strike up a conversation. Sometimes I get it wrong lol.

 

 

I have had the opposite happen to me on a number of occasions. I've had a lady come on to me unexpectedly while getting my oil changed, in the store while shopping for food, in a class (she was the lecturer) well technically after the class, at conferences I've been approached by ladies and no not sales people. The opportunities for meeting and interacting with the opposite sex out there are mind boggling all that's needed is some balls lol.

[OwMyEyeball]

Right, basically....a woman KNOWS the reason you approached...why? Because you thought they were "hot" or "cute". Yes, men ONLY approach because they were into you physically and had nothing to go off but THAT.

 

Usually that's a turn off in itself.

Smile and facial expressions, posture, gait, style, flirt signals, behaviour.

 

I suppose those could all be considered physical, but they do speak to more than just her looks.

 

We could turn the tables and say that the only reason a woman will give signals of interest is because she finds the guy to be cute or hot. I can't think of any man who would consider that to be a turn off. I'd imagine it's the same for women.

 

Gotta start somewhere.

[OwMyEyeball]

I don't understand the confusion talking to ladies in a public place whether it be at a conference, coffee shop, store or on the street waiting for a bus. It's fairly easy at least if you pay attention. 9 times out of 10 I'll talk to a lady in public if she makes eye contact/smiles and/or her body language is suggestive to being approached. Just about every single time it goes without issue and we can strike up a conversation. Sometimes I get it wrong lol.

 

 

I have had the opposite happen to me on a number of occasions. I've had a lady come on to me unexpectedly while getting my oil changed, in the store while shopping for food, in a class (she was the lecturer) well technically after the class, at conferences I've been approached by ladies and no not sales people. The opportunities for meeting and interacting with the opposite sex out there are mind boggling all that's needed is some balls lol.

May be a cultural as well. I find women, and people in general, to be much more approachable in Europe. I've never been to Ireland, so maybe it's similar to a lot of Canada and the US where people tend to be more guarded.

[sillyanswer]

Any opinions?

 

If you're referring to cold approaches to complete strangers in random public settings: It's an activity with such low returns that it's barely worth the effort, especially when there are alternatives.

[longjohn]

May be a cultural as well. I find women, and people in general, to be much more approachable in Europe. I've never been to Ireland, so maybe it's similar to a lot of Canada and the US where people tend to be more guarded.

I've been to the US many times and lived there for a time. I've never had issue there either. If anything I found women more approachable in the US than back home. That in part maybe because of there being an "accent" which I'll admit can be used to launch into a conversation.

[oberkeat]

For a lot of guys, including myself, to approach and be rejected by a girl is among the more humiliating things that can happen to them, so they decide in that moment that it isn't worth the risk, especially if they've had some negative reactions to their approaches in the past. Let's face it, some girls can be brutal when they reject a guy.