Friend/Acquaintance in class in pursuit of same girl as me

[Vero]

In my high school French class, I really like a girl that sits 1 desk left and 2 back from me. I was a bit nervous thinking about talking to her after class, but I managed to, and it was a pretty smooth and funny 1 minute conversation in between classes.

 

The next day, I was going to do it again, BUT I realized that my friend Louis, who sits 2 desk in front of her (to my left), may have taken notice of me talking to her, and joined in on the conversation, and as the bell rang, HE walked with her outside of class and only talked for like 10 seconds (LAAAMEE). This is the first time I have ever seen him walk with her after class because she was always the last to leave, as I was.

 

The problem is that Louis is my friend/acquaintance (I only know him in that class, and the occasional greeting in the hallway or cafeteria; essentially we're cool with each other). The problem isn't talking to her, I can do that easily now. The problem is that me and him will be competing to see who will talk to her after class. Not to sound conceited or arrogant, but Louis is much more "beta" than me. His jokes are always to try and make her laugh but they're extremely lame to me and I can do so much better. I want a relationship with her more than I want a relationship with Louis for sure. I will feel bad for Louis, even though it's fair game, if I persist.

 

The solution may seem obvious and simple, but what do you suggest I do? I have no idea if this will actually happen, but I need help anyways.

[d0nnivain]

If Louis isn't your BFF & you aren't otherwise hanging out together, you are free to ask anyone you want for a date even the girl he likes too.

[smackie9]

You want her you go get her. You can't go through life hold back because buddy has an interest in them too....survival of the fittest I say.

 

Remember she is the one that will decide who she likes. It could be none of you.

[Assasda]

In my high school French class, I really like a girl that sits 1 desk left and 2 back from me. I was a bit nervous thinking about talking to her after class, but I managed to, and it was a pretty smooth and funny 1 minute conversation in between classes.

 

The next day, I was going to do it again, BUT I realized that my friend Louis, who sits 2 desk in front of her (to my left), may have taken notice of me talking to her, and joined in on the conversation, and as the bell rang, HE walked with her outside of class and only talked for like 10 seconds (LAAAMEE). This is the first time I have ever seen him walk with her after class because she was always the last to leave, as I was.

 

The problem is that Louis is my friend/acquaintance (I only know him in that class, and the occasional greeting in the hallway or cafeteria; essentially we're cool with each other). The problem isn't talking to her, I can do that easily now. The problem is that me and him will be competing to see who will talk to her after class. Not to sound conceited or arrogant, but Louis is much more "beta" than me. His jokes are always to try and make her laugh but they're extremely lame to me and I can do so much better. I want a relationship with her more than I want a relationship with Louis for sure. I will feel bad for Louis, even though it's fair game, if I persist.

 

The solution may seem obvious and simple, but what do you suggest I do? I have no idea if this will actually happen, but I need help anyways.

 

Good. I think I like your mindset on this.

Dont worry about Louis at all, because he's no threat, so dont even talk about him, dont even think about him.

- In fact still be nice to him.

 

All you need to focus on is yourself and what you want with this girl. Dont declare anything to her yet, but just have fun with her, ask her a lot of questions, see what she's about.

Then if you decide you like her, ask her to see a movie

[Vero]

Good. I think I like your mindset on this.

Dont worry about Louis at all, because he's no threat, so dont even talk about him, dont even think about him.

- In fact still be nice to him.

 

All you need to focus on is yourself and what you want with this girl. Dont declare anything to her yet, but just have fun with her, ask her a lot of questions, see what she's about.

Then if you decide you like her, ask her to see a movie

I'll definitely utilize your insight, however, another "issue" has arisen (not really an issue at all). Ive noticed that she kind of tries to "walk" next to me after class when I go to my class. She trying to talk to me between classes and we have so that's good. It's pretty difficult to get a good amount of conversation seeing as how she she splits up from me to got her friends/classroom. We walk upstairs and she goes left and I go right. I WANT TO TALK TO HER, but don't know how to make an excuse to make her stay and talk to me rather than continue to class. If I can find a way to talk to her between classes for like 4 minutes I'm SET! advice?

[Assasda]

I'll definitely utilize your insight, however, another "issue" has arisen (not really an issue at all). Ive noticed that she kind of tries to "walk" next to me after class when I go to my class. She trying to talk to me between classes and we have so that's good. It's pretty difficult to get a good amount of conversation seeing as how she she splits up from me to got her friends/classroom. We walk upstairs and she goes left and I go right. I WANT TO TALK TO HER, but don't know how to make an excuse to make her stay and talk to me rather than continue to class. If I can find a way to talk to her between classes for like 4 minutes I'm SET! advice?

 

Ok what you do is this.

 

When she wants beside you, a few days when she's walking beside you, what you do is you bump her. Just bump her with your hip and contiue walking. Teasing, dont do it to hurt her, but do it enough that she can feel it.

See what she says, and then just keep walking to your class.

-If you do this enough, she'll start to bump you back, then you can do stuff like talk with her before you part ways.

 

Its playful, try it and post on how it goes

[Vero]

Ok what you do is this.

 

When she wants beside you, a few days when she's walking beside you, what you do is you bump her. Just bump her with your hip and contiue walking. Teasing, dont do it to hurt her, but do it enough that she can feel it.

See what she says, and then just keep walking to your class.

-If you do this enough, she'll start to bump you back, then you can do stuff like talk with her before you part ways.

 

Its playful, try it and post on how it goes

After class, I was thinking I could ask her out speaking French to have some ice cream some time after school this week. It's the 3rd week of school. Is it too early? I was thinking of doing that bumping thing and asking her out the same day. I don't want to wait anymore because I never succeed when I wait. Advice? Thanks.

[preraph]

This became such a problem my first year in college with dorm mates that I suggested we have an auction. We each had so many points to spend and put the guys' names in a hat and pretty much whoever was willing to spend all or most of their points on one guy then had 6 weeks to pursue them unimpeded, leaving part of the semester for others to pursue them if it failed.

[d0nnivain]

After class, I was thinking I could ask her out speaking French to have some ice cream some time after school this week. It's the 3rd week of school. Is it too early? I was thinking of doing that bumping thing and asking her out the same day. I don't want to wait anymore because I never succeed when I wait. Advice? Thanks.

 

I'm not sure what the bumping thing is but if it's already the 3rd week of school I absolutely think you should go for it & ask her to get ice cream. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

[ktya]

OP from what I can see you are hyperanalyzing the situation and you may be just as "beta" as this Louis character.

 

Some points for you.

 

1. Women dont like a man who gives a damn that some other guy is into her. In the past 8 months I've banged 3 girls with boyfriends and lifted a 4th (who I'm seeing now) off a current boyfriend. I dont target girls with boyfriends or anything, but when they say "I have a boyfriend" I just keep going if I dont personally know the guy and I like the chick. She's obviously talking to me one on one and its obvious what I want from them so if she strays its on her not me. I even have a girl who just moved in with her boyfriend coming over to bang me this weekend, it's been going on monthly for 7 months and she hooked with the guy 5 months ago. The point of this point is you need to ignore this guy's advances, just forget that it's even happening. Even go up to the girl when he's talking to her and just ask her out right in front of him. Dont do it all macho like to show him up just do it exactly the same if he wasnt there.

 

2. You are hyperanalyzing which is going to lead you to "need yourself out". Your recanting the number of seconds that he walked with her and where he is positioning himself relative to her. You are thinking like a chick. Stop it. Who the fk cares where he walks or what foot he put in front of the other. Further to point one who gives a s hit about this guy or what he does. You want the girl. Girls like a man who knows what he wants and makes no bones about getting it especially if it's her.

 

3. You "are cool with this guy". Again he's not your buddy, he's some guy in your french class and you dont really hang with or talk to him much outside of that. Whether he's beta or his jokes are lame dont compete with the guy just get the girl. If you get the girl and walk all over his face because he's trying for her too the fk bad for him. You arent in competition with him you are gonna get this girl. Forget him. Just make the move and make it now.

 

4. Time is of the essence. You have no idea how quickly an unattached chick can shift her fancy. This guy is trying for her and no matter how beta you think he is if he asks her first and she's in the mood to try a guy out you might lose your chance no matter how lame his jokes are. Ask her out, and do it now. If I were in your boots I'd ditch the french and just walk up to her and say, "Hey your cute. Im going to buy you ice cream after school today. Meet you at X at 3:15 after class?" She will admire your fortitude and if you do that even right in front of this Louis character it will work even better. Dont make any slights towards him or give him any dirty looks or even chop him. If he makes a dig at you just give her a smile and say to her, "3:15 then?". If you get in a tit for tat with him it will degrade you. If he tries to get in your sht it will make him look worse and she'll probably go for it just to show him she can make her own decisions.

 

Dont overthink **** man. Just go for it. Worst she's going to say is no.

 

The bumping in the hallway thing? Save that sht for after you take her out for ice cream, go for a nice long walk talking, and kiss her. Then next time when Louis tries to talk to her after class and you walk up to her and greet her with a kiss on the lips, he'll get the frickin' message right quick.

[Vero]

Damn those are some very helpful points. I kind of realized these points midway through class, I started to act like myself and I realized Louis makes a loud presence to attract her. He didn't even go to talk to her after class so I went up to her afterwards and talked for a little bit. We walked up the stairs and I stop her and asked her in French if she'd like to get ice cream sometime this week, lol I didn't sound ask good as I had planned it lol but I shouldn't be planning so much anymore. She said yes with a smile, and I got her phone number. I texted her immediately after and she replied, but I'm not sure I want to text. It's such bull****. I feel I should only do it to plan a date or something, but calling her sounds so much braver lol I'm gonna do that. I told her Saturday to get a nice cream, but now I'm thinking it's be away better to do it tomorrow because Saturdays way to far away (lol what was I thinking). Should I tell her it should be tomorrow? More advice? Lol thanks guys

[ktya]

What I'd do is this...

 

Call her and say you'd like to change the plan. Lets do the ice cream tomorrow so I can take you on a REAL date Saturday - dinner and a movie.

[preraph]

KTYA, I do think some women pay attention to guys who poach other guys' girls. I'm not saying they all care and certainly it matters to a far lesser degree if the guys aren't friends. But if they are friends, my estimation goes way down toward the one trying to steal a friend's girl. And just a guy trying to steal a taken girl, I consider trashy too, considering there's a billion and one girls out there so why does he need that one.

[ktya]

KTYA, I do think some women pay attention to guys who poach other guys' girls. I'm not saying they all care and certainly it matters to a far lesser degree if the guys aren't friends. But if they are friends, my estimation goes way down toward the one trying to steal a friend's girl. And just a guy trying to steal a taken girl, I consider trashy too, considering there's a billion and one girls out there so why does he need that one.

 

In OPs case neither of them are even dating the girl so it really is the first guy she says yes to in this case. They arent friends either.

 

I have a friend who is bad for trying to hit on friends' girlfriends (including mine) and my girlfriends have thought that he was slime.

 

Its a bit different though when your at a bar and you invite a girl to your table, start chatting her up and flirting, she mentions she has a boyfriend, and you just keep flirting. There's a reason she went to some strange guys table to hang one on one with him when hes making it clear as day he's interested. Its a sign that she's not that into the relationship. Even works with married or engaged chicks. I'm not saying what they're doing is good; but women these days stray as often as men.

 

Now if she gives you a cool vibe from the start, thats an entirely different beast, time to back off. Keep going and she'll think your a creep.

[mightycpa]

This happened to me, except it was my best friend! We talked, and bet a pack of cigarettes on who she would go out with. The other agreed to not interfere once she made her choice.

 

She ended up being my first love. Then a year later, she dumped me hard.

 

Talk to Louis. It's OK. You guys can work it out.

[todreaminblue]

as smackie said it may be none of you that she likes.....

 

 

i am going to differ here and say you approach louie and tell him you like her and that you hope it wont affect your friendship but you are going to ask her out.....you have known louie longer than her......he may not be your bff...but it is a manly and respectful thing to do......thats my opinion anyway...deb

[Vero]

I called her once and I didn't get an answer. Should I just wait until tomorrow to change the date day? I don't want to call her twice in a row, do I?

[smackie9]

Dude she doesn't want to text and didn't return you call....what does that tell you?

[mightycpa]

I called her once and I didn't get an answer. Should I just wait until tomorrow to change the date day? I don't want to call her twice in a row, do I?

 

This happened to me too! My now wife would NOT call me back. But what she didn't know was that I was immune to this sort of rejection. I called and called and called and called until she had no choice. I secured a date when she finally called back, and we've been together ever since.

 

Now you have to be careful about all that calling business. If you don't do it right, you can come across like a stalker. Luckily, I had tons of experience with how to talk to the ladies. It is time for you to get yours.

 

Wait a day. Don't be anxious, whiny or pushy. Just call, and leave a nice message if you don't get an answer. You never know, she might actually have a life she's busy with.

 

You seem to be following in my footsteps. Lucky you!

[PogoStick]

Louis is much more "beta" than me. I want a relationship with her more than I want a relationship with Louis for sure.

The solution may seem obvious and simple, but what do you suggest I do?.

 

If you were alpha you wouldn't be asking this question.

[Vero]

I didn't say I was alpha, I just said Louis is much more beta than me

[Assasda]

I wanted you to bump her to get a little rapport with her before you ask her out.

If you dont seem like an out going guy in the begininng, its a little incongruent of you to just suddenly become out going.

 

Anyway, if you called her once and she didnt answer you or call you back, dont call her again.

 

In fact youre already wasting too much time stratergizing about 1 girl.

See other chicks.

 

If she comes up to you about it, tell her a date and a time, and be on your way

[Vero]

I wanted you to bump her to get a little rapport with her before you ask her out.

If you dont seem like an out going guy in the begininng, its a little incongruent of you to just suddenly become out going.

 

Anyway, if you called her once and she didnt answer you or call you back, dont call her again.

 

In fact youre already wasting too much time stratergizing about 1 girl.

See other chicks.

 

If she comes up to you about it, tell her a date and a time, and be on your way

This is high school man. It's not like college where it doesn't matter. Your reputation can be foiled sooo much easier flirting with multiple girls.

 

In my Accounting class, I sat with my friend , who turned out to be one of her guy friends (he's just a friend, I KNOW THIS). I saw him walking with my crush at lunch the day before, so I automatically thought he liked her. He's very down to Earth so I believe him. He was texting someone during Accounting, but idk who. He said he needed to take a snapchat of me, so I smiled for the picture lol.

 

Me: who is that Snapchat for?

Him: someone. You know her.

Me: Uhhh.....[crush's name]?

Him: yeah.

Me: damn, good guess haha. Okay... Let's be completely honest here haha.... What are your "intentions"?

Him: haha just friends.

Me: okay. because I saw you guys walking together yesterday haha... I make a lot of assumptions and it's unhealthy lol. I actually asked her out speaking French yesterday, I butchered every word lol but it worked and I got her number haha.

Him: oh yeah, she said that's the sweetest thing any guy has ever done for her.

Me: *flipping out mentally* awesome! *Blah blah blah*... Does she like Louis?

Him: No, she liked him last year, now she doesn't really like him.

Me:*Yes!!!!* *blah blah blah*... I called her yesterday and she didn't pick up.

Him: at what time?

Me: 5:30ish

Him: oh yeah, she had dance until 5:30 and then she went to a birthday party.

Me: *Holy crap this guy knows a lot* thanks buddy. Uhh...... Could I see the text conversation on your phone..?

Him: ...Nope haha

Me: hahahahahah yeah it's all good ;D

 

Also, I didn't end up changing the schedule for the ice cream because she seems just as busy as I am so Saturday seems good. Any more advice? What do YOU make of this? Thanks!

Edited August 27, 2014 by Vero

[d0nnivain]

I think the conversation with your classmate was very positive for you. Brush up on your French & ask the girl to get ice cream with you. If you play your cards right you should end up with a date for the homecoming dance.

[Assasda]

nothing changed.

Youre still jealous, and posessive of this girl that you barely know.

 

That girl hasnt called you back.

 

Youre just making excuses for her.

Ehh... Its whatever though, do your thing, but if you dont think that youre worth that much, she wont either, and she'll treat you accordingly