brandon26003 Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I've been dating this woman for approximately 3 months. I'm 34 and she is 41. We dated briefly 3 years ago, but she admittedly bolted when she started catching feelings. We've gone one several dates over the past 3 months and had a great time. Through text, she says that she really enjoys my company and that she thinks that this could turn into a committed relationship. We spoke about it in person a few days ago and she says she is scared because of her work and family obligations. So...I'm struggling with...Do I cut her loose? Do I just stay with her because I enjoy her company with no committment? I'm nervous and confused because of our conversations via text and in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I don't know man. This "I'm scared" period is something that some women go through. In part it is all about becoming vulnerable but it is also about obligations. The fact that she said this to you means you're in a pivotal moment. She'll either process it or flee. I would give it two to three more weeks and reassess. I know - this stuff is maddening. But keep the pressure off and see if she grows to become comfortable. Don't play games though. Just continue how you have been and avoid "calling the question". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 It's possible that even tho she likes you, she may not feel you are what she needs for the long haul. 3 months is long enough to know what direction the relationship should be going. She's putting on the breaks. Now you can't be invested because their a chance she will bail on you. Me personally wouldn't waste anymore of my time on someone that is iffy after 3 months. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Do you need to be committed & get this nailed down right now? What's your hurry? If you otherwise like her company, enjoy the moment. Go with the flow. Every relationship doesn't have to be analyzed & dissected. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Here's what you do. It's too soon to commit anyway. You really don't know a person well in three months. You're still seeing their "company behavior." Simply tell her for now you two should just have fun and keep dating and then agree to reassess the situation in six months. No pressure that way. Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I don't know man. This "I'm scared" period is something that some women go through. In part it is all about becoming vulnerable but it is also about obligations. The fact that she said this to you means you're in a pivotal moment. She'll either process it or flee. I would give it two to three more weeks and reassess. I know - this stuff is maddening. But keep the pressure off and see if she grows to become comfortable. Don't play games though. Just continue how you have been and avoid "calling the question". Excellent post. I'm 37 dating a 25 year old right now and this thread jumped out at me because she's said the same sort of lines albeit not verbatim. I talked to my aunt about it and she said largely what you wrote in this post about it. The way my aunt put it was sort of like this. Girls go through this period when they are developing feelings and get a bit scared because of how they fall in love. When they fall in love, they really fall, just like how when they fall out of love, theres practically no way they can go back. She advised me that during this period to just relax, be confident, dont push anything and just let her process the fact that she's having these feelings and come to grips that this is her new reality, and that chances are after a bit of time off to process she'll come back and roll with it just the way that you want her to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Or she could be feeding you a cock and bull story and is keeping her options open. Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Or she could be feeding you a cock and bull story and is keeping her options open. If that was directed at me, I doubt it. She has a drawer in my bedroom and left a variety of hair grooming tools, makeup, and clothes that she brought over to store at my house. If not, carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 If that was directed at me, I doubt it. She has a drawer in my bedroom and left a variety of hair grooming tools, makeup, and clothes that she brought over to store at my house. If not, carry on. No it wasn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I've been dating this woman for approximately 3 months. I'm 34 and she is 41. We dated briefly 3 years ago, but she admittedly bolted when she started catching feelings. We've gone one several dates over the past 3 months and had a great time. Through text, she says that she really enjoys my company and that she thinks that this could turn into a committed relationship. We spoke about it in person a few days ago and she says she is scared because of her work and family obligations. So...I'm struggling with...Do I cut her loose? Do I just stay with her because I enjoy her company with no committment? I'm nervous and confused because of our conversations via text and in person. "Scared" of what? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 At least she is being honest with you, give her time, as she sorts out what is important...with obligations they need to be met....but you can reassess and reorganize...delegate less important obligations to the back of the queue..... and to me that sounds like what she is doing....give her time and see where it goes...she is thinking about obligations and obviously takes the relationship you have seriously....everyone gets scared of failure when something is new and not certain....but if its right....it will fit ....the fear will fade and life just happens whether she has another commitment and obligation to yours and hers relationship or not.... to you or not........deb Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 She's walked out on you before for being "scared." She's "scared" now. What makes this situation any different from your last? SHe's showing those same signs these did three years ago. I would say cut her loose... Link to post Share on other sites
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