how to date traditional girl

[lioil]

I met this girl on match.com and ironically we actually met in a nearby gym a few times so she agreed to meet me for first meeting which i generally dont really call it a date. We are maybe 8 years apart (i am older) but I nor her nor her sister (her parents are back in her home country) is worried about it. We subsequently went out 2 more times second time to the movies (i know….) and dinner and today to a rec center playing mini golf and walked around then dinner. During dinner she asked me what type of girl i am looking for in a woman and i just told her some characteristics i felt important but ultimately told her being together more will really show whether the other is compatible or not to which she agrees.

She says her relationship always started from being longtime friends then somehow it got into dating and going directly into dating with a “stranger” like me is her first time doing it.

 

She did emphasize on taking it slow and say she is pretty traditional and kissing is “a bit down the line” and is reserved for girlfriend/boyfriend relationship and we are not there yet (understandably) and she is still trying to learn more about me and her feelings before anything else happens.

I did tell her i wanted to express me liking her but she says that i dont need to be too expressive and she believes in things happening naturally and right now she feels we get along great and thinks there’s definitely a chance to develop into something more as we get to know eachother better.

 

My questions are:

1. what should i do in terms of getting to the boyfriend/girlfriend part with a more traditional girl like her? I think she would really be putoff if i tried to surprise kiss her – we did hug when i walked her to her door though.

2. is there anything i could do or to express without being physical?

3. How long should I give her to gauge us before asking her to be girlfriend?

[Dork Vader]

1. You can not make yourself be her traditional. You just need to be yourself and see if that is what she wants. When you attempt to be what she wants you are creating a false image of yourself that wont last.

 

That said don't pace yourself just let things happen with her.

 

She has been fairly clear cut. She does not want to complicate getting to know you by mixing in physical things. Which is reasonable IMO.

 

How many dates have you been on? My advice with the showing interest is.. Just continue to engage her in conversation and dates.

 

When you are ready to kiss her set the stage and make it happen. Don't over think it.

[rocketman122]

people have different ways of traditional. a girl who kisses down the line isnt what id call traditional. many traditional girls who will kiss today. traditional in my mind is the way your parents dated but today its about keeping the essence of tradition but with modern ways.

 

I almost always kiss on a first date and I do date those women who believe the traditional aspects of dating. they prefer it that way. and so do I. today with femenism, men are very confused on gender roles and there is a lot of single people analyzing and overthinking how to date. When I OLD, I filter hard and quickly ID these women and stay away.

 

if, in my early stages I cannot assess them through their profile, then I go to the messages and use that, and if I cant do it there, then its on the phone, and if not, then the first date will tell me enough.

 

ragrding traditional these are things that are in my core of dating.

 

-the man pursuing-he will call to get the date. he is the go getter. he wants her, he goes after her.

 

-the man being chivalrous. this is very big and also why Im successful with the ladies. opening the door, letting her sit first, pulling her chair, standing up when she comes back from the WC. giving her your jacket if its cold outside. a gentleman.

 

- the man leading. the women I date (not feminists) want me be the man and she wants to be the woman/let her feel like the woman. I cannot explain this in detail because if you dont have the feeling to lead then it will be hard for you to implement it.

 

its not about being a douche but releasing her from this so she feels secure and confident in what you decide. its not a taking power but more a trust feeling to let the other decide whats best for both of you. btw, this is extremely critical, but in the bed, a man is the leader. you will not get far with a women if you are submissive and let her take control. I promise you. unless you go for the dominant women who like men who take whatever they get.

 

the kiss you mentioned is a huge no no for me. from my personal experience, usually those who hold out on kisses are a bit vanilla in bed, or arent too sexually open.

 

-go slow with her. thats the only thing you can do. be courteous attentive and a gentleman.

-you got a clear warning sign about the kiss. let her decide when its time.

-I couldnt give you an estimate on how long before asking, but from what I see not before 3 months (twice a week dating). shes slow but it coulod be because of her inexperience or age.

[smackie9]

Traditional dating.....doing nice gestures like buying her flowers, writing her poetry, or read poetry to her, holding hands, hold her purse when you take her out shopping (lol), typical pu ssy romance crap.

 

Me personally, I wouldn't think of dating a traditional guy. Being told to take things slow, and holding off on anything physical would have me running the other direction.

 

You could be dating this girl for months before getting a kiss out of her. If this isn't your style I would just bail.

[rocketman122]

Traditional dating.....doing nice gestures like buying her flowers, writing her poetry, or read poetry to her, holding hands, hold her purse when you take her out shopping (lol), typical pu ssy romance crap.

 

Me personally, I wouldn't think of dating a traditional guy. Being told to take things slow, and holding off on anything physical would have me running the other direction.

 

You could be dating this girl for months before getting a kiss out of her. If this isn't your style I would just bail.

 

and now you see why the dating scene is messed up? men want to do nice gestures and women say, eh who needs that pewssy romance crap.

 

and thats the reason dating is where it is today. you shot yourself in the foot.

[d0nnivain]

She's a traditional girl who spelled things out for you. Kissing is "down the line" etc. If you can't deal with that, get out now. Do not try to force her to change her values. You are right, the "surprise" kiss would be seen as an assault not a good thing

 

She prefers BF/GF relationships born of friendships that gradually blossom into something else. If you are unwilling to put in the time -- I'd say at least 6 months -- don't bother with her because you are not on the same page.

 

For now court her. Spend time together. Listen when she speaks. Ask Qs. be interested in the answers. Open doors for her. Do romantic things like picnics, long walks, dancing if that's allowed, etc. Push her on a swing. Send her a sweet text once in a while (no more than 1-2 x) per week. It should say variations of I'm thinking about you. You make me happy. You have a beautiful smile/eyes/hair etc. Occasionally bring her a flower -- one blossom not a rose that you hand to her. Do not have a bouquet delivered because she will view that as a BF/GF thing. Maybe once or twice in the six+ months before you ask to be BF/GF send her a nice card via snail mail & get her something silly like a small stuffed animal wearing a heart. It would be better if you could win the stuffed animal playing a carnival game with her but that's not required.

[lioil]

Thanks for the suggestions. She is pretty direct in saying how she feels or wants. If theres one theme is she wants to take it slow and she doesnt want to do anything physical until we get to that boyfriend girlfriend relationship. Now i am not trying to get physical with her asap but i did tell her i don't want to end up in the really good friend zone where i didnt show enoigh interest. I think she understood that and said to let thinga develop on their own. She is 25 and i am 32 but i dont think she mind the age gap at all. Her older sister does think i am dependable from observing me a few times at the gym group classes(this was before i even knew who they were) and her sister actually gave the mini golf suggestion. Should i try to ask her sister for help or advice?

 

I think next week i will try to hold her hand and see what happens. She does think it is childish to hold hands though...

[d0nnivain]

Leave her sister out of it. Grade school ended a long time ago.

[smackie9]

and now you see why the dating scene is messed up? men want to do nice gestures and women say, eh who needs that pewssy romance crap.

 

and thats the reason dating is where it is today. you shot yourself in the foot.

 

 

I'm married, I haven't dated in 25 years lol. This is how I felt about dating back then. I was a passionate, fun seeking type dater. Soft dinner dates and flowers were never my thing. Too boring lol. That isn't why dating is messed up, I would blame it on technology/social media.

[Fondue]

Thanks for the suggestions. She is pretty direct in saying how she feels or wants. If theres one theme is she wants to take it slow and she doesnt want to do anything physical until we get to that boyfriend girlfriend relationship. Now i am not trying to get physical with her asap but i did tell her i don't want to end up in the really good friend zone where i didnt show enoigh interest. I think she understood that and said to let thinga develop on their own. She is 25 and i am 32 but i dont think she mind the age gap at all. Her older sister does think i am dependable from observing me a few times at the gym group classes(this was before i even knew who they were) and her sister actually gave the mini golf suggestion. Should i try to ask her sister for help or advice?

 

I think next week i will try to hold her hand and see what happens. She does think it is childish to hold hands though...

How do you know this girl has enough interest in you in the first place?

 

I always try and view things from many different angles before I settle on one answer.

 

The way I interpreted her words is that she has to "like-like" you A LOT before she can proceed with you. This sort of thing will take a long time to progress. WIth that said, how do you know she will even be at that stage with you after all that effort she put into you?

 

You likely WILL end up just being that "friend." You might be giving her all that great attention, setting up all those dates, courting her like a real gentleman, and then she'll just say, "I want to just be friends."

 

That is a whole lot to invest, man. You have a lot more to lose than she does.

 

I'd say walk. A girl who is interested in you will let you know she is.

 

This one is on the fence. If you were a macho man with a great personality, a an awesome job, and a "baller" living space, she wouldn't be feeding you those lines. SHe'd be much more keen on you.

[smackie9]

Thinking about this last night, since this is her "first" time dating a stranger, it would mean whatever she was doing before wasn't working, so she is trying something different. She knows she doesn't have time to be "long time" friends with someone first if she is looking for a husband. Her guard is up because she is uncertain and she is protecting herself. Probably heard lots of nightmare stories about players, jerks, untrustworthy guys, etc. I'm sure once she sees you as mature and honest she will let her guard down and relax her rules.

 

But that is what dating is about...getting to know one another and see if there is compatibility.....so I wouldn't really worry about how the behave around her. If she gets offended or is taking too long to progress, you will know it isnt working out.

[deathandtaxes]

I don't think this has been remarked on, but maybe she is saying 'traditional' as in the country she is from? OP didn't mention which country, but she could be trying to adhere to dating mores from another country, perhaps more conservative than the US when it comes to dating.

[rocketman122]

I'm married, I haven't dated in 25 years lol. This is how I felt about dating back then. I was a passionate, fun seeking type dater. Soft dinner dates and flowers were never my thing. Too boring lol. That isn't why dating is messed up, I would blame it on technology/social media.

 

nice try blaming it media technology. women want men to be kind and giving and caring and do nice things. if my women told me "thats pewsey romance crap" when I was trying to woo her, I would kick her to the curb. thank god the majority of women ive come across, enjoy and appreciate that pewsey romance crap and tell me its very rare to find a guy like this.

[d0nnivain]

Different women like different things. If somebody expresses a dislike for romance, it's not a good idea to cram it down their throats. If 2 people are incompatible her, they just aren't a good match & that's OK. Trying to force a square peg into the round hole causes the problems.

 

I agree with smackie9 that social media & technology have had a negative impact on dating. Like her I haven't date in this age but the stress of what you see or don't see about the new person on FB, Instagram, etc an the stress of OMG he didn't text me back & it's been 10 whole minutes. . . blah! It was bad enough when there was only snail mail & a house phone. Just because we have the ability to be connected 24/7/365 doesn't mean that's a good idea in the beginning of a relationship.

[smackie9]

nice try blaming it media technology. women want men to be kind and giving and caring and do nice things. if my women told me "thats pewsey romance crap" when I was trying to woo her, I would kick her to the curb. thank god the majority of women ive come across, enjoy and appreciate that pewsey romance crap and tell me its very rare to find a guy like this.

 

Nice things for me is if he picks up a case of beer for me, or vacuums and does the dishes lol.

[lioil]

I don't think this has been remarked on, but maybe she is saying 'traditional' as in the country she is from? OP didn't mention which country, but she could be trying to adhere to dating mores from another country, perhaps more conservative than the US when it comes to dating.

 

Oh yes she is from another country china so her pov on dating is not like us here. She even asked me what us guy think on dates etc. Maybe the cultural difference plays a bigger role.

[Thruster]

well traditional is the same term - years and years ago

 

just go at it slow

 

don't dare date another -- or she is gone

 

and you might as well start talking to the parents or family

 

if you plan on being in for the long hall

[rocketman122]

Oh yes she is from another country china so her pov on dating is not like us here. She even asked me what us guy think on dates etc. Maybe the cultural difference plays a bigger role.

 

wow, youre going to wait a while for some action..but if shes a nice person, and you connect with her maybe stay and see if something meaningful can come out.

 

im the person who will wait up to 3 weeks for sex before walking away, but here, the situation may be right for you to wait. only you can know. if it feels right..

[lioil]

wow, youre going to wait a while for some action..but if shes a nice person, and you connect with her maybe stay and see if something meaningful can come out.

 

im the person who will wait up to 3 weeks for sex before walking away, but here, the situation may be right for you to wait. only you can know. if it feels right..

 

 

wow 3 weeks for sex is a bit quick isn't it? doesnt it reflect the girl being a little too easy? But different strokes for different folks i suppose. I am normally a bit slow in terms of dating progress but i do want to see some progress not still at a standstill after a while. I think i want to give it a month and see if she decides to move from friends to girlfriend or move forward a bit physically (holding hands, kiss on cheek etc.) if not then I think i am out. I am not getting any younger lol..

[d0nnivain]

I think i want to give it a month and see if she decides to move from friends to girlfriend or move forward a bit physically (holding hands, kiss on cheek etc.) ..

 

In a month you might be able to get her to hand holding but if her traditional values are from mainland China I think you are still moving too fast for her. She's used to a situation where courting which doesn't involve any touching goes on under the watchful eye of her family but you & other LS posters are trying to impose a modern American time line on her. It just won't work.

[lioil]

so we went out today and just kind of walked around the pier and had dinner. I did try to hold her hand again but she mentioned "no one does that" guess she doesnt know too much about the holding hands thing in US. I did mention about liking her and possibly her being my girlfriend but she said that she doesn't want me to rush and want to have things progress naturally. she also mentioned how if i keep pushing her it will shift her from feeling neutral to dislike right now. We did discuss travel and other things and we both commented how if we do progress we could go on trips etc. so maybe that's good?

 

Did learn little more about her how she is more introvert and she did ask me a few questions about my personality and did comment on how i seem to be pretty easy going and dependable - not sure if that's a bad thing or not. There was a ferris wheel near by but we didnt have time and i mentioned how we could go on it next time and she said sure. later I did mention going to Karaoke next time and she sounded pretty excited... We hugged and that was it. So i think she made it clear that she wants to decide this on her own terms and i shouldnt try to pressure her. I still think i will stick around till after labor day weekend. I am hoping to go somewhere with her that day but she might end up doing something with her sisters - it would be great if they could invite me but who knows?

[d0nnivain]

I think it would be a good sign if you were introduced to the sisters but from her perspective that may signal more of a commitment then she is willing to grant you yet.

 

Keep spending time with her. This is a marathon not a sprint.

[lioil]

I think it would be a good sign if you were introduced to the sisters but from her perspective that may signal more of a commitment then she is willing to grant you yet.

 

Keep spending time with her. This is a marathon not a sprint.

 

I have met her older sister before and she thinks i am dependable and likes me but ultimately it is her decision...

[Els]

She does think it is childish to hold hands though...

 

This sets all my warning bells off, much more than anything else that you said. I grew up in a culture where most people date 'traditionally'. Holding hands is a natural part of the progression there and it's the first act of physical intimacy that couples do. I don't know one single girl from that culture who thinks holding hands is 'childish'. We all held hands with a guy that we were getting close to and were romantically interested in, even if we weren't having sex or even kissing yet.

 

Added to the part where she said "Nobody does that in China" (uh, very untrue)... It sounds to me like she's making excuses, honestly.

[Els]

nice try blaming it media technology. women want men to be kind and giving and caring and do nice things. if my women told me "thats pewsey romance crap" when I was trying to woo her, I would kick her to the curb. thank god the majority of women ive come across, enjoy and appreciate that pewsey romance crap and tell me its very rare to find a guy like this.

 

I don't think it's that rare to find a guy like that, but yes, many women do appreciate such gestures, so keep doing it if it's what you want to do. It's really a different strokes for different folks kinda thing.

 

Personally I think that labeling nice gestures as 'pu$$y romance crap' just takes the romance out of, well, romance. So then you're really just left with a friendship and sex. People who want to do nice things for you should be appreciated and not mocked for it IMO.