Theus Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Hi everyone, There is a girl that works with me and I've been in love with her for 8 months or so. I like her so much that I've lost 77 lbs so far just to have a chance to be with her (I had a lot of extra weight, I know) and it worked. She started to have feelings for me like 4 months ago when I went for a vacation with my dad for one week and she missed me really much. A lot of things have happened during this 4 months and we are in some sort of a relationship, however we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. The rest of our common friends do not know that there is something going on between us but I think they suspect it. The problem here comes because she has a son and she's still married but separated from her husband. Actually, I don't mind her having a child and the fact that she's still married can be solved but she's never been sure about what she feels. She doesn't know if she loves me or not or if she just cares a lot about me. She asked me to have sometime to think about things. To clear up her feelings and heal because she's just going out of a long-tem relationship which is not easy and it's understandable, and I didn't object, however, she still calls me to go out, instead of being apart for a while just as she mentioned before. The fact is that I don't know what to think, I feel depressed cause she doesn't know if she wants to be with me or not and I thought that having this time apart would be good for both of us but when I manage to get her out of my head for a while she calls me or text me. I really love her so much and sometimes I feel that I don't get any retribution from her. I want her to say that she loves me, that she wants to be with me. Sometimes I think that's a lot to ask. What you guys think? Is it worth to wait? Should I just go away? Obviously the fact that we work together doesn't make it any easier. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 She is not emotionally free to date just yet. Her feelings regarding the end of her marriage remain jumbled. You would be a rebound, sorry. Congrats on the weight loss. For now I would look around for somebody you don't work with who isn't getting a divorce so you can date them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 It sounds to me like you are a friend more than anything. Have you guys kissed yet? From the way your post is written it seems like you are reading way too much into the situation. If you are being physical, its too early for her anyway and will likely lead to heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Theus Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 It sounds to me like you are a friend more than anything. Have you guys kissed yet? From the way your post is written it seems like you are reading way too much into the situation. If you are being physical, its too early for her anyway and will likely lead to heartbreak. Yes, we are being physical at this point. Several times in the past few months actually Link to post Share on other sites
Themanwithaplan Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 It's great you lost the weight, but you should only do that kinda thing for yourself. Otherwise you might adversely encourage an unhealthy eating compulsion if the tide turns. It sounds like you should take a step back and slow down especially on all the "in love" stuff. Your setting yourself up for major disappointment if for any reason things don't work... Plus she has a kid and is still married?? Just saying... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Theus Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 It's great you lost the weight, but you should only do that kinda thing for yourself. Otherwise you might adversely encourage an unhealthy eating compulsion if the tide turns. It sounds like you should take a step back and slow down especially on all the "in love" stuff. Your setting yourself up for major disappointment if for any reason things don't work... Plus she has a kid and is still married?? Just saying... Yeah, I know what you mean. At first I was kinda doing it to be with her, but while time went by I realized that I should do it only for myself just as you say, the fact of having a chance to be with her is what motivated me in the first place. On the other hand, I know what you mean about being in love and stuff, but this is going on for almost a year, so, it's really hard for me not to be in love with her although I try not to show my feelings so much. I guess you're right, and everyone I've asked for an opinion too. I should take a step back as you say. The odds are against me all the way but sometimes it's difficult to see it from an objective point of view. Thanks for your reply. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 It takes a long time for the fallout of a long and significant relationship to work itself out, especially if there is a child involved and the adults are still meeting and interacting because of that. She is vulnerable at the moment, lonely, scared of coping alone, and missing having someone there. You were there to fill that gap. This is not to say that she might not have feelings for you or that they might not grow into true and lasting love. I would just not trust them at the moment. I feel the best thing for you is to keep a distance now, for a while. Tell her you are finding it difficult not knowing how she feels about you and if this is something strong and lasting or not for her. Tell her you are giving her space to work through her feelings generally. Respond briefly to texts but keep away. Missing someone is a very good way to find out how much they mean to you. If you miss them, but are vaguely relieved too, then the feelings are not strong enough. If she misses you a lot as a friend, lover and partner, then her feelings for you would grow stronger and those for her ex fade. At some point, she will know know who she is really missing. I do know of relationships that have foundered in such circumstances because the woman was vulnerable, needed a good friend and then got physically involved too because both wanted that. But then later, she realised they weren't right for each other. Let her think things through properly. Give yourself the respect you deserve by taking a step back from someone who is uncertain about her feelings. That single step alone generates respect - it shows you can't be taken for granted and are an upright sort of guy. I really hope this does work out for you. Some rebound-type relationships do and some don't. They are always a big risk though. Link to post Share on other sites
DanTeg Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Congrats on the weight loss. Keep up your health goals. I would not get involved with her. She sounds confused. That confusion will only compound on you and cause you a ton of uncertainty, frustration, resentment and sadness. I hate sounding like its just a numbers game....but it is. There are a ton of single and emotionally available women (without kids to boot). Continuing down this path will just lead to heartache in my view. I'm new to dating though so take this for what its worth. Link to post Share on other sites
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