Living in heaven, getting ready for hell

[Rainoflight]

I bit dramatic the title, but this is what i feel right now, in this Sunday morning. First of all, i want to thank you lot for reading the following and before i start, i want you to understand that this is NOT some obsession or a huge crush that i have that will pass away soon enough.

 

So ...

 

I've met this girl almost two weeks ago, we met online, we started chating and after a thew days, we discovered that we had almost everything in common. From movies, books, concepts, values, etc. I became interested in her and she became in me, but i was a bit ... how should i put it, a bit distant because i knew i had so many bad relashionships in my life, that this might be one of it.

 

I started to talk to her on a daily basis and understood that she is leaving for Amsterdam for 2 years to study (she is 26, i am 2 years older). When i've heard that, i understood that it would be wrong to meet each other.

 

So as i said, i laid a bit back, we talked, but when she said let's meet, i will always say, how about next week or something? I was trying to avoid that. Plus, i asked some friends that knew her and they told me she is a bit arrogant, not a great person, etc.

 

So to cut to the chase, two weeks ago, on a sunday, she wrote me if i want to grab a cup of something. I said no, but after 5 minutes, i said, hey, let's have it. In my mind i made this plan, go out with her, maybe have a good time, kiss, maybe sleep together, etc, then if she wanted to see me i would have said: Hey, you are leaving? What is the point?

 

So, i went out and what happend next has some references in the movie, Before Sunrise. We had some amazing night, on a bench, by the lake. She was arrogant, she was funny, she was exactly how i am. We laughed, talked and after a while, i kissed her. I kissed her and something exploded. We had some incredible night.

 

From that point, we met every single day. Every single day we spend all the time together, with her friends or mine. After just two days, we started talking about what is happening, we discussed about the fact that we should end this, because this is so complicated. Instead of doing that, we kissed and hold each other even more. We felt in love completly in a matter that you see only in movies, only in that cliche-ique way. It was sureal. We talked about the fact that she is not staying, this is the chance of a lifetime for her and weird enough, i am the only thing that keeps her here, in our country (both of her parents are dead). She also said that she doesn't want me to come if i don't want too, she wants me to come if i find something there for me, not that i will come for her. This, is our both opinions, will lead to hate, if we ask each other to make some big sacrifice.

 

She also said everything to me, she opened up about the fact that in the first week she will stay at her ex and he will try to make her be again with him + that after those two years, she wants to move on in some other places, not to come back home.

 

Now the me part. As i said, at first i was staying somehow away. I knew that this was no good. I did once long relashionship things and for me it ended after two months.

 

Now, regarding us and her. I am a very exact person. I don't do stuff before i analyse them many times. I asked myself, why does she tell me every thing about that, why is she telling me about her ex, her feelings, us, why do we spend that much time together, why does she kiss, hold or make me smile? Why would she complicate in such thing when she has just a month here and she can sleep with who she wants and date who she wants? When we had that try to end things, she said that her parents where not happy, she grew up in a broken home and this is not happening, us is not happening. She is not a person that knows this.

 

I am afraid that this is the real deal, that thing you find once in your lifetime, that person that will always be there for you, to love you, to help you when you are down. The love of your life.

 

Now comes the big problem. I don't want to go to Amsterdam. Opposite to her, my life is different here. I have a great family, i have friends and have a name that i made myself here. I have all of the things she doesn't. In just one month, the love of my life will leave. We have no clue of what the hell will happen to us, what the hell can we do.

 

I think it is crazy to leave with her after two months. I can't do that, but i also feel and know that this is it. I, even if i am not that great, i always wanted what my parents had. I will never cheat someone that i love and i will stay beside them, no matter what. I will never let them, so i know how i will be with her. I will never back down out of this. But how do i know she will do the same?

 

I think she is in love with me, i am almost certain of that, we cannot fake that, we cannot fake that we meet this much and we go to the places where everyone knows us and where our ex/s are. But our backgrounds ruined us. Ruined all of us

 

So, within a month from now, i will step in hell smiling. The question is, what the funk do i do?

 

Thank you for listening and i really hope your answers can find maybe, just maybe, a little light in this situations for me.

[Elle1975]

You don't want to leave and move to Amsterdam, so that's that. I also feel that the fire is burning too hot too fast.

[Eivuwan]

You are infatuated with her because you think she's your twin, but reality is that you don't know much at all.

[Els]

OP, I don't mean to diminish your feelings, but these are honeymoon-feelings. You don't know her well enough to know whether these will last. My history with my last ex was almost the exact same, except that we had a few months together before he left the country. We didn't last the distance, and broke up after the honeymoon phase ended. It would have turned out the same way even if I'd followed him.

 

Do not move for someone you barely know. If you both truly care for each other that much then consider an LDR for the time being instead. After spending more time together you will be better placed to make a future decision.

 

For the record, with my ex I thought I had a once-in-a-lifetime deal too. I was naive . It evidently wasn't - I'm currently in a happy R with my SO and have been for years. If I'd moved on impulse to be with my ex, I'd never have had that chance.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Too much, too soon.

 

Slow down, get to know her and if she really is the love of your life, you will make it long distance and find a way to be together.

 

Don't even think of moving to Amsterdam just yet.

[Diezel]

Hooooooooooooooooly hell, buddy. Reign that in.

 

The reason you FEEL like this is because it's too much, too fast, and because you already know there is an expiration date. I wish I could tell you to be rational and objective about this, but that seems impossible at this point. It's not going to happen.

 

DO NOT MOVE TO AMSTERDAM.

 

Build your life here. Keep in contact with her. But move on once she leaves.

 

That whole ordeal with her staying with her ex is DICEY.

VERY DICEY.

 

That to be me is a GIGANTIC RED FLAG and your eyes are completely blind to it right now because you think you are in the second act of the movie. I'm sure you think you'll get to the scene where you run through the airport and dodge security and get to kiss her and tell her you love her and maybe she'll stay. That's NOT happening, in real life, no way you'd make it to the terminal, you'd get tackled WAY before that. So much like that airport, real life is about to tackle you if you keep giving into these "love feelings". Your brain is clouded right now, and you aren't thinking straight.

 

You need to take some time and go out with your friends, do other things, DON'T see her everyday! That makes it worse!

[sydneysider1978]

You've missed something out... Where are you living at the moment?

 

If you're in London or somewhere else in Europe, Amsterdam is no big deal. If you're in the US that's much less workable.

 

You seem like a pretty thoughtful, measured guy and she seems very spontaneous. Any idea what her thoughts for the future are?

[Rainoflight]

Thanks for the replies, first of all.

 

I am not that desperate, i know that this is just the begining, just that it feels really good. I am not ready to go there, to do that and i just can't leave, i know that.

 

The boyfriend part is also as you said, A RED FLAG. I know it is, but we talked about it quite nice. For me it is simple, we are both grown ups, we respect each other, so if you go and eventually stay with him and do stuff, then i think it is clear. We both move on and stuff, simple. Why complicate ourselves? If you sleep with someone else in the first days apart, then all is clear, we shake hands and move on, maybe we remain friends, why not.

 

In all of this, i know something that is 100 %. I will not get into a Long Distance Relashionship. That i will not do, i am not ready to make that mistake.

 

I live in Romania, 2-3 hours from Amsterdam flying. She is not, imho, spontaneous, actually she said from the start she will go, this is a chance for her study, her career and stuff. We both are very measured, not the type of person that will jump from a moving train, airport and stuff. We are not like that, that is what scared me. We clicked really good, really really good.

 

I can't go and she cannot stay. That is the dilemma. Can we fight this?

 

Every second i just hope she will do something bad, dunno, just something, for me to have some excuse, but she does the opposite.

[Diezel]

She is CHOOSING to go to that place and stay with an ex.

 

That is bad. That's all I'd need. Like you said, you are both adults, so why does her living arrangements have to consist of staying with an ex that she readily admits will pressure her into getting back with him? She is thrusting herself into that kind of a situation. And on purpose.

 

I think you are just seeing everything through rose-colored glasses.

 

It's 2/3 hours away, fine. Still don't move. I'm willing to bet as soon as she moves, your blip will be right off her radar. You are clicking REALLY good because you are only getting the best parts of her in small doses and because she knows she is leaving soon, so you get NONE of the worst parts of a relationship. It's idealized and romanticized but not realistic.

 

You need to guard yourself or you are going to head into a brick wall called reality.

[Rainoflight]

Yes, i know that. That is why i still keep it together. The boyfriend part is the key.

 

I am just worried if this might work out, maybe it will, what the hell would i do when it all will come down to that moment when i or we will have to decide what to do.

 

But as i said, i can't leave and i can't ask her to stay and give it a go. We know that after a month that would be madness.

[Diezel]

Yes, i know that. That is why i still keep it together. The boyfriend part is the key.

 

I am just worried if this might work out, maybe it will, what the hell would i do when it all will come down to that moment when i or we will have to decide what to do.

 

But as i said, i can't leave and i can't ask her to stay and give it a go. We know that after a month that would be madness.

 

Why don't you just try taking a step back... stop thinking so far ahead and live each day, one at a time and see what happens.

 

You are getting so far ahead of yourself with this situation, that you can't even see the present clearly.

 

In all reality, you need to remind yourself CONSTANTLY, she is leaving soon, possibly permanently.

[todreaminblue]

theres this guy i have this really annoying thing for now( i have no idea why i even like him, he is arrogant and a brat but then yeah theres this sensitive thing behind the facade i sense it.....he hides well though),anyway my sister noticed during a play that we were involved in........ i think it was xmassy one cant remember..... , he would enter the room the exact same time i would leave it and then ....i would enter the room the exact same time he left it.......she said to me its like a really freaky movie deb......and she couldnt stop cracking up ...it happened twice......she teased me relentlessly till i warned her i would start singing really loudly if she didnt stop teasing me.....so she shut up then and just giggled every time she noticed him walk in and out and i made friends with the ceiling and looked at it instead of at my sister....it was a very long day for me.....

 

 

i am 45 i am not young and even with age its easy to get caught up in the romance and the hype of what it is to be really attracted to someone......the fact is you have to know a person to really fall in love with them.......try the long distance thing get to know her.....its great when you meet someone who just gets you, who you can share a lot of similarities with, but as other posters have said it takes time and effort in knowing someone, too much too soon and its going to fade ...so build a bit hold back a little and get to know the woman you are interested in before you declare undying love...write poetry instead and never send it.....works for me...deb

 

 

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Edited July 28, 2014 by todreaminblue

[Rainoflight]

I know all of that, i am just experiencing something that happend only once in my life and that ended bad. The rest of my relashionships were not based on this type of feelings.

 

Anyhow, yes, my plan is this, step back. See her, do stuff with her, but step back, let the flow work itself and then i shall see what i can or cannot be done. It is just incredible different and i like it.

 

And i do that, i remind myself that this might be the first and last month together, i am just a bit afraid of how something like this has an expiration date. It sucks.

[Brigid]

 

 

I am afraid that this is the real deal, that thing you find once in your lifetime, that person that will always be there for you, to love you, to help you when you are down. The love of your life.

 

Now comes the big problem. I don't want to go to Amsterdam. Opposite to her, my life is different here. I have a great family, i have friends and have a name that i made myself here. I have all of the things she doesn't. In just one month, the love of my life will leave. We have no clue of what the hell will happen to us, what the hell can we do.

 

I think it is crazy to leave with her after two months. I can't do that, but i also feel and know that this is it. I, even if i am not that great, i always wanted what my parents had. I will never cheat someone that i love and i will stay beside them, no matter what. I will never let them, so i know how i will be with her. I will never back down out of this. But how do i know she will do the same?

 

I think she is in love with me, i am almost certain of that, we cannot fake that, we cannot fake that we meet this much and we go to the places where everyone knows us and where our ex/s are. But our backgrounds ruined us. Ruined all of us

 

So, within a month from now, i will step in hell smiling. The question is, what the funk do i do?

 

Thank you for listening and i really hope your answers can find maybe, just maybe, a little light in this situations for me.

 

Let her go to Amsterdam and get settled. Then if she seems receptive you can you can buy a plane ticket and stay in a hotel for a few weeks. There is no way to tell at this point at what might happen only time will give you your answers.

[slizl]

When you have a limited time with someone (ie meeting on vacation, or they are leaving in a month), things become hot and heavy really fast with some intense feelings. As other posters have said, it is just the honeymoon phase. Not to say that things wouldn't work out in the long run, but the chances are slim to none.

[Rainoflight]

The ending is near now, just a thew days.

 

Well, this was and still is very very intense. We spent a lot of time together, we went in to holidays together and we really were happy.

 

We had the talk many times, we know that long distance cannot work, but still we refuse to let go to each other. I am happy with her and she is with me. We make eachother happy.

 

I have met all her friends, every single one and she did the same with mine. This month seem like a year, we did so many thing, so many great moments we had together. All it was very intense and very different.

 

She will still go and i will still stay. On the bright side, she will no longer stay with her ex for a week, she manage to find something else. Regarding us, i have no idea what it will happen, i can't do a long distance relashionship, i just can't. I did it once and it was awful, full of bad times and sadness. I want her, but i will not ask her to stay, this is for her future, for all of her.

 

I know that after this, we will drift apart, but hey, maybe this is written to atually happen. Who knows?!