Entering a new relationship. I'm Afraid...

[Black Cement]

Hi, I'm dating this new girl I've know for a few months. I just got out of a relationship with my ex, and it traumatic for me. This new girl has a lot of baggage. She has a 1 year old kid. She was telling me how she broke up with guys for being too clingy, and how she made the mistake by cheating on one of her exes. I'm afraid of having my heart broken again after all I been through in the past.

 

Don't get me wrong, I like this girl a lot. Shes pretty, funny, hardworking but her past reminds me of my ex. Whats your advice for me? Should I stop being insecure and have faith in this??

Edited July 24, 2014 by Black Cement

[Philosoraptor]

I think you need to see a spade as a spade. Don't compare her to your ex, but judge her based on what she has said and shown you. If your feelings are telling you that there are issues, then don't get too emotionally invested.

[smackie9]

She has baggage...RED FLAG! single with a one year old kid....RED FLAG! She may have a nice shiney coating on the outside....but her center is sour. Better back off.

 

And you shouldn't be into someone so soon after such a breakup. If you are here already after only 2 months of dating all worried, you are definitly not emotionally ready to be in a relatoinship, especially one that is going to be challenging as this one.

[Black Cement]

She has baggage...RED FLAG! single with a one year old kid....RED FLAG! She may have a nice shiney coating on the outside....but her center is sour. Better back off.

 

And you shouldn't be into someone so soon after such a breakup. If you are here already after only 2 months of dating all worried, you are definitly not emotionally ready to be in a relatoinship, especially one that is going to be challenging as this one.

 

Too be fair, her baby daddy cheated on her twice, while she was pregnant. He wasn't there for the kids 1st year. She cheated on her BF because the baby daddy wanted to be a family.

 

As for me, yes I still feel for my ex, but I'm ready to move on, she did. This reminds me a lot of my mom & dad's story with my half sister...

[sabre80]

I know the adage, once a cheater always a cheater, may not apply to everyone, but this is a new relationship. You have nothing invested in her. She essentially told you she was (and could still have the potential) a cheater. Why would you knowingly choose to put yourself in that position?

[d0nnivain]

A child is not baggage. A child is a person. If you think a child is baggage, do not date a single mother.

 

 

The other stuff isn't great but she is giving you a bit of a roadmap: don't be clingy.

 

 

You are actually in worse shape here. You aren't over your EX. You probably don't really want this woman. You just want the empty space left by your EX filled in.

[Black Cement]

A child is not baggage. A child is a person. If you think a child is baggage, do not date a single mother.

 

 

The other stuff isn't great but she is giving you a bit of a roadmap: don't be clingy.

 

 

You are actually in worse shape here. You aren't over your EX. You probably don't really want this woman. You just want the empty space left by your EX filled in.

 

maybe I am filling a void here. I want my ex back yeah, but I know she's never coming back from what I learned on this site. Everybody told me to move on. This new girl has so many qualities I like that I didn't see with my ex. It's worth a shot, if things get rough, I'll end it.

[Potz4prez]

Well, until it can fend for itself, a child is baggage.

 

Doesn't sound like the type of girl you'd want for a rebound, OP.

[Mcscooter]

Baggage will get heavier the longer you hold on to it, but lighter if you let it go.

 

Depends if you can handle the kid and accept her past. Give it some time it'll hit you if it's a no go.

 

From the way your explaining things as well. It seems like your in a rebound relationship.

Hell, whatever keeps you moving.

[Black Cement]

Well she told me she doesn't want a father figure. This guy she was talking to came on too strong to become a father already, and tried too hard. I mean I'm good with her kid, but I'll respect her wishes.

 

As it being a rebound, what the hell. Maybe it'll work out, maybe not.

[smackie9]

I'll go with rebound. Everything looks pretty good when fresh out of a crappy relationship.

 

BTW a kid isn't baggage it's the circumstances behind the kid I'm calling a red flag.

[Omei]

She has baggage...RED FLAG! single with a one year old kid....RED FLAG! She may have a nice shiney coating on the outside....but her center is sour. Better back off.

 

And you shouldn't be into someone so soon after such a breakup. If you are here already after only 2 months of dating all worried, you are definitly not emotionally ready to be in a relatoinship, especially one that is going to be challenging as this one.

 

This comes up time and time again single mothers are red flags because they are single there must be something wrong with us to make a man leave his family or there is going to be drama involved, because of this I never tell people men I have a child until I feel they won't judge me based on that fact.

 

Anyone who dates me a "single mother" would simply just find out the father ran off asap and we dont even have contact.

 

Most single family parents imo are based on relationships at young ages that fail later with the idea of having a child, or the women is just flat out left with the child on their own, in my experience single mothers are some of the most loving, strong and independent woman you can find.

 

That being said getting involved so soon after a breakup and it being a mother and a child unless your serious id back out esp before she lets you meet her child that's like a huge stepping stone, or your already met her kid and she gives no care in the stepping stone which is worse.

 

Anyway as another poster said dating a parent is much different ask yourself of you're ready for that

Edited July 24, 2014 by Omei

[Assasda]

Hi, I'm dating this new girl I've know for a few months. I just got out of a relationship with my ex, and it traumatic for me. This new girl has a lot of baggage. She has a 1 year old kid. She was telling me how she broke up with guys for being too clingy, and how she made the mistake by cheating on one of her exes. I'm afraid of having my heart broken again after all I been through in the past.

 

Don't get me wrong, I like this girl a lot. Shes pretty, funny, hardworking but her past reminds me of my ex. Whats your advice for me? Should I stop being insecure and have faith in this??

 

No, you should keep on being insecure, then she can break up with you too.

You might want to man up a little bit, its a tough world out there bro.

[Black Cement]

This comes up time and time again single mothers are red flags because they are single there must be something wrong with us to make a man leave his family or there is going to be drama involved, because of this I never tell people men I have a child until I feel they won't judge me based on that fact.

 

Anyone who dates me a "single mother" would simply just find out the father ran off asap and we dont even have contact.

 

Most single family parents imo are based on relationships at young ages that fail later with the idea of having a child, or the women is just flat out left with the child on their own, in my experience single mothers are some of the most loving, strong and independent woman you can find.

 

That being said getting involved so soon after a breakup and it being a mother and a child unless your serious id back out esp before she lets you meet her child that's like a huge stepping stone, or your already met her kid and she gives no care in the stepping stone which is worse.

 

Anyway as another poster said dating a parent is much different ask yourself of you're ready for that

 

 

Her being a single mother isn't a problem to me, she has baggage from like 3 relationships and she happens to have a baby.

 

She met my family and everybody likes her, they just said to take it really slow because this is moving fast, and they don't want me to end up like before. So do you agree to take it slow at first?

[todreaminblue]

She has baggage...RED FLAG! single with a one year old kid....RED FLAG! She may have a nice shiney coating on the outside....but her center is sour. Better back off.

 

And you shouldn't be into someone so soon after such a breakup. If you are here already after only 2 months of dating all worried, you are definitly not emotionally ready to be in a relatoinship, especially one that is going to be challenging as this one.

 

 

why is she sour..deb

[preraph]

So one thing we know is she made a wrong choice, as do many of us, but she brought kids into it too. Lots of women think that's how you get a man to stay. So everything else aside, use your own birth control. Don't trust her with it.

[smackie9]

This comes up time and time again single mothers are red flags because they are single there must be something wrong with us to make a man leave his family or there is going to be drama involved, because of this I never tell people men I have a child until I feel they won't judge me based on that fact.

 

Anyone who dates me a "single mother" would simply just find out the father ran off asap and we dont even have contact.

 

Most single family parents imo are based on relationships at young ages that fail later with the idea of having a child, or the women is just flat out left with the child on their own, in my experience single mothers are some of the most loving, strong and independent woman you can find.

 

That being said getting involved so soon after a breakup and it being a mother and a child unless your serious id back out esp before she lets you meet her child that's like a huge stepping stone, or your already met her kid and she gives no care in the stepping stone which is worse.

 

Anyway as another poster said dating a parent is much different ask yourself of you're ready for that

 

90% of the time there IS drama attached.

[Black Cement]

So I spoke to her last night. She said she's not ready for a relationship just yet, she needs to focus on school & her son right now. But we're going on a date tonight

 

Guess I'm in the friend zone for now... I'm not worried, because I know she'll come around eventually.

[smackie9]

So I spoke to her last night. She said she's not ready for a relationship just yet, she needs to focus on school & her son right now. But we're going on a date tonight

 

Guess I'm in the friend zone for now... I'm not worried, because I know she'll come around eventually.

 

 

Date other people.

[Black Cement]

Date other people.

 

I don't know if I want to. I enjoy my time with this girl even though it's lacking sex and romantic junk. If I have to wait, then it's worth the wait.

[FortunateSon]

I don't know if I want to. I enjoy my time with this girl even though it's lacking sex and romantic junk. If I have to wait, then it's worth the wait.

Date other people too. Don't put all your eggs in this basket, you might end up waiting a long time for...nothing. There's no guarantee you will get out of the friendzone or that she will "come around"

[smackie9]

Girls don't find a sorry sap attractive. To be desirable is to be unavailable. If she sees other women interested in you, it brings up your value as desirable.

 

It is not honorable to "wait" for a girl. It makes you look sappy and weak.

[Black Cement]

Girls don't find a sorry sap attractive. To be desirable is to be unavailable. If she sees other women interested in you, it brings up your value as desirable.

 

It is not honorable to "wait" for a girl. It makes you look sappy and weak.

 

There were a couple of other women interested in me, but ever since this girl came into my life and has been spending time with me everyday, they gave up.

 

Believe me, I'm not making it seem like I'm desperate, waiting for her. I've toned down my flirting. My friends told me to hold back and let her figure things out.

[sabre80]

I'm not worried, because I know she'll come around eventually.

 

I weep inside for every guy that ever says this. Enjoy the friendzone buddy. This girl's bad news without making you wait but you get to be around to see (and hear her bitch about) all the jerks she will end up dating and sleeping with because you just became her girlfriend.