lukekarts Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 So I just received this text from my girlfriend: "Please can you re-assure me that you don't think of me as this loose, lazy, Facebook addicted bitch? I know/hope that's not what you think but I've felt that your observations and comments have been along these lines. Are you no longer looking forward to holidaying with me? :-(" For context, she's on holiday in Prague / Budapest for a week. We have had some (minor?) relationship issues. These started quite some time ago which I've posted about (the significant one being around trust, where I asked her to keep things secret, but she didn't, and I found out); The only other significant issues were pretty messed up. I got an anonymous email one day, about 5 months into our relationship saying she'd kissed her ex whilst we were together. It turns out she had seen him whilst we were dating, and it was a goodbye kiss. It was before we were labelled as official, and whilst I was upset, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. More horribly, I also got an email with a video of her giving head to a guy. I know this was not during our relationship, as he's in America, but it was so messed up and not what I wanted to see. This was sent from her email account, but not by her. A lot of people knew her password, as it was her middle name, and we could see from the login history that several (unknown) people had accessed it. We have also discussed our sexual history, where there is a significant difference in our past. Maybe that's where the loose comment comes from. The above issues have lead to insecurities in both of us, which can be seen in that text message. Regarding the facebook comment, I have commented that I think she's addicted to it. She reads it for 30 mins in the morning and 30 mins at night. She will often read it for 30 mins in the middle of the night too if she wakes up needing the toilet or something. She would often start to do this whilst we're spending time together which is why I've observed it and said it seems a little over the top. Her friends even tell her not to take her phone to the toilet when they're out together as she'll read it then. So with the above in mind, I just don't know how to respond. I feel like if I re-assure her I'll be being dishonest, because I do think she's addicted to facebook for one, and I know she is lazy. I don't even know how to respond to the loose comment as she's never mentioned that before. I feel like we need couples counselling or something. Urgh. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 What you do then, is you dont say anything at all. then. She knows where you stand. If you stand for something in particular, never apologize for it Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 "Please can you re-assure me that you don't think of me as this loose, lazy, Facebook addicted bitch? I know/hope that's not what you think but I've felt that your observations and comments have been along these lines. Are you no longer looking forward to holidaying with me? :-(" "Loose, lazy, bitch: no. Facebook addicted: yes." Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 You got a sent an email of her blowing another dude? I dunno how I would feel about that. While I don't care that couples film themselves (I can see how it's kinda hawt), I can only wonder though why it showed up online. It likely means multiple people have it, saw, it and it might actually be out there, too. Not sure I'd want to date a girl like that. It might have been out of her control, but still. You guys don't seem like a match either. Insecurities running high on both sides probably isn't good. Maybe you should consider removing yourself from this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Do you really want to date a girl who have such poor boundaries that she lets other people access her e-mail account wtf? Why do you even care what she thinks of you? She's bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lukekarts Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 You got a sent an email of her blowing another dude? I dunno how I would feel about that. While I don't care that couples film themselves (I can see how it's kinda hawt), I can only wonder though why it showed up online. It likely means multiple people have it, saw, it and it might actually be out there, too. Not sure I'd want to date a girl like that. It might have been out of her control, but still. You guys don't seem like a match either. Insecurities running high on both sides probably isn't good. Maybe you should consider removing yourself from this relationship. It was pretty horrible. It wasn't online, her emails were accessed and it was sent to me. Her password was her middle name, and she confirmed several of her friends and exes may have known it. We do not know who sent the email (FWIW - she did not send it) It was hard to move past and I guess I do still have some reservations, but I don't see breaking up as an option or something I want to do. 95% of the time its the perfect relationship, 5% of the time its totally messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lukekarts Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 Do you really want to date a girl who have such poor boundaries that she lets other people access her e-mail account wtf? Why do you even care what she thinks of you? She's bad news. I think she learned from her mistake. She now has the highest level of security on her hotmail / facebook accounts, has to change her passwords monthly etc, can't log in from a new device / IP without having to send a text to her phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lukekarts Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 Ugggh, the text argument has continued. I didn't respond to her earlier message. I said: "I don't mind leaving this as this is not me that is annoyed or wants this conversation. I don't want to argue or to have you shout at me and I am happy to leave it xxx" She replied "I will leave it if you promise to never comment on my Facebook usage again. Deal?" So frustrating. I told her I can't promise that because she uses it so much I'll probably comment at some point and I don't want to break a promise. I don't feel I'm being unreasonable. She says I am and that I'm not being respectful by not talking about something she doesn't want me to talk about. She's calling me in an hour to discuss. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Eh, what are you not wanting to talk about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lukekarts Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 Eh, what are you not wanting to talk about? Sorry, I missed the detail in the middle. The detail was that I didn't reply to the message (from the OP). She followed it up to say sorry she shouldn't have said anything, but did want to talk about it. So I replied with the above message saying I didn't want to talk about it, because I don't want to argue... It seems the argument is about Facebook and she's annoyed I said she's addicted to Facebook and have made comments on how much she uses it. I don't feel I'm being unreasonable in commenting when she uses it excessively (As I referenced in the OP) particularly as if she stays up late reading it or reads it during the night she's always moaning how tired she is the next day. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Right, so she has expressed an issue with your relationship (which may or may not be HER issues but they are issues nonetheless), and you've basically said you don't want to talk about it. Great communication skills there dude...! I'm not surprised she has said well if you don't want to talk about it then you don't have the right to take sniper shots at me for it. You either tackle the issue or you don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Sounds like she has some issues to address and some insecurities herself. If the email password wasn't changed it really should be as soon as possible. I'd also ask why a video like that was even kept past the end of the relationship. Now the question is can you still remain with the woman if that video gets out into the wild if it isn't already. I don't think a few 30 minute sessions on FB is addictive. I've known some to hit FB every 15 minutes or the second they get a message. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lukekarts Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 Right, so she has expressed an issue with your relationship (which may or may not be HER issues but they are issues nonetheless), and you've basically said you don't want to talk about it. Great communication skills there dude...! I'm not surprised she has said well if you don't want to talk about it then you don't have the right to take sniper shots at me for it. You either tackle the issue or you don't. Well I spoke to her as planned but it was only to arrange a more convenient time to discuss things. So we arranged 11pm last night. She did not call. She called me this morning to apologise and said she had fallen asleep. She blames me for ruining her holiday as every day she has to call me and she's affecting her travelling buddy. I said that's not my fault, that you wanted to call, you arrange the times to suit you and then cancel them. And round in a circle we go... Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 You cant talk logic with someone that is illogical. For some reason I'm getting the feeling that youre a bit of a doormat OP. I hope thats not the case Link to post Share on other sites
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