buried my heart alive

[blackfire]

I don't understand why people keep telling me don't give up on it, don't give up on love... no matter how many times I tell them, I don't care anymore, don't give a **** and that 2 me(4 me) love doesn't exist... it never has and it never will! others, I know it does but not me. yes I know, it sounds like im contradicting myself but hey its the truth. I mean what's the f****ing point, if in the end all u get is a broken heart... that the guy screws u over and turns life up side down! clearly, there is no one out there for me... and if I guy dos decide 2 step up on the crazy train... well dude good luck, cause I'm going 2 do whatever it takes 2 drive u away. I've dealt w/ enough bull in my life and got burned one too many times. I've had it! no guy, no matter how persistent he claims 2 be or says he truly wants 2 be with me, better try 2 chase after me cause it aint happening... u want a happy ending w/ someone, a girl who will keep your heart alive and beating always, then turn around and walk away! I no longer want 2 be in a committed(serious) relationship, though I am a cancer woman, I don't care. I will never fall in love again(that I made sure of)....

[I am Bud]

Dear blackfire

 

No one on this forum will be able to convince you that love is worthwhile when it seems like your heart has given up hope. If you have been burned in the past then you have every right to be angry and you have every right to vent. This forum is perfect for venting and for getting support.

 

Amongst the sea of people that you will come across there will undoubtedly be a few that will hurt you and cause you pain but does it make sense to judge everyone on the actions of a few bad nuggets? If a kid were to steal from you would you blame every kid? if man was mean to you would you blame every man? If you are saying yes to the above then I know that you are venting because the answer to this is undoubtedly no.

 

If you are fed up with relationship at the moment then that is fine, do what you need to do to get over it but do not turn your back on love. Love in itself is good, it is nuturing it is soul creating. It is in our intrinsic nature to love and be loved. In the medical world it is well known that babies die in the absence of any human contact. In order for them to live they need love and contact from others. Just as babies need love so do adults.

 

If you choose to push people away then you are choosing to live a life of misery. If you choose to turn your back on love then you are choosing to live a life of unhappiness. If you choose to go the extreme and decide to hate then you are going to be in a world full of emotional pain. You know this to be true because it took a lot of negative energy to write your post and it is draining to hold onto this hate.

 

If you are turning your back on love then you are basically turning your back on yourself. Each bad experience gives us the opportunity to re-organize ourselves to a higher level. Each person that we encounter no matter how much they hurt us, teaches us something about ourselves. If you want to live a happy life then you need to let go of the hurt and grow.

 

I am not buying into your post of giving up on love and never loving again. Your biography states that you are creative, honest, loyal, faithful and a true romantic. A person who describes herself that way does function in a world devoid of love. A person like that thrives on love and has a lot of love to offer the world, may it be through dancing or art or whatever.

 

To be true to yourself you need to get over whatever pain that you are going through, perhaps you can express it through some creative artworks?! To hold onto the pain and let it turn you into someone that you are not, is going to cost you in more ways than one. Choose to let go of the pain and grow. If you are no longer interested in romantic love then so be it but just love something or be open to love. Love your family, pet or whatever because it will heal you if you let it.

 

Ultimately it will be up to you to decide which path you want to go. You can tell everyone to get stuffed and adopt this path of hate or indifference with a vengance. But what would that prove? For you to suffer in silence is not going to affect anybody but you and what a waste it would be since you have so much to offer. Pick yourself up from this and move on.

 

All the best - Bud.

[blackfire]

I will always love my family and those around me... they help me 2 strive and succeed in all my goals and dreams. I am very expressive in what I do... i am a hopeless romantic, truly... but that doesn't mean i have 2 believe in it 4 myself. you're right, i can choose 2 walk away from it, 2 let it go. shut it out and never look back... and that's exactly what i choose 2 do.... i know what i said and what im saying is a contradiction as well as my bio but if u look up a cancer woman(my astrology sign)... then you'll notice we are full of contradictions and we r difficult 2 understand. but thank you 4 your advice.