Ooooooh, Online Dating! What a bugger!!

[PachucaSunrise]

Hey, friends...

 

So, I'm very curious about getting some insight on a few things regarding the online dating world - primarily, the etiquette... What YOU guys think is appropriate, your opinions, helpful hints, and maybe even some stories... Basically, anything helpful you'd like to offer, but I do have some specific questions that I'd be super grateful to get some feedback on as well.

 

** Oh, and if this sort of thing has been posted previously, I apologize in advance. **

 

I've done the online dating thing a few years back. During that time, I met some pretty cool people, and naturally - some odd birds, some guys who I'm still friends with today, and even a long-term boyfriend. All in all, definitely positive experiences, learning experiences, or at least, nothing really worth complaining about. Long story short - I'm a fan.

 

So, for those of you who have tried online dating before, I'm sure it's no surprise to you that it can become a bit of a sticky situation at times, depending on how you answer (or don't answer) the mail you receive. Now that I'm back in the game once again, there are a few areas in which following my gut instinct(s) have served me well (for example - how I portray myself in my profile, which is pretty much spot on - I tell it just as it is and receive quite a bit of positive feedback regarding that). However, I'm always left scratching my head when it comes to deciding whether or not to communicate when I receive mail from someone I'm simply not interested in. I don't want to be rude by not acknowledging the time they took to send a sincere message. But on the other hand, I don't want to give the wrong impression of being interested by sending a simple return "Thanks, but no thanks" message, when I have ZERO interest. I've honestly been as clear as day about this and yet (sometimes, not always) a response (in their eyes) does in fact show some sort of interest. And lately, simply by being nice and courteous, I feel as though I'm sending out all the wrong signals. When in reality, I'm only trying to be polite. So, whether I ignore (which some may view as rude, as I've found out first-hand) or reply back that I'm not interested, it bites me in the ass either way, haha!

 

My thought process about this sort of thing goes something like this - if I come across someone who piques my interest, and after thoroughly reading through their profile (which I also realize is rather rare in itself), I'll send them a message - usually short and sweet, but always thoughtful - simply letting them know that I enjoyed their profile, have some common interests, and wouldn't mind getting to know them better. When I do this, it's usually 70/30 when it comes to getting a return message. Sometimes I feel as though I'd appreciate a message either way... An "Awesome, what's your name, etc..." Or a simple, "Thanks, but I'm not interested." I know I'm old school in this regard, but I can't help feeling that it's the mannerly thing to do.

 

So here are some questions I'd love to get some feedback on. Oh, and a HUGE thank you in advance to anyone who has made it this far!

 

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive?

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it)?

 

** Regardless of if you're interested or not? **

 

** Do you simply ignore/delete messages that appear sincere, even though you know FOR SURE you are not at all interested?**

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME).

 

4. Do you do the "Thanks, but I'm not interested" sort of thing?

 

** If so, is this something that works for you?**

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy.

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile?

 

7. For Match users, specifically - do you respond to "winks?" I can't help myself here - I find this option incredibly cheesy. I know it's used as a sort of buffer, but what are you left to do? Say, "Gee, thanks for the wink" or wink back? I don't know, to me, it's just awkward.

 

8. Again, for Match users, specifically - do you respond when someone leaves a comment on your photo?

 

** Even if you're not interested but appreciate the sentiment?**

 

** Even if you MAY be interested but the comment comes off as sounding a bit juvenile?**

 

9. How about when they simply 'like' your photo, or several photos?

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it.

 

11. Do you ever respond to a "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Beautiful?" This just may be the one that bugs me the most. It may even be offensive to some and I can certainly see why. IF you were to answer, what would you say..? "Oh, hey there, cowboy/cowgirl!"

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar?

 

** EVEN if it's coming from a cutiepie? **

 

** Do you ever let it slide? **

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range?

 

----------------------------AND FINALLY-------------------------------

 

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers?

 

** And if so, what are they? **

 

 

PHEW! I know that was quite a bit to digest, but I've been bouncing these thoughts around in my head for quite some time now. Out of all of my friends, I'm the ONLY one who uses online dating sites, so I don't really get any feedback in terms of how other people experience all of this. And obviously, I'm super, super curious to know all about it, or to at least know that my experiences are somewhat normal.

 

So, thanks a ton for reading! And thank you in advance for any potential responses - very welcomed and appreciated. Oh, and if you're currently doing the whole online dating thing as I am, GOOD LUCK to you! It's one hell of a ride!

Edited July 19, 2014 by PachucaSunrise

[PegNosePete]

I'm sure it's no surprise to you that it can become a bit of a sticky situation at times, depending on how you answer (or don't answer) the mail you receive.

Eh? No. If it becomes a "sticky situation" then just block that person and move on. It makes no sense to get into situations with people you've never met. Just exchange a few messages and arrange a meet-up. If it's getting "sticky" then clearly it isn't going to work in real life anyway so just move on.

 

1. No. "No reply" is a response. If you want to send the "thanks but no thanks" reply then go ahead but it's not necessary (and will sometimes generate a hostile comeback). When you receive a takeaway menu through your door, do you phone them up and say thanks for the menu but you won't be ordering from them tonight?

 

2. If you don't like the guy's photos, profile and message then replying achieves nothing except to generate false hope.

 

3. I would reply in kind. One word message (from someone you like) gets a 1-word response. If he can't be bothered putting in the effort, why should you?

 

4. See 1.

 

5. Yes, I would advise this especially if their messages are getting increasingly desperate/aggressive/inappropriate.

 

6. No.

 

7. See 3, respond in kind. No effort given (ie. clicking wink, flirt, would like to meet depending on your site of choice) gets a low-effort response.

 

8. I am not a Match user but I guess this would depend on the comment.

 

9. See 7 and 8.

 

10. You and me both. Maybe depends on the photo and profile content and message content.

 

11. No, unless looking for ONS.

 

12. Bad grammar is bad, it suggests lazy and/or low intelligence. If you're OK with that then ignore it. If that matters to you, then it matters.

 

13. No.

 

14. Yes of course, same as for real life. Smoking, drug use, rudeness, arrogance, stupidity, etc.

[Andy_K]

As a guy doing online dating, I will:

 

Respond to almost any message (even if it's a politie not interested response) the only messages I won't respond to are ones where I'm not interested, and it's clear they also haven't read my profile.

 

I don't exactly get 'hey sexy' messages, but the occasional 'hey nice arms' does come in. I respond to those too.

 

I never get repeated messages from the same person if I don't reply

 

I don't get enough mail that I can't take the time to respond if I choose.

 

I will also respond to winks, sometimes favourites and stuff like that. Even sometimes a profile view. I just treat it the same as if I were writing to them for the first time, instead of responding as such.

[PachucaSunrise]

Eh? No. If it becomes a "sticky situation" then just block that person and move on. It makes no sense to get into situations with people you've never met. Just exchange a few messages and arrange a meet-up. If it's getting "sticky" then clearly it isn't going to work in real life anyway so just move on.

 

What I really meant by a "sticky situation" was the potential awkwardness. I'm a chick who reads entirely too much into things, ha! But certainly, I agree with your whole notion of blocking and simply moving on.

 

1. No. "No reply" is a response. If you want to send the "thanks but no thanks" reply then go ahead but it's not necessary (and will sometimes generate a hostile comeback). When you receive a takeaway menu through your door, do you phone them up and say thanks for the menu but you won't be ordering from them tonight?

 

Nice menu analogy, ha! But sure, "no reply" is absolutely a response, but surprisingly, in mostly all of my experiences with the "thanks, but no thanks" replies, I've gotten a lot of positive feedback - return messages thanking me for actually acknowledging their efforts. HOWEVER, sometimes, this only leves the door wide open, which is certainly not what I wanted to accomplish in the first place.

 

2. If you don't like the guy's photos, profile and message then replying achieves nothing except to generate false hope.

 

I just meant a simple "Thank You" for putting together a genuine, thoughtful message. Some guys say two words, while others write their entire life stories. There's a big difference in the quality of a message that's easy to distinguish right from the get-go. I'm always appreciative of some solid effort.

 

3. I would reply in kind. One word message (from someone you like) gets a 1-word response. If he can't be bothered putting in the effort, why should you?

 

ABSOLUTELY. Right on!

 

5. Yes, I would advise this especially if their messages are getting increasingly desperate/aggressive/inappropriate.

 

Indeed. I did it for the first time tonight. WAY too many messages without a response from my side. Just super creepy and weird.

 

6. No.

 

NICE! I find this ridiculously annoying. Such a turn-off.

 

7. See 3, respond in kind. No effort given (ie. clicking wink, flirt, would like to meet depending on your site of choice) gets a low-effort response.

 

Exactly. I also think it's more or less a cop-out. "If I send her a wink or whatever, I can take the easy way out and maybe SHE'LL send ME a message"... No, thanks. You get what you give.

 

8. I am not a Match user but I guess this would depend on the comment.

 

Nothing derogatory.... YET. They're photos, so it's surely always some kind of comment regarding physical attributes. Sometimes I flip-flop as to whether or not I should say thanks... But then again, I don't always want to leave that door wide open.

 

10. You and me both. Maybe depends on the photo and profile content and message content.

 

Yeah, definitely iffy. ONE photo? In a day and age where we can practically take a photo on every device we own? Weird, and I'm just not buying it.

 

11. No, unless looking for ONS.

 

Good call, although I honestly do believe some guys really feel as though they're handing out some sort of special compliments. Not all, of course, but definitely some. I also believe some girls enjoy being on the receiving end of said compliments.

 

12. Bad grammar is bad, it suggests lazy and/or low intelligence. If you're OK with that then ignore it. If that matters to you, then it matters.

 

Right on. Everyone slips up now and again, but what bothers me like nothing else is the whole 'your/you're' debacle. Some people will NEVER figure that one out. As a sort of sarcastic joke, I have it written out throughout my profile and THEY STILL SCREW IT UP!

 

13. No.

 

Very interesting!

 

14. Yes of course, same as for real life. Smoking, drug use, rudeness, arrogance, stupidity, etc.

 

I meant more of what was exchanged in messages - all the stuff you can 'see' in emails but can't necessarily 'see' in person, but yes, I completely agree with what you're saying.

 

Thank you for your response! Super interesting to read coming from a guy's perspective. Loved it!

 

** Andy_K - I'll definitely have more to say tomorrow regarding your response as well. Quite different from PegNosePete, which I find even more interesting.**

 

Fun stuff, indeed. Thanks, guys!

[irc333]

I actually had seen an online dating profile where a woman in my local area was pretty elaborate on the whole, "Should I respond that I'm not interested, or just completely ignore the guy".

 

Then she wrote how that she doesn't want to get caught up in an online situation with a guy becuase though he wouldn't get nasty about it, he'd attempt to "sell" her on the idea of at least meeting for drinks or lunch when she absolutely has no attraction.

 

They'd wind up coming up with every argumentative comeback to every answer she'd ever come up with as to why she isn't interested , and he'd....like a pushy salesman, would have some kind of friendly/annoying rebuttal.

 

lol

 

 

So, in conclusion, rather than get caught up in a "sales pitch" where email correspondence has nothing to do with 'getting to know you' vs. a long winded back and forth "sales push" banter...she'd just assume NOT even respond the first time.

 

All of this above was put in her profile.

 

 

 

 

Hey, friends...

 

So, I'm very curious about getting some insight on a few things regarding the online dating world - primarily, the etiquette... What YOU guys think is appropriate, your opinions, helpful hints, and maybe even some stories... Basically, anything helpful you'd like to offer, but I do have some specific questions that I'd be super grateful to get some feedback on as well.

 

** Oh, and if this sort of thing has been posted previously, I apologize in advance. **

 

I've done the online dating thing a few years back. During that time, I met some pretty cool people, and naturally - some odd birds, some guys who I'm still friends with today, and even a long-term boyfriend. All in all, definitely positive experiences, learning experiences, or at least, nothing really worth complaining about. Long story short - I'm a fan.

 

So, for those of you who have tried online dating before, I'm sure it's no surprise to you that it can become a bit of a sticky situation at times, depending on how you answer (or don't answer) the mail you receive. Now that I'm back in the game once again, there are a few areas in which following my gut instinct(s) have served me well (for example - how I portray myself in my profile, which is pretty much spot on - I tell it just as it is and receive quite a bit of positive feedback regarding that). However, I'm always left scratching my head when it comes to deciding whether or not to communicate when I receive mail from someone I'm simply not interested in. I don't want to be rude by not acknowledging the time they took to send a sincere message. But on the other hand, I don't want to give the wrong impression of being interested by sending a simple return "Thanks, but no thanks" message, when I have ZERO interest. I've honestly been as clear as day about this and yet (sometimes, not always) a response (in their eyes) does in fact show some sort of interest. And lately, simply by being nice and courteous, I feel as though I'm sending out all the wrong signals. When in reality, I'm only trying to be polite. So, whether I ignore (which some may view as rude, as I've found out first-hand) or reply back that I'm not interested, it bites me in the ass either way, haha!

 

My thought process about this sort of thing goes something like this - if I come across someone who piques my interest, and after thoroughly reading through their profile (which I also realize is rather rare in itself), I'll send them a message - usually short and sweet, but always thoughtful - simply letting them know that I enjoyed their profile, have some common interests, and wouldn't mind getting to know them better. When I do this, it's usually 70/30 when it comes to getting a return message. Sometimes I feel as though I'd appreciate a message either way... An "Awesome, what's your name, etc..." Or a simple, "Thanks, but I'm not interested." I know I'm old school in this regard, but I can't help feeling that it's the mannerly thing to do.

 

So here are some questions I'd love to get some feedback on. Oh, and a HUGE thank you in advance to anyone who has made it this far!

 

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive?

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it)?

 

** Regardless of if you're interested or not? **

 

** Do you simply ignore/delete messages that appear sincere, even though you know FOR SURE you are not at all interested?**

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME).

 

4. Do you do the "Thanks, but I'm not interested" sort of thing?

 

** If so, is this something that works for you?**

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy.

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile?

 

7. For Match users, specifically - do you respond to "winks?" I can't help myself here - I find this option incredibly cheesy. I know it's used as a sort of buffer, but what are you left to do? Say, "Gee, thanks for the wink" or wink back? I don't know, to me, it's just awkward.

 

8. Again, for Match users, specifically - do you respond when someone leaves a comment on your photo?

 

** Even if you're not interested but appreciate the sentiment?**

 

** Even if you MAY be interested but the comment comes off as sounding a bit juvenile?**

 

9. How about when they simply 'like' your photo, or several photos?

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it.

 

11. Do you ever respond to a "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Beautiful?" This just may be the one that bugs me the most. It may even be offensive to some and I can certainly see why. IF you were to answer, what would you say..? "Oh, hey there, cowboy/cowgirl!"

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar?

 

** EVEN if it's coming from a cutiepie? **

 

** Do you ever let it slide? **

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range?

 

----------------------------AND FINALLY-------------------------------

 

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers?

 

** And if so, what are they? **

 

 

PHEW! I know that was quite a bit to digest, but I've been bouncing these thoughts around in my head for quite some time now. Out of all of my friends, I'm the ONLY one who uses online dating sites, so I don't really get any feedback in terms of how other people experience all of this. And obviously, I'm super, super curious to know all about it, or to at least know that my experiences are somewhat normal.

 

So, thanks a ton for reading! And thank you in advance for any potential responses - very welcomed and appreciated. Oh, and if you're currently doing the whole online dating thing as I am, GOOD LUCK to you! It's one hell of a ride!

[Gaeta]

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive?

No, I get a lot of non serious mail. I also learn that even though men say they prefer rejection than no reply it's not true. Most of the time when I reply no thanks I get harassed.

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it? Not always. I will sometimes answer just a 'hello how are you' if the profile is interesting

 

** Regardless of if you're interested or not? ** If I am not interested and he's put in some serious efforts I will reply and thank him for his interest and decline.

 

** Do you simply ignore/delete messages that appear sincere, even though you know FOR SURE you are not at all interested?**

Depends who's sending the message. If the man is in my age range, yes I will reply, if the message is from some 80yo, or a 20yo, no I don't reply.

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME). No I don't answer 'hi'. It has happened in the past that if the profile was super interesting and I only got a 'hi' I will reply: Hello, you need to put in more effort and to make at least a full sentence if you want to get my attention' They usually get back to me with a real conversation breaker.

 

4. Do you do the "Thanks, but I'm not interested" sort of thing?

I explained that up there.

** If so, is this something that works for you?**

Not always, sometimes I regret because men see this as an open door and won't take no for an answer

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy. Yes

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile? Yes Depends what his message is like.

 

7. For Match users, specifically - do you respond to "winks?" I can't help myself here - I find this option incredibly cheesy. I know it's used as a sort of buffer, but what are you left to do? Say, "Gee, thanks for the wink" or wink back? I don't know, to me, it's just awkward. No. And I hate getting a wink. I find it coward. Talk to me.

 

8. Again, for Match users, specifically - do you respond when someone leaves a comment on your photo? no

 

** Even if you're not interested but appreciate the sentiment?**

no

 

** Even if you MAY be interested but the comment comes off as

sounding a bit juvenile?** No

 

9. How about when they simply 'like' your photo, or several photos?

No, if you like me talk to me

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it. I talk to them and down the road ask for more pictures

 

11. Do you ever respond to a "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Beautiful?" This just may be the one that bugs me the most. It may even be offensive to some and I can certainly see why. IF you were to answer, what would you say..? "Oh, hey there, cowboy/cowgirl!" NO i never reply to those

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar?

I understand not all people have finished school. I have dated men that had a hard time with grammar but were good men with good hearts.

 

 

** EVEN if it's coming from a cutiepie? **

I don't get bogged on bad grammar

 

** Do you ever let it slide? **

No, it's not my place to criticize their grammar, they know they are bad and a lot of men apologize in advance for their bad grammar

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range? No

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers? Freshly out of a relationship

[kodakgirl]

 

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive?

 

Nope.

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it)?

 

Sometimes-- if a fellow writes me a longer, very nice, sincere, personalized message, and I look at his profile and he seems like a very nice, sincere guy, I usually at least thank him for the message, even if I'm not at all interested. I want to give them encouragement for their sincerity.

 

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME).

 

Nope. I don't even look at profiles if the message is "hi."

 

4. Do you do the "Thanks, but I'm not interested" sort of thing?

 

As I said, only when I feel the guy put some thought and effort into the message. Those fellows who responded to that thanked me--so far I haven't been wrong in assessing the genuinely nice ones

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy.

 

I've never had that happen, but I would find it creepy.

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile?

 

Nope. If a message doesn't include at least one specific reference to something in my profile, I assume it's copy and pasted. I'm not interested in fellows who aren't picky.

 

7-9: never been on Match.

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it.

 

I feel very reluctant. I don't think I've ever written to or had a conversation with someone with only one pictures, but if a profile or message reallllly leapt out to me I'd be willing to exchange a couple messages. I wouldn't meet up though without seeing more pics.

 

11. Do you ever respond to a "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Beautiful?" This just may be the one that bugs me the most. It may even be offensive to some and I can certainly see why. IF you were to answer, what would you say..? "Oh, hey there, cowboy/cowgirl!"

 

Nope, same as 3 and 6, but with a slightly more inappropriate tinge.

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar?

 

Bad. I mean, a little thing or two, whatever, people don't always speak in grammatically correct sentences, and they shouldn't. Typos happen. But I'm an academic and writer and I place a huge value on the ability to express oneself through words.

 

** EVEN if it's coming from a cutiepie? **

 

Makes no difference.

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range?

 

No. I've put effort into considering my preferred age range and I have my reasons. A year or two could be fine if other stuff is good, but if my upper limit is 34 and you're 46? You clearly don't care about my reasons for looking for what I"m looking for.

----------------------------AND FINALLY-------------------------------

 

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers?

 

Yes, but so far, if a fellow has passed all the bars above, and I've been at least somewhat interested, none of them have come up. They're more things I see and hear from other people--invitations for a first meet that aren't in a public area, wanting to text tons before meeting, etc.

 

 

I'm super picky when it comes to online dating, and honestly I think it's most useful when you are. I have a good idea of the kind of guy I want to date-- not superficial specifics like height, type of job, interests, etc., but the kind of person he is. He is thoughtful, considerate, gentlemanly, he knows who he is and what he wants in a partner. He would like to find a relationship but he feels fine on his own, he isn't desperate. He's an interesting fellow who isn't your average 20-something. He wants a girl with substance, not just a cute face. This kind of guy isn't going to be writing 100 girls a week saying "hi."

 

And you know what? I don't go on a ton of dates from online, but every guy I've met up with fits this profile. I've never had a bad experience. Every guy I've met up with has been nice, intelligent, and respectful. Often there just isn't chemistry (usually mutually recognized) but we've always had a couple hours of really good conversation and a very nice time. I would say every guy I've met up with was someone I'd be happy to see my sister dating. I would be thrilled to hear that all of them had met the loves of their lives on their very next date (except the one I dated for a couple months who broke my heart a bit, haha. You can't claim a guy isn't worthwhile just because he lost interest in you, though).

 

People have their different ways of dating online. A lot of advice is to go on loooots of dates. I have no interest in doing that, and honestly, I'm pretty happy with the way my experience has gone. There are plently of things I don't really like about OLD, but my experience has been pretty good, and I feel that's due in a large part to being so picky.

[guest569]

I only reply if I am interested. If their message is crap, i.e.. "hey". I will look at their profile to see if I am interested but usually the "hey" ones have very short profiles that say nothing about them, so I don't respond.

 

Even if they send a good message and I am not interested, I wont reply. And i feel bad for doing so.

 

Deal breaker : no photo. Swearing, photo sticking middle finger up, racist, sexist or negative things in profile. No profile content.

[Keenly]

 

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive?

 

Yes.

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it)?

 

 

I answer in kind. If the message sucks (one or two words) I respond in kind, hoping they realize that they have being doing a disproportionate amount of communicating and correct it.

 

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME).

 

Yes. For the first reply I give the benefit of the doubt and launch into a topic of mutual interest.

 

4. Do you do the "Thanks, but I'm not interested" sort of thing?

 

No.

** If so, is this something that works for you?**

How can this "work" ? There is only one outcome. Sure they might freak out, but the outcome is still the same.

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy.

I've never had this problem. I sent one really well thought out first message once and the bitch pretty much laughed in my face and insulted me. I responded with a pretty much "well, you don't have to be such a condescending bitch, a simple non reply or no thanks would have worked just fine." Followed by a block.

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile?

 

Yes.

 

7. For Match users, specifically - do you respond to "winks?" I can't help myself here - I find this option incredibly cheesy. I know it's used as a sort of buffer, but what are you left to do? Say, "Gee, thanks for the wink" or wink back? I don't know, to me, it's just awkward.

 

I don't use match, but I would initiate a conversation. On Eharmony, I use winks to see if the person is even active.

 

8. Again, for Match users, specifically - do you respond when someone leaves a comment on your photo?

 

 

** Even if you're not interested but appreciate the sentiment?**

 

** Even if you MAY be interested but the comment comes off as sounding a bit juvenile?**

 

9. How about when they simply 'like' your photo, or several photos?

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it.

Sounds a lot like my profile. I just am not a person who takes or is involved in many pictures.

 

11. Do you ever respond to a "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Beautiful?" This just may be the one that bugs me the most. It may even be offensive to some and I can certainly see why. IF you were to answer, what would you say..? "Oh, hey there, cowboy/cowgirl!"

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar?

 

Depends on the severity. If I get a message in text-speak, insta dealbreaker. But if the person is simply using incorrect grammar because that is how society actually talks these days, I can let it slide.

 

** EVEN if it's coming from a cutiepie? **

 

** Do you ever let it slide? **

 

If she was stunningly beautiful, and it was the grammar that was just bad and didn't show an obvious lack of intelligence as a whole, I would let it go.

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range?

 

I've never had to deal with this problem.

----------------------------AND FINALLY-------------------------------

 

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers?

 

** And if so, what are they? **

 

Obvious lack of intelligence. Identifying as a "country girl" (because its usually B.S. personality image fluffing. Text speak. Lack of eagerness after getting to know eachother. Hesitation to meet up in person. Recent end of a relationship. Marilyn Monroe quotes.

 

Not necessarily dealbreakers but I will avoid women who have things that they like to do in their profile that I do NOT like to do, and I'm not going to pretend to like them just to get her attention (Hiking, road trips, going out to clubs frequently, etc)

 

This is all I can think of off of the top of my head.

 

Responses in bold.

 

I've been on OLD for almost 2 years. A few terrible dates, one girl I really liked that disappeared, and I have nothing to show for it.

[Miss Awesome]

I did the online thing for a while, met a wonderful man, and am now planning to get married!

 

 

I can answer questions one through six with one answer. I responded to everyone. If I was uninterested, they got a message that said something along the lines of, "Hi. I'm not interested. Good luck with this site!" A lot of guys didn't respond after that. I got a few mean responses and some responses that tried to play it off like "what are you talking about? I never said I was interested in you," but more often than not, I had people thanking me for responding and for being honest.

 

 

The only time I ever blocked people was when they were being very vulgar or mean or when they just wouldn't take the hint that I wasn't interested. It wasn't too many people I had to block.

 

 

I don't have much to say about your other questions, but your questions about how to respond caught my eye. I just figured it was no skin off my nose to respond, and I also figure it's not rude to tell someone you're not interested. Oh, and you know, come to think of it, when I would tell people I wasn't interested, sometimes they would write back and ask me why I even bothered responding then. The thing is that if someone walked up to me on the street and talked to me, I wouldn't just turn around and walk away without a word if I wasn't interested. That would be rude. It's no different online. I think it's rude to totally ignore people who haven't given you reason to avoid them.

[mattny]

I almost signed up for OLD, but ended up on Tinder instead. I had a bunch of dates set up, went pretty well. Always had a pretty good opening line, and usually always got a response. Had two or three that just unmatched me out of nowhere.

 

Last night I ended up matching to another lady in Huntington who was pretty receptive to my advances. ended up meeting for drinks, made great conversation, and closed it like we were a couple of high school kids in a makeout session. Have dinner plans set up for later this week.

 

I can usually get the gist of conversations now...if I send a message or two and no reply but I see they are active, I dont follow up. Either shes not interested or shes got a bazillion emails and she will get to mine when she does. Ive learned not to get caught up in 'oh man i really liked her, **** how do i get her attention back?'. I just move to the next one that catches my eye.

 

Emotionally i feel much more relieved...and I can be myself and more confident. Which is more attractive.

 

If I also choose to pursue things with one woman, i put myself off the market. I dont actively date several women at once, I feel like its improper and if things dont turn out after a few weeks, no biggie Ill meet someone else!

 

Grammar doesnt bother me, unless its seriously omgwtfbbq. English, do you speak it? Im quite literate and I realize not everyone else is.

[Sith Apprentice]

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive? No, I only respond if their attractive.

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it)? No, if they're not attractive I won't respond regardless of the message.

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME). I will respond to a hi as long as the person is attractive

 

4. Do you do the "Thanks, but I'm not interested" sort of thing? No, waste of my time and there's. No, I'd rather be ignored than a condescending "thanks, but no thanks" message.

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy. Never had a woman send more than 1 message without me responding.

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile? Yes, I've gotten the "hello handsome" type of messages before with no indication that the woman read my profile, but I'll still respond if there's an attraction on my part.

 

 

9. How about when they simply 'like' your photo, or several photos? I've found messaging women that "like" your profile to be a waste of time. Every woman on OKCupid that has liked my profile never responds to messages.

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it. You can do a reverse photo search on Google Images to see if the photo was taken off the net. This will help you from getting catfished.

11. Do you ever respond to a "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Beautiful?" This just may be the one that bugs me the most. It may even be offensive to some and I can certainly see why. IF you were to answer, what would you say..? "Oh, hey there, cowboy/cowgirl!" Doesn't bother me.

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar? Not a deal breaker, but I prefer someone that spell.

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range? I've never had anyone over 35 message me, but I'd still respond if I were interested.

 

----------------------------AND FINALLY-------------------------------

 

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers?

 

Face shot with no body pics, all pics are myspace angles, she links her Instagram to her profile (dead give away she's an attention wh0re), blank profiles, Obesity, cigarette smokers, drug users, chest tattoos (yuck!), single mothers with more than 1 child, outside my racial preferences.

 

Also, avoid the match.com meetup events. They're sausagefests filled with bitchy jaded women in 2 sets with cockblockers.

[PachucaSunrise]

Thanks for your response, Andy. Very interesting stuff, indeed!

 

As a guy doing online dating, I will:

Respond to almost any message (even if it's a politie not interested response) the only messages I won't respond to are ones where I'm not interested, and it's clear they also haven't read my profile.

 

This makes sense.

 

I don't exactly get 'hey sexy' messages, but the occasional 'hey nice arms' does come in. I respond to those too.

 

Ha!! I got such a kick out of this!

 

I never get repeated messages from the same person if I don't reply

 

I don't get enough mail that I can't take the time to respond if I choose.

 

I will also respond to winks, sometimes favourites and stuff like that. Even sometimes a profile view. I just treat it the same as if I were writing to them for the first time, instead of responding as such.

 

Responding to winks and favorites is something I haven't done so far. I don't know what it is, but it just feels so awkward to me for some reason... Maybe it's a chick thing, haha. But yeah, I have responded to someone simply viewing my profile. No idea why, but I'm much more comfortable with that.

 

Thanks again for your input. Greatly appreciated!!

[PachucaSunrise]

I actually had seen an online dating profile where a woman in my local area was pretty elaborate on the whole, "Should I respond that I'm not interested, or just completely ignore the guy".

 

YES! I can totally understand why. Personally, I don't want to be rude, but I don't want to give false hope, either. And like I said before, the majority of times I have responded with a polite "Thanks, but no thanks," I have gotten quite a bit of positive feedback. Everyone's different, though, you know?

 

Then she wrote how that she doesn't want to get caught up in an online situation with a guy becuase though he wouldn't get nasty about it, he'd attempt to "sell" her on the idea of at least meeting for drinks or lunch when she absolutely has no attraction.

 

They'd wind up coming up with every argumentative comeback to every answer she'd ever come up with as to why she isn't interested , and he'd....like a pushy salesman, would have some kind of friendly/annoying rebuttal.

 

lol

 

This has happened many times with me as well. So I can see her point on this, too. Reversing the situation, if I got a return message that made it very clear they weren't interested, I would end it right then and there, but that's certainly not the case with everyone. Regardless of how polite you are, some guys just don't want to take NO for an answer (chicks too, I'm sure), and then they resort to "selling" themselves, as you mentioned. This is the WORST THING, EVER, lol.

 

So, in conclusion, rather than get caught up in a "sales pitch" where email correspondence has nothing to do with 'getting to know you' vs. a long winded back and forth "sales push" banter...she'd just assume NOT even respond the first time.

 

All of this above was put in her profile.

 

Yep, all of this makes a ton of sense. Plus, I find it very interesting that she mentioned this in her profile... But it probably saved people a lot of wasted energy in the long run. Good for her.

 

I really appreciate your input, irc333. Thanks a bunch!

[PachucaSunrise]

Thanks for your thoughtful reply, Gaeta. Greatly appreciated! I responded to your answers printed in bold. Just thought I'd tell you, I definitely dig your style.

 

 

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive?

No, I get a lot of non serious mail. I also learn that even though men say they prefer rejection than no reply it's not true. Most of the time when I reply no thanks I get harassed.

 

Oh, jeez. I feel for you here. Sometimes, regardless of what you do, you just can't win.

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it? Not always. I will sometimes answer just a 'hello how are you' if the profile is interesting

 

I struggle with this, but maybe I'm super picky. That's likely the case, haha.

 

** Regardless of if you're interested or not? **If I am not interested and he's put in some serious efforts I will reply and thank him for his interest and decline.

 

I like this idea quite a bit.

 

** Do you simply ignore/delete messages that appear sincere, even though you know FOR SURE you are not at all interested?**

Depends who's sending the message. If the man is in my age range, yes I will reply, if the message is from some 80yo, or a 20yo, no I don't reply.

 

Right on - makes sense to me.

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME).No I don't answer 'hi'. It has happened in the past that if the profile was super interesting and I only got a 'hi' I will reply: Hello, you need to put in more effort and to make at least a full sentence if you want to get my attention' They usually get back to me with a real conversation breaker.

 

Now, this is AWESOME! What a great idea. I love it!

 

** If so, is this something that works for you?**

Not always, sometimes I regret because men see this as an open door and won't take no for an answer

 

Exactly!

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy.Yes

 

GOOD! I'll never understand if it's because they're just THAT desperate, or if they're super creepy. Probably both, ha.

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile?Yes Depends what his message is like.

 

Gotcha. If I'm online and see he views my profile, and then sends a message 10 seconds later, it's obvious he simply checked out my photos and nothing more. That bugs the hell outta me.

 

7. For Match users, specifically - do you respond to "winks?" I can't help myself here - I find this option incredibly cheesy. I know it's used as a sort of buffer, but what are you left to do? Say, "Gee, thanks for the wink" or wink back?I don't know, to me, it's just awkward.No. And I hate getting a wink. I find it coward. Talk to me.

 

I feel EXACTLY the same about this. Right on, sister!

 

8. Again, for Match users, specifically - do you respond when someone leaves a comment on your photo?no

 

I don't usually either, unless I'm potentially interested. But sometimes I'll get a "Hi, how are you?" on one of my photos. Whattttt?!?!

 

** Even if you're not interested but appreciate the sentiment?**

no

 

** Even if you MAY be interested but the comment comes off as

sounding a bit juvenile?**No

 

Haha! I like your style!

 

9. How about when they simply 'like' your photo, or several photos?

No, if you like me talk to me

 

I agree. 100%.

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it.I talk to them and down the road ask for more pictures

 

Makes sense!

 

11. Do you ever respond to a "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Beautiful?" This just may be the one that bugs me the most. It may even be offensive to some and I can certainly see why. IF you were to answer, what would you say..? "Oh, hey there, cowboy/cowgirl!"NO i never reply to those

 

NICE!

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar?

I understand not all people have finished school. I have dated men that had a hard time with grammar but were good men with good hearts.

 

Awwww, that's sweet. I should probably be a little more lenient when it comes to this, haha.

 

** EVEN if it's coming from a cutiepie? **

I don't get bogged on bad grammar

 

** Do you ever let it slide? **

No, it's not my place to criticize their grammar, they know they are bad and a lot of men apologize in advance for their bad grammar

 

Very true. Some even apologize for their bad grammar in their actual profile. I do like that idea.

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range? No

 

I'm 35. I received a serious message from a 19-year-old the other day. I honestly didn't know how to take it, lol. It was flattering, though, that's for sure.

 

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers?Freshly out of a relationship

 

OH MY GOD, YES, YES, YES! Sometimes they don't always let you know this, but if they decide to be honest, and I read it in their profile, or see "Currently Separated," ANYWHERE... Well, that's an immediate red flag for me.

[PachucaSunrise]

Thanks so much for your reply, kodakgirl! It was a pleasure to read.

 

I'm super picky when it comes to online dating, and honestly I think it's most useful when you are.

 

YES! Absolutely! However, sometimes I wonder if I'm TOO picky.

 

I have a good idea of the kind of guy I want to date-- not superficial specifics like height, type of job, interests, etc., but the kind of person he is. He is thoughtful, considerate, gentlemanly, he knows who he is and what he wants in a partner. He would like to find a relationship but he feels fine on his own, he isn't desperate. He's an interesting fellow who isn't your average 20-something.

 

This is some really great stuff! I, too, am much more interested in matters of the heart rather than many of the superficial specifics. Another big thing for me is his sense of security - just as you mentioned - how "He would like to find a relationship but he feels fine on his own, he isn't desperate." This is very important me as well - it's also quite telling in terms of his relationship style. Needy and clingy are two aspects I simply cannot handle... On that same token, it's very telling in how he's able (or not able) to potentially trust you in the long run, which really all relates to his level of confidence.

 

He wants a girl with substance, not just a cute face. This kind of guy isn't going to be writing 100 girls a week saying "hi."

 

Oh, I loved reading this part! SUBSTANCE - that's what it's all about. I couldn't agree with you more.

 

And you know what? I don't go on a ton of dates from online, but every guy I've met up with fits this profile. I've never had a bad experience. Every guy I've met up with has been nice, intelligent, and respectful. Often there just isn't chemistry (usually mutually recognized) but we've always had a couple hours of really good conversation and a very nice time. I would say every guy I've met up with was someone I'd be happy to see my sister dating. I would be thrilled to hear that all of them had met the loves of their lives on their very next date (except the one I dated for a couple months who broke my heart a bit, haha. You can't claim a guy isn't worthwhile just because he lost interest in you, though).

 

I don't go on a ton of dates from dating sites, either. It's quality over quantity, always. And like you, I think I've been a pretty good judge of character so far. I can't say that I've ever had a really bad experience, fingers crossed, haha. And in cases where there wasn't that spark, so to speak, we still had enough in common to remain friends, which I find to be very fulfilling as well. I've even successfully played cupid a few times!

 

PS. Sorry to hear about that one guy, though I'm sure there will be someone much better for you when the time is right.

 

People have their different ways of dating online. A lot of advice is to go on loooots of dates. I have no interest in doing that, and honestly, I'm pretty happy with the way my experience has gone. There are plently of things I don't really like about OLD, but my experience has been pretty good, and I feel that's due in a large part to being so picky.

 

Same here - I have ZERO interest in going on a ton of dates. It's fun, sure, but when you have that gut instinct, that feeling that it's not right or he's just not your type, there's no point in wasting his time or yours. Like you, I'd much rather be picky. I have also learned that in many cases, it's a good idea to let things develop naturally. No need to rush anything, ESPECIALLY when it doesn't feel right. Now I'm just concerned that I've become OVERLY picky, haha.

[PachucaSunrise]

I only reply if I am interested. If their message is crap, i.e.. "hey". I will look at their profile to see if I am interested but usually the "hey" ones have very short profiles that say nothing about them, so I don't respond.

 

Even if they send a good message and I am not interested, I wont reply. And i feel bad for doing so.

 

Deal breaker : no photo. Swearing, photo sticking middle finger up, racist, sexist or negative things in profile. No profile content.

 

Thanks for your input, Smiley.

 

Yeah, I just don't get the whole "Hey" kind of message. At one point, I had it pretty much spelled out on my OKC profile to contact me if and only they had something more to say than a "Hey" or "Hi". I got a lot of responses that were big-time in favor of that, and then, of course, I still got a lot of "Hey" messages. And so I started to mimic them.... One "Hey" for another "Hey", and many times a "How r u" would follow. So I just gave up on that, lol.

 

I'm at a point now where I'm certainly not going to backtrack 3 months and begin a whole bunch of "Thanks, but no thanks" messages, but I would like to start doing something different from here on out. I do feel kinda s$itty when I simply ignore an obviously thoughtful and sweet message, where it's clear the person put a lot of effort into it... But again, just gotta be careful with my responses - if I decide to take that route- short, sweet, and to-the-point it will be, and no follow-up message afterward. Just a common courtesy sort of thing. Done deal.

 

No photos, ZERO profile content, and negativity are HUGE deal breakers for me as well. Oh, and especially the kind of profile that starts out with, "Well, here I am. I might as well give this place a shot. I hope someone on here can prove me to me that not all girls are heartless bitches." That drives me bananas, lol.

 

Anyhow, thanks again for your reply. I appreciate all the different perspectives I've been receiving regarding OLD. Good stuff!

[PachucaSunrise]

Responses in bold.

 

I've been on OLD for almost 2 years. A few terrible dates, one girl I really liked that disappeared, and I have nothing to show for it.

 

Haha. Yeah, I used it a few years back (OKC, specifically), took a break, and now I'm back at it again.

 

I've also tried POF, but it's gotten super skanky... Just can't hack it.

 

As far as Match - I would never recommend it to anyone, EVER. Unfortunately, I signed up for the 6 month deal - total waste. And really, there are many, many aspects of OKC that make it a million times better than Match to begin with. Plus, it's free, and you really can't beat that.

 

I haven't had any terrible dates from OKC.... YET, thankfully, but I have found quite a few guys who do the 'disappearing act', but most of the time it's mutual - things eventually end up just fizzling out all on their own - no harm, no foul, though. I did meet several guys who I'm still friends with. There wasn't that connection, so to speak, but I definitely lucked out all in all - I'm thankful for mostly all of my experiences. I'll never turn down adding someone of quality to my life, even if it's only on a friendship level.

 

One LT boyfriend as well, which is why I took myself off of the site the first time around.

 

I do really enjoy OKC, though, and I'm kinda addicted to answering those questions and taking some of those tests. Good fun.

 

Anyhow, thanks for your insight - very much appreciated!

 

 

 

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive? Yes.

 

That's very courteous of you.

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it)? I answer in kind. If the message sucks (one or two words) I respond in kind, hoping they realize that they have being doing a disproportionate amount of communicating and correct it.

 

Several people have mentioned this tactic, and I'm really beginning to like the idea.

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME). Yes. For the first reply I give the benefit of the doubt and launch into a topic of mutual interest.

 

Nice. I still need that extra effort, though. Maybe it's a chick thing, haha.

 

4. Do you do the "Thanks, but I'm not interested" sort of thing? No.

 

** If so, is this something that works for you?**

How can this "work" ? There is only one outcome. Sure they might freak out, but the outcome is still the same.

 

I meant "work" in terms of simply being polite, acknowledging the effort they made to contact you, and more or less wishing them well with their search. It goes back to that whole debate of being ignored verses being gently let down.

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy.

I've never had this problem. I sent one really well thought out first message once and the bitch pretty much laughed in my face and insulted me. I responded with a pretty much "well, you don't have to be such a condescending bitch, a simple non reply or no thanks would have worked just fine." Followed by a block.

 

JEEEEEEZ! What a snob! Glad you called her out.

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile? Yes.

 

I'll always be up in the air about this one. I realize attraction's important, but come on! HUGE pet peeve is when they ask a question that's CLEARLY stated in my profile. Just makes me feel as though they could care less about getting to know me, at least a teeny little bit, rather than solely focusing on my appearance.

 

7. For Match users, specifically - do you respond to "winks?" I can't help myself here - I find this option incredibly cheesy. I know it's used as a sort of buffer, but what are you left to do? Say, "Gee, thanks for the wink" or wink back? I don't know, to me, it's just awkward. I don't use match, but I would initiate a conversation. On Eharmony, I use winks to see if the person is even active.

 

Gotcha. That's kinda how it is on Match. But most times I feel as though a wink is a bit of a cop-out instead of sending a message. And honestly, I don't ever really have a response to one. I definitely don't wink back.

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it.

Sounds a lot like my profile. I just am not a person who takes or is involved in many pictures.

 

I can certainly understand that, but it still makes you wonder with some people. You just never know.

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar? Depends on the severity. If I get a message in text-speak, insta dealbreaker. But if the person is simply using incorrect grammar because that is how society actually talks these days, I can let it slide.

 

Yeah, text-speak is just horrible. I can let bad grammar slide as well, to an extent, but if I see that this person is a lawyer or some other high-status professional, it makes me wonder.

 

** EVEN if it's coming from a cutiepie? **

 

** Do you ever let it slide? **

 

If she was stunningly beautiful, and it was the grammar that was just bad and didn't show an obvious lack of intelligence as a whole, I would let it go.

 

Sure - definitely understandable.

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range? I've never had to deal with this problem.

 

Ha! Lucky you!

 

----------------------------AND FINALLY-------------------------------

 

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers?

 

** And if so, what are they? **

 

Obvious lack of intelligence. Identifying as a "country girl" (because its usually B.S. personality image fluffing. Text speak. Lack of eagerness after getting to know eachother. Hesitation to meet up in person. Recent end of a relationship. Marilyn Monroe quotes.

 

HAHAA!! The Marilyn Monroe quotes thing had me rolling. That's funny stuff. But yeah, a recent end of a relationship is a definite deal-breaker for me as well.

 

Not necessarily dealbreakers but I will avoid women who have things that they like to do in their profile that I do NOT like to do, and I'm not going to pretend to like them just to get her attention (Hiking, road trips, going out to clubs frequently, etc)

 

Sure, and your honesty is saving the both of you a lot of wasted energy.

 

This is all I can think of off of the top of my head.

 

 

Thanks again for your thoughtful reply. Very interesting, for sure.

[PachucaSunrise]

I did the online thing for a while, met a wonderful man, and am now planning to get married!

 

THIS IS AWESOME!! I'm thrilled for you! Congrats!! So great to hear!

 

I can answer questions one through six with one answer. I responded to everyone. If I was uninterested, they got a message that said something along the lines of, "Hi. I'm not interested. Good luck with this site!" A lot of guys didn't respond after that. I got a few mean responses and some responses that tried to play it off like "what are you talking about? I never said I was interested in you," but more often than not, I had people thanking me for responding and for being honest.

 

Very thoughtful and admirable that you replied to EVERYONE, and I like your style of the 'gentle let down'.

 

Hahaa! Yep, I've gotten those responses as well. "I never said I was interested in you." Too funny.

 

And yes, I've also gotten many appreciative responses for replying back AT ALL. I do like this idea, although it's sometimes difficult to judge in certain aspects.

 

The only time I ever blocked people was when they were being very vulgar or mean or when they just wouldn't take the hint that I wasn't interested. It wasn't too many people I had to block.

 

Right, right. Same here.

 

I don't have much to say about your other questions, but your questions about how to respond caught my eye. I just figured it was no skin off my nose to respond, and I also figure it's not rude to tell someone you're not interested. Oh, and you know, come to think of it, when I would tell people I wasn't interested, sometimes they would write back and ask me why I even bothered responding then. The thing is that if someone walked up to me on the street and talked to me, I wouldn't just turn around and walk away without a word if I wasn't interested. That would be rude. It's no different online. I think it's rude to totally ignore people who haven't given you reason to avoid them.

 

Exactly. I feel very similar about this. Like I said, though, it's sometimes difficult to more or less 'weed through' who really deserves a return message in the first place. I think that, from now on, I'm going to base who I respond to and how I respond to them by the quality of the messages I receive.

 

Thanks so much for your reply - super appreciated. And good luck with your lucky guy!!

[normal person]

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive?

 

I used to try to, but not anymore.

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it)?

 

Yes, if they put thought into it, I'll respond even if it's a polite decline.

 

 

** Do you simply ignore/delete messages that appear sincere, even though you know FOR SURE you are not at all interested?**

 

If the message is terrible, yes.

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME).

 

It depends. A lot of times I think whether or not a person says "hi" or something more elaborate is an indicator of potential. I don't want to go out with a girl who can't see 2 messages into the future. Why waste a message on pleasantries and just get to whatever question you want to ask?

 

4. Do you do the "Thanks, but I'm not interested" sort of thing?

 

I think it's better to do a "thanks, but you live a bit far out of my neighborhood/I'm really busy right now, maybe I'll get in touch when things settle down"

 

** If so, is this something that works for you?**

 

Yes, frequently they say "thanks."

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy.

After the second message I tell them why I didn't respond the first time and then they stop.

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile?

 

Only to say "thanks, but you clearly didn't read my profile."

 

7. For Match users, specifically - do you respond to "winks?" I can't help myself here - I find this option incredibly cheesy. I know it's used as a sort of buffer, but what are you left to do? Say, "Gee, thanks for the wink" or wink back? I don't know, to me, it's just awkward.

 

I'm a guy so I don't wink. If a girl winks and I like what I see, I'll go out with her. Guys winking at girls seems a bit cowardly. Just send a message.

 

 

8. Again, for Match users, specifically - do you respond when someone leaves a comment on your photo?

 

If the comment's funny and I like the girl, yes.

 

** Even if you're not interested but appreciate the sentiment?**

 

Sometimes.

 

** Even if you MAY be interested but the comment comes off as sounding a bit juvenile?**

 

If the comment is that juvenile then I wouldn't be interested.

 

9. How about when they simply 'like' your photo, or several photos?

 

If I like someone who "likes," I see it pretty much as an invitation to talk to them.

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it.

I don't see too many of these.

 

11. Do you ever respond to a "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Beautiful?" This just may be the one that bugs me the most. It may even be offensive to some and I can certainly see why. IF you were to answer, what would you say..? "Oh, hey there, cowboy/cowgirl!"

 

I've never gotten one this blunt.

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar?

Turn off.

 

** EVEN if it's coming from a cutiepie? **

I'll entertain the idea.

 

** Do you ever let it slide? **

Sometimes, some people are perfectly intelligent but just bad at writing.

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range?

If she's old enough to drink, it's fine. I don't get mail from women more than a year or two older than me.

 

----------------------------AND FINALLY-------------------------------

 

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers?

 

** And if so, what are they? **

 

Too many to list.

[bu2002]

Hey, friends...

 

1. Do you answer ALL the mail you receive?

No

 

2. Do you answer mail you receive based on its quality (the obvious effort put into writing it)?

 

No, I look at their profile when I receive a mail if it's a profile I don't think I've viewed before. If I have looked at the profile before and wasn't interested, I would more than likely delete the email.

 

3. Do you answer mail in which you may see some potential (based on their profile), but the sender only says something along the lines of "Hi." (I personally struggle with this one ALL THE TIME).

 

I'm a guy and understand most women suck at sending initial emails so I cut it some slack.

 

4. Do you do the "Thanks, but I'm not interested" sort of thing?

 

Yes if I'm definitely not interested

 

5. Do you block people who have messaged you several times without ever sending them a reply? Maybe it's me, but I find this a bit creepy.

 

I have had to block one user because they had messaged on a few other sites and I had enough

 

6. Do you respond to messages when it's crystal clear the sender has not read a lick of your profile?

 

Have not run across this yet

 

7. For Match users, specifically - do you respond to "winks?" I can't help myself here - I find this option incredibly cheesy. I know it's used as a sort of buffer, but what are you left to do? Say, "Gee, thanks for the wink" or wink back? I don't know, to me, it's just awkward.

 

Since I'm a guy, yes. There is still an understood behavior even with online dating for the guy to make the first move and many women will be shy about initiating contact. As a guy, I have never used the "Wink" feature. I'm not sure what the point would be. You don't need permission to send an email.

 

8. Again, for Match users, specifically - do you respond when someone leaves a comment on your photo?

 

I consider any liked photos the same as a wink. I'll take a look at their profile and go from there

 

9. How about when they simply 'like' your photo, or several photos?

 

See above answer

 

10. How do you feel about "One Photo Wonders?" They may have an awesome profile, but only ONE photo. Personally, I have a hard time buying it.

 

Usually the profiles with one photo, also have minimal effort in the written portion. It's someone who just hasn't put a lot of effort in the person. I don't think I've seen a female profile where the written part was just great but they only had one photo. So if the effort is low, I usually move on to the next one.

 

11. Do you ever respond to a "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Beautiful?" This just may be the one that bugs me the most. It may even be offensive to some and I can certainly see why. IF you were to answer, what would you say..? "Oh, hey there, cowboy/cowgirl!"

 

Never had that so can't answer. Question is more applicable to women

 

12. How do you feel about bad grammar?

 

I may let it slide especially not knowing if they're answering from the app on their phone or not. It has to be readable though and not so bad it makes no sense.

 

13. Do you respond to mail from men/women who are MUCH older or younger than your prefered age range?

 

No, nothing more than a year or two usually

 

----------------------------AND FINALLY-------------------------------

 

14. Again, all related to online dating - do you have any absolute, 100% deal-breakers?

 

From a guy's standpoint, here are the ones I click next on

 

1) Smokers

2) Girls with negative or chip on their shoulder attitudes in their profile

3) Girls out of shape

4) Girls where every picture is them out drinking

 

 

Answers in bold. Keep in mind I'm a guy. I believe you're a women. Just some other things I notice about female profiles

 

- When selecting pictures to put on your profile, remember who your audience is, just because you find a certain picture cute doesn't mean a guy will.

 

- If you have a picture that includes your girlfriends, either crop them out, or caption it so it's clear which one is you. And to be direct, if you want to stand out more, if one of your girlfriends in the pic is hotter than you, I probably crop her out. You need to be the center of attention in the photo.

 

- In the written profile, tell us about a quirk or two you have. It's very endearing and captures how real you are.

 

- Adding to the above, at least sprinkle in one sentence showing you have a sense of humor.

[PachucaSunrise]

This is to you, mattny. Thanks a bunch for your reply!

 

 

I almost signed up for OLD, but ended up on Tinder instead. I had a bunch of dates set up, went pretty well. Always had a pretty good opening line, and usually always got a response. Had two or three that just unmatched me out of nowhere.

 

Awesome! Good for you!

 

Oh, Tinder. I'm still very apprehensive about that one. I understand it's kinda like a rating system? Like, you click "Yes" if you're interested, and if the other person does the same, it's a match?

 

 

Last night I ended up matching to another lady in Huntington who was pretty receptive to my advances. ended up meeting for drinks, made great conversation, and closed it like we were a couple of high school kids in a makeout session. Have dinner plans set up for later this week.

 

This is so great to hear! Awesome, man. I'm happy for you. Acting like a couple of high school kids every now and then is the BEST. I'm actually kinda jealous, haha!! Owwww owwwww! Dinner plans later this week?! Sounds like things are going very well. Good luck. I wish you all the best.

 

 

I can usually get the gist of conversations now...if I send a message or two and no reply but I see they are active, I dont follow up. Either shes not interested or shes got a bazillion emails and she will get to mine when she does. Ive learned not to get caught up in 'oh man i really liked her, **** how do i get her attention back?'. I just move to the next one that catches my eye.

 

Emotionally i feel much more relieved...and I can be myself and more confident. Which is more attractive.

 

Right, it kinda sucks when you're really diggin' someone and then out of nowhere, "poof!" I've learned not to get too caught up in all of that as well. Some people are just flaky, too. Personally, I will tell you this - I do try to reply to my mail in the order I receive it, but sometimes, just SOMETIMES, someone will REALLY catch my eye and I'll get back to them much, much sooner than I would otherwise. I will more or less bump them up to the top of my list, it's true. So, what I'm basically saying is this - when a girl REALLY, REALLY wants to talk to you - come hell or high water - she will FIND the time to do it. I try to remind myself of this as well, the other way around.

 

And yes, the ability to simply be yourself is very attractive, and to me, anyway, it portrays some solid confidence, which, as you know, all chicks dig.

 

 

If I also choose to pursue things with one woman, i put myself off the market. I dont actively date several women at once, I feel like its improper and if things dont turn out after a few weeks, no biggie Ill meet someone else!

 

That's a positive way to look at it! I honestly don't even know how to actively date several guys at once. I mean, I know HOW to do it, but from past experiences, I know I definitely don't enjoy it - just not my thing - so I can totally relate to what you said. If things are progressing with one guy, I'll keep my focus on him, and if it works out, then awesome! And if not, then back to the dating pool it is, haha.

 

 

Grammar doesnt bother me, unless its seriously omgwtfbbq. English, do you speak it? Im quite literate and I realize not everyone else is.

 

Hahahaa! I hear ya. My BIGGEST pet peeve is when guys consistently misuse YOUR and YOU'RE. I have no idea why, but that bugs the hell outta me, ha. I let many, many things slide, but that one always irks me.

 

Thanks again, mattny! Best of luck to you on your date! Keep us posted!!