What do you think of this situation with my GF?

[pedroo]

Hi Guys to make it short (at least trying to)

 

1/ I met my G.F almost two years ago in the gym (she loves fitness and this is an important part of her life).

 

I found out 6 months after meeting her that she had an affair with a guy member of that gym, i forgave her after finding out cause i love her. I found out after she sent a message to that guy again few months after to ask for help for something she knew he could help her, she said she didn't mention to me cause i would get upset about it, which i did.

 

Anyhow as i love that girl i forgave that and understood she might be afraid of me complaining about that.

 

The issue is that guy is member of the GYM i used to go with my GF, i don't feel comfortable having her around that guy and me around that guy, that guy knowing me he still checking on my G.F and try to smile to her in some way, i find that sick.

 

So i asked her to stop being a member of the GYM and go with me to some other GYM, i told her she even can go herself when she want's to every single other gym of the city as i don't want her to feel pressure and don't make her feel pressure about me checking on her which i am not really doing at all as i give her a lot of private space with her male friend or else.

 

However she mentioned to me that she want to go still once a week in that gym as there is a class she like very much over there and that she can't do in other gym, i said to her that i do not accept that as i know that guy she had affair with can be around, i don't feel comfortable about it and that she should respect my decision.

 

I said to her in the same situation if she asked me not going to the gym for the same reason i will accept the proposal and make feel her comfortable.

 

However seems like for her it's difficult and she can't accept that idea.

 

2/ Other thing also happened in that gym, i made friend with a American guy there which i found out to be the ultimate low file.

That guy was basically saying to my G.F and myself that he was cheating on his wife and he was talking to my G.F about his story with other girls and how miserable his life his and bragging about it. This guy doesn't work and do this in the back of his wife while she is working very hard (i know his wife).

 

Also as i train with my G.F in that gym we accepted to workout together with him in order to help him as he is overweight, however after 3/4 months of doing that casually together i found out that guy was just coming there for his own entertainment and not making any efforts.

 

He was talking loudly, making disgusting jokes in public about my GF (like when she said to him she was going to change her outfit he was joking about her changing her underwear or something and she mentioned to me feeling bad about him saying that). Doing the class that guy was also so disturbing like slapping us with towel or thing in front of others.

 

So that guy happens to be in my opinion selfishly disturbing our training as i would never try to get involved with a couple like me and my gf who workout hard and follow a strict schedule just for my own entertainment. He wasnt respecting our time / focus and the help we were giving him by training him as he didn't try hard at all to even change his eating habits or be focused in the gym, i feel we were just like clown for him to make him feel better about his terrible life and cheating story about his wife and how miserable he is. He then asked my G.F if she could train him by knowing this would disturb our training schedule.

 

This pissed me of a lot, i have a lot of respect for people who respect them-self and others however in my opinion that guy has nothing of that.

 

So now i am asking my G.F to:

1/ Change gym which i find difficult as i mentioned above as i feel she really can't compromise on that for reason one.

2/ And i told her she should stop being friend with that guy i mentioned in two which used to be my friend as this guy has no respect for anything as he can't even respect himself.

 

Do you think i am being reasonable by asking that ? I am thinking that if she was asking me the same i would do it immediately as i would compromise on the gym for her and also i would try to get rid of negative people around me.

 

I'd like to get your opinion about all of this and how i react, and i'd like to show this message to her as well as i feel i need to be transparent to her.

 

Thanks for your opinion about those situation and advice

 

Have a nice day.

Edited May 21, 2014 by pedroo

[Assasda]

Hahahahaha.

I'd like to live the fat guy's life. (The guy that doesnt respect anyone). He sounds fun.

I can picture both him an your wife laughing at you (the hot head), like that principal in beavis and butthead.

 

Anyway, youre not your GFs dad, you cant tell her what to do. You can make suggestions, and if she doesnt wanna follow those suggestions, then you have to decide if you want a relationship.

But getting all hot headed and worrying isnt going to help.

 

For some reason, I can understand why your wife didnt tell you that she cheated on you.

 

Bottom line is: Your wife has no respect for you, because you dont stand up for youself. As of right now, you want people on this forum to stand up for you. Go ahead and stand up for yourself

[Try]

she had an affair with a guy member of that gym, i forgave her after finding out cause i love her. I found out after she sent a message to that guy again few months after to ask for help for something she knew he could help her, she said she didn't mention to me cause i would get upset about it, which i did.

 

Anyhow as i love that girl i forgave that and understood she might be afraid of me complaining about that.

When she asked her affair partner to help her with something, why would he help her if there was no future for them? Also, is she not telling him that she does not respect you enough to observe her promises to you once you learned of the affair?

 

Of course she did not tell you when she broke her promise to you and went behind your back in resuming contact with her affair partner, she is still a cheater at heart. Of course you would be mad, as she showed you that she does not think that her having cheated on you with this other man (OM) is a big deal to her. When someone cheats on you, should you decide to give them another chance, it it normal to expect at a minimum that the cheater agree to go full no contact (NC) with the their affair partner. You trust them to keep this most basic agreement. Full NC means no further contact period, no matter what. All cheaters have some reason as to why they resumed contact with their affair partners, but this ignores the fact that there is no reason good enough to betray your trust again by doing this. The only thing that you should be understanding of is that she is not trustworthy.

 

However she mentioned to me that she want to go still once a week in that gym as there is a class she like very much over there and that she can't do in other gym, i said to her that i do not accept that as i know that guy she had affair with can be around, i don't feel comfortable about it and that she should respect my decision.

She does not respect you at all. She does not care that she cheated on you. She is not remorseful that she cheated. She thinks so little of having cheated on you that she is unwilling to suffer even the smallest consequence for her cheating, even something as small as giving up a class at a gym.

 

Demand full no contact with her affair partner for any reason, which includes giving up this gym, or tell her that you will be ending your relationship with her. Do not beg. Do not plead. Just her this with a willingness to move on if she does not agree.

Edited May 21, 2014 by Try

[bubbaganoosh]

She cheated on you. Then she stays in contact with this guy and when you ask her to go to another gym with you, she says no.

 

Seems to me that she's going to do what ever she wants and doesn't matter if it hurts you. Is that the kind of woman you want in your life? Where is the trust? Where's the compromise? Where is there any kind of giving on her part? The answer to all three is "none".

 

Why should she. Your too willing to forgive her and when you do so without consequences, she's going to continue to take advantage of you until you decide to wake up and stop being a door mat.

 

There comes a time when you have to say enough is enough and either unload her or continue to be used as a weak man with no spine because that's the way she see's it. Your choice.

[pedroo]

hello guys,

 

thx for your advice.

 

what about u think the way she deal with that fat guy friend of us ?

 

i am not so sure about it.

 

cheers

[Try]

hello guys,

 

thx for your advice.

 

what about u think the way she deal with that fat guy friend of us ?

 

i am not so sure about it.

 

cheers

Yes she should respect your opinion on the fat guy, but the issue of the fat guy is so small as compared to the issue of her cheating on you and then staying in contact with her affair partner behind your back, that you should not even be discussing it at this time. Doing so shows that she has successfully got you minimizing her affair. Besides if she changes gyms, the fat guy should no longer be an issue.