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Im meeting my bf's coworker who likes him!


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Old 28th April 2014, 12:59 PM   #1
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Im meeting my bf's coworker who likes him!

My bf and I have been dating for six months. Everything was doing great except for the last couple weeks that weve been fighting often. Mainly the reason of our fight is about a girl he works with.

My bf just started a new job about three months ago. Hes trying to be friends with everyone at work but this girl is too friendly. Everytime Im with my bf I always see that she texts him. I used to ignore it but it got to the point that she texts late at night after 11pm. I talked to my bf and he told me he doesnt see her more than just a friend and that I shouldnt worry.

Im getting frustrated. Im becoming a mean, paranoid, insecure gf and its breaking our relationship apart. This girl knows my bf has a
gf and she wont stop texting him. He even ignored her texts. Another coworker helped my bf to let this girl know that he doesnt see her more than just a friend but she still keeps texting him.

Last week, she texts my bf " hey what are you doing tomorrow". My bf text back that hes hanging out with his friends and she can come along. My bf and I were fighting this week and he went out with his friends because he was mad at me and the girl met with them. The reason I know was because I asked him and he admitted. Im so upset that he invited her. He said theres no reason why he asked her out. He said he would text her but he text her back this time. I was so upset that we fight about it and almost break up.

My bf and I were in Vegas this weekend and she text again, " what are u doing". My bf replied, " Im in las vegas with my gf". Why she texts him so much? He ignores the texts, she texts still.

My bf and I talked about getting married. My family loves him and his family loves me. We love each other and he said I need to trust him but it bothers me because this girl likes him.

He offered that I should meet the girl so I will pick my bf up at work to have dinner. Any advice how to act infront of her so she will leave my bf and I alone?
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Old 28th April 2014, 1:06 PM   #2
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Meeting her should help in theory. You would hope she would tone down the inappropriate texting once she sees that the guys GF (you) is a real person rather than an abstract concept. I hope it helps.

But I would be concerned your BF does not enforce clear boundaries with this girl. Frequent texting should be actively discouraged. Texting past 9pm should be sternly dealt with by him. If he does not do that, I would consider rethinking the relationship.
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Old 28th April 2014, 1:08 PM   #3
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Your boyfriend needs to tell her to stop texting him. That's the solution. There is no reason for you to show up at his work. If he really wanted this to stop, he has the power to make it happen. If she won't stop texting him, he can block her.

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Last week, she texts my bf " hey what are you doing tomorrow". My bf text back that hes hanging out with his friends and she can come along. My bf and I were fighting this week and he went out with his friends because he was mad at me and the girl met with them. The reason I know was because I asked him and he admitted. Im so upset that he invited her. He said theres no reason why he asked her out. He said he would text her but he text her back this time. I was so upset that we fight about it and almost break up.

My bf and I were in Vegas this weekend and she text again, " what are u doing". My bf replied, " Im in las vegas with my gf". Why she texts him so much? He ignores the texts, she texts still.
You claim he's ignoring her texts, but he isn't. He's responding. He's inviting her to hang out with him. If he was ignoring every text she sent him, she would eventually stop texting him. He is encouraging this behavior from her.
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Old 28th April 2014, 1:14 PM   #4
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Meeting her should help in theory. You would hope she would tone down the inappropriate texting once she sees that the guys GF (you) is a real person rather than an abstract concept. I hope it helps.

But I would be concerned your BF does not enforce clear boundaries with this girl. Frequent texting should be actively discouraged. Texting past 9pm should be sternly dealt with by him. If he does not do that, I would consider rethinking the relationship.
He stopped responding to her texts, except that one time when we were fighting that he was so mad at me that he responded to her text and said shes free to come along hanging out with his friends.

Because they work together and hes new at work he likes to just get along with everyone. But this girl should get the hints that he has a gf and not interested. Is there anything that I could tell her when I meet her later that would make her leave us alone? Thanks.
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Old 28th April 2014, 1:20 PM   #5
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Your boyfriend needs to tell her to stop texting him. That's the solution. There is no reason for you to show up at his work. If he really wanted this to stop, he has the power to make it happen. If she won't stop texting him, he can block her.



You claim he's ignoring her texts, but he isn't. He's responding. He's inviting her to hang out with him. If he was ignoring every text she sent him, she would eventually stop texting him. He is encouraging this behavior from her.
I told him that but he said that I need to trust him. I need to stop worrying because Im the one that he loves. He doesnt like that I control who he can be friends with or talk to. That I should stop being insecure. He doesnt find her attractive. Please help how to deal with this? Were happy but when ahe texts, she ruins it.
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Old 28th April 2014, 1:20 PM   #6
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Why did they even exchange numbers? Him trying to be friends with everyone is a bogus excuse. You can be friendly with everyone without things crossing over into your personal life unless you want it to. He obviously wants it to.
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Old 28th April 2014, 1:21 PM   #7
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Is there anything that I could tell her when I meet her later that would make her leave us alone? Thanks.
No. It is up to your BF.

But he needs to be more active in shutting her down. Don't give him a pass for inviting g her out because you two were fighting. That is even worse. If he is unwilling to shut this down, I would see that as a bad sign for the prospects of a successful future relationship.
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Old 28th April 2014, 1:30 PM   #8
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Why did they even exchange numbers? Him trying to be friends with everyone is a bogus excuse. You can be friendly with everyone without things crossing over into your personal life unless you want it to. He obviously wants it to.
He was having lunch with her and a guy coworker. Thats how it started. Hes new at work and they became friends. Then the girl started liking him more than friends.
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Old 28th April 2014, 1:34 PM   #9
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He was having lunch with her and a guy coworker. Thats how it started. Hes new at work and they became friends. Then the girl started liking him more than friends.
Thats understandable but why exchange numbers? I go out to lunch with coworkers all the time. It ends there.

Your BF is enjoying this chicks attention and feeding you the "trust me" BS. He can easily end this by asking, no telling her to stop and/or blocking her number. It's very simple.
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Old 28th April 2014, 1:58 PM   #10
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Thats understandable but why exchange numbers? I go out to lunch with coworkers all the time. It ends there.

Your BF is enjoying this chicks attention and feeding you the "trust me" BS. He can easily end this by asking, no telling her to stop and/or blocking her number. It's very simple.
I said that to him and denies it. He never hidden anything tho but because Ive been so focus on his phone and her texts that he started not letting me hold his phone anymore. I used to get access to it anytime.

We used to have a really great relationship. Then this girl initiates text all the time that we fight about her.
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Old 28th April 2014, 2:45 PM   #11
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He stopped responding to her texts, except that one time when we were fighting that he was so mad at me that he responded to her text and said shes free to come along hanging out with his friends.....

Okay, so this is the thing you should be paying attention to:

He knows without a doubt that you are sensitive to this woman's presence and that it bugs you.

He says you're being over sensitive and that you are not trusting him with your questioning of his behaviour.

But when you have conflict - he suddenly steps across a big line and invites her to hang out with him

He had to know that would drive you crazy. That he was hitting a very sore point right on the nose.

IF he was interested in sincerely reassuring you that there's nothing going on between them - he would NEVER instigate closer contact with her when you two are at odds.

He would know that it would make it much worse. And it did.

Bottom line: he doesn't care as much about your feelings about this as he should.

Trust is a two way street. You have to do your best to believe him and put your faith in what he says.

And he has to behave in a way that makes it possible for you to do that.

if he fails to act in a trustworthy way and in fact, does something that he knows will raise your mistrust even higher, then he doesn't care as much about your feelings as he should.

Something is going on.

He's trading your emotional comfort and peace between you, for texts and contact with this other girl. He's risking ongoing conflict with you, in order to keep her around.

There's a reason why he would choose to do that.
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Old 28th April 2014, 2:48 PM   #12
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PS: if you meet her, do this:

look fabulous, for starters. Wear something that makes you feel terrific.

Be very friendly to her. Be outgoing. Be the life of the party. Leave no doubt in anyone's mind that you are so much fun and so interesting - not to mention hot - and *most importantly* that you couldn't be bothered about what she thinks.

Also, keep a steady hand on your bf, make your presence known, but don't smother him. Flirt a little with other men if you can - just a little.

And *don't* have more than one drink! :-)
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Old 28th April 2014, 2:49 PM   #13
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See how the meeting goes.


Other than being polite to a co-worker, I don't see where your BF has done anything wrong. You see the texts. He has texted her that he has a GF & is spending the weekend with you so he's not hiding anything. Yes, he could be clearer but that doesn't mean what he's doing is untrustworthy.


Hopefully when you meet this woman face to face, he will introduce you as the GF & you two will be tastefully tactile while she's around. One she sees you together, that should help.


While you are all together, I'd befriend her. (the art of war: keep your friends close but your enemies closer) I would also go out of my way to try to find her a guy of her own.
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Old 28th April 2014, 2:51 PM   #14
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Your boyfriend needs to tell her to stop texting him. That's the solution. There is no reason for you to show up at his work. If he really wanted this to stop, he has the power to make it happen. If she won't stop texting him, he can block her.



You claim he's ignoring her texts, but he isn't. He's responding. He's inviting her to hang out with him. If he was ignoring every text she sent him, she would eventually stop texting him. He is encouraging this behavior from her.
Agreed, and why does she even have his phone #, and him hers? I know my direct reports # and my bosses #, that's it. We text about work, and work only and ONLY when we have to. Your bf has weak boundaries IMHO and likes the attention from the woman.
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Old 28th April 2014, 4:03 PM   #15
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Agreed, and why does she even have his phone #, and him hers? I know my direct reports # and my bosses #, that's it. We text about work, and work only and ONLY when we have to. Your bf has weak boundaries IMHO and likes the attention from the woman.
I understand about exchanging coworkers numbers. I have numbers of my coworkers, we text here and there but we don't over-text. This girl initiates all the texts. He said he sees her as one of the boys...not in a romantic way. Why some girls like to break up a happy relationship? I don't understand.

Also, my bf brought up about " lets get married" last week. He loves me and I love him but were slowly loosing each other because of this girl.
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