what's wrong with old-fashioned?..

[Clair108]

so apparently, when it comes to the dating im the type that can't give "myself away until im both emotionally and physically certain the person is for me. is that wrong? I've been in a committed relationship with a guy 2 years back he was my first bf, he was down to earth, serious, cares and respects my boundaries, I saw his parents and friends and I felt "appreciated and loved", so I've been exposed to the nice and serious aspects of relationships. That was a few years back.

 

 

nowadays, it seems people have informed of a different side of dating, a dating ritual I'm not used to/have personally experienced. it seems like the guys I try to date nowadays either are eager to get physical quickly, or rush into things without really being sure how long term they can see us being together. (Im the type that only commits seriously , not hookups)

 

 

im quite conservative, spiritual but not religious but I have very defined values, I believe in a relationship both should share equal respect for each other. I can't imagine kissing and having sex casually, with a stranger I met for only 5 or less dates, less than 24 hours spent together. I for one can't just kiss a guy I'm mildly interested and just getting to know either, it's part morale and part logic for me (I don't believe in blind love/love at first sight, as those usually don't last)

 

 

hence what is the "new" stream of dating? does no one appreciate the concept of traditional dating anymore?

[HappyLove]

Traditional dating does consist of a kiss at the end of the date. I agree about sex though people are very casual with that in hopes to get a relationship then end up VERY hurt. Waiting for 5 dates for a kiss is not traditional IMO.

[Eggplant]

Traditional dating does consist of a kiss at the end of the date.

No, actually even today I'd say kissing a guy you just met is a little too much.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well the situation today is have sex then ask questions later.

 

A lot of women sit on the fence just wondering where things are going to go, or just assume that things are going to transition into a relationship or exclusivity just magically, I guess eventually. They wait around on the guy basically and some aren't even looking for anything serious.

 

And your values are a bit more traditional than any of these guys are going to expect in light of that, plus many aren't going to be all that concerned with what you think or want, they're expecting to get somewhere first then have to define what is going to mean what, and by then they can either back out or stick around..likely back out.

 

So you need to communicate your expectations to a degree, or just say you're looking to take things slow and want to really get to know someone first before taking it to that level.

 

Now will all guys listen? of course not, many it'll just go in one ear and out the other, they'll be like "yeah whatever" and they'll just try and push to see if you really mean what you say.

 

A guy who really likes you and wants to date you more seriously, is more likely to stick around...but that's not a guarantee either. So you always have to be prudent, ask questions, get to know him, but at the same time not take it like this is some guarantee that he's into you, there are not guarantees, so you make the decision of whether someone seems worth it or not.

 

So just give it some time and be patient, and realize that the dating world isn't exactly designed for your specific needs so you need to express that and make your own rules, once that's clear to men then they'll either get the message to stick around or get out of dodge, but it's in large part going to be on how you deliver that message and the fact that you're just being communicative about this...a guy who is looking for something serious or at least a relationship and actually respects women, will be happy that you have these standards.

[mr_dave]

Nothing's wrong with it at all! I went out last night (I hate clubs) and to my shock, had a few girls/women feeling me up unprovoked.

I wasn't really interested though, my friends were despairing of me, and had their heads in their hands. They couldn't believe that I'd turn down two randy cougars, but it just isn't me! I just couldn't have sex with someone I barely know or care about, it seems so...grubby?