The Idea of Fate/Destiny

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

A recent thread regarding "Soulmates" and my current relationship made these thoughts pop into my head. It is also something that I have discussed with my SO. When it comes to fate or destiny, our situation feels like it almost HAS to be one of these where the stars somehow aligned and we marvel at it all the time. So here's the scenario:

 

1. We were both married for 10 years to habitual liars, cheaters, self-absorbed, irresponsible individuals. These two are almost like the male/female mirrored images of each other. It's almost scary.

 

2. We were both the ones to finally leave the marriage.

 

3. We both lived in Germany for 5 years under the military.

 

4. Both of our first born children have the same first name, though mine is a boy and his is a girl.

 

5. Both of us were so emotionally abused and exhausted by our exes that we so deeply appreciate the little qualities in each other that other people may just find normal. We each argue that the other is the more amazing person, but I love this man like I've loved no other and I KNOW he feels the same.

 

6. I am just 2 years shy of turning 40, and never in all my life have I ever been SO sexually compatible with anyone. It's the most amazing thing. I can be dead tired, and all this man has to do is stroke my leg, and I will become instantly awake and ready to go. He contends the same that he's never experienced sex like this before.

 

7. Months before we met, I posted to a thread on another site describing my ideal mate - physically, personality characteristics, etc. He matches my post so closely that it's like I dreamed him to life.

 

8. Almost a year before we met I decided I was ready to relocate. I had it narrowed down to two places- Colorado Springs, Co or Charlottesville, VA. Turns out, my guy is from Colorado, loves Colorado Springs, and wants to move back as well.

 

9. Our relationship has gotten pretty serious and originally, we planned to relocate together next year to CO Springs. But because of work and other situations, we recently decided we'd rather go now and have started talking about leaving this summer. Just this morning, out of the blue, my guy gets an email from a company in CO Springs in his line of work that says they are looking for HIS specific position to fill, and anyone interested should apply. He's the BEST in our region and is a shoe-in for the job.

 

10. And last but not least... We met online almost by chance. I had completely given up on online dating and had taken my profile down to almost nothing. I kept it only to participate in the forums and hadn't been on a date in months. I got bored one night and started browsing profiles. There he was. Decent pics, nothing standout, but I decided to favorite him, just in case I decided I wanted to start dating again later. I RARELY favorited anyone. He sent me a message that day. We started talking, met 3 days later, and it's been cloud 9 ever since. But what I found out later was that he had only JUST created his profile the night before at his brother's urging who is a serial online dater. I was the first person he'd really talked to and his first date. It was a one and done, just like that, and his brother still fumes that he was able to find his "dream girl" the first time out.

 

So with all this said, with each passing day I find it harder and harder to believe that in OUR situation, there was not some other worldly power at work. Because if either of us had done ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING different, our paths would have never crossed.

 

So would do you think? Forget "soulmates" and all that talk, but do you believe its possible for FATE to already have a plan mapped out for us and sometimes all the hurt and heartache is just part of our life's path to lead us to the one that was truly meant for us?

[Gaeta]

So would do you think? Forget "soulmates" and all that talk, but do you believe its possible for FATE to already have a plan mapped out for us and sometimes all the hurt and heartache is just part of our life's path to lead us to the one that was truly meant for us?

I thought hard and no, I don't think our history is already written somewhere. Every little decisions you make each day redirect your path toward a different future. I think we make and shape our own future. Every long term relationship I was in I thought he was 'the one' and it was meant for life. Right now you feel your husband is the one truly meant for you but you don't know what the future holds. You or him may make a decision one day that will change that fate.

 

Life can be very unfair and people are not always rewarded for staying strong in adversity. Sh1.t happens to good people all the time. So no, I don't believe in fate.

[gaius]

I think when we're in love our minds can make things seem more perfect and predestined to be than they really are.

[TAV]

Yes, I share your beliefs, SLO, but then I'm an incurable romantic...

 

But seriously, it's amazing how, when you open your heart again after dealing with all the bitterness, disappointment and regret, you can find someone/something so wonderful it will make you lose the baggage and feel more like yourself than you have done in decades. Life can be so surprising.

[Ruby Slippers]

Congratulations on finding such an effortless match!

 

This pretty well sums up my view on fate:

 

Months before we met, I posted to a thread on another site describing my ideal mate - physically, personality characteristics, etc. He matches my post so closely that it's like I dreamed him to life.

I think on many levels, we manifest our own reality. Whatever we focus on over and over again, for better or worse, we will into being, or find wherever we look.

 

When I look around, I see certain elements of my life that I've been dreaming about since I was a little kid, and I see more and more of this as I mature and get more focused about manifesting what I want in my life.

 

It feels like fate when the dreams you've been pondering for so long suddenly take tangible, physical shape. But it wasn't an accident - you were seeking, and finally, you found what you were looking for.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I think when we're in love our minds can make things seem more perfect and predestined to be than they really are.

 

Trust me, I have always been of this mindset. Quite the cynic! The only "real" love I believed in was the ones you saw in movies like "The Notebook"! Anything outside that was a fairytale built in people's minds.

 

Even with my girlfriends. For example, one would send me texts like, "I just want you to know that you are such a great friend and I love you to death."

 

I would respond with something like, "Stop sending me gay a$$ messages!"

 

But this man, the manner in which I found him, our histories and the way everything has fallen together. It's almost scary! Lol.

 

Oh, I should also add that we both strongly recognize that if we had not been in the absolutely horrible marriages that we lived through, then we probably would not be able to see and appreciate the little qualities in each other that we value so much now.

Edited April 18, 2014 by Smthn_Like_Olivia

[Gaeta]

But this man, the manner in which I found him, our histories and the way everything has fallen together. It's almost scary! Lol..

 

How long have you been dating?

 

Let me tell you about my last boyfriend. I sent him a message online and he had logged in only to delete his profile, he interpreted it as destiny. We met and hit it badly, the type of love at first sight meeting. We had the same age and the exact same life history. Married the same number of years, same number of years single, he had my brother's name, his son was born on my birthday. We clicked together like 2 pieces of a puzzle. He told me each and every day destiny brought us together, we were meant, and I believed every word of it till one day after 6 months on complete bliss he disappeared out of the country without a word.

 

Just keep one foot on the ground. When you'll be together for 25+ years then you can say it's destiny.

[HappyLove]

Sounds like a lot if coincidences. Not to minimize what you do have. But give me the name of that site so I can write down my ideal man! I'm glad you found such a great love no matter how it came to be.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think a person can claim that anything was "meant to be" if they feel it was, and that can be true for them, whether it's been going on for 5 months or 50 years. One could argue that time is an illusion, and this moment and eternity are the same thing.

 

Even if a relationship ends, that doesn't mean it wasn't meaningful, and "meant to be" in that person's world. I broke up with my ex six months ago (for the second time), and even though it didn't last, I still feel we were "supposed" to meet and am glad that we did.

[Strength in Healing]

I'm siding with Gaeta. Hate to say this but when things seem too good to be true, they usually are. I say this to echo Gaeta's statement: keep one foot on the ground, or you may very well get blown away. Stay real.

Edited April 18, 2014 by Strength in Healing

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

How long have you been dating?

 

Let me tell you about my last boyfriend. I sent him a message online and he had logged in only to delete his profile, he interpreted it as destiny. We met and hit it badly, the type of love at first sight meeting. We had the same age and the exact same life history. Married the same number of years, same number of years single, he had my brother's name, his son was born on my birthday. We clicked together like 2 pieces of a puzzle. He told me each and every day destiny brought us together, we were meant, and I believed every word of it till one day after 6 months on complete bliss he disappeared out of the country without a word.

 

Just keep one foot on the ground. When you'll be together for 25+ years then you can say it's destiny.

 

Wow. That hurt me just to read it! It's only been 5 1/2 months, so I'm definitely trying to stay grounded and realistic. I have a personal rule that I need to live with a man for at least 6 months to know if I can survive anything truly long term. We don't yet live together, so I know there's still a lot of quirks to work through. I honestly believe its much easier to be happy with someone when you're not sharing the stress of bills, kids, household stuff, etc. but this man makes me want to give it all another shot. Honestly, I've never even been in a relationship this long without having a knock down drag out argument by now.

 

25 years? I doubt I'll even live that much longer! But if I get another good 10 years outta him, then I think I can die a happy woman knowing I had the real thing.

[FitChick]

Fate offers you limited choices but it's up to you to choose. The map is there but you decide which path to take. Don't worry about what other people did or didn't do because you are not them.

[hoping2heal]

I don't know if fate is real or not, but if you find someone who makes you feel like it does, then good for you

[Do_The_Herp]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfuBREMXxts

 

I leave the chorus out when I sing this song.

 

Good on you, though! And good luck, hopefully this really will aspire to more than you ever thought imaginable.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Wow. That hurt me just to read it! It's only been 5 1/2 months, so I'm definitely trying to stay grounded and realistic. I have a personal rule that I need to live with a man for at least 6 months to know if I can survive anything truly long term. We don't yet live together, so I know there's still a lot of quirks to work through. I honestly believe its much easier to be happy with someone when you're not sharing the stress of bills, kids, household stuff, etc. but this man makes me want to give it all another shot. Honestly, I've never even been in a relationship this long without having a knock down drag out argument by now.

 

25 years? I doubt I'll even live that much longer! But if I get another good 10 years outta him, then I think I can die a happy woman knowing I had the real thing.

 

Yeah I agree with the others who say that the stars can feel aligned and provide all this "evidence" to support that within the mind/heart, the feeling of fate and destiny...however often things are not meant to be in the end, which honestly means someone walked away, so in reality, how do you determine one thing from another? we're talking about emotions and feelings, which are hardly rational, so how can we justify them with rational details or facts? is it reality or fantasy? or just a mixture of both?

 

Sadly it can even be a one-sided experience and in worse cases, a lie or fantasy created and perpetuated by the other person, just utilizing and configuring the details to make it more believable, it's actually a very common practice to do so. Unfortunately I've seen women give men this power and those men exploit that by altering little details to make them align perfectly so they can dig into the fantasy, it can be extremely convincing because there's so many dots that can be connected that it just HAS to be true, but in the end it wasn't real, but you believed in it like it was.

 

You've spent a very short amount of time in this relationship and I don't know how your romantic life usually fare's, but It's honestly not as difficult as it may seem to find a lot of common with a romantic partner (in theory not always practice, there is chance involved along with other variables) and that's not really the golden ticket. This history that you have in common will in no way affect the important aspects of a relationship today or moving forward.

 

I've had my share of romantic experiences to recognize the unique variety in connections and coincidences you can share with someone "special" and although it might feel quite rare and may absolutely be in your experience, it may not be so rare as in the bigger picture of things as it feels to be. I know that feeling of everything just feeling aligned perfectly, like two very finely chiseled pieces of a puzzle just meant to go together, after all, here's the "proof"...I mean look at this or that, how do you explain that? how can THAT just be coincidence? yadda yadda.

 

Regardless, I'm grateful for the experiences and memories I've had, was it fate and destiny? probably not, maybe a little, who knows for certain. Some things you just feel like you can't deny or rationalize or explain, but so is life...it's unpredictable, it's spontaneous, always seems to catch you off guard when you least expect it and I'm sure people have been experiencing and seeing these situations in life since the beginning of time. In fact, that's one of my favorite parts about life, if not the most.

 

In the end it's a "feeling", and we tend to justify our feelings in whatever way we can so we can further our belief in them for our own satisfaction and justification. It's the feelings that I can't justify that intrigue me the most...when I feel something and I believe in so strongly without even knowing but knowing at the same time, but I feel so certain that I act upon it with 100 percent confidence as if it's fact, I've always wondered where that came from within me.

 

The only time I've really failed myself in romance is when I resisted what I knew in my gut because of how I felt with my heart, and insisted on continuing on anyway, even though I knew something wasn't right...and I was never surprised with that outcome at that point, even if I didn't want to accept it at the time.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have had a feeling of fated events many times that ended up blowing up in my face.

[gaius]

Trust me, I have always been of this mindset. Quite the cynic! The only "real" love I believed in was the ones you saw in movies like "The Notebook"! Anything outside that was a fairytale built in people's minds.

 

Even with my girlfriends. For example, one would send me texts like, "I just want you to know that you are such a great friend and I love you to death."

 

I would respond with something like, "Stop sending me gay a$$ messages!"

 

But this man, the manner in which I found him, our histories and the way everything has fallen together. It's almost scary! Lol.

 

Oh, I should also add that we both strongly recognize that if we had not been in the absolutely horrible marriages that we lived through, then we probably would not be able to see and appreciate the little qualities in each other that we value so much now.

Well I certainly hope you prove me wrong. I love stories with a happy ending.

[Giggle]

I do believe some things are meant to be.. The trouble is they don't mean meant to be forever... Some things you need in your life, you need to experience, something for you to learn.

If something wonderful doesn't last, it was still wonderful - enjoy the smiles.

 

I also believe you draw things into your life, and making a list like that is powerful.

[ja123]

I looooooooove your story, OP.

 

 

It made me smile and "believe" again! And it's not impossible that he's the one for you.

 

 

But...

 

 

I've had some experiences where it seemed meeting was "uncanny". Heck, I mentioned a favourite author to one guy I chatted with and he freaked because the author's rather obscure last name was the guy's first name!

 

 

Even though things didn't work out with these guys, I did learn something from each experience; so, who says it wasn't fate, in a way, after all?