Sam.i.am Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 It's not that girls don't find me attractive. I've been told I am, and someone wrote on a note they "Love me so", and left it on my desk..Don't know who it is. All guys I know get with girls by hitting on them. I'm worried about doing that, because I don't want to get accused of harrasing them. I'm ashamed of finding girls sexually attractive because I don't want to objectify them by looking for sexual relationships. I guess I'm shy and I don't know what girls want. And because of that, I don't feel like trying to date.... Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 It's not that girls don't find me attractive. I've been told I am, and someone wrote on a note they "Love me so", and left it on my desk..Don't know who it is. All guys I know get with girls by hitting on them. I'm worried about doing that, because I don't want to get accused of harrasing them. I'm ashamed of finding girls sexually attractive because I don't want to objectify them by looking for sexual relationships. I guess I'm shy and I don't know what girls want. And because of that, I don't feel like trying to date.... Are you looking for sexual relationships or no? If you treat girls like friends, you will be their friend. Its that simple. What do you ACTUALLY want? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam.i.am Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 Are you looking for sexual relationships or no? If you treat girls like friends, you will be their friend. Its that simple. What do you ACTUALLY want? I AM looking for sexual relationships; I just don't know how I can convey that to a girl without harrasing or objectifying her. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I AM looking for sexual relationships; I just don't know how I can convey that to a girl without harrasing or objectifying her. Casual sex is inherently "objectifying". You're screwing someone for fun, not because you like their personality. You have to either get over your fear of being sexual or stop stressing about sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam.i.am Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 Casual sex is inherently "objectifying". You're screwing someone for fun, not because you like their personality. You have to either get over your fear of being sexual or stop stressing about sex. I suppose I just do not understand relationships... If I wanted a girl to talk to and be close with, wouldn't I want to be friends with her? Are relationships just friendships with intimacy? Link to post Share on other sites
Armegoggon Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I have to be honest here, I'm also 18 (turning 19 soon) and I've never dated before. I honestly suggest that you don't try to seek sex on a first girlfriend. I think it's really not recommended because sex usually does lead to other problems. I've heard lots of stories about how the day after couples early on in their relationship had sex, something bad occurred. That's why on dating sites, you see a lot of this on girls' profiles; "If casual sex then don't message me". If a girl really wants to have sex with you, then you must be lucky. Other than that, just look a girl's personality and try to talk about things you got in common like hobbies, activities, etc. Keep making good conversations and hopefully they'll end up as a date. The only problem I have is also being shy but seriously, the more you try, whatever it takes, the more confident you get. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Relationships run the gamut in how the participates behave but an old adage says love is friendship that caught fire. If all you care about is hit it & quit it, having sex without caring about the person just that they are there & said yes, that could be a problem, if the women in question was mislead to believe you want something more. Some flirting is not harassing. Failing to go away & continuing to flirt or engage the person after she has told you that she is not interested is harassing. Do you see the difference? The problem arises when you don't take no for an answer. If you genuinely like a girl, it's OK to flirt to gauge her interest. It's then OK to date with a purpose toward ultimately being intimate. Having sex or enjoying sex does not mean you are objectifying women. The PC people have brainwashed you . . . .dial it back a bit & you will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
RamiTia Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I AM looking for sexual relationships; I just don't know how I can convey that to a girl without harrasing or objectifying her. I assume you mean that you want a girlfriend but to also have a sexual relationship? The problem that I have with your question is that you don't seem to have someone in mind, you seem to want practically anyone. I think your biggest solution is to find a girl you LIKE. ...ONE girl. Be nice to her. Flirt with her. Do NOT "hit on" her. As someone who has never had a relationship and is a virgin, your chances of scoring from randomly hitting on a girl are pretty slim because I'm assuming you don't have a ton of confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
RamiTia Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 If you genuinely like a girl, it's OK to flirt to gauge her interest. It's then OK to date with a purpose toward ultimately being intimate. Having sex or enjoying sex does not mean you are objectifying women. This is truth. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I suppose I just do not understand relationships... If I wanted a girl to talk to and be close with, wouldn't I want to be friends with her? Are relationships just friendships with intimacy? Nope. Relationships aren't friendships with intimacy. They are intimacy with friendship. If a girl your age wants friendship, she'll go to her friends. If she wants intimacy she'll go to people she wants to be intimate with. People who make them tick emotionally. Who make them laugh, make feel sexy and popular, feel comfortable and secure. Your next question is (or should be) - what do you have to BE for them to want intimacy from you? That's what some people would call "having game". And contrary to what many people who are bad at it would like you to believe, its very much something you can learn if you put effort into the right places. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam.i.am Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 Thanks guys, reading all the responses has really widened my horizons; I feel much more confident and understanding of relationships. I had thought I wanted a relationship centered on sex, but now I'm more inclined to have a regular relationship where sex is secondary and there are deeper connections that can be built. I think that way it will last longer. I'd get bored quickly if I didn't have anything to talk to her about... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Do_The_Herp Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 FINALLY MY SPECIALTY OK Sam.i.am and Armegoggon after this post message me if you need more help in this area.... I'm wondering if you wouldn't mind me asking you a few questions myself, when the option becomes available to do so? (Can't send you a PM yet) You either need to simply wait for a few days, or get a few more posts. Not sure which one it is, actually.. Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 It's not that girls don't find me attractive. I've been told I am, and someone wrote on a note they "Love me so", and left it on my desk..Don't know who it is. All guys I know get with girls by hitting on them. I'm worried about doing that, because I don't want to get accused of harrasing them. I'm ashamed of finding girls sexually attractive because I don't want to objectify them by looking for sexual relationships. I guess I'm shy and I don't know what girls want. And because of that, I don't feel like trying to date.... You're on the wrong forum if you want good advice on attracting women. I suggest checking out PUA forums. The advice isn't always amazing, but it's way better than here. Link to post Share on other sites
sabre80 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Your thinking too much. Loosen up on the whole knight in shining armor chivalry ****. You need to find a balance between being a gentleman and a pervert. You were raised in a feminine society that indoctrinated young boys to feel ashamed of their surge in testosterone when they see boobies. Thing is despite all the feminism women still want a bit of caveman. Don't believe me? Test it yourself. Set yourself a few weeks where you let your inner neanderthal show. You don't have to be a jerk. But when you make your intentions known, go after what you want and don't act like a doormat 'bestie' you will at the least feel better about yourself. The funny thing about that is when you start feeling a bit more confident about being a man people in general (not just women) will admire you and want to be around you more. Link to post Share on other sites
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