Colton Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 So I am seeing a new girl. She is great and we click amazingly. She is very nice and is christian like me. It's just that I don't know how much I want a relationship and I'm not too sure what to think about her. It's not like she has a bad past, it's just questionable. She is 21. She has only slept with two guys. One was a guy she had a crush on in high school when she was 17 and her boyfriend when she was 20. She has had several boyfriends in high school but only one in college (which was when she was 20.) The two things that bother me are: 1.) Before me she has hooked up with like 12 guys (slept with the two I mentioned.) But she had some parent issues and abandonment issues which I feel like she uses as the excuse. 2.) She broke up with her boyfriend when she was 20 because she said he got jealous from time to time and that she didn't want to commit at 20 years old. I asked her why he got jealous, and she told me because her and her friend used to hang out with these guys at their apartment till like 2am all the time. Other than getting jealous from time to time she said he was amazing and was the best bf she has ever had. She actually brings him up from time to time (they have been broken up almost a year and a half.) So I guess my question is do I have reason to be concerned with her past actions? I like her a lot but lately I just find myself being cautious. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 It doesn't matter what she did in the past. All that matters is how she treats you from the day you've met. Those aren't reasons to stop dating her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Colton Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 It doesn't matter what she did in the past. All that matters is how she treats you from the day you've met. Those aren't reasons to stop dating her. Aren't past actions at least some sort of indication of how someone will act? Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 You could be right but everyone is subject to change and transformation all the time. I don't judge people based on their past. It's what you do and how you act when youre around me that I judge you by. You should do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Aren't past actions at least some sort of indication of how someone will act? No, not always. People can and do learn from their mistakes. It's called growth. But to be honest, I really don't feel her "past" is even worthy of being this concerned over, however I do feel that the two of you just aren't compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Aren't past actions at least some sort of indication of how someone will act? Maybe. But she said she didn't want to commit at 20. Maybe now she wants to? You can't know for sure. So, while past actions MIGHT be an indication, they are not a certainty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Colton Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Well I guess the bigger thing that bothers me is the ex thing. She said she didn't want to commit at 20 and him getting jealous sometimes didn't help. But she mentions him from time to time and one minute it's like she reflecting positively on him like she still loves him but then the next she bashes him like he's a nobody. It's just kind of confusing and idk why she brings it up to me. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I don't really think there is enough there to be concerned about. Be laert to maybe but not massively concerned over. What were the issues with her folks? I may well be one of the very few but I don't mind when someone mentions an ex in conversation. I also think it pretty normal to mention good things and bad things about them. It's when it is all bad that sparks my attention and when it's all bad about each and every relationship. Jealousy can be an early sign of possible abusive behaviour. I guess I am wondering about what happened with her parents as there could be something in that which actually triggered her to recognise something and a reason why she didn't continue that relationship. Plus you haven't known her long so may not have the full story Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Man I wouldn't worry about it. Plus at that age your still trying to figure out who you are and what you want. I wouldn't stress anything like that from her past Link to post Share on other sites
Author Colton Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 I don't really think there is enough there to be concerned about. Be laert to maybe but not massively concerned over. What were the issues with her folks? I may well be one of the very few but I don't mind when someone mentions an ex in conversation. I also think it pretty normal to mention good things and bad things about them. It's when it is all bad that sparks my attention and when it's all bad about each and every relationship. Jealousy can be an early sign of possible abusive behaviour. I guess I am wondering about what happened with her parents as there could be something in that which actually triggered her to recognise something and a reason why she didn't continue that relationship. Plus you haven't known her long so may not have the full story I guess her parents separated for a year and left her to live with her grandmother for the last half of her senior year in high school. Her grandmother has really bad memory so it's difficult to talk to her. So with that being said I couldn't imagine living with her, granted her grandma is very nice, she sleeps like 16 hours a day and isn't really there when you talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
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