What do you have in common with you partner/bf/gf

[freetolove]

I just realize besides being attracted (e.g. sex) to each other and long hours, my boyfriend and I dont' have any common hobbies or interests (besides eating which duh most people do). I'm just curious, what do you and your partner have in common if any, what common activities do you have? Common friends? etc

[Radu]

You should have as much as possible in common, that's were compatibility lies, and it gives you tons of things to talk about, subjects to dissect endlessly.

 

Take for instance coffee, some may scoff at this, but if one is Starbucks nuts and the other will buy any cheap coffee, i doubt the relationship will last.

You can look into this selection and see a deeper pattern, about how one treats the world, as coffee is veeeeery important.

Edited April 15, 2014 by Radu

[freetolove]

Anyone else?

[acrosstheuniverse]

We are both super massively into music, I have a degree in the subject and he's a talented and active musician solo and in local bands. We are both into completely different artists, but with equal depth of passion, and we've only been dating a few months but we've spent a lot of time so far doing stuff like playing each other music/gig DVDs, going to gigs together of one or the other of our favourite artists, and having the odd jam where I'll get on the piano and him on the guitar (or both of us on a guitar each) and play around. It's absolutely 100% dealbreaker important for me to be with a guy who's seriously into music so it's lovely.

 

Other stuff? We're both into charity work, I do more than him but he has that spirit about him that I love, he buys homeless people meals like I do and it's nice to be around somebody that does that as standard rather than worrying that a guy I'm with is going to think I'm showing off by doing it.

 

Both love cooking and eating, making a big song and dance about meals, trying new foods, cooking together or for one another and hunting out recipe ideas. We just really appreciate food. And good coffee, we'll take the time to get up early and make proper quality stove top espresso and homemade pancakes on a weekend if we can drag ourselves away from bed.

 

We both love reading and literature, him moreso than me, so swap book ideas, talk about stuff we're reading, decided a couple week ago it'd be cool to have our own sad little private book club where we download the same book onto our Kindles, read and then talk about it we're both fascinated by Philosophy (his degree) and Psychology and both love to travel just getting out of the city, ideally abroad, but as funds dictate right now we have several trips planned to see gigs outta town and spend the weekend in the city, we did this last week to see one of my favourite bands and it was amazing, I've been to that city a million times but we just got a really appalling cheap hotel room with a dodgy shower, and then acted like massive tourists for the day hunting out the museums and art galleries and just having an awesome time. I dunno, I guess we just gel.

 

So I'd say, music, books, travelling, cooking, subjects such as philosophy and psychology... never really thought of it like that before, it's not so much the things we have in common that works, it's just the chemistry we have when it comes to hanging out, talking, having fun. There hasn't been a moment where we've not had loads to say to each other and when we do have silences, they are blissful and comfortable. It just feels right.

 

Only been with each other since mid-January so this isn't a relationship of any longevity yet. But so far it's a damn wonderful one.

[freetolove]

wow that is crazy, I don't seem to have common interests =(

[atlg8r]

My fiance and I have very similar senses of humor. We find similar shows funny. We don't watch the same things, but we are open-minded enough to enjoy each other's favorites. Same with music - we don't like the same thing, but we will listen to what the other likes sometimes (except country - my fiance hates country music Haha).

 

We like to work around the house. We do typical couple stuff like going to Home Depot, going out to eat, going to the park with our dogs. We are both very laid back. He loves fishing, and I enjoy it too but never would do it on my own.

 

I think it's more important that your lifestyles be compatible. Even if you don't share identical interests, if you are both on a similar wavelength you can find things you enjoy to do together.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I would never seriously date someone with whom I had nothing in common. I did when I was younger but once honeymoon period was over, so was the relationship.

[Gaeta]

We've just been dating for 6 weeks but we already know we like the same type movies and music, we both like cooking, we like playing Chess together, we like the outdoors, I am one lucky girl my new boyfriend likes shopping !!! I can tell him all about the renovation and decoration I am thinking about and he jumps right in with ideas, offers his help, takes me shopping. We also have the same life tempo, we both like getting up early, etc. At first I had my doubts because of our age difference, he's 12 years younger but we have more in common than many of my other boyfriends that were my age.

[AmyLee]

Hi freetolove. How long have you both been dating for? I'm not sure if you're seeking advice exactly, but I get the impression it worries you that you don't have a lot in common with your boyfriend, so I thought I'd offer my views on that.

 

I met my current boyfriend at work and we've been dating for about nine months. I remember being so nervous around him in the first couple of months of the relationship that it was too hard to establish if we had anything in common beyond work and a mutual passion for each other.

 

We're also both very easy going so at first we were always deferring to each other on decisions on where to go and what to do on dates, so we usually just ended up at bars or in his car somewhere talking. It took us a bit of time to get to know each other but we slowly discovered more and more mutual interests, such as certain music, travel, arcade games, sports etc.

 

So my first comment is that you may have more in common than you think - it just takes a bit of time to discover what.

 

My second comment is that you may enjoy common hobbies and interests that you haven't even discovered yet. Do my boyfriend and I like exactly the same kind of music, or partake in all of the same activities? Was I ever much for trivia nights when I first met him, or he for some of my hobbies? No, but part of the joy of being in a relationship with him now is sharing some of our interests together. I won't like everything that he likes, but I'm discovering that there are things that I genuinely enjoy and will definitely get involved in with him in future. Perhaps approach what he likes with an open mind to see if it's something that might actually interest you, too.

 

I was also going to make a general observation about how a lack of mutual interests may or may not impact the relationship, but I realized it's too broad a topic with too many factors. Yes, established mutual passions and interests very much enhance compatibility, but there are so many other factors that impact compatibility as well. Do you have similar temperaments? Do you respect each other's differences, support each other in your different hobbies, make an effort so that you both feel as if the other is at least interested in getting to know what your interests are and why you are passionate about them? It's rare to find someone who shares exactly your hobbies but in my experience when I've approached with an open-mind it's really helped to close that gap.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think that as much as having a pile of things in common is very important in a relationship it's also healthy to differ on some things as well. That's what makes it interesting in my opinion provided you're a person that enjoys learning and sharing about and with your partner.

 

My partner and I have as as many things in common as we don't. The really BIG things like our core values and beliefs, our political and religious views, our feelings about family and friends, our spirituality. The things we ache for are VERY much in alignment which is a pretty critical piece. On a more superficial level, we share a LOVE of movies and books and the arts although our own individual experiences may vary. We love travel and learning and cheese We also have the same sense of humor and quick wit which goes a long way too.

 

Having said all of this, there are also many things we don't have in common and that is perfectly okay. In fact, we enjoy it very much. Part of what sets a good relationship apart from a bad one is your ability to embrace and accept the differences. Even though I may not enjoy his brand of music that's not to say I don't enjoy learning about WHY he enjoys what he does and therefore respect it. And vice versa. We don't allow it to get in the way of all the wonderful things we do have in common that are much more paramount for our own relationship success.

[angel.eyes]

I agree completely. You don't need to have the same hobbies and interests. I prefer when we don't, because I get to try new things. I love that! Besides, hobbies and interests shift constantly, at least mine do.

 

On the surface, my boyfriend and I have almost nothing in common. But we have very similar personalities, share the same values, want the same things in life, and are close to our families. We're both very driven, responsible people professionally, but at the same time are very childish and playful with each other. We have the same self-deprecating sense of humor. (He can be hilarious!) We're both extroverts and love trying new things. He's kind, thoughtful, honest, considerate, patient, tolerant, and has a generous heart. To me, those are way more important than liking the same artists or agreeing on favorite foods.

[freetolove]

thank you, these are useful. We've been dating for about 5months, the main thing we have in common is we both work long hours in completely different industries. I would like to connect with him more but it seems like we're both really busy. They only free time we have together is Sundays and those are iffy. I wanted to find someone that would balance me out more but it looks like I manage to find someone just as busy as me. Perhaps it's time to move on =/

[xxmusical]

thank you, these are useful. We've been dating for about 5months, the main thing we have in common is we both work long hours in completely different industries. I would like to connect with him more but it seems like we're both really busy. They only free time we have together is Sundays and those are iffy. I wanted to find someone that would balance me out more but it looks like I manage to find someone just as busy as me. Perhaps it's time to move on =/

 

Wow, why would you want to "move on" just because of busy schedules? At least you have Sundays together. Plan a date! Go learn something and find new hobbies together; take cooking lessons or something. Or grab a picnic basket, go to the local park, and just relax and enjoy each other's company. Make Sundays special!

 

Personally, my SO and I have absolutely nothing in common, other than the fact that we both love dogs, enjoy watching movies (but of course we also have different preferences sometimes), and being silly and cracking jokes together (not sure if this counts, but we are definitely like little kids teasing and joking whenever we're together). In fact, us having absolutely nothing in common was what linked us together -- he would introduce me to his favorite soccer team and I would talk about my favorite singer. He drove me to loads of new places to explore (he loves driving) and I suggested different restaurants to try together (I'm a foodie). We shared our different interests, and in a way, it made our initial attraction in each other stronger and allowed us to bond tighter!

 

And after 8 years of dating, some of his interests got me hooked up and some of my hobbies got him interested too. But of course, sometimes whenever he drags on and on and on about last night's soccer game I kinda zone out...haha but that's perfectly normal because he just talks too much .

[Candy_Pants]

For starters we have the exact same birthday. He's only 3 hours older.

We both love eating healthy, and growing our own food.

We love dogs, especially pitbulls.

We both want a big family that stays close.

We both prefer country life to city life.

We are both kinky ****s.

We have outgoing, energetic, friendly personalities.

We have the same color eyes.

We love cooking and are bossy in the kitchen.

We both like the simple things in life.

And we both have very high sex drives (when I'm not pregnant).

[Cunning_Linguist]

I think the idea that having common hobbies with your partner being necessary to a relationship is a bunch of bull****. If you have different interests or not, that's great. It's all about the deeper flow behind the interests and hobbies, the personality, the character. Sense of humor, life philosophy, communication, expression etc etc. It's often true that people with shared interests can't stand being together, and that those with opposite lifestyles can have a great connection.

[Cunning_Linguist]

I agree completely. You don't need to have the same hobbies and interests. I prefer when we don't, because I get to try new things. I love that! Besides, hobbies and interests shift constantly, at least mine do.

 

On the surface, my boyfriend and I have almost nothing in common. But we have very similar personalities, share the same values, want the same things in life, and are close to our families. We're both very driven, responsible people professionally, but at the same time are very childish and playful with each other. We have the same self-deprecating sense of humor. (He can be hilarious!) We're both extroverts and love trying new things. He's kind, thoughtful, honest, considerate, patient, tolerant, and has a generous heart. To me, those are way more important than liking the same artists or agreeing on favorite foods.

 

Word. Exactly my thoughts.

[angel.eyes]

It's better when your levels of busy are matched.

 

Why do you want to break up over both being equally busy? Is something else bothering you about the relationship?

 

...I wanted to find someone that would balance me out more but it looks like I manage to find someone just as busy as me. Perhaps it's time to move on =/

[freetolove]

No, it's the busy schedules, I sort of wanted someone who's schedule was less busy so they could plan cool stuff and just be home by the time I get off.

[man_in_the_box]

Many things: ambition, education, politics, culinary, philosophies, sport, movies, music, series, games, vacations, taste in vehicles. It doesn't mean we are exact copies but there is usually some form of common ground. It works great if there's a good balance between being polar opposites and being exactly the same. It's what powers our relationship. I have no clue if we would ever work out without these compatibilities.