BrunoJ19 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I wrote on here about a week ago about my situation...but I will give a brief overview.. At the end of January I met a guy from match and we hit it off right away! We were talking pretty much every day and saw each other almost every week since the last week of January... The second to last time I saw him I thought something might be up, but didn't say anything,and I think I kind of forced the next time we hung out, but he drove to come see me, I made him dinner and he asked if we could talk about something. He said he really likes me, but doesn't think he's ready for anything serious, he just got out of the navy for 5 years and is still having a hard time adjusting and deciding his next step in life. He said he has a lot of fun with me and think im pretty and smart and all of that stuff.... I didn't really know what to say, but if I remember correctly we both said we would continue to hang out and get to know each other.... I told him I don't him to feel obligated to see me or talk to me or force anything.. He said he doesn't force the fun he has and still wants to see me but doesn't want to force anything serious...and needs to figure his life out and has a lot going on Well it's been a week and I have held off texting him. How long do guys typically need space? Or do you think this was his way of letting me go. I am kind of confused and have seen that he is stillonline on match. He also told me I have been the only girl he has met from there and was his first blind date, maybe he is testing other waters? Anyway it has been driving me crazy not knowing, if he wanted to cut communication altogether I wish he would have said that, because I don't know if its okay to text him, or wait for him to contact me if he ever does. Link to post Share on other sites
Stay Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 It sounds like he wants to date you but not have anything serious like he says. He wants a FWB situation pretty much. If you're ok with this then just don't get clingy or you'll push him away. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 He said he doesn't want a relationship and isn't ready. When people of both genders day thus, they typically are not romantically interested interested in the person they're saying it to. I would drop it and start looking elsewhere. All he wants is for you to be the fill in, until he finds someone else. If that's ok with you, do it. If not, don't return his calls. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 My thought is that he was trying to let you down easy, unfortunately. If he still wanted to hang out and maintain contact he'd be in contact. On top of that he's obviously browsing for new dates. I believe that no matter what's going on in a persons life if they find someone they're truly interested in, they will make time. A text takes less than 30 seconds. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 It could be that you are starting down the road where the conversation blips into marriage and kids a little bit on the margins and he was concerned about that. I wouldn't be afraid to text him, I'd suggest it actually, he may be afraid that you've completely lost interest in him after that conversation. Just keep it light and not too mushy when you talk to him in the future. You'll see where he wants to go with it over time in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
RockGuy87 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Im a guy and I would say that if im interested in a girl than the time between me seeing you and the next time I get to see you is too long of having "space". Im just saying when you like someone and you know it, no time is needed. Doesnt mean he wont come around but ask yourself if you truly want him to if he asks for time away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrunoJ19 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 thanks.. I just wish he would have been honest then and said that! It's better to know hey this isn't going to work out rather than leaving me wondering if it's okay to text you or wondering if you are going to contact me again. I am torn whether I should attempt one last time or not... I was surprised he felt that way because I never mentioned a relationship or getting serious, I am super busy in grad school and leave for internship in October. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrunoJ19 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 I guess I am also having a hard time accepting the fact that he probably isn't interested Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 thanks.. I just wish he would have been honest then and said that! It's better to know hey this isn't going to work out rather than leaving me wondering if it's okay to text you or wondering if you are going to contact me again. I am torn whether I should attempt one last time or not... I was surprised he felt that way because I never mentioned a relationship or getting serious, I am super busy in grad school and leave for internship in October. It won't hurt to give it one last shot. In all honesty, I would. Send him a text and if he doesn't respond delete his number.....at least that's what I would do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michael91 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 thanks.. I just wish he would have been honest then and said that! It's better to know hey this isn't going to work out rather than leaving me wondering if it's okay to text you or wondering if you are going to contact me again. Since he wants to avoid conflict and avoid any argument or explaining his reasons when you ask why?, it is not reasonable to expect that anymore than men can expect a woman to tell the truth and say, I'm not interested, instead of some white lie such as I'm dating someone, or I've already made plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrunoJ19 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Okay, well if I do text him how long do you suggest waiting and what do I say?? I honestly am not good at these things, this is one of the first grown up dating experiences I have had in a very long time. I had a long period in my life that the crowd I hung out with was drunken FWB type of situations. I think he is new at this too, because he told me he had one serious relationship when he was away and it was hard because it was long distance. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) Okay, well if I do text him how long do you suggest waiting and what do I say?? I honestly am not good at these things, this is one of the first grown up dating experiences I have had in a very long time. I had a long period in my life that the crowd I hung out with was drunken FWB type of situations. I think he is new at this too, because he told me he had one serious relationship when he was away and it was hard because it was long distance. Do not text him. Take his silence as "I'm not interested". Learn this now, and preserve your dignity. What man wants, man will move mountains for. He's not interested, he didn't need help, he's just not interested. Time to move on. Edited March 11, 2014 by pickflicker Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Do not text him. Take his silence as "I'm not interested". Learn this now, and preserve your dignity. What man wants, man will move mountains for. He's not interested, he didn't need help, he's just not interested. Time to move on. I agree with most of this. DO NOT TEXT HIM. You have the answer with his silence to you now. Do not further invest yourself. I don't necessarily agree that everything is as black and white as people on LS seem to think. But it certainly means he is not interested in anything with you right now. It doesn't matter his reason or the logistics of it all. Leave your dignity intact and move on for now. If he gets back to you in time, then see how you feel. I think this is the first step to getting over someone and learning how to have more strength that actually draws people to you: move on and know in your heart that he may be too late if he gets back to you and you've found someone else. That is the reality and he should be worried about it--if he likes you. You should adopt the same attitude. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrunoJ19 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Thanks for everyone's input. I never thought someone I knew for such a short time would make me feel as horrible as I do, I literally have a pit in my stomach. I never really felt this way before either, so I am just having a hard time handling and accepting that the fate most likely is he is not interested. In the past I have been upset, but more angry when something has ended for my bad choices in some of the men I have picked, but this was different. He seemed like a great guy and went out of his way to make me comfortable... I probably sound crazy lol!! It's bothering that this is on my mind so much, when I need to be focusing on school. I know by him not contacting me is a good indicator of he is done, but it's hard. I feel like he lied right to my face when we had our "talk" and then he proceeded to stay with me and hang out for awhile... Link to post Share on other sites
babycakees Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 At least you had warning. I had a guy I was seeing for 3 months pull a fade away on me....out of nowhere. We had made plans for the following weekend and everything. I feel it always hurts when they pull this and lie right to our faces. I'd honestly much rather hear, "this isn't working out" instead of all communication cut off with no explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 This happens all the time. A guy can meet a girl and he can seem to really quiet like her. It is only natural for the girl to think : okay then, he seems interested, I am excited about this guy... Then bang. He tells you he doesn't want to get "serious". He has things going on. He needs to adjust to life after a long term career in the army. ........................................................................ The thing you MUST be aware of is: if this guy met a girl he was nuts about, he would move mountains to be with her. HE would chase HER up, trying to make a relationship happen no matter HOW busy he or she was.... This guy thought you were nice. He liked you and all. He just wasn't THAT into you. Please move on. Don't call him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 One either things: He either isn't that interested in you (because no guy is going to wait a week to text back a girl he's interested in) or He just wants to casually date you and others. No strings attached Link to post Share on other sites
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