Friends First

[JSSM13]

Hey all,

 

Some background:

 

* Met a girl on Match in October, she just got out of a bad break-up a month or two prior(He was physically and verbally abusive and cheated on her)

* We're in our mid 20's

* We've gone out maybe 9-10 times since we first met and we talk every day(normally through texting)

* She travels for work and I work long hours during the week so our only chance to see each other is usually on the weekends.

 

So basically we had a conversation on Valentine's Day about how she wasn't ready for anything serious, not just with me, but with anyone. This got brought up because I noticed she had been avoiding chances to hang out. Her reason was that she thought I was ready for a serious relationship and that she couldn't give that to me right now. I told her I understood and that I'm not in a rush. I suggested that we should be friends first and we can slowly move into a more serious relationship. She said she would like that. I suggested this because I think it would build a stronger relationship and give us more time to get to really get to know each other.

 

Everything has been great since we had this talk.She talks about our future a lot, things we are going to do and such. She is also going to give me a house key and asked me to take care of her cat(she wants to go pick one out together) while she is gone during the week.

 

She came and met my entire family this past weekend which was a pretty big deal I think. She said she liked everyone and everyone liked her.

 

I noticed a couple things that concern me, that may not really be a big deal at all, and I want to get your opinion.

 

1. She calls me her friend a lot now after our talk. I understand that that's part of being friends first, but it just seems weird to me.

 

2. At the family event this past weekend she pulled me aside and said "You're family thinks we are dating" and she laughed about it.

 

Should I be concerned about these two things? I have no problems being friends first, that's why I suggested it, but does it sound like I friend-zoned myself forever?

[d0nnivain]

Her actions say she is your GF & you are her BF. The mislabel is some kind of mind game she is playing with herself most likely because she is scared.

 

 

I don't mean this to be demeaning, but treat her like a scared, wounded animal & let her come to you.

 

 

She's getting there but will bolt if you press her.

[RockGuy87]

I think letting her know that its fine for her to feel that way and that you understand is a good thing but I dont think its wise that you agreed to it and have stuck around.

 

Let her know you respect her decision. But you dont want to be some "friend" that takes up her time until some other guys swoops her off her feet.

 

Getting out of a horrible relationship or not. If the right person comes along you hop on it. Not even out of choice. But when and if youre interested enough in someone no one and nothing else from the past then matters.

[HappyLove]

Sucks that she had such a horrible previous relationship but maybe she shouldn't be on match trying to get dates if she's not interested in a relationship! She's not that into you basically. She's even LAUGHING that your family thinks you are dating. I wouldn't be her sucker. I'd say peace out and in the future if you're available she can look you up. Clearly you don't want a friendship so why are you settling? You should be out dating finding your girl. If she wants to screw up a relationship with someone who treats her well and wants to be her man that's on her but you shouldn't put your life on hold that's for sure!

[Woop1337]

It was over as soon as she said she wasn't ready for anything serious.

 

You're absolutely right, you guys are friends and will stay friends.

 

Stay friends with her, if you're into being friends with someone you desire.

[JSSM13]

So I just talked to her and asked her if she saw this going anywhere. Her response was basically.."Wow didn't see this talk coming. I'm not interested in anything right now. I'm going to be gone for the next month for work. I don't have feelings for anyone and I'm seeing a therapist about my last relationship." She also said if I meet anyone I should just go for them.

 

I told her that maybe it's best we don't talk anymore and she said she thought we were friends. I told her I didn't think I could even do that right now.

 

She seemed pretty upset. I am too, feels like I lost a good friend.

 

I think I did the right thing, maybe we can re-visit this in a few months...maybe.

[Sivok]

Were you intimate with her at all?

[JSSM13]

Were you intimate with her at all?

 

Make-out sessions and hand holding is about as far we got.

[Assasda]

You lost her by having that crap talk with her.

Its over buddy. Its done.

 

By asking to be defined you took all the fun out of it. You were in a rush, when you could have just been an item without any labels.

 

The good thing you did is just ended it, and not bed.

 

Move on to different girls

[HappyLove]

Well your being honest with her and yourself. I'm guessing you were on match to find a girlfriend not someone who was gonna use you to watch her house while away. She was pretty much having her cake and eating it. She tells you she's not interested yet hangs out with you like your her man. She's shocked that she's been playing you for so long she didn't see you manning up anytime soon. I think once you find a woman who is as into you as you are to them you'll be happy. If you can seriously just be friends with her and only that then you do that but it doesn't seem like you feel like that on your end.