My boyfriend went to a rave without me

[catchthedrift]

My boyfriend and me have been together for four months. We are really happy together and do a lot of activities together, with his friends and my friends or just as a couple. Yesterday was a big rave where he looked forward to for weeks with anticipation. Him and three of his best friends (all of them are in relationships) went together to a day-long rave - including MDMA and lots of drinking. He does this only once or twice a year, so then he really goes nuts, he tells me.

 

Now, I do trust my boyfriend, but I don't trust drugs. I am really scared he might have overdone it and maybe made out with some girl at the event... I remember taking MDMA sometimes a few years back, and I always wanted to make out with everyone - and often also did, even when I was in a relationship (I was young and stupid, would not do this anymore).

 

He texted me at 8 in the morning saying he is home now, really tired, and that he will sleep until Tuesday.

 

I don't want to be the jealous girlfriend, and I usually don't show such behaviour - we give each other a lot of space and respect each others independence. However, at this point I guess I am just reflecting on my very own past experiences, and am projecting it on a possible situation he might have gotten into last night.

 

Do you think I should ask him if he did anything stupid once I see him, or should I just stay cool?

Edited March 9, 2014 by catchthedrift

[Conners]

It's a tough one.

 

I trusted my ex completely with other girls but the rare time he did go out clubbing he would always be pinging & of course when you are you just want to hug/kiss/fhuck everyone. I always got a bit worried but he's had a lot of experience with ecstasy and I knew he had good self control and would never cheat on me.

 

4 months into the relationship, I personally would not bring it up because it could look insecure or needy on my behalf. More than 6 months I probably would ask in a light hearted way. It depends on how comfortable you feel talking to each other about your issues and what's bothering you. If you can't get the issue out of your mind, just ask him.

 

Do you think he would admit to you if he did in fact cheat on you?

[d0nnivain]

Doing things without each other shouldn't be a big deal. I am very anti-drug so I would ask. I'd probably also search on line to see if you can find video footage of the rave. You never know what you might see.

[ktya]

Now, I do trust my boyfriend, but I don't trust drugs. I am really scared he might have overdone it and maybe made out with some girl at the event... I remember taking MDMA sometimes a few years back, and I always wanted to make out with everyone - and often also did, even when I was in a relationship (I was young and stupid, would not do this anymore).

 

He texted me at 8 in the morning saying he is home now, really tired, and that he will sleep until Tuesday.

 

I used to go to parties both with and without my girlfriend. I'd bet dollars to donuts that my (now former) girlfriend made out with a few guys at parties even when I was at them with her, and probably even worse when she went to parties without me. I had my own indiscretions at parties without her rolling on MDMA, some mornings after where some girl was looking for me in the exit crowd and all I could do was cover my face because I didn't want her to recognize me in the daylight so I could get out of there.

 

It goes with the culture and the party scene. Everyone rocking on MDMA and its going to get a bit nutty at times.

 

If your not cool with it at all then you need to have a conversation with your BF about going to parties individually and not with eachother. At least if you go together your going to be available for eachother if the urge hits you. Going alone is just asking for trouble, although that doesn't mean that its guaranteed to happen.

 

While I might get flamed for saying this, I have been there and got the T-shirt, MDMA is a drug better left for single people to do and raves are likewise a better activity for those who are single or not in a serious relationship. AFAIC if your in a serious relationship and doing MDMA and going to raves at all you're not that serious about your relationship. I know that popping a cap and doing some dancing doesn't mean your going to end up between the sheets with someone or making out but really pounding a twixer and getting behind the wheel doesn't guarantee your going to be on the morning news as one of the previous nights drinking and driving fatalities either.

 

Sometimes an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

[Assasda]

Yes, you are projecting your experiences on him. and I think you should tell him that. Tell him about your experiences, THE BAD, THE UGLY

and maybe he'll tell you what went on at the rave

[catchthedrift]

I used to go to parties both with and without my girlfriend. I'd bet dollars to donuts that my (now former) girlfriend made out with a few guys at parties even when I was at them with her, and probably even worse when she went to parties without me. I had my own indiscretions at parties without her rolling on MDMA, some mornings after where some girl was looking for me in the exit crowd and all I could do was cover my face because I didn't want her to recognize me in the daylight so I could get out of there.

 

It goes with the culture and the party scene. Everyone rocking on MDMA and its going to get a bit nutty at times.

 

If your not cool with it at all then you need to have a conversation with your BF about going to parties individually and not with eachother. At least if you go together your going to be available for eachother if the urge hits you. Going alone is just asking for trouble, although that doesn't mean that its guaranteed to happen.

 

While I might get flamed for saying this, I have been there and got the T-shirt, MDMA is a drug better left for single people to do and raves are likewise a better activity for those who are single or not in a serious relationship. AFAIC if your in a serious relationship and doing MDMA and going to raves at all you're not that serious about your relationship. I know that popping a cap and doing some dancing doesn't mean your going to end up between the sheets with someone or making out but really pounding a twixer and getting behind the wheel doesn't guarantee your going to be on the morning news as one of the previous nights drinking and driving fatalities either.

 

Sometimes an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

 

 

Well, I don't know if you read it right, it's not like he does this every weekend, in fact he never has done this while we were together, and he tells me he only goes to these kind of things once or twice a year, to enjoy the music with his best friends and as some form of release. He is a pretty grounded guy, and we go out most of the time together.

He came over yesterday after he woke up and we had a cozy evening together. He was hungover but affectionate and sweet and didn't seem like he had a 'bad conscience' or anything - and I usually can tell when he feels 'embarrassed' or 'bad' about something... So, I didn't bring anything up and I think I won't..

I trust he didn't do anything bad. All the 3 friends he went with have girlfriends too, so I hope it was just the 4 of them loving each other, buddy style.